


Darkness at the end

by Gerium



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Adoption, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Dirty Talk, Ben Solo Has Anger Issues, Ben Solo Lives, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo has trouble sleeping, Ben Solo is still scary, Ben makes such a good dad, Bendemption, Dreams and Nightmares, Edging, Emotional Sex, Every character deserved more development and a better arc so I'm writing it, F/M, Fix-It, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Force Bond (Star Wars), Grief/Mourning, Humor, I promise most of it's good, I'm so sorry this got so long I'm far too invested in this story to stop, Implied Jannah/Rose Tico, Implied Poe Dameron/Finn, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Inexperienced Kylo Ren, Loss of Virginity, Near Death Experiences, Nonverbal Communication, POV Alternating, POV Third Person, Physical Therapy, Post-Canon Fix-It, Pregnancy Scares, Redeemed Ben Solo, Restraints, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey Solo, Rey has NOT had sex ed and it fucking shows, Rey has Top Energy, Rey is lowkey thirsty, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sequel to the sequels, Sexual Inexperience, Sharing Body Heat, Slow Burn, Slow Burn Rey/Kylo Ren, Slow Romance, Smut, So much angst, Soulmates, TRoS Spoilers, That's Not How The Force Works, They need some real therapy ngl, They’re kind of blaming each other, Virgin Ben Solo, Virgin Rey (Star Wars), ben has issues, cunninglingus, hand holding, inexperienced Rey, soft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:08:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 39
Words: 106,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21957154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gerium/pseuds/Gerium
Summary: Straightening herself, she looked up at the countless stars. She closed her eyes, and tried, dumbly and with the desperation only the hopeless possess, to reach him again. The bond was frayed, the other end was pitch black, cold, but, gritting her teeth, she kept sending pulses of her own life down the fragile thread until it thrummed, but the other end still glowed only dully, merely a shadow of the bright light she’d sent. Grunting, she forced herself until the thread not just pulsed, but shone with light, pushed it away from herself and down, down, down the line. Rey couldn’t feel her skin burning hot or her panting breaths, the sweat on her brow or the trickle of blood coming from her barely healed wounds.It started out with an unexpected, bittersweet reunion. Now, their past is threatening to catch up to them as he learns how to be Ben again, even if only few are ready to forgive and see the potential for good-doing he still possesses. Rey is standing on her own feet, but she needs to find herself before she can build something new with Ben by her side - but a new threat builds on Moraband.I am NOT done with these two yet, God they're so in love. Post-canon fix-it to TRoS (spoilers). Ben Solo lives babey!
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 288
Kudos: 472
Collections: TROS Reylo Fix-it Fics





	1. Resurrection

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys this is my first fic and I don't really know where I'm going with this but yea! And please let me know what you think!  
> I just desperately needed some Reylo so ya, decided to write it myself. Also literally every character deserved better in TRoS and I want to redeem some of them at least a little.  
> But, this is a Reylo fic with all the angst and fluff and smut it involves, and I hope you'll enjoy reading about these two wonderful characters when the Disney Overlords decided not to give them the happy ending we were all rooting for!

The party was difficult to be a part of. She’d felt the warmth of happiness once reunited with her friends, with Poe and Finn and everyone else, had felt the ecstasy of victory and had herself cheered for the newfound order in the galaxy, but as the party wore on and everyone else seemed to still be drunk on joy and who knows what else, Rey found her mood draining as the evening turned into night and the sky grew dark and clear. Isolating herself from the party, she set down her cup on a stone she passed as she made her way into the forest, the sounds of many people having fun gradually getting distant as she neared her old training ground. Her feet had brought her here without her thinking much about it; her thoughts were occupied by something else entirely.

Ben.

She’d sensed it for a long time, that he wasn’t only Kylo Ren, and she knew that he knew, too. She probably realised it after she’d stabbed him with his own weapon on the bridge amid crashing waves, she thought to herself as she took a seat on a fallen log - one of those which she’d accidentally felled during her training when she’d lost her head. Rey pushed some stray hairs behind her ear, her hand soon falling into her lap. “I probably just feel like this because I’ve had a long day. I’m just tired,” she tried to convince herself, tried to not think about having been dead in that pit on Exegol, tried not to think about who else were dead, too. Irritated with herself, she wiped her eyes, clenching her fists until it hurt. A low groan came from her as she doubled over, the tears squeezing out from her tightly shut eyes as she gasped for breath, feeling so horribly guilty for not being able to enjoy herself like the rest, for not even wanting to celebrate. Leia was gone, Han, Luke, Ben, her own grandfather too, regardless of how horrible he’d been. There was no family left. No one left.

Even the thought of Poe and Finn couldn’t cheer her up, and the image of their faces was so weak when all she could see was Ben’s, bloody, bruised. How his eyes had widened when she’d opened her own, how there’d been such unrestrained happiness in them. And the kiss… It hadn’t been what she’d expected. It’d been gritty, she tasted the blood on his lips and could only savour the feeling of his arms around her for too few seconds before it had loosened.

Rey wiped her eyes again, doubting if she’d made the right call. It would’ve taken too long to haul him back to the craft, and what was the point of it when all she could do was fold his arms over his chest and straighten his legs so he laid properly. Of course, she’d tried to do to him what he did to her, but the energy flowing through her was weak, crippled, and had only seeped out from her and not into him, not even when she’d pulled his shirt up to press her hands to the still warm skin of his abdomen, of his chest.

Straightening herself, she looked up at the countless stars. She closed her eyes, and tried, dumbly and with the desperation only the hopeless possess, to reach him again. The bond was frayed, the other end was pitch black, cold, but, gritting her teeth, she kept sending pulses of her own life down the fragile thread until it thrummed, but the other end still glowed only dully, merely a shadow of the bright light she’d sent. Grunting, she forced herself until the thread not just pulsed, but shone with light, pushed it away from herself and down, down, down the line. Rey couldn’t feel her skin burning hot or her panting breaths, the sweat on her brow or the trickle of blood coming from her barely healed wounds.

She only felt them when she woke up to bright, white light and rhythmic beeping. Startled, she gasped, blinked rapidly and sat up, but bumped her head against the transparent dome over her body. Head turning left and right, her still not adjusted eyes frantically searched the room and at least found something familiar among the screens and tools and tubes.

“Finn,” she choked out, and he was by her side the next second, having rushed from his place by the wall the minute he’d seen her eyes open.

“Hey, hey hey, hey, Rey, it’s me, it’s me Rey, it’s Finn,” he said, his voice in that tone reserved for when you keep a happy face plastered on when it’s really not good at all.

She scrambled to get out of the dome and up and out, she had to…

“Let me out!” she demanded, voice quivering just slightly, brows furrowed as she stared at Finn, whose happy mask cracked, shoulders dropping.

“Alright, but don’t sit up too fast, alright? You’re still not well,” he warned and unlatched the hinges on her left, lifting up the dome.

Rey immediately sat up, clenching her teeth as dizziness overwhelmed her. She maintained eye contact with Finn nonetheless, and he held his hands up in front of him.

“Hey, easy, Rey, you’re only in here because you were passed out far out, we’re still on Ajan Kloss, but could you please tell me what the hell you were doing that made you look like you were dead?” he asked, crossing his arms.

Realising how angry she probably looked, she tried to soften her expression and scooted up a little so she could lean her back against the wall. “I said I was just tired. I’m surprised you guys didn’t pass out either. We’ve all had a really long day,” she answered, gaze downcast.

“Day _s_ , Rey. You’ve been out cold three days straight, so I’m asking again, what were you doing out there?” he asked, exasperated, his dark eyes soft and brimming with some sort of hurt nonetheless.

Scratching at her arm, she shrugged. “I died in that pit. I guess that just takes a toll on some of us,” she said, still looking down. She heard him take a step closer.

“You _what_?” he asked, voice kept carefully calm.

She glanced at him before explaining, “Palpatine, he wasn’t easy to get down.”

“You mean the guy who sent all that lightning up into the sky? Who shocked all our ships and damn near killed us all?”

“Yea, that’s the one,” she said, the faintest hint of a smile in her voice.

“You can’t really not continue like that,” he urged.

She could tell he was very close by now. “How do you know you died if you’re here now? As far as I know, resurrection doesn’t come that easy.”

“No, it didn’t. Ben was the one-“

“Ben? As in Kylo Ren? As in the person you fought with on that wreckage on Kef Bir?” he asked in disbelief.

“Yes, him. He came back. He helped me, we killed Palpatine together.” She was silent for a few seconds, could feel his inquisitiveness but needed time. “I used the Skywalker sabres to get him, but I guess the force of it all killed me. I can’t remember anything at least.” She took another deep breath. “At least not until I woke up in his arms.”

The silence was heavy. It lasted for longer than she’d thought Finn would allow, but when she looked up at him, his lips were pressed together, expression a mix between disbelief and worry.

“We kissed.”

“You what?”

“We kissed. We’re a dyad in the Force, and he was dying, and he’d brought me _back_ , Finn.”

Silence again, longer this time.

“That doesn’t make sense,” he said flatly, stepping away from her bed.

“No, it doesn’t,” she agreed, reaching out for the sleeve of his worn jacket. He looked over his shoulder at her, something despondent in his dark eyes. “He’s our enemy, Rey. He’s just not a good guy. He killed his own father - hell, he tried to kill you, too. And the rest of us. He’s from the First Order, Rey!”

She let go of him, watched him fix his jacket, his back still turned towards her. She could sense the tension in his shoulders and back and slumped a little.

“He changed. There was light in the dark,” she tried, but he just shook his head and sighed.

“Some things you just don’t forgive, Rey. Not him.”


	2. Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tatooine, a burial, a surprise.

Her place here wasn’t really there. Everyone was accommodating, of course, and she still knew her way around almost any spaceship, but her days weren’t filled up, and the offers she did get to hang out with either Poe or Chewie, sometimes even Finn, were mostly rejected, and when she did accept, she could never seem to find the right words to say and the silence spread out from her like poison, effectively killing the good mood things usually started in. Finn still talked to her, Poe too, but Finn never asked about anything that wasn’t related to the Resistance, and Poe didn’t joke around like usual. It was hard to really talk with Chewie, but she appreciated it when they just hung around in the Falcon every now and then, not saying much. It brought her a little piece of peace.

  
At the same time, she knew she couldn’t stay. Her family wasn’t here. Poe and Finn didn’t need her help anymore, and neither, seemingly, did anyone else. She didn’t want to repair ships for the rest of her life, that was really the only thing she knew - that, and that she had to prepare the burial of the sabres that’d killed her and her grandfather. Their wars had been won, and they needed rest, too.

  
Rey went alone, in a small, rusted RZ-2 A-Wing that no one really bothered much for. The goodbyes had been hard, of course, but there had been a distance between them these past few months which made it easier to just let go, to hug goodbye and not really think about what she was leaving behind. The Force didn’t come to her as easily now, either - or maybe that’s because she’d shut that off, too. There wasn’t a point. No one needed her help, and since Finn had gotten his own lightsabre, had gotten more used to the Force and she’d stuck in the background, he’d taken the duty onto himself. She felt safe leaving him, despite how he never seemed to be able to look at her anymore.

  
Almost as if in a daze, she’d gotten to Tatooine. The climate was familiar to her, the dry, hot sand beneath her boots comforting in an odd sort of way. Her throat was dry, the two suns sent fiery rays down onto the barren planet, and she was glad to just look at her own two feet as she made her way through the desert, past scrappers and scavengers and other existences whose purpose she couldn’t guess at. She allowed a small crack open for the Force, a tiny hole which let her follow it to where she must go.

  
After getting through another teeth-chattering night, Rey was finally there. Smiling faintly, she saw the matted antennas sticking up over the red-brown sand, the fine grains lying like a duvet over the abandoned settlement. Picking up a scrap piece of metal, she slid down the small hill and looked around at what wasn’t buried in sand - which really wasn’t much. Unfortunately, it didn’t take much time to see what was to be seen, and she crawled up again, sitting on the lip of the hole, feet dangling over the edge as she ate and drank her last water. The horizon was clear, undulating dunes stretching as far as the eye saw, the two suns already nearing the edge. She closed the little crack, but serenity, not even some sort of relief, did not come to her once she did. Heaving a sigh, she got to her feet, slung her bag down from her shoulder and rummaged through it as she walked, the two sabres clacking against each other in synchronisation with her steps. Rey got a hold of them and, kneeling down, she took a closer look at them, tracing her fingers over the dents and grooves, allowing herself to remember the last time they were used a little more.

  
His smile, the one time she’d seen it.

  
Hesitantly, she took the fine cloth she’d brought just for this purpose, taking great care to bundle the sabres nicely, minutely going over the folds and running her hands over the little package again and again, retying the leather cord to make sure the strings on either side of the knot were equally long. It was supple beneath her calloused fingers, and she absentmindedly rubbed it until the golden light turned orange. She closed her eyes, reaching out her hand, opening the door to the Force, moulding it until the sand before her began to sink, the stone beneath it, too. Brows furrowing, she strained to get it down far enough. It was harder than before, like she had to force herself more to get it to do as she wanted. “At least it isn’t lightning anymore,” she thought to herself with a little smile as she placed the sabres in their secret tomb. Rey let the Force bury them.

  
It was like nothing had even happened when she left the abandoned home of the young Luke Skywalker. No one would be able to tell where the sabres were, not unless she allowed it, but she hoped that the Resistance or whatever the rebels would call themselves next, would never need them again. War had never brought any good with it. Being on opposite sides hadn’t, either.

  
His smile. His pain.

  
Rey scoffed at herself. He was dead. Ben Solo was dead. But then why did she feel like she was halfway there, too? Coming to a halt, she leaned against her staff, suddenly so deadly exhausted that she sunk to her knees, not hearing Leia or Luke or all her ancestors. She didn’t want to hear them. She couldn’t go back to Jakku. Clutching at her side, she bared her teeth at her new sabre. The yellow light, so like the sun’s, brightly lit up her features, but she shut it off, rising, moving her arm back to fling it into the empty desert when a thump hit her head - or rather, inside of it. Confused, she rubbed her forehead and looked around. Had she been hit with something?

  
Another thump.

  
“Ow!” she exclaimed, squinting against the two suns as another surge of force pushed at her mind. It felt eerily familiar to the first times she’d felt his presence, and yet, it was not entirely the same. It must be some cruel joke. Maybe the Force was just trying to tell her to go back down and bury herself with the sabres. Still, she refused to open her door and instead kept looking, eyes scanning the billowing dunes that were shifting with the wind - a wind that had grown stronger as she looked for the source of this pulse inside her.

  
It thumped again, and something muffled came with it. Something blurry flurried before her eyes, but she refused to see. Rey held up her staff, eyes squeezed halfway shut against the stark winds, grains of sand already beginning to bury themselves in her hair and folds of her clothes. She needed to get to cover, and soon, or the sandstorm would rip her apart. A pulsing throb made her stiffen. It came from behind. The thumping again, like someone trying to force a door open. More muffled sounds, a blurry image, she could only make out a generic face with black hair. The mouth was wide open, calling for someone, again and again. Rey pulled her sash up in front of her mouth and nose, blinked against the sand and saw the figure lurch down the dune in uneven fits. It thrummed inside her head, her door budged and creaked and cracked and she let it swing open, her clothes whipping around her.

  
“REY!”

  
It rang inside her head, echoing, an all too familiar voice. She saw his face. She leaned on her staff, feet staggering, her knees feeling wobbly.

  
“Rey!” he called out again. She could see his face clearly now, saw the recognition, the relief, the fear. He had the same scars as before. Rey let out a shaky breath, watching the figure get closer and closer, not daring to hope just yet.

He didn’t know if she hadn’t heard him, or if she simply didn’t want to. He supposed he could understand if the latter was the case, but as she just stood there, silent and still, not even responding to his tugs on their bond, a sinking feeling settled in his stomach. She’d never not answered. Ben coughed, momentarily having to break the connection as he regained his footing on the shifting sand. He’d slid down a good bit, now at the bottom of the first dune. One more, and he was there. One more.

  
“Rey, please just listen to me,” he tried, waiting a few seconds for a response that didn’t come as he marched on, the sand whipping against him and prying into every nook and cranny of his worn clothes. “Please,” he said, scaling the second dune as quickly as his exhausted body would allow it. His muscles ached, but now that he could see, could feel the other end of the bond, reserves unknown to himself pushed him forward, the wind howling around him. He had no cloth to cover his nose and mouth and the felt the sand grind every time he clenched his teeth, throat dry and raw as he finally came to the crest. She’d moved, he saw, and called out to her, “Rey, I’m sorry.”

  
Slowly, she moved toward him, her feet dragging almost as if reluctance was keeping her tethered to the ground, but then, she began running. Ferocious winds made the grains rasp against his skin, but he barely felt it, his eyes locked on the woman before him, now just metres away.

  
“Ben!” he heard her call out, and the sound of her voice made him stagger as he tried to straighten up. Her legs drummed against the ground as she ran as fast as she could, and he wrapped his arms around her as they clashed together, digging his nose into her dirty hair, breathing her in in desperate gasps. “Rey,” he breathed, unable to let go. He felt her hands on his back, clutching at him, moving up to the back of his head, fingers digging into his hair. It felt like heaven, if there was such a thing for people like him.

  
“Come on, we have to get to cover,” she said, finally pulling away, and upon seeing his uncovered face, quickly ripped off some of her cloth and gave it to him, taking his hand and heading back to the settlement. He held it up in front of his face, eyes watering, with sand or emotion - he didn’t know, and he just looked at their hands, his in hers, and walked with her. They came to a hollow in the sand, manmade, and she dropped in. Ben peered over the edge, saw her having landed safely. He hesitated, then climbed in as well, pausing before letting go of the edge and dropping down next to her. Without saying anything, she led him to a crevice and through a tunnel, partially blocked, until they reached an inner chamber of sorts. He didn’t try to untangle the mess in the bond, the mix of feelings from both her and himself. He just sat down next to her in the corner and kept the cloth over his face and his hand in hers. She didn’t let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya got it folks, we've got a trapped-together-during-a-sandstorm-trope and you have not spoken to each other in months and one of you is extremely Not Talkative and hasn't had a Real Human Conversation In Decades (yes I'm talking about you Ben)


	3. Exegol revisited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shared minds living through one experience. Beginning trust, a sandstorm now over. A shared blanket?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Like Holt from B99*: "Pain..."  
> Also featuring: sexual tension

The silence lasted for a long time. He didn’t mind much; he was too overwhelmed to think of something reasonable to say, and besides, there was so much he needed to tell her that he couldn’t possibly hope to get it all out during the course of just one sandstorm. He wanted to do it properly, make her understand what she didn’t already know. He couldn’t lose her again. He couldn’t force her to stay.

  
He thought he might have drifted off when he heard her say, “Ben? Do you need anything?” She sounded nearly as uncertain as he felt, and he shifted slightly, turning his head to look at her. The light was dim, almost murky, an ochre-orange, and he could just barely make out her features in it. When their eyes met, he lowered his gaze, shaking his head. “No,” he rasped out, voice barely audible, and he cleared his throat. “Water, if you have any,” he said. He heard her sigh, felt her give his hand a slight squeeze. “That’s really the one thing I can’t give you right now. Sorry,” she said, voice almost a whisper.

  
“It’s okay. I’ll live,” he replied, looking down at his other hand again. This his eyes slid to the one Rey was holding.

  
She was silent for a bit, as was he. The wind continued to howl. He had no clue as to how much time had passed. Sometimes, the time he spent with her went by faster than he thought possible. When she’d been dead in his arms, it’d felt like eternity.

  
“Speaking of living,” she started, shuffling around a little, “How are you still alive? You- we switched. On Exegol.”

  
He sat up a little straighter. “It’s hard to explain,” “I hope it is,” she interrupted. He could feel her looking at him in that intense, soul-piercing way she had. “It is, then. Would you… It’s easier to just show you, but I couldn’t get in contact with you, it’s like you couldn’t see me. These past few months I’ve tried to find you, but it’s like you drew a curtain, you were closed off to me.”

  
“I thought things were different,” she said, withdrawing her hand, looking ahead again.

  
It felt like something shattered in him, and his hand felt far too cold on its own. It hadn’t been meant as an accusation, it truly hadn’t, and he didn’t really think she took it that way, but maybe it was better to let the matter rest and just answer her damn question.

  
“Will you let me show you?” he asked, somehow getting around the lump in his throat. He waited as the seconds passed, looked down at the hand she’d withdrawn to her lap. “Please?”

  
She nodded, didn’t flinch when he tentatively reached out to stroke his index finger over the back of her hand. Ben let his hand hang down by his side, leaning his head back against the wall, eyes slipping shut as he reached down their bond, still not as strong as before. At least she had opened up a little now. She wasn’t fully shut off, just… Hesitant. At least that’s what he tried to convince himself she was feeling. He hadn’t sensed hate in the bond. Yet.

He was lying in the pit amongst ruins. He couldn’t tell then, but the sky above him was buzzing with activity, debris from exploding vessels falling left and right, lasers blooming red and green above him - or at least his body. His mind… Was elsewhere. Heard things, saw things and people, some familiar, some wholly unknown to him. He saw his mother and knew she was in the same place as him now. His father… He still had that smug smile on his face. There was a soft blue tint about everything, and it felt as if waves were carrying him away, farther and farther away from the real world he’d endured so much in. This had felt safe. Comforting. But there was something missing. He’d given it to her, and she wasn’t here. Rey. “She isn’t here,” he’d whispered and wanted to open his eyes, but he couldn’t. Everything was too dark, he was drowning in it just like he had with Snoke, with the Emperor, and he could breathe in nothing but inky water choking him, Leia, Han, all the Jedi were gone, there was no one left but himself and an awful tearing at his abdomen, making him scream until he could do nothing else but that. His entire body throbbed, head surging with white-hot pain for which there was no relief, only a pulsing tingling to distract him.

  
Light, dim, but there, welled over him. His guts cramped and he rolled over onto his side, emptying the content of his stomach out onto the cool stone. His muscles contracted again, and he coughed, the sound echoing in the far too empty surroundings. Panting, he wiped his mouth, scuttling away from the sour pool, still too disoriented to know where he was. Ben rolled over onto his back, only peeling his eyelids back after having lain there long enough for his fingers and feet to get cold. He saw a clear, star-spangled sky above him. His hair stuck to his face when he got up on his hands and feet. He began to crawl. He tried not to look at the blood smears he knew were Rey’s, tried not to think about what would meet him once he got out from this pit. Somehow, he managed to get out there. What awaited was debris, ruins of a fallen Order. The Last Order would truly be the last.

  
Getting to his feet, he saw the dead and the few dying, the mountains of ruined ships and burning pieces of metal. The heat hit him like a wall, the light was too bright for him to see. He had to get out. Now. Frantic with a desperation he hadn’t felt except the time he’d held her in his arms- “Don’t think about it, don’t think about it” - he searched the ground for anything usable, climbed over burning bodies and destroyed ships, the sheer number of them making him unable to remember how many he passed, how many smoking hallways he went through to find just something, anything to get him away from here, to get him to Rey. He’d cried more than he wanted to admit, but only the truth was good enough from now on.

  
Finally, he found something useful. He’d had to use the Force to lift the collapsed roof, and that had almost killed him again. Ben staggered to the TIE fighter, knocking open the capsule with a grunt before clambering inside, a very deep sigh coming from him as he sank into the seat. The feel of it wasn’t pleasant, brought too much back he didn’t want to see, but it was a place to sit, and for now, that was more than enough to make him content. The bond was weak, he knew, drained first by Palpatine, then by himself. He had a feeling Rey had used it, too, to get him back here. When had she done it? It had felt an awful long time. More time than he’d ever thought he’d get with his parents after Luke had tried to kill him in the temple. Gritting his teeth, he began to see how things easily could’ve been changed if only he’d made the right choices, if he’d just understood. He could’ve lived happily with Rey - maybe not happily, given how the Siths were always after everyone, but they’d be together, without him having tried to kill her, neither of them having been dead. His own longing scared him. He distracted himself by flying off, the familiar roar of the TIE motors and having to navigate enough to distract his exhausted mind from all the things he didn’t want to consider.  
He’d lain low the first long while, focusing on not being discovered, on surviving, on feeling the bond for any possible sign of Rey. Every night he expected a message from her, something, a tug, a thought, just sensing that she was alive. Every night, nothing came. Every night, he tried to keep up hope. It just barely survived, the hope, burning like a tiny candle, somehow managing to stay alight in the stormy weather of his turmoiled heart.

  
His first option had been sparsely populated planets where he could steal and hunt just enough to survive while staying out of sight of both Resistance and Order. He’d somehow navigated himself out of The Unknown Regions and into more hospitable regions, speaking to no one, seeing no one. As to Rey’s location, he’d only be able to guess. First, if she were alive - “Please let it be true, please let it be true” - she would’ve gone to the Rebel base. From then on? Jakku? Possibly. It had sentimental value, but somehow, he knew she hadn’t gone back there. There was nothing left for her there. Might she stay with the Rebels? Very possible. Even without Leia there, Poe Dameron was there, and so was that Finn… He’d seen the way he looked at her, knew just what he felt. The thought of it made his anger flare up, heat welling up within him. He hoped she hadn’t stayed - or did he? He wasn’t even sure anymore, maybe it was best if she just stayed with them… Maybe he just ought to provoke the nearest vessels and fly in the straightest line he could without firing back. It’d probably be better for everybody. He would’ve felt her if she thought otherwise. He would’ve felt her.

  
Suddenly, one day as he’d woken up in a snowy forest, he’d felt her. It was only because he was searching for it that he could tell, but oh, how he’d searched. A surge of joy filled him and he called out to her, reached out, body and soul, tugged at the thread tying them together, but nothing was the response. He tried again, and again, louder and louder, until he was screaming her name, but still, nothing. Silence.

  
But now he had something to follow. A sliver of hope rekindled him, and he’d followed her to Tatooine, across the dunes, across the scorching hot desert.

He opened his eyes again to find Rey, expression showing so much hurt and regret, wiping away the tear that’d trickled down his cheek. He flinched away from her, and she slunk back, withdrawing her hand again. “No, no, I didn’t mean to,” he thought, but the words got stuck in his throat like everything else he’d wanted to say to her.

  
“I shouldn’t have,” Rey said, lightly shaking her head. Only now did he notice that she was no longer holding the cloth over her nose and mouth. The wind had stopped howling, too.

  
“Is the storm over?” he croaked, to which she nodded and said, “I know it isn’t comfortable, but let’s try and get some sleep. You look tired.” She rummaged through her bag and found her blanket, neatly rolled up. It was rather dusty, but so were they, and she crawled a little further out the tunnel until she found a flat spot.

  
“You look tired, too,” Ben said, going after her. “You take it, I’m fine.”

  
“I know your hair got long now, but that doesn’t mean you won’t freeze. Desert nights are brutal. Trust me, I know,” she said and laid down on her side in the middle of the hallway, looking at the wall after spreading out the blanket over herself, leaving more than half for him. Hesitantly, he looked from her - she stared very wilfully at the wall - to the blanket they’d have to share and back to Rey. Without saying a word, he laid down next to her, facing the opposite wall, a respectful distance kept between him and her.

She’d hoped it’d been less painful for him, coming back. She’d hoped it hadn’t been that bad, her own isolating herself from the Force. At the time, it really hadn’t - she’d honestly thought he was dead. It was still hard to believe now, with him lying right next to her. It pained her to see the hurt boy he’d been, still was in some ways, but what had hurt more was his flinch. She couldn’t figure out whether it was from disgust or from fear. Neither were good options. He was probably lying apart from her because of that, too, whichever one it was.

  
Somehow, he’d gotten out alive. For that, she was grateful. They’d only had so little time; it had been spent on fighting the Ren Knights, on being drained by Palpatine, on dying. So little time to share with each other. Inevitably, her thoughts drifted towards their kiss, his smile right afterwards. It replayed in her mind, and she allowed it - she couldn’t sleep at all anyways. His back, though they weren’t touching, was warm, and even though it was mixed with dirt and sweat and who knows what else, he smelled like himself. Like Ben.

  
His voice startled her out of her daydreaming. “Could you… I don’t know exactly what you’re thinking and I’m not going to pry, but can you stop? It’s very… Quivering,” he said, but despite the request, his voice was soft. She could hear him roll over in the sand onto his back.

  
“Sorry,” she whispered back, grateful for the darkness which hid her darkening face and ears. It was hard to do what he’d asked - especially now when she knew she wasn’t supposed to. In a from the start futile attempt to sleep, she closed her eyes and rolled over onto her other side, using her folded arm as a pillow. Still, she was feeling too tightly wound to sleep, and the sound of Ben’s breathing certainly wasn’t helping. The warmth from him was spreading to her, and his presence was much more prominent when she was facing him like this. It’d be too quick if she rolled over now, wouldn’t it? It would, she decided with herself, and so she kept lying there, both of them very much unable to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I really hope you're enjoying it so far! I'm going on a skiing holiday for a little week so updates won't be up much, so I've tried to make this chapter extra long for you! Happy Holidays!  
> Please do give some feedback if you have the time, it really keeps my motivation up!


	4. Two Suns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Communication is not their strong suit, and it has consequences.

“Rey?” He cleared his throat. “You’re doing it again, whatever it is that you do,” Ben said in a carefully neutral tone. Something was fluttering in her head, and she definitely wasn’t sleeping. Turning his head, he looked at her face, trying to get a clue from her face. He knew he could see what she thought if he wanted to, but that wouldn’t be proper.

It was very insistent, though, that thought. He looked over her face, studying the curve of her brows and her dark lashes, the line of her jaw and shape of her lips. Suddenly her eyes shot open and he immediately propped himself up on his elbow, feeling shameful at his exposure.

“You’re doing it too, now,” she accused him, the blanket having dropped from her torso. “The thought thing.” He looked at her for a little, knowing damn well what he’d been thinking about.

“Well, you’re doing it too. You started,” he replied, sitting up with the blanket over his lap, looking to the side, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat.

“I think we can both agree that we’re doing it, then!” she said, and he looked at her again, saw how quickly she breathed, the colour on her face just barely visible in the beginning grey dawn light. He sucked in a breath, keeping perfectly still.

“Oh, you’re not stopping, you’re just making it worse!” she groaned and got up, hurrying outside.

It was difficult not to think about her, especially when she looked like _that_. Buzzing down the thread, heat, quivering.

“You’re not stopping either!” he called after her, stepping out into the sand buried courtyard, eyes following her footprints to where she was scaling it to the top. Ben had quite a clear feeling that neither of them wanted to upset each other, but also that things were just rather upset at the moment, without there really being a good reason for it. Neither of them wanted to discuss what was wrong, but that was another matter for another time. Probably. He wasn’t really all too sure. What he knew was just that it hurt to watch her leave, even though he could sense she wasn’t _leaving_.

He came to a halt a few metres from her, feeling the same tension she bore in her shoulders and crossed arms, staring towards the lightening horizon. Slowly, he began to walk towards her, a few steps, a halt, another few more, halt.

Finally, the vibrating along the bond stopped, or at least calmed enough, for him to give the faintest hint of a real smile when she turned her head to look at him, a mix between exasperated amusement and confusion in her eyes. She waved him up to her, and he willingly went along, standing slightly behind her, looking up at the stars in the dark that began to disappear as the light of a new day spread across the sky.

Now, the lack of conversation wasn’t tense. Rather, it was nice to not have to say anything. He gazed at her bare shoulder, but after lingering on it for too long, he realised what was happening and looked at the sky again, taking a step closer. Rey glanced over her shoulder to smile at him, then pointed at the two suns finally poked over the edge of the horizon.

“I see it,” he said, stiffening slightly as she moved her arm from pointing to draped loosely around his waist. They held their breath until she asked, “Should I remove it? My arm?” through their bond. Ben shook his head, tentatively raising his own arm, wrapping it around her waist. Gingerly, she leaned into it, and he leaned his head on the top of hers, a sigh slipping past his lips as his eyes slipped shut.

“Do you know what you want to do? After all this?” she asked after a little while, the rays of the sun just kissing them for now. Only later would they turn into stinging, hostile things, but for now, she embraced the warmth, though she could feel that of Ben’s, too. She felt him raise his head.

“No. The Orders are gone, not that I wanted to go back to that. I doubt your Resistance would have me. I doubt I’d be… Content there, too,” he said after a long moment to consider his answer.

“Hm,” she hummed in reply, somewhat glad to know that she wasn’t the only one to feel at a loss for what to do. “I don’t know what you’ve seen from me, but I had trouble being content there, too. I think we have different reasons, though,” she said, peering up at him for a moment. He was looking at something distant, something she hadn’t seen and wouldn’t ever get the chance to.

“Do you?”

“Know what to do? Not really. I wanted the war to be over, and for just a second, it was, but Poe and the rest can always find either someone to form an alliance with or someone to get rid of,” she scratched at the side of her neck, turning her head when a different kind of silence came from him. “What?”

“What others? Finn?”

“Yes, of course, Finn too, what’s so wrong with that?” She eased herself out of their embrace, looking up at him, glancing down at the hand he’d clenched into a fist before narrowing her eyes at him. “He’s a deserter, but so are you. And you probably didn’t even know he existed until he actually joined the Resistance,” she said, arms crossed.

Suddenly, he turned towards her, and she noticed how tall he actually was. The sickening feeling she’d had the first time he’d caught her came over her and she took a step back. She didn’t want to be frightened of him.

“Finn is…”

“Finn is a good friend, Ben. Stop doing that,” she demanded in a harsh voice. He gave her a look so like Kylo Ren that she had to resist the urge to draw her sabre.

“Do you want to know what it is he wanted to tell you? What he didn’t muster up the courage to do?” Ben asked, slowly, accentuating each word clearly.

“What?”

“He’s in love with you. Was nearly from the beginning. He just never had the guts to tell you,” he said, eyeing her intensely for a reaction.

She stared at him. Finn’s reaction made more sense now, but she wasn’t so dense that she hadn’t had a feeling it was something like this. “Oh, you mean unlike you who’ve had the guts to tell me something?” Rey bit back.

They stared each other down, a deep, low vibrating thrumming filling the air so that it was almost solid. Jaws clenched, teeth bared, Ben huffed a breath before breaking away, his still too-long hair effectively shielding his face from view as he took a few steps away. Heart pounding, she strode towards him, jabbed her finger into his chest.

“Look at me! I said, look at me! Whatever it is you’re trying to prove here, you’re not doing yourself any favours. _At all._ Look at me, Ben,” she said, tone sharp. Reluctantly, he looked at her, gaze flickering between her eyes to her mouth and up again. She clearly sensed that a _lot_ of things were pent up. Stars above! “Ben Solo, you are _not_ going to intimidate me, you are _not_ going to try and tell me what to do with my friends who are far more respectful than you. Do you hear me?” She said, fighting to keep her stern expression. Again, their eyes locked, and that humming, deep thrumming appeared again, but different this time. Another sort of tension.

“I hear you,” he said, almost through gritted teeth.

“Good.” She removed her finger and began rummaging through her bag again until she found a round device, a compass, and began walking. “I’m headed for my ship,” Rey announced, guilt and pity for the man in black behind her beginning to blossom in her stomach. She looked after him for a little while until she saw him begin to walk, and, discreetly, slowed her pace so that he could catch up.

It was midday, the suns were scorching, and oasis was in grave danger of just being an illusion. Ben was beginning to feel the consequences of not having drunk for a day, and so he walked along, legs moving thoughtlessly as his tongue grew and grew in his mouth. The thin cloth sash Rey wore writhed mesmerizingly in the desert winds, and it took him a few seconds to even realise that she’d turned around to check on him, brows knitting together at the sight of him. Forcing his eyes to focus, he squinted at the greens of the lush plants in the oasis, managing to get out an, “I’m fine, it’s just over there.” He was just slurring his words more than he realised.

Rey looked from him to the oasis and back again, wishing that Ben had had just a hint more experience with deserts while trying to judge what was the best call here. It’d take too long to bring water back and forth, and he’d get roasted by the sun, and so, she resolutely went back to his side, took his arm and draped it over her shoulder, and half dragged him to the water they both needed so badly. With a grunt, she tried to set him down as gently as he could, but despite the weight he’d lost, he was still just so damn _big_. Rey wiped her brow and scanned the oasis for other wanderers seeking relief and saw only a nomad family with their herd and a solitary Jawa, whom she gave a wary nod. She received one in return.


	5. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sudden, unwanted reunion.

Ben looked positively gone. She could only feel a flutter of activity on his side of the bond as she presumed he was dipping in and out of consciousness. Luckily, she knew that this was a treatable condition, that he just needed shade and rest and water, and so she dragged him beneath the shade of a palm tree, brushing the hair out of his face so that she had a better idea of what she was working with. His skin was red and too dry compared to what would’ve been normal in a climate as hot as this one, and his eyes were only halfway open, head shaking from side to side every now and then. Quickly, she began to undress him, gathering him up in her arms and tugging at the hem of his shirt, trying not to look at the skin that got bared.

“Ben, if you can, try and raise your arms for me,” she said, soaked through with sweat with the effort of moving the bulk of him around. An indistinct mumble came from him, and he moved his arms a little, making it a tad easier for her to take off his shirt. Technically, she knew that the best call would be for him to be naked, but it would feel very wrong to do that. Hesitating, she looked down at him as she kneeled by his side, and finally tugged off his boots but leaving his pants on. Retrieving water, she poured it over him and wetted the only spare shirt she’d brought with her, placing it over his chest. Good. He was more covered now.

Focused on her task, she barely heard the chatter of the family and the braying of their animals, concentrating instead on giving him water. It was a slow process. He couldn’t sit up properly, so she supported his head and had to pause between every gulp to make sure he’d actually swallowed it before giving him another one. Getting the salt tablets into him was far more difficult. Rey gave him first the pill in his mouth, then water, and had to hold his mouth shut with her hand as he tried to jerk away from her.

“Ben, I’m literally trying to help you,” she urged, placing her other hand on the side of his face, cupping his cheek and meeting his frightened eyes. “It’s salt, nothing else. Just salt. It’ll help you get better,” she urged, not wanting to think about what could’ve made him feel so afraid of things like this. He’d lived through a lot, far too much. Finally, he swallowed, and she gave him more water to wash it down with. “Good,” she praised, stroking his cheek with her thumb as she felt him relax, the panicked feeling on his side of the bond replaced with dull exhaustion. Slowly, eyes still closed, he reached up, placing his hand over hers.

Only when she was certain that he was asleep did she remove her hand, her legs stiff and asleep from having kneeled for so long with Ben on top. Tired, she stretched and greedily drank from the cool spring water, washing her face and wetting her hair with it once she’d drunk enough. Ben was still lying there, fast asleep, and a small smile crossed her lips as she went back to his side, noting that his skin was less red.

As she was changing the wet cloth over his chest, she saw the Jawa returning to the oasis. She hadn’t noticed it’d been gone, she noted, brows furrowing. It sent her a quick glance and then hurried onwards, beginning to pack up its few belongings, and a sinking feeling settled in her stomach like a leaden knot. Something wasn’t right. Reaching out with the Force, she tried to figure out what that Jawa had done, her chest rising and falling rapidly, inevitably baring her teeth with the effort, but the mind of the other worked in such unfamiliar ways that she got nothing except a want to get away out of guilt out of it.

Snapping her head to the side, she looked at Ben and hurried back to him. He was unhurt. Her eyes scanned her surroundings. The nomad family eyed her suspiciously, seemingly not wanting any part of this, and Rey tried to _think_ , for Force’s sake, _think_! She couldn’t move Ben, and there was no help from anyone beside herself. Nothing left to do but wait, rearranging the cloth over his chest, dampening his hair again, stroking his forehead and trying not to see the bags under his eyes as the feeling of dread welled and welled in her. That Jawa had sold them off to whatever remained of the First Order, hadn’t it? Gritting her teeth at her own uselessness, she rose from her spot by Ben as she heard a ship approaching, squinting against the bright sky, turning and turning, looking for the incoming enemy.

There was only one black dot in the sky, rapidly coming closer and closer. “Get away from here!” she yelled to the family, who’d already begun to scramble to get away from the soon to be battlefield. Rey held her sabre at the ready in her hand, her other one prepared to use the Force to the best of her abilities. One last glance at Ben, still so far away. Again her eyes locked on the approaching vessel, and her jaw dropped when she realised what it was.

The Falcon.

She closed her eyes, opened them again. No, the Falcon was still there, now landing a hundred metres or so away from the oasis. Rey thought back on the look on Finn’s face when she’d told him what had happened on Exegol, and began to fear for Ben’s life. They knew she was here on Tatooine; they wouldn’t have come for her. It must be Ben they were after. She wasn’t going to let them take him.

Decisively, she held her chin high and her sabre at the ready as three figures emerged from the Falcon. Poe, Finn, Chewbacca. Her back straightened as she saw their stern expressions. Poe walked up first, Chewie behind him, and a bit behind the big furry creature she’d come to love so much, was Finn. Their eyes met for just a second before he looked away. Rey saw the sabre at his side and couldn’t help but smile a little through all the tension.

“General,” she greeted Poe with a nod. He looked more worn than she remembered, more tired.

“Rey,” he replied, looking her up and down before his eyes slid to the figure lying behind her. His eyes narrowed then, jaw tightening slightly. “Is he dying? Cus I’ve got a whole lot of questions for him,” Poe asked, not looking at her as he began to step towards Ben.

“Poe, really? You can tell he can’t do anyone harm right about now,” she said, keeping her voice in check, stepping in front of him to block his path, holding out her arm.

“Oh, no, I know, that’s why I asked that question you didn’t answer,” he replied in a tone so hard she hadn’t heard coming from him before.

“He’s not. He’s got heatstroke,” she said, trying to stifle her anger. A flutter made it tug on the bond, and she shot a glance at the person in question, who was now opening his eyes, looking momentarily confused at being partially undressed.

“Rey?” He called along the bond, blinking against the harsh sun.

“It’s alright, I’ve got it under control, just stay there,” she replied, and only now did he see the three others standing close to her. Jolting upright, he weakly reached for his sabre that wasn’t there and the wet shirt slid a little further down his chest - bare chest, how had that happened? - as he managed to sit upright, heart galloping away in his chest. He sensed the uncertainty emitting from Rey, and swallowed thickly as it dawned on him. Trying to focus, he managed to make out the identities of the anonymous figures, and his gut dropped. The two people he least wanted to see were there. Fighting to sit still, he watched Poe march towards him after shoving Rey aside, didn’t want to seem threatening nor frightened.

“Kylo Ren, or Ben Solo, or whatever it is you’re calling yourself these days, you’re not fleeing from your responsibility any longer. Fun move, that, convincing everyone in the Order that you were dead, that really threw us off for some time,” Poe said, squatting down beside him, his voice slick with sarcasm and restrained anger.

Ben’s brows narrowed in confusion at the accusation, feeling far too vulnerable, weak and half-naked as he was. “I was dead,” he said, “I guess no one figured out that that was no longer the case.” Looking into Poe’s eyes was like looking into a bitter storm. He recognized the turmoil far too well.

“Poe, he hasn’t done anything to hurt me, those days are over,” Rey said in a penetratingly sharp voice. Chewie roared in protest, and Poe snapped his head to the side to look at her.

“It’s not your call. Stand down,” he warned, then seized him by the arm, pulling him up.

Ben staggered to his feet, the shirt landing in a wet pile in the sand and let the General lead him away from the oasis.

“The Rebels are going to try and kill him when they see him!” Rey protested, shoving Chewie aside to face Poe, who only gave her a sideways glance and a, “Gee, I wonder why that’s the case.”

He was dragged inside the Falcon and thrown into a cot of sorts, banging his head into the wall in the process, making a pained groan slip past his lips, rubbing at the back of his head as he heard Rey and Poe continuing to fight in the cockpit. The stares of the great furry thing and Finn felt like they were digging into his skin, branding him the traitor, murderous snake as he was, as he knew he was. He could tell that Finn was visibly upset at the sight of him, and his own anger flared hotly in his chest as he recalled his feelings towards Rey.

“You’re a monster, you know that, right?” Finn spat.

Ben gave a wry smile, a pang of pain settling in his heart. “I know.”


	6. Futility

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trial awaits for Ben. Comfort is sought, partially recieved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you enjoy my work, please consider leaving some feedback if you have the time! It really helps keeping my motivation up!

Rey fidgeted with the loose threads that had been torn out of the weave as she’d ripped part of her cloth off to give it to Ben. She felt like that little girl on Jakku again, but now, it was worse. She felt all alone while surrounded by the people who were supposed to love her, and she knew she’d done nothing wrong in agreeing to meet with Ben, to go with him. It’d felt so right, like a puzzle piece finally falling into its proper place, or like an itch that’d finally been relieved, when they’d shared that moment in the pit. That kiss, her first, though neither were fully well, had been entirely what she’d wanted it to be. She replayed it in her mind again, the kiss, Ben’s truly happy smile afterwards. Wracking pain came afterwards, she felt a little sick to her stomach when she recalled how he’d just gone limp in her arms.

“Rey? Rey? Rey! Trying to establish contact to planet Rey…”

She snapped her head up with a small gasp, flushing when she saw Poe, turned in his seat with an arm over the edge, looking at her, something about the look on her face telling her that he’d been calling her name for quite some time now.

“Sorry, I was-“

“Preoccupied?” he interrupted her, cocking his head to the side, brows raised. “With what, I wonder,” he mused, then sighed and shook his head, the light from the stars flashing past them in hyperspeed illuminating his features. “You understand why we had to bring him back with us, right?”

Rey pursed her lips. “I understand it yes, but it wasn’t like he was trying to run from you. He’s not as bad as you think.”

“He’s a war criminal. He’s responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands, if not millions,” he said, voice surprisingly soft.

“I’m not denying that. I know what he’s done, so does he. All I’m saying is that he’s _changed_ , Poe, and can’t you see that, too? He’s not Kylo Ren. He came and saved me, helped me destroy Palpatine on Exegol. We couldn’t have won without him,” she said urgently, leaning forwards slightly. “Didn’t you listen to Leia when she talked about him? He’s _good_ , he’s always been good, the Sith, they overpowered him and preyed on every little weakness in him, exploiting it. He’s changed. I know, I can feel it, it’s-“

“The Force, right? Finn rambles on about that all the time. I know you can do incredible things with it, but that doesn’t mean you can judge someone’s character on it. I can’t do anything with feelings and what you sense. He needs to come before the Rebels and be judged accordingly. He’s just not affecting you, Rey, he’s been a part of things which have affected all of us. People won’t forget losing family or friends, and though you may be able to forgive him, that doesn’t mean the rest of us can.” He looked into her eyes, searching her face.

Rey lowered her eyes. She understood. Only what had been done to her did she have the right to forgive, and Ben… He hadn’t been only good.

“I’m all for your happiness, with whoever that may be, as long as that person treats you right. But you need to understand that that’s not something you can just do without considering other people. We’re trying to heal, and we could do that when we thought he was dead. Then he would’ve been held accountable. This is not just my own personal crusade. No one can just frolick around like nothing ever happened, or we’re gonna build a new Republic on an already crumbling foundation,” Poe finished his speech.

Rey’s throat tightened. She knew how much revenge could make you do, how little you could care for other people when you could just get your own vengeance. And she was afraid of what Ben’s sentence was going to be.

“You don’t want him to be here, do you?” She asked, “You came here to haul him back to a death sentence.”

Poe shook his head. “No. Not for a death sentence, just for a fair judgement. Tell people what he’s done, for you, for everyone, and let everyone else decide. Otherwise you have to be on the run your entire life. And I do actually like seeing your face around.”

Rey sighed, shaking her head as she rubbed her face. Something in her had settled when they’d stormed towards one another and met again, and now that was all to be torn apart once more. She doubted if the other Rebels could forgive Ben. Poe seemed reluctant, Finn even more so, and those were her most loyal friends. How would everyone else judge him?

“I need some rest,” was all she could manage to say before leaving the cockpit. What little she could make out in the lounge through the tears welling up in her eyes was Finn and Chewbacca playing holo-chess and, as she strode past them, Ben lying on the cot, his back facing the wall. How much he’d heard, she had no clue, and there wasn’t anything she could do about it, either.

Feeling miserable, she paced down the hallway until she was out of sight, then her hand landed with a heavy thump against the wall. Her head dropping between her shoulders, she breathed in sharply a few times, grinding her teeth together as frustration crashed in over her like waves mercilessly pounding again and again against a shore.

A shirt was thrown to him, neutral and a sandy white in colour.

“You mind?” Finn asked, brows raised in a very meaningful way.

Slightly surprised, he sat upright, feeling the soft fabric between his fingers before at last pulling the shirt over his head. It reminded him of his Padawan days, this colour, the feel of the cloth. He wasn’t sure whether the memory warmed or chilled him. Either way, Finn’s Force presence was far too pressing for him to be able to focus much on anything apart from just that. He was hard to ignore as he was staring at him from his seat on the rounded couch, and he met his gaze while trying to keep his jealousy lidded.

Finn’s head was practically begging him to poke around in it… Besides, he needed clarity.

“Uh-uh, you don’t get to do that anymore,” Finn said, and if it could feel like your hand had gotten slapped away in a metaphysical sense, that was certainly the case now. Ben focused on his face again, lips parted in confusion, a wrinkle appearing between his brows.

“You’re prying,” Finn stated flatly.

“Yes,” he admitted.

“Do you ever think you can just ask people what you want to know, and they sometimes might consider giving you the answer?”

“I tried that before. Didn’t work.”

“Well, if what Rey’s implying is true, then you’re a changed man. A changed man can change the way he thinks, don’t you agree?” Finn asked, his arms still crossed, face still hard, but it wasn’t as hostile as he’d expected.

After a few moments of silence, Ben asked, “What are your… Feelings towards Rey?” while feeling quite like a jealous schoolboy, and just as immature as one. “I sense you don’t like me.”

Finn scoffed a wry smile. “I love her with all my heart. As you already know. And I want to protect her from whatever harm I can. Stars know she’s been through enough, and I have a sense you’re not a problem-free solution for her,” he said.

Problem-free? He just might laugh. Certainly not, no. A reluctant sort of admiration for Finn began to grow in his chest, and he shrugged. “Understandable.”

“I want her happy. Do you understand that? We’re the family she has. You damn near got us all killed, so don’t think I’m not gonna doubt you,” Finn warned.

“I know. I want the same thing,” Ben said, trying not to think about how he’d reacted when they were watching the two suns together. It’d been such a good moment, and he had to ruin it. “She’s all I have, Finn.” He tried to give him the most earnest look he could, and he felt Finn circling his mind, surveying it for deception. At last, he seemed content, and Ben sensed the presence leaving his own alone.

“That’s no excuse.”

Looking at the other man, he cocked his head to the side. “No.” He paused. “You’re protective, you know.”

“That’s what happens when you’re torn from your own family and forced to work by killing innocent civilians and people who fight for the good things in the world,” Finn replied.

“Makes sense,” Ben breathed, a wave of exhaustion making him feel dizzy.

Finally, he laid down on the hard cot, but it felt like the most luxurious down mattress to him. He knew Finn enough to be certain he wouldn’t off him in his sleep, and he could only help Rey if he didn’t feel like passing out in varying degrees every few seconds. He needed rest.

The first thing he thought upon waking was that Rey was too good at hiding her moods. The feeling of a door to a room filled with ruckus and noise being slammed open with a loud crack jolted him awake, again making him hit his head on a sharp corner as he scrambled to follow the glimpse he’d seen of her before she’d disappeared out of his sight. He barely took note of the look Finn sent him through the bad-quality holograms; the only thing he could focus on was the huddled figure hiding her face in her arm.

“Rey,” he whispered, coming to a halt a step behind her. A deep breath came from her, and he hesitantly took another step towards her, closing the distance between them. His hand felt awkward when he planted it on her back, moving it to the side in an attempt to turn her around so that she would just look at him. He could tell that she’d shut her side of the bond off again, but he didn’t need that connection to figure out just how upset she was. “It’s alright, it wasn’t the Order,” he tried. A choked snort was her reply.

“No,” she said, her eyes glassy, the smile on her lips pained as she turned to face him. “No, it’s not the Order. But they still want you gone, I fear.”

He knew he should feel something at that - something for himself. Fear, despair maybe, but really, what was his death if he’d just had the time to have spent time with her, just for a little while? He though their time on Tatooine could supply him plentifully in the afterlife, of wherever is was that he went.

“I’m not going to go away, not if I can help it,” Ben said, wrapping his arms around her, pulling her close and tight.

“I don’t know if that’s your call to make,” she said in a broken voice, and he felt his shirt dampen with her tears.

Ben looked up at the ceiling, breathing out shakily as he tried to find the right words. “We knew this was going to come, didn’t we? I think we knew. And I know what I’ve done. You can see the change, I think Finn could, too, stars help me he still doesn’t like me, but he can _see it_ , as you did. You _see_ me,” he paused, realising he was rambling in his desperation to comfort her. The cloth of his shirt rubbed against his chest as she nodded, and a sort of warmth spread from where she wrapped her arms around his middle, clutching him to her.

They stood like that, entangled, breaths synchronising, drawing comfort from each other’s presence, until the jolt from the shift from hyperspeed to normal faring made the old ship shake.

Reluctantly, he pulled back a little, just enough so that he could see her face. She looked up at him, one hand on the back of his neck, and she was so close that he could feel her warm breath against his chin. Their gazes locked, exchanging all the things they couldn’t say. Rey parted her lips, brows beginning to furrow, and he leaned down, softly pressing his lips against hers. She breathed out through her nose, standing up on the tips of her toes to meet him, her fingers digging into his too-long hair, tugging him down to her, her other hand at the front of his chest, his own on the small of her back, on her hip. He angled his head slightly, feeling heat flooding over him as she parted her lips, inviting him in with a sort of futile desperation that just made it feel all the more necessary that they shouldn’t separate. Pressing her against himself, their lips parted just for them to catch their breath, both of their faces flushed, each touch electric.

“Ajan Kloss incoming!” Poe yelled, breaking their spell. Flustered, they disentangled themselves from each other, fixing hair and clothes without looking at each other. “Get in here,” he said, only raising his brows when he poked his head round the corner and found the two of them still standing too closely together. “Alright, Ben, we don’t want any trouble, mainly from our own people, so,” he said, holding out a pair of manacles.

Too much happiness and confused, content surprise overrode his system. In a daze, he stepped away from her, letting his hands drop, and walked to the General, holding out his hands. As he was led out with a grip on the manacles and another between his shoulder blades, Poe whispered to him, “And please, for the love of the Force, try not to look so happy and moony eyed. You’re a criminal awaiting trial, remember?” He thought he heard a hint of humour in his voice, but he wasn’t sure. It didn’t matter anyways.

As the hatch lowered itself and sunlight flooded in, he glanced over his shoulder at Rey, Finn standing by her side. He and the former Stormtrooper shared a wry smile. The last thing he saw before leaving the Falcon was Rey punching Finn on the arm, Finn laughing as he pretended to flinch away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy FUCK was I looking forward to writing this chapter lmao I know I tagged this with slow burn,,,, but even I was getting impatient for the Reylo!!! Also forgive any spelling/wording errors this was written on a night ferry so the quality might be wavering slightly.  
> Please let me know if you enjoyed this chapter by leaving some feedback if you have the time to do so, it helps out a lot!


	7. Judgement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taken back to Ajan Kloss, Ben Solo awaits the judgement of those he has been responsible for getting killed, maimed, abducted, indoctrinated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot of death mention just FYI
> 
> Also yikes this hurt to write

It was hard to put on a smile as the crowd that had gathered around the Falcon roared a cheer that resonated in her skull. It rose in volume as Ben was led out, and her chest tightened as she saw him straighten his back, bracing himself for what was to come. The roar changed in tone at the appearance of him, from cheering to angry, accusatory cries which she in her heart knew were justified, but nonetheless, it hurt. It was all too easy to sense their hate, and her smile faltered as she left the Falcon.

Finn put a hand on her shoulder as she couldn’t walk out any further, stopping at the end of the ramp. “This is the best we can do,” he said, giving a half-smile that she couldn’t reciprocate.

“You could’ve not found us,” she said.

He removed his hand. “You know, if it weren’t us that had gone, he probably would’ve been killed right away,” he tried to reason with her, his voice quiet, just barely heard over the crowd. She raised her eyes and saw them, everyone, their faces shifting from twisted expressions of anger and hurt into light, happy eyes, mouths wide open to let out their excitement. She didn’t feel like the hero they saw her as at all.

Finally, she got her legs to work, and she no longer looked at the gathered people. Ben was too far ahead already, too far away, and she picked up her stride, jaw set and her hands clenched into fists by her side. Only one person caught her eye.

The small stature of Maz, her glasses raised up to her forehead, was more slumped than what was normal for the sturdy woman, and Rey’s brows furrowed as their eyes met, and an exchange, silently, passed between them. She wanted to stop and inquire into the bandage around her shoulder, her arm in the sling and the unfamiliar look of tiredness on her face, but Finn and Chewbacca were behind her and she couldn’t just break away. Besides, she had to know where Ben was going to be taken.

As they passed each other, Maz brushed her fingertips against the back of her hand, and she found some strength to straighten her back and catch up to Ben. They managed a brief moment of eye contact when he glanced over his shoulder. She couldn’t figure out what he wanted to convey, if he even had anything to say, but she gave him a nod. He nodded back.

Again Ben had the feeling that he ought to feel more afraid when he was led out of his fathers spacecraft. He had to duck under the latch unless he wanted to bump his head, and the adrenaline already in his system was amplified at the sight of the crown, the sound of their discontent, dislike for him. He swallowed thickly, already knowing that no home could be found for him here. He wished he could feel Leia’s presence, and his eyes scanned the many people in a hopeless attempt at finding someone familiar to him. There were no one. Luke, Leia, Han, everyone from his past life, his second past life, were no longer there. The only one left was Rey. He glanced over his shoulder at her, nodded back at her, trying to keep his hands unclenched behind his back. The tension went to his back and shoulders instead, made his stride stiff as Poe led him down a well-trodden pathway, stepping over fallen leaves, twigs breaking beneath his worn black boots. He still had sand everywhere.

The light grip Poe had kept on his right upper arm was removed, and Ben now actually took in his surroundings, finding a one-story grey building before him. The General typed in a code, and the doors slid to the side, revealing a dim interior with matte skylights. When the doors shut again, they effectively sealed out the noise from outside. Poe briefly touched the manacles, then walked up so he was standing in front of him, eyeing him.

“Are you going to try and kill me again?” he asked.

Ben shrugged. “I have no reason to.”

He frowned, “Alright then.” With that, he tapped the manacles, releasing his wrist with a quiet, two-tone beep.

Ben looked down at them as Poe led the way down a hallway, finding their look highly familiar. “Are those Order?” he asked, to which the other man glanced at him, having come to a halt in front of another door.

“Yea. We have to use what we can get. Scavengers, Rebels, all that,” he explained, then led him inside the small cell, a cot with a blanket and pillow inside. The doors shut behind him, and he got a glimpse of the new General through the slit just before they closed.

Ben stood there for quite a while, trying to breathe in and out in a slower rhythm than the one he was doing it at now, clenching and unclenching his hands, tilting his head back to look up through the skylight. He hadn’t seen any lamps, and he dreaded it if the glass in the ceiling would be the only light source. A bird flew overhead, and he could see a few branches of the trees swaying in the wind before he ran his hand through his shoulderblade-length hair, letting out a deep breath. He settled on the hard cot, scooted back so that he could lean against the wall, and dipped his head back, his eyes slipping shut.

“I think I know what’s happening,” he said through the bond, trying to find her. He needed to see her face. “But I want to be sure.” He sensed movement through their connection, shifting and an intentional silence.

“They’re going to put you on trial,” she answered, voice kept carefully neutral. Still, he could sense her unease, knew he mirrored it.

“I’ll have to grovel, then,” he said, resigned. He could almost hear her sigh. “It- it was a joke. I’m joking,” he quickly added.

“I know, and you don’t have to grovel. I don’t think they want to see you crawl or beg, they just… They just need to see what _I_ can see, Ben.” She paused. “I just hope they’ll remember the spirit of your mother. I heard her. I know she’d want you to be if not forgiven, then at least not hated by them. Not everyone here were always Rebels. There’s old Stormtroopers, generals and officers, former spies and informers who all have plenty on their conscience. They’ve all changed, just like you. You showed me, you can show them, too,” Rey pressed.

He saw she was by herself, walking in the forest. He wished he could’ve gone with her, tried to envision himself there, by her side, holding her hand.

“Oh!” she gasped in surprise. He could sense her confusion and subsequent disappointment when she realised that he wasn’t really there. “It felt like it did on Achc-To, in the stone hut,” she said, and briefly he saw the moment where their hands had met, just the tips of their fingers, before Luke had burst in.

“I got ahead of myself,” he said, pulling himself out of the vision. “I’ll try to show them,” he promised, looking up through the skylight again.

Rey paced through the forest without much of a plan or a route in mind. She didn’t want Ben to know how worried this made her, but at the same time she couldn’t just shut the door on the Force bond. Then he’d truly be all alone. Plumping down onto a rotting stub, she buried her face in her hands, felt the grains of sand still in her hair roll down her neck and rub against her fingertips as she rubbed at her forehead, trying to figure out how the hell she’d get him out on the other side of the trial as a living man. It hadn’t helped that she’d just almost felt his hand in hers, only to find out it was just the bond playing tricks on her.

She stayed out until dusk, barely noticing her hunger until she came back to the main camp, eyeing the people going about their day for Maz, Poe, Finn. Even just getting a big hug from Chewie would do her some good.

In the unsteady light of the lamps put out along the most travelled paths, she caught a glimpse of yellowish orange skin and the characteristic rounded glass of Maz’ spectacles, and she made her way over to the pirate, halting a few metres away from her as she was in conversation with Zorii. Both were gesturing eagerly, and Rey was glad to see that she’d apparently gotten some of her energy back.

At last, Zorii noticed her. She gave her a curt nod and was then on her way. Maz turned around and faced her, walking the last little bit to close the distance between them. “Girl, you should try to look cheerier. They expect a hero, just returning from a successful mission,” she said, studying her with those piercing eyes of hers.

“Did they think it was my mission to bring him back? That’s not why I went to Tatooine,” Rey protested, “And didn’t everyone think he was dead, too?”

“Of course they did, but can you blame them for cheering? He’s no angel.”

“Everyone says that like I don’t know it, that I don’t know what he’s done!”

“It just looks like you don’t,” Maz replied, “And people want redemption.”

She looked at the humanoid, shoulders dropping.

“Come. You need food and water and sleep and time away from prying eyes,” she said, gesturing for her to follow as she made her way through a winding path that snaked away from the lit areas at the centre of the base, the two of them walking in silence until they reached a small cottage of sorts, the interior lit up cosily from within.

After eating, they sat facing each other, Rey trying not to burst out with her frustrations. Everyone seemed to say the same thing: “He’s a bad guy who did bad things, and I don’t personally like him, but if that’s what you want, it’s your headache to figure out how to untangle that mess.” It was fair enough, but she felt powerless when apparently no one saw the change in Ben that was so apparent to herself.

“What happened to you?” Rey finally asked, pushing her plate aside. “I didn’t think someone could ever get to you.”

Maz looked at her for a little while, then replied, “The Resistance is not as homogeneous as one might think. There are the people like you, Leia - the Force be with her - and Finn. Goody-good heroes everyone can celebrate. There are the people like Han, me, Poe, smugglers and criminals. There’s not such a difference between those two groups, just like we sit and talk together now. We joined because we saw it was the right thing to do. Not every person in the galaxy will ever think like that. Not everyone sees the Light on their own, and not even with help will they follow it - and they can’t follow you, or Poe, or me, for that matter, that’s part of the story behind my wounds. They need someone else.” She raised her brows meaningfully.

“I don’t think-”

“Good thing you’re you, then, and not everyone else. You can’t prevent this, girl, so lean back. Speak out on what you’ve seen, but let them see it for themselves. It won’t come if you try to force it on them,” Maz advised. “Now go. You think of nothing else anyways. And send that Chewie back here if you see him,” she smiled, rising from her chair.

Rey, feeling utterly irresolute, did as she was told and left the cottage, her mind wandering to Ben, to the trial and back again, trying to figure out a possible solution.

The days passed without either of them having much to do. They could only speak through the bond, as visiting wasn’t allowed, and it wasn’t enough for them. Their thoughts concerned each other and not much else, and when they finally slept, it was uneasily and lightly, leaving them tired and Ben increasingly hopeless, Rey frustrated.

Finally, after nearly a week had passed, Poe gave word for all leaders to gather in the amphitheatre. He looked too polished as he stood there in his new uniform, everything about him respectable.

“Resistance! We’re gathered here today to discuss a very important matter - the one of Ben Solo.”

An uneasy murmur swept through the crowd until Poe motioned to silence them.

“Most of you know him as Kylo Ren, a crucial figure in the First Order, but if that was all there was to this, there would have been no need to gather you. Ben is not denying his role in the war, nor the responsibility he had for causing so much hurt. This isn’t-“

The crowd drowned out Poe’s words, and it took a while until he caught their attention once more.

“This isn’t a matter of guilty or not. This is concerning how to properly punish him so that everyone feels vindicated.”

A roar of agreement went up from the rows.

Ben could hear them from where he was standing in the edge of the woods, thankfully shielded from view thus far. He was dressed in a plain light shirt, rolled up to his elbows, with brown trousers and soft leather boots. He’d been allowed a shower, had felt the sand of Tatooine beneath his feet as he’d watched the water go down the drain. Two Rebels flanked him, the manacles back on his wrist. He kept his head down when one of them said, “Come on, walk.” Did as he was told, jaw clenching and gut sinking when he came out onto the centre of the stage, subjected to the condemning stares of hundreds. His eyes desperately scanned the crowd for Rey, and she looked as helpless as he felt when their eyes locked.

She wiped her hands on the fabric of her new trousers, a piece of cloth attached, reaching mid-thigh and gathered at her right hip. It wasn’t a good start. Zorii had just finished her testimony of how Kijimi, her home, had been destroyed. Several rebels mentioned the damage Starkiller Base had caused, the people killed. They advocated for a death sentence. She hadn’t been able to do anything but sit there, anxiously awaiting her turn on the stage while watching Ben stand and take the true accusations to heart. “He doesn’t need more guilt,” she thought to herself, “He knows what he’s done.”

“Rey, come up and give your testimony,” Poe suddenly called, and her knees felt wobbly when she got to her feet, feet heavy as lead as she dragged herself up on stage. Her eyes sweeped the crowd, saw their hopefulness, their pain, their sorrow, their need for retaliation.

“As our General has already stated, this isn’t about whether Ben Solo has done the things he’s been accused of. And I understand that he’s hurt you, all of you, but I also know, in my heart, that he regrets it. That he would never do it again. That he sometimes wishes I hadn’t brought him back.” Her voice broke on the last word, and she took a few seconds to gather herself, clearing her throat. “I died on Exegol. I died after Ben came to my aid, defeated the Knights of Ren together. I thought he died when Emperor Palpatine shoved him aside, threw him in a ravine. I destroyed Palpatine, but that cost me my life. Ben, he…”

Rey felt a squeeze of sorts from his side of the bond, but when she glanced back at him, he was looking out at the crows, his Adam’s apple bobbing every now and then. He looked strained, the muscles in his jaw working, his hands held behind his back.

“I woke up to the sight of him. He’d returned, he’d healed me, had transferred his life to my body. It’s only possible because of the… The bond, that we share. We’re a dyad in the Force, and so we’re connected. You may not trust him, but I can feel him, and you can trust me. He’s changed. He’s followed the light, as have we all. We’ve accepted dubious people into our circle before. I’m not saying that there’s a similar case, but I’m begging you to consider if not forgiveness, then at least a milder punishment than death. He deserves punishment, severe punishment. But not death. Not when he’s changed,” she finished, a wall of silence greeting her.

Poe cast her a sideways glance before announcing, “Finn, come up and give your testimony.”

Finn stepped up as Rey left, letting the silence drag out as he tried to look as many people in the eyes as possible.

“I don’t like the guy. I can’t forget my time with the Order, and it was just on my first mission outside the bases that I realised how horrible it was - and still is. I’m gonna fight against that until the day I die.” He paused, approving murmurs rising from the crowd. “But I sense the Force, too. I can’t say that I have the same sensitivity as those two, Rey and Kylo Ren. But the Force can be used in different ways. For light, for dark. To hurt, to save. I can tell he’s used it to hurt. That’s what fills the most. But the start of it, that’s shining brightly. So it is now. He _has_ changed. As Rey said, he deserves punishment, but not death. Not when I know that he wants to do good,” he finished, the silence after his statement broken by a few murmurs and discussions amongst the gathered.

Poe walked up, giving Finn’s shoulder a pat in passing, clearing his throat before inhaling to speak. Suddenly, his gaze fixed on something specific, and Rey followed it to see what had made him stop. It was Maz, who was making her way down to the bottom of the amphitheatre from her seat in one of the back rows. “General!” She called, “I’d like to make a suggestion.”

Looking perplexed, Poe stood still for a second or two before straightening up. “Your suggestion will be heard.”

Chatter began to bubble up from the seats in the span of time appearing as Maz made her way downwards, clearly not bothering to use the stairs, instead nimbly slipping in and out between the attenders until she finally got to the stage.

“Kylo Ren is a figure we can use. We all know that uniting people across the Galaxy is no easy feat. No one has achieved that as of yet. Not the Republic, not the Rebels, not the Resistance.

What we have here is a chance to attract those who otherwise would not have joined our cause; Those who are afraid of judgement due to their past sins, those still convinced that the Resistance is too soft, too puny.”

Dissatisfied murmurs followed her words, but Rey saw that a few reluctant nods had appeared as well.

“Kylo Ren - Ben _Solo, Skywalker_ \- is something unique. His story, his surnames. Killing him would serve no purpose other than that of fulfilling the urge of vengeance I know you all feel. And I know that it feels good. But we must focus on the galaxy, not ourselves. Deploying Ben for recruitment would further our cause much more than killing him off would. And don’t you think our former General, Leia, would advocate for forgiveness? You saw her. You saw what she died for. She died for her son, because she knew he could be turned. He has turned.”

Maz hopped down and went back to her seat, the murmur of voices growing louder and louder until it positively pressed like a wall of sound against Rey’s ears. She tried to sense what they thought, everyone else, but there was so much, so many, that nothing could clearly be made out. She shifted her focus to Ben, who looked so beaten. She saw how the clothes hung too loosely on his form, and she made a mental note that when - not if - they made it out of this alive, she’d get him back on track.

Poe had to shoot is blaster up into the air to get the crowd to quiet down. They’d had a recess of an hour, where Ben had been removed from the stage, but still, no contact was allowed between them. She couldn’t see him from her seat on the front row, and the thought of doing anything but not moving made her nauseous, so she sat there, and sat there still, when Poe spoke up, Ben being brought back up on stage. He looked too pale.

“This matter will be decided by a vote. If you can’t respect the decision taken here today, leave,” he warned. Rey saw the sweat on his brows, followed his gaze and the few people who got up and left, shaking their heads.

“Alright. You have two options. Leaders, rise.”

Around a tenth of the crowd rose to their feet.

“The sentence for Kylo Ren, Ben Solo Skywalker, can either be death,” he paused, and it was dead silent. Even the animals seemed to sense that now was not the time, “Or deployment to perform recruitment of difficult groups under terms of a service of a total of five years, unless certain circumstances should make the duration change, as well as full and absolute obedience to the Resistance and accept of a death sentence if deviance from those terms should occur.”

He turned to the other man. “Kylo Ren, Ben Solo Skywalker, do you understand and are you willing to accept a deployment under the mentioned terms?” Poe asked.

“I understand, and I agree,” Ben said, his voice surprising him by being so steady. He looked only at Poe, not at Rey who he knew he could see if he just looked behind the General. Poe gave a nod.

“Alright. We’ll begin the vote. Those in favour of a death sentence, raise your hands.”

Ben looked out, counting the hands, recounting them. Twelve. He saw the woman named Zorii, her visor removed, her gaze penetrating. Only slowly did she lower her hand when Poe gestured to do so.

“Those in favour of a recruitment deployment lasting five years under the full command of the Resistance, raise your hands.”

Ben counted, saw another few hands rising, counted, recounted, his hair falling in front of his eyes.

Poe nodded, and the hands lowered again. “Twelve versus fourteen. Recruitment deployment will be Kylo Ren, Ben Solo Skywalker’s punishment.”

Ben felt his legs buckle under him. They gave out, he landed on his knees in the sand, his eyes wide and unseeing as he tried to get the knowledge lodged into his head. The manacles around his wrists chafed and his chest felt like it was going to explode as he panted, totally unaware of the ruckus the decision concerning his life had made.

The amphitheatre was boiling with activity, yells and discussions tore through the air, accusations and promises to finish off what was right flung from left and right.

He felt sick.

“We’ve gotta go!” someone yelled at him, tried to drag him to his feet.

“Finn?” he asked, his own voice sounding incredibly distant. There was a roaring sound in his ears, numbing him, but he got to his feet and staggered with the former Stormtrooper just as a shot from a blaster landed where he’d just been kneeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come get yall angst!
> 
> I hope at least some of you guys cry when reading this cus I sure was close when writing it. 
> 
> Please consider leaving some feedback if you have the time!
> 
> Are there Rebel Rebels who won't respect the decision to spare Ben's life? Probably. Could be. Maybe. It's likely. Perhaps.  
> Also who doesn't love a good emotional speech?


	8. Flight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A harrowing pursuit follows the democratic decision of the Resistance, some feeling too wronged to forgive, taking up arms in an attempt to fulfil their need for revenge.  
> A new mission is in the making.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like only three people in the entire Star Wars franchise know how to cook so here

Rey felt the oppressing atmosphere long before the sentence was announced. Her palms were sweaty, her chest filled with anxious unease and an ominous premonition that this could not go well at all. Her head turned from side to side as she surveyed the moving, shouting crowd, having an odd feeling that she was watching an anthill into which a grubby little kid had just inserted the biggest possible stick they’d been able to find just to watch them scurry and scramble.

There was the briefest moment of complete and utter silence, a collective holding of breath as the full count of those in favour of the deployment was announced. Fourteen. Twelve-fourteen. Twelve versus fourteen. Rey rose from her seat just as she saw Ben fall to his knees and a deafening roar, filled with fury and discontent, rose up from the gathered people, louder than before. She began to run to him, relief overflowing in her heart, but judgement still came.

Sand went up from where Ben had just been standing, and she came to an abrupt halt, shielding her face with her arms, panting as she frantically scanned between the trees for a sign of him, startled to distraction as another blaster-shot hit the tree just to her left, the bark splintering. She cut her hand on a stone as she had to take off to keep from falling. The sharp pain cut through her beginning panic, and as she looked for him, she felt along the bond as well to try and use it to locate him. Sensing his presence to her side, she turned and began running before having spotted him, the trees flying past her in a blur as she finally saw him.

Finn was with him, and he had his blue sabre up and on, trying to deflect the shots. She pulled her own sabre up, ducking her head down as she ducked from another laser, feeling the electricity making her hair crackle. As she caught up to them, she swirled on her heel, parrying off one of the shots. Finn shot her a look before hers and Ben’s eyes met.

Ben regretted having thrown his sabre into the sea on Endor. He had nothing to protect himself with, and could do nothing but run and run, hearing the crashes as more shots hit behind and beside them. He could hear thumping feet, too, running towards them. He couldn’t tell if they were gaining on him.

He hadn’t seen Rey since she’d left the stage to defend him, and it was hard to keep on running when he knew he’d left her behind, what was happening to her unknown to him.

“I did _not_ see this coming,” Finn panted through gritted teeth almost to himself as he fumbled at his side, the familiar blue glow of a lightsabre colouring the shadows as they continued to run.

“Is there a plan?” Ben yelled, sensing a jab of pain on Rey’s side of the bond. He would’ve stopped if Finn hadn’t forced him onwards. With the risk of falling, he didn’t see where he was going and instead turned his head left and right, looking for her, and their eyes met and she was just a few metres away from him, running alongside them, and she smiled. He did, too.

Another blast sounded from behind them. Ben ducked down, falling in the process, rolling over on the forest floor.

Someone cried out in pain, then a thud.

“Rey!” Finn yelled, abandoning Ben to hurry towards her. Disoriented, she looked up at him, trying to get up on her hands and knees, but her shoulder failed her, and she collapsed to her knees with a hiss of pain, dirt smeared on her face and clothes. Ben’s gut sank, and then the anger in him ignited and he felt the familiar rage intermingled with the paramount concern for Rey’s safety begin to devour him.

He watched her scramble to get up, her eyes looking at something far away, teeth bared, and he hurried to her side, taking her arm over her shoulder and her sabre in his free hand, supporting her as they continued to flee.

“Go! Hurry away to the base, find a ship, something, I’ll hold them back!” Finn ordered, turning to face the oncoming pursuers, visibly steeling himself. Ben didn’t hesitate, only gave Finn a curt nod of gratitude, just ran as fast as he could while still supporting Rey who was luckily recovered enough to pick up speed as well.

“Lay down your weapons!” he distantly heard Poe roar, but didn’t look behind him to see if it had any effect. They ran in silence, the only sound coming from them their pants as they forced themselves to continue, as far and as quickly as possible.

At last, they caught sight of the base, the ships and equipment. He squinted, coming to a halt as he searched the Rebel base for a suiting vessel, his heart pounding in his chest. Frantic, he looked behind them and still heard tumult, urging him onwards. He’d only shot these ships down, most looked like fighters and slow cargo carriers.

The light of a motor starting caught his eye, and he saw a small creature, the one who’d suggested the deployment, hopping down from a fast-looking freight. By the look of it, it’d been modified to lose some of the bulk, and when he saw the woman waving them towards her, he didn’t stop to consider that she might be with those who wanted him dead. This was their only shot.

“We just have to get to that ship, Rey, then we’ll be fine,” he promised, saw her nod and clench her teeth together as she gathered herself and began to run without his support, her eyes fixed on their target.

Maz had hopped in again, lowering the ramp, and just as they’d set foot on it, it began to close, the spacecraft beginning to rise unsteadily from the ground. Ben reached for the wall for support and grabbed Rey’s waist so she wouldn’t fall. Spotting some crates, he led her towards them, made her sit down, and could now see that she’d been hit in the shoulder, the cloth around the wound scorched. He kneeled in front of her, still panting, his hair falling into his eyes as he uncertainly tried to do _something_ , his hands flitting over her arm and uninjured shoulder with no real purpose.

“Ben, Ben, I’m fine, I’m fine,” she tried to assure him, reached down for his face and cupped his cheek, tilting his head up so he’d meet her eyes. “I’m going to be fine,” she said, and he gazed up at her, trying his hardest to believe it. Still, he shared her pain and still wanted to help.

“Oh, for Force’s sake, boy, get the medical kit instead of sitting there like an idiot!” Maz’ voice tore through his daze, and he got to his feet, circling the interior of the ship. Rey pointed to the opposite wall and said, “It’s in that compartment,” in a slightly hoarse voice.

He almost ran over to get it, saw her tilt her head back and close her eyes, her injured arm hanging limply down the side. It made a loud clanking noise as he opened the compartment, and he reached inside, fetching the box and hurrying back to her with it.

As he opened it, he realised he’d never used one before and paused, making Rey open one eye to look at him.

“Just let me try something,” he asked and stood up, placing his hand close to the wound. He felt her wince, but tried nonetheless, closing his eyes, his brows furrowing as he channelled the Force as he’d done in the pit on Exegol, willing it to heal, to mend.

He gasped as he felt himself loose his footing, had to smack his hang up against the wall to maintain his balance. They looked at each other, both pale.

“It’s not working,” she breathed, eyes filled with confusion. He sensed her feeling along the bond, did the same to reassure himself it was still intact. It was, but as he’d noticed on Tatooine, it just felt like something was slightly awry, like it wasn’t as strong as before. She swallowed, looked up at him. “Just use the kit, okay? It works, too,” she said, and, noting the lost look on his face, reached down and got the cleaning ointment. “Unscrew that for me,” she instructed and zipped up the front of her shirt enough for her to be able to tug it down over her shoulder, revealing the wound.

Ben held up the bad-smelling cream for her, almost winced with her as she applied it, watched the sweat begin to appear on her brow, making the flyaway hair around her temples stick to her skin.

“Okay, now the re-mender,” she said through gritted teeth, her chest rising and falling in a quick rhythm. Ben looked at her bared collarbone and shoulder, his gaze beginning to travel downwards.

“Ben?”

He started and rummaged too thoroughly through the box until he found another small tub, this time not watching her put it on.

“And the sedative.”

He handed her the third tub and, figuring that maybe a bandage was next, he took out gauze and glanced up at her again, receiving a confirming nod.

“You need to help me put it on,” she said after a few seconds, looking too fixedly on her wound. “I can’t really move my arm, and I can’t reach my back, so just- just hand the roll to me so I can reach it. Just hold on a second.” She shifted so that she was sitting at the edge of the crate, her back facing him. He heard the zipper opening and looked down at his boots instead.

“We need to wrap my arm first,” she said and handed him the gauze.

“Okay,” he said and took it, tentatively beginning to wrap her arm while at the same time keeping as far away from her as possible.

“Now, take it down to my left side, under my arm, you need to kind reach in front,” Rey said, making him pause for a few seconds. She kept her left arm slightly raised. He rolled the gauze over the top of her back, keeping it tight, and then reached under her arm, holding it for her to grab. She did so, and wrapped it over the front of her chest, handing the gauze back to him on her right, and so they continued until he cut the gauze and fastened the end of it securely, then took a seat on the opposite end of the crate and heard the rustle of clothes over the sound of the motor humming. Ben looked at the ceiling and the lights in it, noting the numerous sacks and boxes mixed in with more crates, but mostly it was Rey’s bared back that filled his head, the way he’d been able to feel the warmth of her as their skin had almost touched.

She turned around, smoothing down the fabric of her shirt as she looked at him. There was a sort of pulsing at his end of the bond, reached out for his hand as she felt it herself despite the pain. He raised his head to look at her, searching her eyes, glancing down at her lips and back up again. She leaned a little closer, brushed his hair out of his face, tugged it behind his ear. “You either need to cut it or tie it up, you know,” she said softly.

“Do you want it shorter?” he asked, shifting his seat a little, and she felt a hand rest on her knee. It felt warm.

“No, I like it this way,” Rey murmured, leaning in for a kiss. Their lips met, just shortly, and she pulled back to just let their foreheads rest together, her left hand cupping his face, stroking his cheek with her thumb. “Ben, we made it out alive,” she whispered, opening her eyes to look into his, a smile of relief spreading across her face.

He nodded, giving a sort of breathy chuckle she hadn’t ever heard before. She’d like to hear it again sometime. “We did.” He leaned in, his hand on the back of her neck, guiding her into the kiss, deeper, longer this time. The hand went up her thigh, slowly, and his hair tickled as he pressed himself a little closer, infinitely careful to not brush against her injured shoulder.

“More urgent business than what you’re doing awaits,” Maz’ voice cut in, her hand on her hip and a surprisingly stern look on her face. Like two schoolchildren being caught, they pair of them immediately jumped apart, Ben standing up and Rey just staring wide-eyed at the woman.

“Can’t they track you?” she asked, practicalities having to fill up at least some of the space in her head.

Maz scoffed. “Girl, I have been in this business for over a millennium. I have learned a few tricks along the way, including disrupting tracking equipment. And we need to talk about the boy’s deployment.” She turned her gaze to Ben, and her eyes narrowed. “You know how manipulation works. We need to dismantle the recruiting process of the Order and to keep them from getting another you in their hands. We’re going to the Mid Rim first, to destroy a recruitment camp on Geonosis and help those who are in it see the light. But first, we need food. Rey, sit down and keep resting, boy, you come with me,” she said and went to the side of the interior of the spaceship, taking down a panel attached to the wall and propping it up on a metal leg for a makeshift table.

“Chop the bandifert and mix it with the pondo, it’ll make for good tarts,” Maz instructed, setting a cutting board and a knife down on the table along with the bandifert and pondo. “I’ll check our course,” she said as she turned on an oven an found moulds for the tarts.

Ben looked cluelessly down at the ingredients in front of him for quite a while after Maz had left to enter the cockpit once again. Then, he searchingly took the knife and the bandifert, turning it over in his hands while looking more and more puzzled.

“What do I do?” he asked through the bond,

She couldn’t help but snort out a laugh, answering, “Oh I really don’t know,” aloud, trying to contain herself. He shot her a dirty look, one that almost said, “Seriously?”

“I don’t know how to do that either,” Rey said, getting to her feet and walking up to him, eyeing the mysterious fruit. “Maybe try splitting the shell?” she suggested.

He looked doubtfully at her, then down at the fruit and back up again. Experimentally, he thwapped it with the knife, but nothing really happened.

“It doesn’t work,” he said.

“What, haven’t you used any other utensil other than a lightsabre?”

“Not making food I haven’t. Have you?”

“Well. I hope Maz won’t mind waiting a little bit,” Rey replied, avoiding the question.

After having dinner - yes, somehow Ben had actually gotten the flesh out of the bandifert and mixed something together that tasted alright - the three of them settled by the table, Maz folding her hands in front of her. “I have just talked to Poe. Everyone is alright, no deaths,” she began, “a few injuries to the most violent and stubborn ones. All in all; a success. You needed to get out of there, boy. People need to not see your face for a while. It is easier to forgive the unseen. And, when they hear our results, things will only improve. Now, boy, set out bedrolls for the both of you. I’ll commandeer the ship until our next stop. Sleep through, you two. Nothing else,” she said in a tone that didn’t encourage questions nor protests. With that, she rose from her seat, leaving the two of them alone.

Rey slowly got up, the exhaustion, physical and mental both, now hitting. Ben looked tired, too, she noted, and she found the bedrolls for him, scrunching up her nose at how dusty they were. They smelled motheaten, too. “You don’t often let people sleep in here, do you?” she called.

“Oh, no, it’s been a while. I work alone, as you know,” Maz replied.

Rey sighed, shaking her head. “Ben, can you roll them out?” she asked, still getting used to calling him by that name.

He nodded, setting up their place to sleep with less cluelessness as compared to when he was cooking. A small lantern with a soft, glowing blue light he placed between the two thin mattresses, then, after glancing up at her and feeling a little along the bond, moved the lantern and instead placed the two makeshift beds right next to each other. He saw that she smiled a little.

“This is better than on Tatooine,” he noted, pulling off his boots before helping Rey’s with hers.

“Yea,” she replied, “It’s nice not to have sand everywhere again. And at least this is… Kind of soft,” she said as she laid down, pulling the blanket over herself with a quiet sigh.

Mirroring her, he laid down on his back as well, looking up at the ceiling but very much unable to sleep. He just listened to the well-known sound of a motor working, hoping it would lull him to sleep, but it didn’t come. He turned his face to the side, saw that Rey was awake, too, and took her hand.

She intertwined her fingers with his, and a small smile appeared on his face. The bond felt steadier, more stable now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If Maz hadn't been on that ship we all knew what would've happened right fellas?


	9. Blame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past isn't just the past, neither for Rey nor for Ben.

Somehow, both of them managed to fall asleep after a little while of just lying there, hand in hand, until the exhaustion from the events of the day eventually settled enough for tiredness to make their eyelids heavy and drooping.

Ben had felt her falling asleep first, a calmness settling over the bond which he hadn’t really felt with her before. Shifting, he rolled over onto his side and reached up, ever so carefully stroking down her face, letting his thumb stroke her cheek, searching her face. It looked serene, peaceful. Her eyelashes fluttered, maybe in a dream, and he withdrew his hand, instead moving closer, close enough to drape his arm over her waist, tugging her a bit closer. Something fluttered in his chest when she snuggled a little closer, resting her head against his chest.

“They know what you are, they’ll only try to restrain you if you go back to them. They see a weak boy, but I, I see _you_ , Kylo Ren,” Snoke’s croaky voice rang in the chamber on Starkiller Base. “Han Solo never cared for you as I did. Did he listen, when you felt it growing in you? Did Luke?” A chuckle echoed, bouncing off the walls, chilling him to the bones. He still kneeled, the mask keeping his expression hidden, but he knew that Snoke still knew exactly what he felt, was in his head. Something pressed in on his chest, squeezing the air out of his lungs, when he didn’t answer, and he said, “No.”

He peered up at the holographic figure, ever shrouded in darkness, and again his booming voice pierced through his defences. “None of them _understood_. But I do. I do, and I know what you can do to this world if you let yourself be submerged. You’ll rise again, stronger. You’ve felt it, haven’t you? The power given to you if you let your soul turn fully. You are a Sith, but you’re holding on. It’s time to let go. Forget them, they’ve done you no good. And that girl,” Snoke spat the last word, his fingers grasping the throne in a claw-like grip as his already marred features twisted into an expression of so raw hate that he felt himself want to cower. “That _Rey_. Thinking she’s a match for us, for you, just because she knows how to wield a lightsabre. _Pathetic_. Train again. You mustn’t let her disturb you, not when she is no more than a speck of dust. Train again.”

Ben knew what it meant, knew what he had to do. He bowed his head before rising from his kneel, turning to walk down the bridge that felt all too long, Hux sending him a smug smile as they passed each other. He considered killing the man, using the Force to drag him back so he could stab him with his sabre. It was a more pleasant thought than what he had to do next.

Once in his own chambers, he removed his mask, shaking his hair out and setting aside on the stand. Ben pulled off his gloves, seated himself on the bed with his unlit sabre on his lap, eyes closing as he began to meditate. It was nearly always the same thing. He was in an all-black room, all the people in his past, Leia, Luke, Lando, Han, and Rey was there too, all of them on a line, all of them facing him as he began to cut them down. They didn’t scream, or beg, or cry. They only looked at him, the only sound in the room that of sizzling flesh and the heavy, empty thuds as their bodies hit the ground, their dead eyes staring up at him until he, panting, closed his eyes, and the scene repeated itself again and again, his strokes growing more and more vehement, sweat trickling down his temple, again he cut them down, again he saw their life leave them, again they abandoned him as they’d done when he’d tried to ask for help.

Ben woke up crying. The tears startled him, and he shot upright, wiping at his eyes, trying to keep quiet and still, not wanting Rey to wake up, to see him like this. A nightmare, that was all it was. A nightmare, nothing more. A nightmare of things in the past. He got to his feet, about to leave when he heard her ask, “Ben?” in a voice drenched in concern. In the faint light from the lantern, he blurrily saw that her brows had furrowed.

“Stay away,” he ordered hoarsely, suddenly sounding so much like his past self, but her face didn’t close itself like it had on Tatooine.

“No,” she said as she got to her feet, beginning to walk towards him, holding out her hand.

He squeezed his eyes shut, but he could only see her dead body, his work, lying at his feet, and it roared in his ears.

“Be with me,” Rey said, took a few more steps closer, _saw_ him.

His breathing was still too fast, like he couldn’t breathe, it coming out in heaving pants.

“You’re not there,” she said, pleaded. She closed her eyes, and when he did the same, she was next to her own body, alive, her shoulder injured, and she reached out and took his hand, took the lightsabre out of it, let it fall to the floor with a clatter. “Be with me,” she repeated, and finally he raised his gaze from her dead duplicate, saw her, and he was back inside Maz’ spacecraft with Rey cupping his cheek, looking up at him, a tear spilling over and running down her face.

He grabbed her, clutched her tightly against him, burying his face against her hair and trying to assure himself that she was really there, that he himself was really here, and that it all wouldn’t come true after all.

Her shoulder ached as he pulled her into a desperate hug, but she barely noticed it as she felt him shudder against her, hearing his heavy breaths in her ear. She raised her arms up, hugging him back, trying her hardest to soothe the terrified man in her arms through the bond, concentrating on gathering all the Force she could to try and shield him from whatever was hurting him, but it was still in his head, and only slowly did she sense him beginning to calm down. As he finally pulled back, he didn’t look at her, just untangled himself and wiped his face in the sleeve before settling back down on the bedroll, his back to her. Pressing her lips together, she laid down next to him, saw the tension in his back and shoulders and knew he wasn’t resting. Warily, she felt along the bond but sensed his closed-offness, and instead just shuffled up closer to him, laid behind him, draping an arm over his waist, nestling close to him.

He momentarily seized up, but at last, he relaxed just a little, and his breathing turned a little more normal. There was still a trembling on his side of the bond, but not nearly so much as before, more in the background.

“I didn’t want you to see that,” he said flatly.

Her heart broke for him. “Do you know what happened?” she asked, trying not to remember what she’d seen in his head, but at the same time knew that she had to if she wanted to understand.

“Yes,” he replied curtly, and she kept quiet, biting back her questions. At least for a few seconds she did. “Then tell me.”

“I think you saw already,” he said, again stiffening under her touch.

“I didn’t see all of it. And only you know what’s going on,” she pressed, removing her arm and sitting up cross-legged next to him, prepared to sit there all night if she had to. She had to know how to help him if it happened again.

“Snoke had his methods. Or I guess Palpatine had,” Ben said, and she had a feeling he mentioned that name on purpose.

“I figured as much.”

“What more do you want to know?” he demanded in a cold voice, the opening that had appeared on his side of the bond narrowing.

“I don’t know,” she said, crossing her arms.

The silence between them stretched out, tensely, but neither refused to budge.

“What are you, afraid?” She asked, feeling indignant.

She could almost hear him grind his teeth.

“Afraid of what, exactly? You killed Luke, and Han. They can’t help you. No one can use them against you. Not Leia, either.” She felt his anger bloom, as did her own, felt it roar to life, and didn’t fear him. “Ben, Snoke is gone. So is Emperor Palpatine. The First Order isn’t gone yet, but no one has a hold on you now, not like the one they had, and they won’t ever have it again,” she tried, “And I’m not going to let myself get killed. You know that. You didn’t let that happen, either. Remember?”

“You don’t know what it’s like,” he said, voice sounding like he was restraining himself from having an outburst.

“No, I don’t. I don’t know, so you have to tell me,” she said stubbornly.

“You have the darkness in you, too. You just had help.”

“Did you somehow forget that little detail where I grew up on Jakku, hoping, begging that my parents would come for me?” she asked rhetorically.

“My mother helped you, and my father. Everyone just helped you, even Luke, who didn’t even try to see the light there was in me. He was afraid, and so are you!” He suddenly sat up, staring wild-eyed at her. “Everyone helped _you_ , who’s not even _family_ , over their own son!” He yelled at her.

Rey took in a few deep breaths. “They tried to help you. I know that you struggled, that Snoke and the Emperor and everyone else told you what you’re saying to me right now, that they manipulated you. I know as much, but not the full extent. I don’t know how it works. But don’t try to get me to regret accepting their help. I needed it. Otherwise I wouldn’t have gotten this far.”

“I just can’t understand how you can forgive so easily,” he said, shaking his head.

“You can learn how to do it, too, if you want to,” she said.

“I don’t know if I want that.”

“You’re kind of a hypocrite if you don’t. If you want all those people in the Resistance to forgive you.”

“I don’t want that. I don’t deserve it,” he said, and she understood, her chest tightening.

“You need to forgive yourself, too. Didn’t you notice that both Finn and Poe spoke your case? And I spoke to Leia, she always thought of you as her son. Her son, who’d made some wrong choices, but who returned to the light. And I’m sure Han did the same. They saw the light in you and knew that you could change, but they couldn’t reach you until it was too late.”

Ben recalled how he’d heard all of them; Luke, Leia and Han, when he’d been on his way to the other side. He hadn’t seen any hate on their faces, only love. But hadn’t he just seen what he’d wanted to? Wasn’t the afterlife supposed to be pleasant, even for someone like him? He shook his head again, his hair falling in front of his face, shielding him from her eyes. Remorse for his outburst washed over him, forcing him to turn to her again. “I’m sorry,” he said, trying to make his sincerity understood through the bond, and when he reached out for her hand, she gave his a squeeze.

“Come on, let’s sleep. You didn’t get much before waking up, I think,” Rey said and stretched back out on the bedroll, patting the spot beside her. Grateful, he laid down next to her, pulling her tight to his chest, whispering another, "Sorry," before falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We all know that Ben has some IssuesTM and needs to work them out he's just not very good at it
> 
> Also please consider leaving some feedback if you enjoyed this chapter/story and if you have the time! It really helps with keeping up my motivation!


	10. Digression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maz has shady business on a planet on route towards Geonosis, quite unfortunately leaving the dyad alone in an isolated place in a dark spaceship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *NSFW*  
> 

Rey slowly raised her head, squinting sleepily against the lantern light, brows furrowing as she felt some sort of lump under and next to her. Propping herself up on her uninjured arm, she felt around, fabric beneath her fingertips, her eyes nearly closed against the - to her - too bright light until she felt something warm beneath that fabric, and as her hand travelled a little further down, she felt skin. Sitting up with a start, her face flushed, and she scooted away from him a little, mostly due to her own embarrassment.

The lump she’d been lying on had been his arm, and his other one he was using instead of the dusty-smelling pillow, looking at her with a glimmer in his eyes she couldn’t quite place. She cocked her head to the side, a moment coming to mind. It was that same look as when she’d been in that interrogation chair, and when they’d been on the elevator together, though this time it wasn’t veiled behind something else.

“What?” he asked, sitting up.

Rey thought he looked surprisingly handsome right now on so little sleep.

“Nothing.”

“Hm,” he hummed before sitting up, dutifully beginning to roll up their makeshift bed.

She kept looking at him, gut clenching a little as she recalled their fight. She hadn’t meant to resort to such dirty tactics, but so had he, and it wasn’t like any of them were perfect, right? Keeping on watching him, he finally looked up at her, and they exchanged a look and a nod that said more than what all the apologies and explanations they could think of would. “We both need to heal,” she thought to herself, saw him pause in his movements for a brief moment before continuing, headed her way.

“How’s your shoulder?” Ben asked, looking at the spot where the bandage poked out from her sleeve and neckline.

Absentmindedly, she felt along it, giving a small wince. “I think it’s fine, but it hurts a little. Blasters tend to do that,” she said, smiling at him. It had been a little fun to get him to help bandage her up, even if it had actually been necessary.

Maz appeared, eyeing them with an arched brow. “You two need to keep your voices down when other people are sleeping,” she noted drily, but gave an approving nod at the sight of the neatly rolled up bedrolls. “Good, boy.”

After breakfast, the craft thrummed and creaked as it went offline from the hyperdrive. Maz hopped out of the cockpit once again, wearing her usual vest and a discreet smile you wouldn’t notice if you didn’t know her.

“Short stop at a little planet, I’ve promised business here. You two stay in here, your faces are practically plastered all over the galaxy already and we don’t need more of it,” Maz announced. “Stay out of sight, understand?”

Ben nodded, feeling Rey shoot her a glance. Personally, he already felt restless, not used to being a fugitive confined to the, frankly, quite small space of the interior of a small smuggling freighter. He rolled his shoulders, as he rose from his seat, trying not to look too hard at Rey. Still, there was a sort of strained, awkward silence between them. He knew she’d noticed, like she had on Tatooine, and he didn’t particularly enjoy having his feelings to openly exposed to another person. It helped that it was Rey, though.

Maz left the ship, carrying a few crates and sacks with her outside, but as they had to stay out of sight, they didn’t get to see much. Besides, all there was outside the windows of the cockpit was near-complete darkness, and he suspected they were in a natural cave of some sort.

A small smile made his lips curve upwards as he watched her studying the panels, disappear into the cockpit. He followed behind, leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed as she looked over the dials and buttons with a critical eye, but he could quite clearly feel that her attention wasn’t fully caught.

Wanting an excuse to touch her, he asked, “Didn’t you say something about my hair being too long? And didn’t you also say you didn’t want me to cut it and instead told me to tie it up?”

Rey turned in the pilot’s chair, brows raised in slight surprise. He saw her face flush and couldn’t help but enjoy it a little.

“I did,” she said, clearing her throat.

“Want to do it for me?”

She rolled her eyes, but got up from the seat, hurriedly brushing past him. “Come on, sit down on the floor by that crate,” she instructed, pointing to the spot where she wanted him, and he obediently sat down, eyes following her as she searched through the compartments of the ship for something to tie his hair with.

“I think you know how to tie your own ponytail,” she said, tone sceptic as she took a seat behind him, his back against her knees.

“Maybe I do, but is that all you’re able to do?” he goaded her, glancing up at her over his shoulder. He caught a glimpse of her slightly puffing out her cheeks like she always did when concentrated or frustrated, and allowed himself to close his eyes as he felt her begin to run her fingers through his wavy hair.

“This would be easier with a brush,” she mumbled to herself, fingertips brushing over his ear as she began to gather some of the hair near his temple. It tugged a little on his scalp as she began braiding the hairs, and it didn’t take very long before there was a tight little French braid above his ear, loosened into a normal, hanging one as it got past his ear.

“I thought of Anakin,” she admitted, removing her hands. “I don’t know how to do a whole lot with hair, and I thought you’d look odd with my three buns,” she said. “And I think it looks better on you, the braid, when all your hair’s long.” She ran her fingers through his hair again.

“I think I know more than you,” he said, and, after a pause, added, “Leia used to braid my hair. Before I became Luke’s Padawan.”

“Oh,” she said lamely, and he sensed her fear that she’d accidentally stepped in something messy.

“It’s a nice memory,” he assured her, turning his head to look up at her, their eyes meeting.

“Good, then. You’ll have to do my hair sometime to show me what you’ve got,” she laughed and leaned back a little, arms propped behind her for support.

Ben turned around, still kneeling beneath her. He’d thought about it in the morning, before she’d woken up.

“Rey,” he said, scanning her face as he saw her draw in a sharp breath. He’d felt that same urge, that hunger, had felt it since almost the first time he’d seen her. Maybe he just hadn’t recognised it at first, and it was not like anything of the sort was encouraged in the Order, mainly it was just not spoken of at all, but he knew what it was, what he wanted. He sensed she knew, too. Their heat met halfway across the bond, and her lips parted, oh, so invitingly, that he couldn’t resist. Rising up, he grabbed her face with both hands and kissed her, pressing his lips against hers so needily as he hadn’t felt before, the heat coursing through their bond warming, pulsing.

She met him in the kiss, eagerly, leaning up to get as much of him as possible. She began to feel a throbbing between her legs as the kiss deepened, their tongues playing with each other before they had to pull away, both gasping for air. She looked up at him, and pulled him back down with a hand on the back of his neck, her other one sliding in under his shirt and up his warm back, clutching at him for more. She tilted her head to the side as his lips left hers to instead kiss at her jaw and down her neck, eyes slipping shut as she moved towards the edge of the crate to be able to press herself up against him. She could feel him against her stomach, and her breath almost caught in her throat.

“Ow!” she hissed as a sharp pain shot out from her shoulder, and she immediately felt him stiffen and begin to pull away, reluctant but cautious. “No, no no no, Ben, just, hold on,” she breathed and unsteadily got to her feet, moving him around so that he was now the one sitting, giving her the opportunity to straddle his lap - and he seized the opportunity to slide his hands up her thighs, halting for a moment before sliding up over her ass, squeezing it as she leaned down to kiss him again, making a soft moan that surprised herself slip past her lips.

Rey again slid her hands under her shirt, ordered a, “Lift them,” and then tugged it off of him after he’d taken her hands off of her, leaving her with barely enough time to pull it over his head and discard it on the floor before he went back to roaming over her skin, seemingly wanting to explore every inch of her.

He pulled down the zipper of her shirt, letting it stand open for a minute, having pulled away to just drink her in, his eyes alight and glimmering. He looked up at her as if asking for permission. “Just be careful with my shoulder,” was all she really had to say, and he was so gentle as he slid the fabric over her right shoulder that it was almost ridiculous. “I’m not that fragile,” she almost teased, and he just nodded.

“I know,” he said, sliding her shirt off, and her skin prickled as it was exposed to the cold. Not that she felt it anyways. He slid his hands up her sides, grazing the underside of her breasts with his thumbs, and then leaned in for another kiss, softer, though no less passionate this time. She shifted impatiently, rubbing herself against him and trying not to feel too flustered about it, her eyes only on him as she opened her trousers and guided his hand downwards, right to where it belonged. At first, he was a little clumsy, but it didn’t matter much that he didn’t entirely know what he was doing; neither did she.

“Just, circle your fingers,” she breathed against his neck, trying to keep her hips still as Ben finally got hold of the right spot, beginning to roll her clit in a slow rhythm, sending rays of tingling heat shooting up through her body, making it a little hard to focus on the task - quite literally - at hand. She unbuckled his belt and popped the button, zipped down, and reached down, her free hand on his chest. Another moan rolled over her tongue as he slid his fingers down through her wetness and began circling again, feeling herself close already.

She grasped his cock, experimentally giving it a few strokes, a deep satisfaction making her chuckle breathily when she heard him moan, his head tilting back slightly. She kept moving her hand, leaned down to kiss and lick at his jawline and exposed, thin skin of his throat, felt his Adam’s apple bob up and down. He ground his hips up into her hand with a quiet groan, using his free hand on the small of her back to push her closer up against him, momentarily removing it to tilt her chin up. Their tongues worked in sync to their grinding hips, clutching at each other for more, _more_ , and finally, she had to pull away, pulling his head to her chest as her climax hit her, making her legs twitch, biting her bottom lip as she tilted her head back, panting, and Ben kept touching her until it died down. Realising that he hadn’t gotten there yet, she picked up where she left off, stroking his shaft until he spilled into her hand with a final moan.

Both panting, they sat like that for a while, partially dressed and sweaty and blissful until it was time to go get cleaned up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As Kate so wisely mentioned to me, physical therapy is also of extreme importance when working through something ... Right?


	11. Search

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben must return to his training to help the Resistance, and a dispute arises regarding the right sequence of things when neither party agrees on what the gravest consequence will be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It ain't easy not fighting when both of you have a temper that runs hot and 1,5 of the two people have communication problems

Her damp hair was pulled back into two French braids that stopped about halfway down her head when Maz returned, looking quite satisfied with herself. She surveyed the two of them, sitting pointedly at near-opposite ends of the spaceship and noted, “Good that you had your bandage changed, girl,” before heading inside, the ramp lifting her up as it closed.  
“Did it go well?” Rey asked, rising from her seat on the crate without really going anywhere after that.  
“It did. And I kept my ears open for more talk of the little decision Poe made regarding you,” she replied, gesturing vaguely towards Ben. “We all saw those who left before the vote, and those who decided not to respect that decision after it was taken. A lot of people aren’t happy about you still being alive, but there’s also a whole lot who’re starting to come to their senses. I’ll admit that they don’t like you, but you’re something,” the alien said, looking at him.  
Ben had figured that this was probably the case, had feared it would be worse.  
“There’s a breakout from the Order, too. Not Rebels, our Rebels at least. No one seems to know a whole lot about them, other than they don’t take orders from some high leader. And they seem to want to recruit people not by force, like the Stormtroopers and colonised planets. They’re only recruiting those who burn for their cause.” Maz shook her head with a sigh. “They sound too much like a new Sith order of sorts.”  
Ben and Rey exchanged a look. “Do you know them?” Rey asked, looking at him, but he shook her head.  
“There were only the Knights of Ren. Maybe they had disciples of some sort, but I never heard of it if they did,” he said after a little while, searching his mind for any recollection of a mention of some splinter group who’d disagreed with the Order line. “They wouldn’t have come to me if they didn’t want to parry orders,” he added.  
Maz nodded thoughtfully, stroking over her chin. “That’s something we’ll have to deal with eventually. Let’s first wait and see if it doesn’t fall apart on its own. The First Order already is, without a leader,” she said, and Ben looked up at her, giving a slight nod, a bad taste in his mouth.  
“How can we find out more about them?” Rey asked, “Don’t we have spies in the Order?”  
“Not anymore. All are dead or have returned to the Resistance as far as we know. And we haven’t been able to get any intel on something so deep in their organisation when we don’t even know where they are, let alone if they exist at all. The little we know is that they’re new and few in numbers, as well as what I just said,” Maz answered, and he saw Rey press her lips together.  
“For obvious reasons, I couldn’t ask around too much. Otherwise I might as well have sent one of you out there,” she said and headed back to the cockpit. “Girl, come with me. We need to set a course for Geonosis.”  
Rey nodded and got up, letting her hand brush over his shoulder as she walked past him.  
Once the two of them had gone inside and he heard their voices discussing courses and the best speed for where they were going without following any of the major trade routes. It sounded like Maz knew a little bit more about that than Rey to him, and while he just wanted to continue listening, feeling a sense of normality at it, he instead seated himself in the middle of the ship, closing his eyes as he tuned in on the force. Brightly, he saw their bond in front of him, saw her sitting in the co-pilot’s seat and walked along the bond, letting a hand stroke down her back, over her cheek, and she saw her smile as he walked past her out into the emptiness, only stars around him now.  
He breathed in, letting the feel of their bond fade away behind him until there was complete silence, nothing around him. He let his thoughts still, breathed out, knew that Rey was safe, and then pushed her out of his head, too, brows furrowing as began to feel for the familiar darkness he’d been fuelled by for so long. Jaw clenching, he sorted through them without looking at the images, without remembering how it had felt. They spread out like threads around him, and he explored them all. One led to Exegol, one to Jakku, another to where the Starkiller Base had been, and too many more were scattered for him to clearly remember all of them. He bent down and picked an unfamiliar thread up, feeling it between his fingers. He followed it with his eyes, felt it tug in his stomach all to familiarly, and he shook his head, walking along the thread, sensed it, and suddenly the stars around him had disappeared and he stumbled in the darkness, echoing voices flying around his head, the ominous cheer from the Sith followers on Exegol, their rhythmic chant, the Knights of Ren following him behind him, jealousy, further out in the rims. Baring his teeth, he shoved it down, eyes wide against the blinding darkness, the blackness choking and he was too far away now, but he sensed them, the group, their connection with the Force wild and raw, unpolished, unrefined.  
With a gasp, he came back, the stars reappearing around him and he could breathe freely. Again he saw Rey, now turning in her chair with a concerned look on her face, but he shook his head, closing his eyes again and opening them, now back inside the spaceship. He felt the vessel rumble beneath him, an occasional creak coming from the old thing, and he got up, running a hand through his hair, recalling how Rey’s fingers had felt in it, how they’d just sat in a happy silence as he’d braided her hair, happily content and pleasantly tired.  
Ben stopped there, headed for the cockpit just as they went into hyperspeed. “I think I know where they are, this group.” The two women looked up at him, Maz pulling her glasses up to her forehead with a slow movement. “Moraband.”  
“There’s nothing there anymore, the Sith left that planet ages ago,” Maz said.  
Ben shrugged. “I don’t know, I couldn’t see more than where they were,” he explained, knowing he’d gone to that same place to find what he’d been searching for ever since he’d felt so abandoned and lost and had only Snoke to guide him.

Rey sat with her hand on the dashboard, it whirring gently beneath her, eyeing Ben. She could feel his uneasiness and walked up to him, chest clenching slightly. She barely knew what even was on Moraband, had only heard legends and tales and didn’t know how much of it was true as she hadn’t bothered to ask any questions back on Jakku, but she knew it wasn’t good if an order resembling the Sith had settled there. It would’ve been as bad as if they’d come to Exegol with its haunted story.  
“We can’t do anything more until we either go there or get more intelligence, right? So we should clear our mission on Geonosis first,” she said, and looked from Maz to Ben and back again as both of them stayed silent. “Ben, you got your sentence. Full obedience, remember?” she urged. It would be justified if he deviated from the orders given to him by Poe, and even though she knew it was more important to take care of the splinter group than prevent some Stormtroopers or whoever they were from getting recruited by the First Order, she couldn’t let him take that risk. She couldn’t lose him.  
Neither of them said anything, the resolute expression she knew so well already on his face, and she knew that Maz wasn’t a stickler for the rules, either. She herself didn’t want to  
“We’re going to Geonosis first, like we’ve been ordered to do,” she said, pointing at both at them to emphasise her point.  
Ben held his hands up defensively and Maz shrugged, turning back around as the space swirled brightly around them.  
“I didn’t change our course,” she said from her seat, putting on her headset as she settled down once again.  
Rey slipped past him and sat down heavily on the crate, tucking her hair behind her ear. He came and joined her. She turned her face to look at him. “You can’t just do whatever you want,” she said, her brows creasing.  
“We’re going to go to Geonosis,” he said, tilting his head to the side as he looked at her.  
“Yea, right, we are.” she said, letting out a frustrated sigh. 

He tentatively felt along the bond, saw her upset and withdrew himself again, uncertain of what to do. She had to understand, right? That there was too much on Moraband that they could use to hurt, to draw power from. There was too much darkness there, had been too much for him, and he knew the legendary Master Yoda had had to fight, too, to overcome it. Those actively seeking it? They’d gain too much.  
Ben didn’t really know what to do, didn’t fathom why she couldn’t see the importance of this. And hadn’t she been the one to want to follow the light in the first place? Irritation flared and he shifted uneasily, eventually rising to his feet to pace the too-small space before circling back to her. She sat up a little straighter now, and he sensed she’d made some sort of decision.  
“We’ll go to Geonosis for long enough to survey the situation, and then we have enough of an excuse to go after that break-out group,” she said, her voice rimmed with a frustrated annoyance that made him pause.  
Their eyes locked, neither of them wanting to be the first to look away, and eventually, his expression softened somewhat, and he sat down next to her again, taking her hand in his.  
“It sounds like a plan,” he said, turning her hand over, sensed her and his own vexation still dancing mockingly along the bond. Rey sent him a long look, her lips pressed together, and he let go of her hand, raising his brows at her suggestively. “What?”  
“It’s just ridiculous,” she said, and as he leaned in for her, grasping her face, their foreheads resting together, silent tears went down her scrunched up face that still looked so awfully beautiful despite it all. He felt her vulnerability and immediately regretting not being able to tame his own feelings any sooner, but instead of apologising, he just sat there, tugged her closer to him and felt her arms wrap around him, and Ben stroked up and down her back, his chin against her shoulder, her face buried against his neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moraband is a planet in the Outer Rim, previously a place of SIth worship.
> 
> Please consider leaving some feedback if you enjoyed this chapter/story and if you have the time!! It really boosts my motivation to keep writing!!
> 
> Also no there's no such thing as too much angst I won't hear it we all need more cradling in each other's arms


	12. Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben, Rey and Maz follow through with their mission on Geonosis.  
> The First Order has heavily influenced those at the base, and convincing them to fight for the Resistance instead of alarming the Order turns out to be more difficult than expected - and so is coping with the result of the mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: blood, death.
> 
> Action and angst heavy chapter. Happy fucking New Year.

It seemed that nearly everything Maz carried in her starship of clothing not her size did indeed smell moth-eaten and so dusty that Ben coughed as he shook out the two long, coarsely woven sandy coloured robes. Eyes watering a little, he shook them out, a flash of Jedis past wearing something similar looking. Again he felt by his side for the sabre he’d thrown away into the roaring ocean, his father’s too-proud smile appearing in his head, and he lowered the robes, silently handing one of them to Rey who scrunched up her face and sending Maz a dirty look.

“Is smell diversion part of the plan?” she asked, and the woman laughed in response as she said, “Girl, I do not have the use for such tall clothes, and those are not easy to sell,” while gesturing to the pair of them, Ben still holding out his robe in front of him. Quickly, he shook himself out of it and ran a hand through his hair before shrugging on the robe, experimentally pulling the hood up over his head and turning to her, arms held out in a questioning motion.

She smiled at him, and his heart beat a little faster and her look got warningly stern, but still there was that glimmer of playfulness he’d just begun to see around her. “Well, you’re still exceedingly tall and not very tan, so maybe we’ll just have to say you’re new in the business if anyone asks any questions. Your face is hidden, though, and if you have the bandana up over your face, I don’t think anyone’s going to notice too much? Besides, you have to tell them that you’ve returned to see how recruitment is going,” she said, stepping up to him, looking at him under the hood as she pulled her own up. “How do I look?”

Ben gave a frown. “Better disguised than me, it seems.” It was true that he could only see her lips underneath the hood, and she looked like she belonged in the desert-wear. He wondered where she would’ve lived if her parents hadn’t had to leave her.

“We’re only going to need it if someone actually sees us, which we’re not trying to do,” she said, pulling down her hood again and feeling by her side for her sabre. She shot him a doubtful look. “You don’t have a sabre.”

“I’m aware. I know how to use a blaster, and the Force in more ways than one,” he said and picked up the one Maz had dug out for him. This one wasn’t dusty and looked distinctly Order. He felt a pang of admiration for the seasoned pirate and clicked it into his belt, rolling his shoulders, taking the hood down. “Maz, what exactly is it the Resistance wanted out of this mission?” he asked, and she went in to retrieve a neat hologram projector, Poe’s figure appearing in her hand as she clicked it.

“Well, alright then,” Poe said and cleared his throat, having unbuttoned his uniform jacket he’d worn on his judgement day, clearly uncomfortable in the stiff attire. “Maz, you’re a madwoman, but if this plan works, you’re a genius one as well. If Kylo Ren gets that deployment, we first need to dismantle as many conversion camps as possible. The most remote and one of the biggest is on Geonosis, but it’s too heavily guarded for us to just get in there and blow it up like I’d prefer, so we need to infiltrate it.

We haven’t picked up a signal from the First Order announcing his death or anything, so he can still play that card and get in there, get the commanding officers in charge into some room where they can’t call for help and then he and Rey can save the children, as many as possible. Maz, you already know that you’re going to dismantle their arms, we’ll come with freighters to bring them back to Ajan Kloss.

Finn doesn’t need to tell me any more of what goes on in there for me to want every single one of those camps gone, so get it done quick, Maz, or find someone else to do the job.”

Ben could see the determination, the spirit burning in his eyes even on the hologram, and for all it was worth, didn’t doubt that Poe would be able to keep the Resistance from falling apart from the inside. Nodding as the hologram went out with a soft click, he turned to Rey.

“Ready?” he asked both of them and maybe also himself. Both of the women nodded, prompting Maz to enter the cockpit and calling out from inside it, “Hold on to something, it’s going to land rough if we want to keep under their radars.”

Almost as soon as she’d said it, the ship tumbled violently from side to side, and Ben grabbed at the ceiling, watching Rey as she nearly bumped into the wall before getting a secure hold to anchor her. They gave each other a long look, and he felt himself want to smile, allowed himself to, and reached out for her hand, and she took it, giving his a squeeze and sent him that wry smile he’d come to love so much.

Rey saw his face change into that carefully crafted mask of indifferent coolness he’d shown her when they’d first met on board Starkiller Base, the one she’d seen gradually crack and crumble as they continued to see each other through the connection her grandfather had established between them. He almost looked like an entirely different person, and again she found herself wondering how he’d managed to overcome that merciless persona of Kylo Ren. She only knew he had done it when he had come to Exegol to join her in overthrowing Palpatine, had had enough light in him to cut through her own dark when the Emperor had convinced her to give up her light, her goodness, and she recalled the images she’d seen of herself, swallowing around the clenching feeling in her throat as the starship continued to jostle them around, a tad too much creaking going on for her to really feel safe.

She rolled her right wrist and flexed her elbow, trying to estimate how much movement her injured shoulder would allow her, and could only hope it’d be enough for what was to come.

With a loud bump, they landed, and Rey pressed the button, the ramp going down with a mechanical whirr. She touched the small messenger tab strapped to the inside of her wrist, securely hidden in the folds of the billowing sleeves of the robe, and looked at the identical one on Maz as the pirate came out, blaster in hand, a resolutely excited look on her face.

“This we need to get done quickly. The Resistance can’t lie low by Arkanis for long,” the pirate said, “Even though they’re friendly to the New Republic, that’s no guarantee for safety.”

“Like either of us has the patience to not get this over with as quickly as possible,” Rey said, voice slightly muffled as she was tying the richly embroidered bandana over her face.

She looked unfamiliar to herself in the loose, white linen trousers and fitted tunic in matching colour, her hair done up in three tight buns at the top of her head and her eyes painted with something black that made her want to rub at it. Maz had applied it on her while she’d flown the ship to Geonosis, and she’d only caught a brief glimpse of herself and thought she looked like someone else entirely. Pulling the hood up over her head and keeping the sabre hidden at her side beneath the robe, Rey began walking down the ramp after Maz, and the recognisable feeling of dry, hot air in her lungs made her think of Jakku. She gazed out over the desert planet, sensed the barrenness of it in the Force, and turned her head to Ben who began walking, his eyes fixed on a point beyond the ragged mountains stretching out before them. They began the climb.

Once at the top, the winds tugged at their clothes, they saw building after rusty building fanning out in a natural valley for several hundred metres, and she felt the wrongness of it all, jaw clenching. She shot him a look and he just shook his head, and she knew that he’d already seen what was going on inside the barrack-like constructions.

As they climbed down the last rocks, Ben began to head for a domed building, finer-looking than the rest - not that that was really saying a lot - and she followed, now keeping her head meekly bowed and her hands folded in front of her, keeping slightly behind him as he with imperious strides advanced on the building, pulling down his hood as they rounded a corner and a Stormtrooper caught sight of them. They stiffened, pointing their weapon at them. Rey felt a trickle of sweat run down her temple.

“Halt!” the guard commanded, but Ben kept going, barely batting an eye at him as he said, “Don’t give your Supreme Leader orders,” in a tone that wasn’t even cold - just incredibly indifferent. The guard stepped down immediately, and they passed through the doors, sand having blown inside.

“The Supreme Leader has returned, I repeat, the Supreme Leader has returned,” she heard the Stormtropper say into his radio, and she had to fight to keep her head down, not liking feeling so restrained.

The hallway led to a larger room, the door opening to reveal turmoil caused by the message on the radio, the atmosphere tense and confused as Ben entered, eyeing the humans and aliens manning the control panels and communication board. One, a woman, around her own height, stepped forwards, bowing her head so deeply that her long auburn hair hung down from her shoulder. She looked up at him, clearly uncomfortable as she said, “Supreme Leader, it is a great relief to see you again, after the Battle of Exegol-“

“I don’t have time for trivitalities. I need to see the progress of the Troopers’ training. We need the manpower ever since the Resistance attacked us. Show me. I have already informed the Order of my return,” Ben interrupted her, and her throat bobbed as she bowed her head again.

“Of course, forgive me,” she apologised.

Rey shifted uncomfortably, and Ben gave a nod in her direction.

“She’s a mechanic. Let her see the hangars, she will pick out a ship for my continued journey,” he ordered, and again the woman nodded.

“Right away. IL-4820, show her to the hangars.”

A Stormtrooper walked out from their place in the corner, keeping their head down as they passed the man they knew as Kylo Ren, and she followed, casting a glance over her shoulder at his broad back as their conversation continued.

The armour made an unpleasant noise as they walked down the hallway, a very quiet sort of squeaking that irked her. As the hallway neared to an end, she stopped, and the Trooper stopped as well, turning to look at her.

“You’ll show me to where you keep the children,” she said with the Force in her voice, and the guard paused for just a moment before nodding. “I’ll show you where we keep the children,” she said, and headed out the door, the hot desert wind blowing around them as she pointed to the identical buildings that stretched on in five rows. “All of the rectangular ones are barracks. The children are here, adolescents kept at the farther end,” the Stormtrooper said.

“You will stay here and not call for help,” Rey said, concentrating.

“I will stay here and not call for help.”

A quiet sigh coming from her, she began to head for the farther end, knowing she had to start somewhere. Maybe the bigger kids could help free the smaller ones, Rey thought, having to force herself to walk instead of sprinting at full speed. She felt along the bond just for long enough to know that Ben was safe, and the number of barracks seemed endless, the seconds slow and dragging, until she at last came to the bottom of the five rows. The pushed the dial and the doors opened with a whoosh, and she dashed inside, surveying the interior and finding only faces in varying stages of surprise and confusion. Finding no guard, she pulled down the bandana, revealing her face, and said, “I’m Rey, and I’m here to get you out of here.”

Absolute silence.

“Rey who? That scavenger girl who’s with the pesky resistance?” a gangly boy with messy brown curls asked from the corner, sounding sceptical. “I’m not leaving, and especially not with Rebel scum,” he said, and some of the others murmured, approvingly or not she couldn’t say.

Perplexed, she was stunned silent, but then asked, “Haven’t they taken you from your families? Your mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters? Don’t you want to see them again?”

“My brother will get killed if I leave,” a girl said uneasily, then continued, “Are you the Jedi girl? From Jakku?”

“We really don’t have time for this!” she wanted to hiss at them and begin herding them outside, but at the same time knew she was walking a very fine line between convincing them to come with her to freedom or begin calling for aid from the base. Instead, she said, “I’m the Jedi girl from Jakku, yes, and I promise you that we’ll get your brother out, too, I just need your help to do so.”

“If you’re really a Jedi, you’d have a Lightsabre,” the boy from before said, crossing his arms, and, impatience a hair’s breadth from overriding her adrenaline-soaked brain, she pulled out her sabre, turning it on.

Quiet utterings of fascination and awe came from the children, and she saw the light in their eyes. “I am a Jedi, and a Jedi fights for the good in the world. Don’t you want to have a say in what you’re going to do with your life? To make your own choices? I can help you to do that, the Resistance can do that, but we have to be _fast_ or we won’t make it,” Rey urged, shutting the sabre off again.

“Do you promise you’ll get my brother out, too?” the girl asked, and she nodded.

“I promise.”

Ben was fully aware of how the clock was ticking, wondered why Rey hadn’t contacted him yet. He was looking at useless statistics of how many children had gone through the program and had been doing so for a while, the decline in rejects - he knew damn well what that meant - being pointed out to him as if it were something to be proud of, and he couldn’t stall it any longer when he at last felt a confirmative tug on the bond and he raised his head, concentrating hard as he held out his hand, closing it into a fist that made the electronics shut down, the room now only dimly lit.

“Stay calm,” he said, “And listen carefully. You have a choice now. You can continue working for the First Order and keep brainwashing children into hardened, mindless soldiers, or you can make the choice to stop, and aid me.” He felt their eyes on him, but they all lowered their gazes when he tried to establish eye contact. “I am not Kylo Ren. Kylo Ren died on Exegol, and the Resistance took me in. Aid me, and let out the children. Join the Resistance yourselves, if you wish, but at the very least, take off your armour and stay passive as we take these children to a safer, better place,” he said, voice commanding full attention. His heart thumping too quickly in his chest, he waited, looking from person to person, but no one dared meet his eyes.

“I won’t let the Order come for you. You can disappear further out into the Outer Rim and live as a deserter knowing you made the right choice, but you can fight along with me against the Order. Against the people who took you from your family and out you through what you’re making others experience, too now. You can stop the cycle,” Ben said, and finally, one woman, her red curls cropped short and her green eyes burning with a hate he felt pierce through his chest.

“Weren’t you the one who put _us_ through all of this?” she demanded, and Ben nodded, trying to make her see that he knew all too well what he’d done.

“I was. I didn’t stop it. I parried orders like everyone else. I could’ve changed things if I had made that choice then. I can’t tell you how much I wish I had done that earlier,” he said, watched her frown and shake her head.

“You’re the Jedi-Killer, aren’t you? What made you make that decision? I’m not risking my life because a fanatic decided to be a turncoat when it was convenient for him.”

“That was what I was called. As I was called Kylo Ren. As I made the call for so much hurt to happen,” Ben said, noticing out of the corner of his eye that some of the others had begun to move around.

The woman narrowed her eyes at him, then walked up and took the blaster from his side, and he let her.

“I’m not following you. But I will free those children, if you promise to give them something better.”

“I promise.”

For a moment, Rey had thought they would sound the alarm on her and the whole mission would go down the drain. But then, some of the others had begun talking in hushed voices of their missing siblings and parents and a boy had walked up to her. “I don’t care about Jedis or the Resistance of the Order. I want my family back,” he’d said and begun to run to the next barrack, opening the door and shouting the message to the assembled teenagers, and Rey had felt a surge of hope that only grew stronger when the auburn-haired girl had run out too and begun doing the same, and suddenly, the rest ran out, alone, in pairs and small groups, all going to spread the ignited flame. Rey couldn’t help but grin, euphoria coursing through her veins until the sound of a blaster being fired echoed too loudly in the valley, panicked yells following.

Her eyes scanning her surroundings, she saw the Stormtrooper and lashed her hand out, knocking them into the side of the building, but more had appeared, their white armour standing out starkly against the sand, and she began running towards them, cursing her shoulder for limiting her movements with the sabre as she parried a laser, it sizzling against the metal of the barrack as she dashed onwards, eventually reaching the trooper to cut him down.

She just had time to press the messenger tab before she had to duck under another shot and, as she took cover behind one of the buildings, she yelled, “Go, go, go! Get as many out as possible and take cover!” and then ran back out, cutting down the next guard. Already too many had been hit and it was difficult to get the smaller children to keep running when their friends were lying down and wouldn’t get back up to come with them, and Rey had to bite back her cursing as she pressed onwards, blaming herself for every single body that had fallen, sand kicked up onto chilling skin.

Charging towards another Stormtrooper, her teeth bared in raw anger, she barely had the chance to notice his stumbling backwards, terrified, and she ground to a halt, her sabre mere centimetres from his neck.

“Please, please!” he begged, having already dropped his weapon, holding his hands up.

Rey stepped back, nodded to the running children. “Take off your helmet, follow them, keep them safe, got it?”

He nodded, pulling off his helmet and picking the blaster back up, and she watched him as he tried to guide the children in behind cover, beginning to help those injured, but they all had to duck down when a freighter, one of the motors on a GR-75 freighter roaring as flames consumed it. Green lasers lit up the sky, and an explosion went up to her right, leaving her ears ringing, and now two more GR-75s came down, preparing to land.

“Go to the ships!” she yelled, not sure whether her voice would be heard over the turmoil. Now, she saw Ben, running from the other side of the valley, and their eyes met for just a second before they went their ways, trying to protect as many of the children as they could from the lasers whizzing past. Rey saw a little boy, crying, his hands held over his ears, and she took him in her arms without thinking, not feeling the strain it put on her shoulder as she began to run towards the freighter, feeling sand in her mouth as it sprayed upwards, caused by a blaster shot. Unseeing, she threw the Stormtrooper aside and kept running, feeling the little boy clutch at her clothes as she tried to put him down.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s going to be fine,” she tried to assure him, and she caught sight of Ben as he came up, following behind a redhead who was at the head of a group of adults attempting to herd the children to the freighters and laying down cover fire as they went. The boy only kept clutching at her, snot and tears dampening her shirt, and Ben was out of sight again and finally _someone_ took the boy and she ran out again, checking behind every building for injured or panicked ones left behind, lugging them back to the freighters, not stopping to see if they came inside after having dropped them off within sight of another Rebel.

After what seemed like hours that had somehow passed in only moments, the freighters began to take off again, and Rey, panting, still keeping her sabre up, checked the buildings one last time, not stopping to look at the faces of those who hadn’t been able to make it.

“Girl, get up on the mountain!” she heard Maz’ voice commanding from the messenger tab, and her heard swivelled around, looking for the highest point and missing it several times before she was able to pinpoint it, and she ran towards the mountain range they’d come from on unsteady legs, kicking up sand with every sprinting step. Frantic, she felt something pulling, tugging insistently at the bond and saw Ben halfway up there, looking wide-eyed at her with a bloody nose, but otherwise he looked unharmed. The sound of a motor thrumming filled the air with vibrations, and she clambered upwards, caught up to Ben, and together they continued, stumbling up the ramp of Maz’ light freighter and she felt it close upwards, Ben losing balance and falling as the starship took off, following behind the freighters who’d already gone into hyperspeed.

Ben got to his feet and reached out for Rey, who looked drawn and pale, helping her to her feet. She took a look at him, eyes glazed, and then blinked, reached up for his face.

“Are you okay?” she asked and he nodded, having forgotten about the stinging sensation already.

“I didn’t get the death sentence, but I got a well-deserved punch,” he explained and wiped under his nose, it still trickling slightly.

“Oh,” she said, then called out, “Maz, are you alright as well?” while walking to the cockpit, and he followed her, sensing her distraught and feeling it himself, too.

“Bah, I’m perfectly well, considering the circumstances. You?” Maz asked, glancing at her.

“Yes,” Rey replied and leaned heavily against the doorframe.

He knew they should feel victorious, that they ought to be cheering at leaving the barracks and their too narrow and short bunk beds empty behind, but they’d left more than that.

“I’m sorry I didn’t get out before,” he said after a little while, not wanting to close his eyes. “There were too many who didn’t make it.”

Maz clenched her grip on the handle. “It’s not without risk, fighting for what’s right. They won’t be forgotten. And we saved many more from a fate as bad as theirs,” she said, and she sounded like she wanted to believe it, too.

Ben shook his head, went to Rey’s side and tried to get her to see him. She was looking at the damp spot on her shirt.

“I had to leave him, to save more,” she said in a hollow tone, and he pressed his lips together, had seen it, the boy.

“You did. We did what we could,” he tried, but it didn’t feel like that at all.

A heavy silence settled over the cockpit as the countless stars flashed by, unbroken except for by questions regarding mundane practicalities, lasting until they reached Ajan Kloss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not so much a Reylo chapter considering this is a reylo fic, but I hope it's still enjoyable (in an angsty way?)
> 
> Please consider leaving some feedback if you enjoyed reading this chapter/story, it really motivates me to keep writing!!!


	13. Grime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one feels like a mission has gone well if there are civilian casualties. No one wants to sit and do nothing while watching others suffer. And everyone needs time to recover, too.

Ben had to heave himself up from his seat on the crate when they landed. Rey had gone into the cockpit to co-pilot although there was no need for when the hyperspeed course was already set, but Maz allowed her to sit there, sharing the silence. He didn’t know what to expect when that ramp slid down. Part of him expected a shot to the head and that’d be that, or maybe more imprisonment.

What met him was pure chaos where no one had a care in the world for him at all. Medics rushed to and from, stretchers were carried empty into the freighters and came out occupied, and he stood frozen for a moment, never truly having seen the carnage an attack, even as relatively small as this one, left behind to be taken care of.

Gathering himself, he followed the stream of stretchers into the Resistance’s makeshift hospital and entered, seeing the stretchers laid out in too-narrow rows that nearly covered the whole floor already. The vastness of injuries and pained bodies was pressing, overwhelming, and so he had to start at one place, beginning in the corner with a boy who was unconscious, but breathing, a shot having hit him on the left side of his face. Luckily it had been a graze, but he still looked ashen underneath the sweat and Ben tentatively put his hand against his chest, closing his eyes as he willed the Force forwards, letting it flow through him and into the boy. Slowly, the wound began to close, and the boy breathed with more ease compared to just before, and he got up and kneeled back down by the next stretcher, skin growing back together, relief from pain making tense muscles loosen up.

He went with those unconscious at first, uncertain as to how many knew his face and would be more frightened by him than what he could help by healing them, but as the stretchers kept coming and sobs and screams filled the room along with the sharp, bronze-like smell of blood, he just went to those closest to him, not saying anything as he drained everything he had, binding back severed connections, soothing pain and panic, and when he looked up, lightheaded and dizzy, he saw Rey at the opposite end of the room, doing the same, grinding her teeth, her hair getting in her face without her bothering to blow it away as she just continued, continued, and Ben went back to work as well, not having to think anymore, not having to know that he’d caused this all those years, too. A child tried to scramble away from him, but, too weak, she had to lie still, and a look of wonder and disbelief passed over her features as she felt the wound in her side healing back together. He went on, as did Rey.

The guilt couldn’t consume him if raw exhaustion did first. Ben hung his head, his hand slipping when he tried to push himself up, and he saw an unfamiliar face - as were almost all of them, really - belonging to the arm that had grabbed his and pulled him up from his slumping on the floor.

“No, look, look, he looks really gone, what’s he been doing?” the face asked. He couldn’t place her voice, either, but let her support him out through the room.

“The same thing as Rey, apparently. Stop looking at him that way, Rose!” he heard Finn say and blearily turned his head, making a wave of nausea wash over him with a force that made him groan.

They stopped and he felt himself sit down, his back against something, and someone slumped down next to him.

“Both of them look completely ashen,” Rose noted, “Do you think they’ll be okay?”

“I don’t know. I think both of them survived dying somehow, so I guess they will. We’ll try and let them rest, their vitals aren’t too off,” Finn answered. Fabric sliding against fabric sounded, and he peeled his eyes open to look at the former Stormtrooper, a reluctant smile on his face.

“Maybe you’re not that bad,” was the last thing he remembered hearing right after feeling along the bond and beside him, too, for Rey. Finding her, he let himself slip back into the silky darkness, sleeping without a single dream.

Rey jerked awake, not remembering what her mind had just decided to play for her. All she knew was that it hadn’t been good and it left her with an unsettling knot in her stomach.

It took a little while for her to remember where they actually were. Ajan Kloss. Resistance Base. Post-mission. She sat up, entire body stiff and aching, and saw Ben lying next to her, crumpled into a - for him - improbably heap of tangled clothes and messy hair and dried blood. She placed her hand on his shoulder, felt the warmth and saw his chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm and knew that he was fine, just as tired as she was, and she recalled why it felt like her entire body and brain had been hit repeatedly with a meat hammer.

Rey sat up straight now, looking around and finding that she was outside, beneath a canopy of a thick-trunked tree. Through the leaves, she could see the stars, and Poe was sitting across from them, cross-legged and back to wearing his leather jacket that looked so much more like him. She scrutinised his face, trying to get some sort of news out of it, but it didn’t work, and her Force felt… Not there wouldn’t be right, more like numb. She knew it was there, she just couldn’t feel it, and when she tried to reach along the bond, it felt brittle and unclear, like it had lost power. Trying to reassure herself, Rey stood up, but that certainly didn’t improve things and she almost had to put her head between her knees to keep the dizziness in check, and so she stood for a few seconds, trying to focus on the feel of bark against her palm. Finally, she felt along the bond again, tugged slightly at it, and Ben rolled over in his sleep, dried blood still smeared on the lower half of his face, and she found the bond hadn’t broken. It just felt depleted, drained.

Poe stirred, then opened his eyes and, upon seeing her stand up, he scrambled to get up, too. “Rey?” he said, voice still deep from sleep.

“Who else do you think?” she replied without much of a bite.

He snorted. “Fuck off. And good job on Geonosis. You should’ve seen Finn’s face; I’ve never seen him so… Relieved. Even with all the mess,” Poe said and walked to her, pulling her into a tight hug she didn’t feel like she deserved. “You saved a lot of those kids, Rey. Ben, too. Only a few passed after getting here,” he said his hands on her shoulders as he pulled away.

Then he looked at her. “This might just be the light, but you look - grey, sit down, come one,” he said, guiding her back down to the forest floor. “For Force’s sake, what did you _do_?” he asked, tone not wholly rid of accusations.

“Used the Force,” she mumbled, tilting her head back against the trunk. “Healing. I can heal. Him, too. Ben.”

“You can what now?” he asked flatly.

“ _Heal_. Try to listen for once, would you?”

“But Finn can’t do that. I haven’t heard of any Jedi stuff that can do that,” he said, shaking his head.

“I haven’t either, if that helps,” she said, reaching up to run a hand through her hair, and finding it was still in those three buns, she pulled them out with a groan and let it fall, at least halfway aware of how much like an Ewok she looked.

“Thanks, it doesn’t. But really, get some more rest, okay? And we’ll get you two inside, alright? I didn’t think it was that bad,” Poe apologised.

“Poe, it’s fine, really,” she protested, then paused. “Could you get some food in there too, maybe?”

Her eyes closed, she heard him laugh and felt his hand ruffle her hair worse than it already was, and she got up again, letting him support the half-conscious Ben while she walked herself, collapsing on the bed the moment she was close enough to face-plant on it.

Ben vaguely recalled some moving around and Rey talking to someone partially familiar and then really nothing until the smell of food hit his nose. He propped himself up on his elbows from his position of having slept on his arms on his stomach and, brainpower slowly kicking back into speed, he squinted at nothing until his eyes had gotten accustomed to the light shining in through the window. He looked beside him and found Rey, lying curled up next to him, the black eye makeup smeared and her hair looking akin to a bird’s nest and he knew he didn’t look much better himself. Sitting up, he looked around the small room and went out the door to something that looked like a mix between a living room and kitchen, and on the table in the middle there were covered plates of things that smelled delicious.

Ravenous, he shovelled food onto his plate and began eating without really bothering to taste it much, and only gave Rey a nod as she came and joined him, the pair of them eating in silence until most of the trays were empty and they both were full. He felt along the bond, felt the thread, a little thin, but still strong, and reached out for her hand. She smiled and took it, and when she leaned in to kiss him, he thought that she tasted a little like home, and felt like it, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I desperately needed fluff so I went and made it okay?
> 
> As always, please consider leaving behind a comment if you enjoyed the story so far! It keeps my motivation for writing sky-high!!!


	14. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They've had sleep, they've had rest. Now they need something else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *NSFW chapter* (it's literally nothing else)

They’d slept again after eating, drifting in and out of a much needed slumber until they’d just lazily laid there, looking at each other as the afternoon sun slanted in through the window, the rays illuminating her eyes so he again could see how they turned to molten gold in the right light.

He traced his fingertips over her cheekbone, lingering on the small scar there before moving down a little further, over her jaw and chin and he tucked her messy hair behind her ear again, letting his hand come to a rest on the back of her neck. She laid her hand over his, gently stroking it with her thumb, eyes sliding shut for a moment before she looked at him again, making something in him lurch. Ben shifted slightly, settling down closer to her, faces almost touching, and he turned over his hand to intertwine their fingers, moving down so that he could kiss her knuckles. She gave his hand a squeeze, then slid hers out of his grip, instead propping herself up on her elbow, looming somewhat above him and blocking out the light with a smile that was growing roguish, and fast, on her face.

He didn’t try and get up as she moved to plant her other hand on the mattress on the other side of his chest, just looked up at her as she leaned down to kiss him, dragging it out and stopping with her lips just barely grazing his. A groan of frustration left him and he reached up, warning her with a, “Stop teasing,” before pulling her down to him, lips meeting in a heated kiss he could feel her grinning into, and he pulled back to sit up, gesturing with his hand and the curtain was pulled down, the small bedroom now only dimly lit as he grabbed her to roll her over onto his back.

“You, too,” she said and reached up for him, and Ben felt her pressing herself against him when he climbed on top of her, a hand on either side of her head and her arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him down to her. Their lips met again, hungry and desperate, no finesse to it as they clung to each other, his hand sliding up her thigh, hers grabbing his ass as she ground herself against the knee he’d wedged in between her legs.

“Fine,” he mused against her throat as he kissed down it before beginning to tug her shirt off, and she reluctantly let go of him, sitting up and pulling her shirt off herself, his eyes raking over her bared skin.

A pang of worry cut through the clouding arousal when he saw that the bandage on her shoulder was bloody, though, but before he could open his mouth to ask her if she was okay, she shook her head and said, “It’s fine, we’ll handle it later,” her cheeks flushed and eyes halfway open, and it wasn’t hard to just go along with it and let himself kiss her parted lips that looked oh, so inviting.

He restrained himself as he pulled away to watch her, drinking her in, tracing her collarbone and down between her breasts, goosebumps prickling up on her skin as his fingertip slid over her navel, but the waistband of her trousers interrupted it’s journey. For a moment, impatient frustration flickered from either end of the bond.

Ben leaned down to press kisses to her soft skin, one hand sliding down her side while the other undid her trousers, kissing and licking down along her chest and, as he went further south, went down over her mount of Venus and he paused to slide two fingers between her lips, feeling her wetness, her excitement. He met her eyes through his lashes, saw and felt her breathless anticipation. He waited a little longer.

He kissed the insides of her thighs, let his teeth graze over the thin, sensitive skin and finally turned his attention back towards the centre when he felt a warning yank on the bond. Using his thumbs to spread her open, he licked up until he reached her clit, earning him a stifled moan as he began to circle it, sliding first one, then a second finger, inside, pushing in and out in a slow rhythm as he continued working her clit, feeling her bucking her hips every now and then. He placed his hand on her hipbone, pushing her down against the bed, and she got the hint and kept still as he continued, the steady stream of breathy moans and gasps making it more than bearable to keep his own - quite literally - pressing arousal at bay. Curling his fingers upwards, he felt her twitch, and he stroked on the spot he sensed was just right as he kept his lips and tongue working on her clit, licking and circling the hard nub, intensely for a while, only to go back to a slower pace again, repeating the cycle a few times just to feel her squirm impatiently beneath him, her opening wet and slick with the arousal.

A sort of thrumming built up along the bond, heat, too, and he didn’t protest when she sat up and entangled her fingers in his hair, keeping a tight grip on it as she kept his head between her legs, her legs twitching in climax.

“Ben!” she moaned, the seconds passing far too quickly for his taste before she untangled her fingers and let go, and he rose up from between her legs and gripped her face, kissing her hard, hungrily, and she met him, her movements slower, still dazed. Needy for her touch, he took off his shirt, his gaze locked with hers, and when she wrapped an arm around his waist and kissed down his throat, it felt like he was burning up. His erect cock strained against the confines of his trousers, and she hurriedly undid them, leaving him to kick them off before he took her in his arms again.

Taking his shaft in her hands, she gave it a few strokes, sending pangs of pleasure up from his abdomen, hair falling in front of his face as she let go and pulled him down into a sloppy kiss with a grip at the back of his neck, using her other hand to guide him inside of her. He thrust in, having to break away from the kiss, breathing shakily against her lips, their sweaty foreheads resting together for a moment or two.

A short second of clarity cleared his head enough for him to breathlessly ask, “Does it hurt?” before pressing a soft kiss to her lips, and he searched her eyes, her face, for any sign of distress, but he found only a blissful sort of happiness he didn’t know if he fully comprehended or understood, her eyes alight and shining. She shook her head and he kissed her again, harder this time as he grabbed her thigh to spread her legs as he began thrusting, his breath coming out in pants in sync with his movements, and she met him in each collision, kissed along his jaw and his lips and throat, moaning with him when he hit just the right spot and she tightened around him.

She placed her hand on his chest after a bit, chest rising and falling in a rapid rhythm, and, out of breath, she said, “Wait,” and he paused, caressing her inner thigh as he pulled out, looking obediently up at her as she moved up to kneel on the bed and he went on his back, propped up on his elbows so he could see her as she straddled his lap, see her as she bit her bottom lip and took his cock in her hand again, stroking him agonisingly slowly in a way that made him groan in frustration. He reached up for her, slid his hand up her side, a desperately needy look on his face as she slowly rose and fell, letting his cock rub against her without taking him in, his lips parting as he watched her.

Looking infinitely cocky, she looked down at him with an impish glimmer in her hazel eyes, and he couldn’t figure out if he wanted to laugh or yell at her.

Either way, he said, “Please,” in a husky voice, strained with the effort of keeping himself still when she just kept slowly rolling her hips against his, intoxicating, mesmerising.

Finally, she slid her hand up his stomach as she rose up on her knees, not breaking eye contact when she took him in again, her warm wetness enveloping him fully, head tilting back as a groan slipped past his lips.

“Rey,” he breathed, her hand still splayed out on his chest as she moved her hips up and down, riding him at a faster and faster pace. He sat up, unable to hold back any longer, and, as he wrapped his arms tightly around her, thrust up into her, burying his face in the nook between her shoulder and neck, felt nails dig into his back, their bodies pressed together, moving together, and heat built up in his abdomen and he knew he was close. Leaning up to kiss her, he cupped her cheek, their tongues meeting, playing messily, reluctantly breaking apart for breath and moaning into the passionate kisses that seamlessly slid together with the next one.

With a final thrust, he came, the post-orgasm leaving him breathing hard while his head rested against her shoulder, his arm still clutching her close to him as he came down from his high. Raising his head up, he looked at her, feeling hazy, and she kissed his forehead, still panting. He didn’t want to let go.

Grudgingly, she loosened her grip on him enough so that she could look down at him, and she couldn’t help but place a kiss to his brow when her eyes met his. They sat like that for a while, both just recovering, until she had to move to get off of him, though she would have preferred continuing. She flopped down next to him, smiling as he pulled her into her arms, taking great care with her right shoulder, and even if both of them were sweaty and in dire need of a shower, Rey felt a sense of content she hadn’t experienced before.

It hadn’t even hurt that bad. She’d heard all those stories of pain and blood and just overall discomfort, and although it had stung a little when he’d entered her, the feeling had passed quickly, and now she could barely remember it. What she _did_ remember was the way he’d looked up at her before he’d done… _That_ , and she closed her eyes, replaying the sensations in her head until she felt the chest beneath her jump up and down in a bemused chuckle. It was even weirder when she realised the chuckle was coming from Ben. Ben was chuckling? Sitting up, she shot him a look, her face heating, and he looked way too smug as he gazed up at her, his hair too much of a hot mess when he was all sweaty like that.

“Stop prying,” she scolded, trying to sound stern. She wasn’t really successful.

“I didn’t need to pry. You think loudly,” he said.

“Like you weren’t “thinking loudly” on Tatooine, too. So loudly I couldn’t sleep,” she huffed, but knew she’d lost when he just raised an eyebrow at her, knowing damn well with herself that she’d been having if not the exact same, then at the very least highly familiar thoughts on the desert planet, too.

Thank the Force he didn’t say anything as she laid back down with him, just wanting to enjoy being here, alone and carefree, for just a few more seconds. Closing her eyes, she recalled his strained “Please,” and smirked as he groaned.

“You should get the bandage changed. Especially after- this,” Ben at last said after a while, and she groaned, loudly, truly not wanting to get up even though he was right.

“I know,” she complained and sat up again, trying not to feel like wanting to cover up as she rose from the bed and poked her head into the room where they’d eaten. She felt eyes on her ass and tried very hard to ignore it as she, after recognising the door to a rinsing chamber, crossed the room and went inside.

Alone, she let out a deep sigh, feeling sore in her hips and between her legs. Her thigh, too. He had a tight grip, that Ben. Not that she had minded it at all, really, in the heat of the moment and all.

She wasn’t wearing any clothes to strip out of except for the bandage, which was quickly undone, so she stepped into the cubicle, the glass doors shutting with a whoosh, and she pushed the button, jets of warm water hitting her body.

After cleaning and drying off, Rey wrapped the towel around her to leave the rinsing chamber, her scalp still tingling from the rather harsh untangling she’d had to subject her hair to tame it again. All of the conditioner in the world hadn’t been able to help her through that.

The scab on her shoulder had decreased in size, but the skin around it was red and irritated and her shoulder ached when she rolled it. Maybe it would work if she tried to heal herself? Rey halted in the living room, placing her hand over the wound and squeezing her eyes shut, but it just felt like she was trying to force water out of very dry sand at the bottom of an even drier well. Feeling slightly worried, she returned to the bedroom and sucked in a breath when she saw Ben again, his long hair pushed back and him just sitting leaned back like that with a content, confident look on his face that quickly turned concerned when his eyes slid over the wound.

“No,” she said as he rose up, the sheet falling away. Keep your eyes up there, Rey. Keep them up. “You, go shower, the rest are probably wondering what in Force’s name is taking us so long, and I can patch up on my own. I saw a med-kit in the kitchen,” she said and raised her brows at him when he didn’t move.

“Okay,” he finally said while sounding just slightly doubtful, leaning down to give her a kiss before walking past her and into the rinsing chamber. She went into the kitchen and grabbed the med-kit, applying the salves and ointments while trying to keep her hisses of pain down. The disinfecting one was the one that stung the most, Rey concluded as she screwed the lid back on and began applying the new bandage.

The pain was good. It distracted her from the other stories she’d heard about sex, about unfortunate women made pregnant with strangers who were just passing through the ports, and her stomach was clenching uncomfortably when she thought about how she really had no clue of how it worked and how to prevent it - not that she feared that Ben would leave, she knew he wouldn’t, but… A child?

A knock on the door made her stiffen and brought her back to reality. Pulling the towel up a little higher, she said, “Come in,” and blinked in surprise when Rose entered.

The other woman looked equally surprised to see her like that. “Oh, sorry” she apologised, about to move to turn around, but then she stopped herself and asked, “Where’s Kylo- I mean Ben?” sounding somewhat suspicious.

“He’s showering,” she replied defensively, then asked, “Was there something you needed?”

“I just wanted to check on you, both of you looked pretty worn, and Poe said it hadn’t gotten better even after you slept. And I checked on you when you were sleeping, too - I just mean peeked in, you were just sleeping and nothing else - and you looked a little better, and I saw you’d eaten,” the other woman explained, then eyed her, head tilted slightly to the side, and suddenly, Rey felt very exposed.

“You- have you-?” Rose said.

“What?”

“You or him’s using a contraceptive, right?” Rose asked.

Rey felt her face burn and the knot in her stomach from before made a very obvious comeback. There wasn’t really a point in trying to deny what they’d been doing, was there, when she already seemed to know? Besides, she needed to know more if she and Ben were going to continue.

Hesitant and looking down at her bare feet, she shook her head and heard an exasperated groan in response.

“You guys need to do your research before just doing stuff like that! I’ll get some for you, okay?” Rose said, and Rey felt a hand on her shoulder. Rose gave her a little smile. “Take care of yourself, alright? And come out to us soon, if you’re ready, we need your help with the children. Ben’s, too, I think,” she said thoughtfully before letting go and leaving the building again, calling over her shoulder, “And there’s more food out here!”

Rubbing her neck, she watched the door slide shut after her before shuffling into the bedroom, putting her dirty clothes back on and pulling her damp hair into a half ponytail, sitting tracing the folds in the sheet while waiting for Ben to return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll never guess what this end note says right??
> 
> If you've enjoyed this chapter/the story, please consider leaving a comment if you have the time! I really get a kick of motivation to keep writing when I get feedback!


	15. Fears and old ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The golden glow has worn off, and Ben and Rey find that navigating through the Resistance base isn't as easy as it was when she'd just been herself.  
> Poe challenges Ben's temper, and another figure from his past shows up as he has to help the Resistance figure out how to handle the threat of the splinter group on Moraband.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben,,,, still has anger issues

Rey, eager to see how the children were recovering, made her way out of the small building nearly the second Ben had finished getting dressed. She towed him out of there by his hand, sensing his hesitance to leave and trying to convince herself that there wasn’t anything to fear in the Resistance Base as they walked along through the winding pathway, brushing lush ferns and branches aside as she went, eventually letting go of his hand when she didn’t have to drag him any further and he just followed behind. Everything would be fine.

They hadn’t said much as Ben had put his clothes back on; the magic of the moment had sort of worn off, and as they both knew neither of them were in pain, there just wasn’t a whole lot to say. Besides, Rey had a feeling she’d reveal her worry if she talked too much, and she didn’t want Ben to think that anything was wrong when she herself wasn’t even sure whether she wanted to take the contraceptive or no. It was still so new, with Ben, his lighter side, that she hadn’t wholly gotten used to it and had no clue as to what the future held. She only knew for sure that he’d at least try and make the best of the hand dealt to him, if she stayed - and leaving, she couldn’t imagine. Not when they’d just found each other again just barely a fortnight ago on Tatooine, not when Finn and Poe and Rose seemed to at least be trying to forgive him for his past. The only future she’d seen of them together had been them, on the Sith throne, the red glow from their suffering sabres illuminating their faces as they were worshipped like gods. Rey shook her head to clear it, the dark tugging yearningly at her heart. It wasn’t going to end up that way, or anything like it. Not when she had so many people to protect now. Her homemade family.

She glanced over her shoulder at him, saw him duck under a branch too high up to have hit her, and he raised his head, searching her face at the sight of her pained expression. He looked so vulnerable like that, she thought, and gave a little smile that she could tell did nothing to put a damper on his concern. Searchingly, she felt him moving up through the bond, and, keeping her mind shut for a few more seconds, let him in, knowing it’d just come out wrong if she tried to address the thoughts swirling in turmoil inside her head with words. It would be better to just show him.

She let him see the vision, felt him linger at it, observing, let him see the boy she’d carried back to the freighter and those they’d have to leave behind as they’d already joined the Force, let him feel the mix of emotions both pleasant and uncomfortable when she’d considered the consequences of what they’d done in the bedroom without thinking, the conversation with Rose, the fear that she’d lose him to some renegade who had decided that his judgement was up to them to decide. Her chin quivered and the infinite loss she’d felt when he’d gone limp in her arms echoed in her entire body like a breath of freezing air, when she saw it again, saw the starship leaving into the too-bright sky of Jakku, tried to stop the images from popping up, but they welled and overflowed so she had to stop walking, and she leaned heavily against a tree, saw him come closer and almost couldn’t bear it when he took her into his arms, alive and warm and breathing and _there_ , and she buried her face against his neck as she pulled him closer, felt his breathing quickening, becoming shallower.

Briefly, so quickly that she nearly missed it, Rey saw herself in a blue light with open, unseeing eyes, and a sense of grief and despair so intense it took her breath away washed over her and he clutched her closer, holding her so tight it hurt, and she had to try and keep from spiralling. She thought of their fight against Snoke, the sight of him on the dune on Tatooine, how he’d looked when the sentence was announced, declaring him the right to keep living, how he’d pushed their bedrolls together on Maz’ ship and the way he’d touched her as they’d sat on that crate, waited for her on the scorched, ragged mountain on Geonosis and the sight of him leaning over the children, eyes burning feverishly exhausted beneath a sweaty brow until neither of them could hold out any longer.

Their breathing slowed, Ben shuddering in her arms, and she stroked up and down his back, smiling, relief and happiness in her hazel eyes when she tilted her head back to look up at him, and even though the pain, the fear, hadn’t left his dark gaze, she saw that he’d felt it, too, everything. The good, too.

“Come on, let’s go, okay?” she asked, cupping his cheek, meeting his eyes that flickered across her face with a sense of clarity that everything, somehow, would turn out alright in the end. She tried to make him see that.

At last, he nodded, let go of her, but took her hand in his as they began walking down the path once again, and she intertwined her fingers with his, taking in a deep breath and bracing herself as they came out into the large clearing making up the centre of the base.

Ben slid his shoulders back without thinking, straightening up and looking empiric with his chin raised and his long, smooth steps carrying him forwards. Of course he noticed the looks he got from the Rebels, saw their grudge and wariness, and he tried not to see them, keeping his face carefully cool, feeling far too vulnerable for his liking as he stood there, conversations dying down and moving bodies halting.

He clenched his jaw, looking out over them, and a familiar surge of needing to protect himself made him want to retreat back into the sanctuary he and Rey had shared, feeling the hostility radiating off of many of those gathered.

“Ben,” she called along the bond, giving his hand a squeeze he barely felt, “You’re looking scary, stand down.”

He didn’t respond, not until Poe made his way out from the Commander’s building towards the pair of them, Finn tailing behind him.

“Well, now that you two are finally awake, we can get back to planning our next move,” Poe said, his hands on his hips as he halted in front of them, eyeing their hands with an arched brow before he looked first at Rey, then at Ben. “No need to give me that look, big guy,” Poe warned in a light tone, and Ben, realising that this was just counterproductive, unclenched his jaw and tried to relax, looking from Poe to Finn and back again.

“Are the children doing okay?” Rey asked, shifting her weight from one foot to the other, and Poe gave a small smile.

“Considering the circumstances, yes. Jannah just returned with Lando, and she and Finn have started talking to some of them, and Jannah’s crew are really good with them as well,” he replied, “We haven’t lost any more these past two days. I think you two got to heal all of those who were in immediate danger, and a lot more of those who we could’ve treated ourselves. Good job.”

Finn nodded in agreement, stepping up so that he was standing next to Poe. “There’s a lot of work ahead of us, but Jannah managed to locate other former Stormtroopers and convince a lot of them to come back here and help with everything. They’re good to work with,” he said, shooting a glance at Ben. “I think it might be best if you… They weren’t here at the vote and they’ve been pretty isolated, don’t know what’s happened, so they weren’t happy when we told them you were here,” he explained, and Ben just gave a curt nod.

“Fine. Then what _can_ I do?” he asked, feeling increasingly like glares were stabbing themselves into his back as if there was a target attached to it.

Poe shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest. “You’re still under my command, so we need to find a strategy for raking up what’s left of the First Order and either convince them to stand down or figure out how to get rid of them. From what I’ve heard, you’re a good strategist, when you don’t let your head run off without you,” he said, and as if on cue, the anger at being mocked flared in his chest.

He looked down at the smaller man, fiery eyes locking with his determined ones, and he let go of Rey’s hand. “Then let’s go,” he snarled, fighting to keep his emotions in check, trying to prove he wasn’t just ruled by his temper. He saw the concerned look Finn shot Poe, and began to walk, the General quickly catching up to him and leading the way into the Commander’s building.

Once inside, Ben managed to unclench his fists as he followed the curly haired pilot into the main command centre, numerous screens and controls lighting the room up in a cool, bluish light. The people working by their stations looked up as they walked by, and he tried to remain unbothered, keeping his attention on the back of Poe’s head as he led him to a round table, a hologram starmap of the Galaxy slowly turning above it.

A group was standing around it, a mix of Captains and Commanders, and, among them, through the flickering lines of the hologram, Ben saw Lando. His gut dropped.

His anger immediately forgotten, he stared at the man he’d called uncle, so painfully reminded of the days spent in the cosy home he and his mother had had, Lando frequently popping by and bringing back small tokens and souvenirs from his travels across the galaxy, always finding a way to jab at Han and playfully try to seduce Leia. Licking his lips, he looked away, at the marked system on the map, standing on the opposite side from Lando. Zorii Bliss was there as well, her fingers drumming against the table.

The chatter had stopped, the room silent except for the quiet whirring of the machinery until Poe spoke up. “Alright! We’re still trying to figure out what it is Finn’s been saying is “off”, right?”

There was a nod of heads, a few confirming mumbles.

“Good. We’ve gotten some messages from allies, smugglers, mostly. They’ve noticed ships not returning from the Outer Rim Territories, and there’s been disturbances in their radio signals when sailing through it. It gives us a whole lot of reason to believe that whatever is making things feel off is somewhere in the Outer Rim. Maz said she’d heard rumours that this was some small splinter group having separated from the First Order, and that they’re worse than them, or at the very least, way more intense.”

Ben stiffened, looked at the General as he kept talking. Was it the band on Moraband he was talking about?

“The First Order is already imploding on itself after they lost their leaders, thanks to Rey and Ben and Lando and all us who rallied for the final punch to them, so while it is important that we keep at it, we should investigate this new threat, and as soon as possible,” he finished.

“They’re on Moraband,” Ben said in the deafening silence, pointing to the planet in question.

“And how, exactly, do you know that?” Zorii demanded.

Turning his head, he looked at her as he lowered his arm, remembered the murderous look on her face during the vote and tried to calculate whether she’d believe him or not.

“I searched for them through the Force after Maz told us of its existence on our way to Geonosis. I know they’re there,” he explained.

“If they’re there, what do they want? It’s just an old desert planet, barren. It was quarantined during the Galactic Republic, there’s nothing left there,” Lando said, and he recognised his voice too well and continued not looking at him as he answered, “No life, no, but there’s a reason the Sith built temples there. There’s something in… The planet _thrums_ with the Force. There’s power there, and history. Lore, inscriptions. I was there myself, felt it. They’ve gone there to revive something ancient I don’t know what is.”

Poe looked at him and he didn’t shy away from meeting his eyes, wanting him to know he was being serious, truthful. “Do you know more? Are they making a weapon or something again?” he asked.

Ben shrugged, shaking his head. “No. I can only think that they’re trying to gather power through the old Sith rituals or something of the sort. I’m not close enough to sense more than their location. I need to go there if I should find out more about them,” he explained and saw Poe sigh, thoughtfully rubbing his chin.

“Alright,” he said after a pause, zooming in on Moraband. “We’ll send out recon ships to look for signs of life on Moraband and try to speak with the locals on the neighbouring planets. It doesn’t sound like we can just fly in and shoot the problem away this time,” he announced while sounding a little disappointed, shutting off the hologram and turning to Ben.

“Just try and keep your head down, alright? Help Rey, make your peace with those who’ll take it,” he advised quietly, giving him a pat on the shoulder before slipping past him.

Once the hologram had been shut off, he had a clear view of Lando, who’d been looking at him the entire time, who was now making his way round the table towards him, a warmth in his eyes he hadn’t seen since he’d been in the world between worlds after giving his life to Rey where he’d met his mother and father again. Something pressed uncomfortably on his chest, making it a little hard to breathe.

“Hey, kid,” he said in his pleasantly hoarse voice, pulling him into a hug he didn’t know how to reciprocate. “Good to see you back. I mean it.”

Ben pressed his lips together, at a loss for words, the guilt crashing over him like waves.

“I’m sorry you didn’t get to see Han again,” he said, voice thick, knowing he was the sole cause of it.

Lando gave a wry, yet saddened smile. “There are so many I didn’t get to see again, kid. I’m just happy to see those still here. There’s hope everywhere, you know,” he said, looking at his “nephew”. “You did the right thing, bringing that Rey girl back. Everyone’s talking about it, some dyad in the force or something you two are.”

He nodded, swallowing around the lump in my throat. “She…”

“I know. She’s your light. I can tell by the look on your face,” Lando grinned, and he couldn’t help but smile a little, too. “You can’t change the past. Focus on what’s ahead, little starfighter. I’ve got to tell Jannah about this, you go find your little sun.”

Something in him began to come back together, mending, slowly, the deep hole the guilt and shame had hollowed out in his chest now just a little shallower as he looked into Lando’s eyes and saw the hurt, the pain he’d gone through, too, but the forgiveness radiated out from the older man, too.

Lando gave his arm a squeeze before he left, too, leaving him standing by the table, having to brace his hands on it as he let out a deep breath, collecting himself before heading back outside into the busy paths of the base, using the bond to locate Rey again.

She was by the hospital building, in the clearing next to it, standing in front of a group of some of the children they’d brought back from Geonosis, looking concentrated as she listened to them. Most were bandaged here and there, others uninjured. Ben stopped, not wanting to interrupt, and instead just leaned against the wall of the building across the path as he waited, something joyful blooming in his chest as he watched her, talking and playing with them and letting them see both her sabre and blaster.

His thoughts drifted to what she’d shown him, or rather, what she’d allowed him to know she’d been feeling as they’d walked back to the centre of the base. He hadn’t even considered the possibility, all cares thrown very much out the window in the heat of the moment, but he knew it could happen if they did it again. It could have happened now. He tried not to think about that too much, brought his attention back to her and how she’d looked so happy in his arms afterwards.

Would she even want a child? Ben wasn’t sure she would. Hell, he didn’t even know what he thought of it, and much less what she would think of having it with him. No. He was a Skywalker. There’d been Anakin, himself. He couldn’t take the risk of letting that back out into the world. Then, he thought of his mother. A Skywalker. He thought of Rey, Rey Palpatine, and of her struggle with the light. He thought of how her parents had rebelled against her grandfather, the Emperor, and reconsidered. Maybe every person had a risk of going down the dark path, if they didn’t see that there was another one to follow. Maybe it wouldn’t be doomed to fail if a Palpatine and a Skywalker made something together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, if you liked this story so far, please consider leaving a comment! Feedback really keeps me motivated to keep writing!
> 
> Also just an update on posting freuency: from tomorrow chapter's will probably not come out every day as I'm going back to school. It's my senior year and I need to devote some time to school if I want to get into the university I want to, so I apologise for the downgrading, but writing this just takes a lot of time! I'll try my best to keep posting at least a new chapter a week!


	16. Defence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is trying to understand. Ben is trying to make her understand. It's a little difficult when you're both hot-heads.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, yes, the communication problems. And feeling very awkward when being introduced to someone you know's friend group who are very different from you.

The repugnance towards him rolled off the gathered people in waves. He was too much like his past self, acted too much like he was a prisoner of war instead of someone who was at least trying to cooperate. Rey swallowed thickly, shooting Poe a glare at the provocation. He was being unfair, too, but, she realised, Ben would need to learn how to take the teasing and jabbing without losing his temper if he wanted to stay here without constantly having to fear an attempt on his life, if he wanted to stay and feel just a little at home. He hadn’t responded to her at all, had shut himself off, she knew from feeling along their connection and finding a roar of heat she didn’t try to get closer to. Instead, she could only watch as the two men had their staredown, and she took a step back when he let go of her hand, barely recognising his voice as Ben’s when he turned to leave.

Why did he keep doing that? Why did he keep going back to that persona he ought to have left behind the moment he’d come for her on Exegol? It didn’t make sense to her at all, and she chewed on the inside of her cheek, trying to figure it out, her arms crossed over her chest.

She didn’t manage to find an answer before Rose came up to her as the crowd that had gathered began to thin, and she was pulled out of her too busy train of thought.

“I got what you needed,” she said, gesturing for her to follow along, going in the direction of the hospital building.

Rey flushed, pushing her hair back behind her ear. “Oh, sure. Thank you, Rose,” she said as they halted in a little alleyway of sorts between two buildings, the sun blocked out.

The other woman handed her a small silver packet, small, round blue pills in rows and rows in it. “Just take one every morning, and continue like that for twenty-one days, then wait a week before starting again, alright?” she instructed, Rey taking the pills and uncertainly sticking them into her pocket.

“Thank you,” she said, and they continued walking, in silence for a few moments until Rose said, “He still looks scary, don’t you think?”

Rey looked down at her boot-clad feet for a little. “He does. It’s just when he’s here, though, around other people.”

“… I see.”

They walked on a little further.

“I know people act differently around other people, but he almost becomes an entirely different person. And it doesn’t feel like he wants me to know what’s going on,” Rey said.

“Do you think he’s sort of trying to keep himself distanced in some way? I can’t see the First Order as a place where you were encouraged to discuss things, or admit when you were wrong, or just generally be a human being,” Rose replied.

Finn came up to them before she could answer, practically beaming in competition against the sun. “Rey! Rose! I just talked to the others, they think something like a Jedi temple is a good idea to begin creating, and I’m gonna be in charge!”

“Oh that’s great!” Rose congratulated, pulling him down into a tight hug.

Rey smiled, too, happy on her friend’s behalf. “Is there anyone to join that temple?” she asked as they hugged.

“We’ve got some kids who’re showing potential, but I can’t really know for sure. You’re kind of the only one here with anything like Jedi training under your belt, so I could really use your help. I’m kinda new to this Force thing, if you hadn’t noticed,” he grinned, beginning to walk with them.

Feeling a little perplexed at the request, she said, “I don’t know how much I can help, Luke wasn’t exactly… There was very little time and I spent a lot of that time just trying to get him to train me. I don’t know what a Jedi does.”

“I’m sure it’s gonna be fine, we’ll just call it something other than Jedi, then. Maybe it needs a makeover, after all that time,” he shrugged it off. “You need to show me how you do that healing, too. I’ve got a feeling it could be useful. Is that how you brought him back?” he asked, and she hesitated for a bit before nodding.

“Yes. I think. I can’t say for sure. The Force works in mysterious ways,” she said, making her voice deep and croaky in the last sentence, the three of them laughing at the worn old saying before they reached the hospital.

Rey went inside the main room, a breath of relief coming from her when she saw that it wasn’t nearly as densely packed with stretchers as it’d been when they’d first come in after the flight from Geonosis. Some of the children smiled when they saw her, but most were just lying or sitting, talking, sleeping, playing cards. A boy, squat and with a shock of brown hair, came up to her, one arm in a sling, the other carrying the boy who hadn’t let go of her when she’d brought him to the freighter. His eyes were too serious for his young age, too old, she thought.

“He wouldn’t have come with us if you hadn’t brought him. Thank you,” he said, hoisting his sleeping little brother a tad higher up before walking past her outside.

It was more pleasant than she’d expected to take the children outside and tell them her story. Playmates of the same age had been rare on Jakku - the only ones there were old enough to work and kept to themselves if you were lucky - and it made her feel a little more at ease to know that these would at least have each other for support, no matter what they’d had to go through before, and on, Geonosis.

“Why’s your sabre yellow?” a gap-toothed girl asked after Rey had turned it on - there had been an abundance of requests to try holding it and turning it on, and she’d decided it’d be safer if she held it and they didn’t risk injuring each other - and she looked at the bright light of the blade, wondering the same thing herself.

“When making a light sabre, you have to use a crystal. And that crystal just chooses you. Yellow chose me,” she tried to explain. “The sabre is Force-attuned, so you can say that the colour of the sabre shows your connection with the Force.”

She felt someone looking at her. Not unpleasantly, but there were eyes on her, and she rose from her cross-legged seat, surveying her surroundings.

Rey caught sight of him across the path as she took back her sabre and blaster, securing them in her belt as their eyes met. A little surprised, she slowly straightened up, her head cocked questioningly to the side before she walked up to him, the children beginning to scatter as two of the former Stormtroopers came to handle them.

“Hey. I thought Poe wanted to discuss tactics with you,” she said, looking up at him, searching his face. She couldn’t really figure out what it was that he was feeling; his expression was too neutral to be natural, and she sensed he was keeping it on his half of the bond too, so she didn’t try to figure it out that way, either.

“He did. It was a quick discussion,” he answered.

“Did you get in a fight or something?”

“No.”

“Okay.”

Neither of them said anything for a few seconds. Rey tried to remain patient with him, knew he didn’t usually try to avoid her questions unless he was uncomfortable, and just looked up at him even though he was avoiding eye contact. She saw the muscles working in his jaw, his just slightly furrowed brows, his pursed lips.

“Do you remember that splinter group Maz told us about? They’re still working on that,” he began, voice sounding a little strained.

“Yes, I do.”

Another short pause.

“Poe just wanted help with that. I told them what I knew. Zorii was there. And Lando,” he added.

Lando had been close to Leia, right? And Jannah. She called seeing the two of them walking around on the base after the Battle of Exegol had ended before they’d taken off to find Jannah’s past together.

“What’s with Zorii?” she asked first, feeling like there was a little more to uncover with Lando.

“She voted for the death sentence and didn’t look happy to see me,” he said flatly.

Pressing her lips together, she shook her head. “Ben… People aren’t… They don’t understand why you’re here, you- They haven’t heard the whole story yet,” she tried, but in her heart, she knew that some just didn’t want to understand, no matter how hard she could try to convince them.

“You’re doing what you can. You’re helping the Resistance, you’re doing the right thing. I know that. You know that, too. And so does Finn, and Poe, and Rose.”

“Lando, too,” he added hoarsely, finally meeting her eyes. “I can’t understand why they want to.”

Her face fell, and she reached up for his, but he turned away and she let her hand drop to her side again, her brows furrowing. “Ben, you did _the right thing_. You can’t undo what you’ve done, and you know that too, I’m sure, but you’re also here now. You’re not with Snoke, or Palpatine, or anyone else trying to convince that fighting for the light isn’t the right path to follow. You’re here with me, with us now.” She paused, taking in a deep breath before continuing. “You just don’t look it sometimes. Sometimes, there’s a look that slides over your face, almost like a mask, it’s like Kylo Ren is back,” she trailed off, then sighed. “If you could try and lower your guard, I think it would be easier for people to see you as Ben. As Leia’s and Han’s son who came back.” She looked up at him, recalling just how dangerous he’d looked when Poe had provoked him, how his anger had burned hot along the bond.

Ben smiled a smile that held no joy at all; it was really just a grimace, and again he looked away from her. “Yes, right. That’s easy, isn’t it?”

Keeping her temper in check, Rey clicked her tongue, feeling like she’d done it all wrong. Of course it made sense he felt vulnerable. She’d seen the looks, too, both at the announcement of the sentence and when he’d returned. Something that made everyone tense seemed to radiate out from him when that cool mask slid down over his face, and he probably knew that all too well.

“Did you speak with Lando?” she finally asked.

“I did. He called me… Little starfighter. A nickname,” he answered. “He talked about us, you.”

Little starfighter? It sounded like something you’d call a kid who liked playing rowdy.

“Was he… Hostile?” she tentatively asked, not understanding why he was acting this way if the interaction had been positive.

“No. Not at all, in fact,” Ben said, shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter,” he straightened up again, his demeanour not fully Kylo Ren-ish, but it was up there, too level, controlled, voice sounding like he was just talking about the weather.

Frustrated, Rey was about to ask him why the hell he was acting like this when she got a hold of herself and instead just nodded and said, “Alright. Let’s go find something to eat.”

Ben knew he had to explain himself to her. It was all too easy to sense her impatience when he shut himself off and couldn’t put words to what he wanted to say to her. He needed her to understand. She had to understand. Still feeling on edge, he pursed his lips as he watched her weave through the people with nimble ease, reached out along the bond. She looked over her shoulder at him, saw him, and nodded. Her shoulders now visibly less tense, he walked up beside her, sneaking his hand into hers as he tried to ignore the dirty looks occasionally shot his way. He had Rey. His little sun.

They found Poe and the rest sitting camped out around a fire, a pot hung up above the flames.

Rey snorted. “Don’t you have something less old to cook with?” she asked, plopping down onto one of the stones that were placed around the fire, and he sat down next to her, noting the people there as well; Finn, Poe, some woman he didn’t recognise, and Rose.

“Hey! It’s nostalgic,” Poe protested, then added, “And Finn broke the cooker, so, you know. Practical.”

“Sounds about right. Jannah, can you hand me a bowl?” Rey chuckled, the unknown woman nodding and reaching over before eyeing him a bit suspiciously. Ben tried to keep his intimidating down to a minimum as he looked back at her, and, although she was still wary, she didn’t seem to object to him sitting there or want him to move.

He took the steaming bowl Rey handed him and looked down into it, more used to rations than something like this. Poking around with his spoon, he scooped up a mouthful and tasted it, finding it wasn’t awful. In fact, it was quite good.

It was nice to just fade into the background a little while the group talked, and he tried to follow the conversation, a careful smile settling on his lips when they laughed loudly at some joke Poe cracked, the knot in his stomach loosening up just a little as he saw them just acting normally around him, even if he didn’t participate much.

“You two, you’re going to be in the council room tomorrow morning,” Poe said after they’d eaten, his head in Finn’s, who was appearing to take a nap, lap. “I’ve called for a meeting with the different leaders and allies to talk about that Moraband gang or whatever it is.”

Ben nodded, asking, “Do you need anything specific from us, or are we just to attend?”

“Now that you mention it, it’d be pretty neat to know more about whatever it is there is on Moraband, so dig up all your notes and be ready to tell us all something useful tomorrow,” Poe said, then got up with a grunt. “We’ve sent those recon ships out, but it’ll take a few days for them to return, so we need to work with what we’ve got,” he explained and helped Finn up before wandering off along with him.

“Before you leave, you should know that the hut is yours. I know it’s a little cramped, but I thought it might be nice if it were a little farther away from everything,” Rose said, getting up as well. “I have some ships to repair, so I’ll be off,” she said, and Ben got to his feet, more than ready to get out of sight of everyone else. It had been nice to sit there, though, just for a little.

“Oh, wow, we’d been fine with just a cot or something,” Rey began, but shut up when she caught the look Rose was sending her. “Right. Thank you so much,” she hurriedly said, Rose smiling in turn before she left.

Rey stretched and yawned before beginning to walk away from the burned-out fire as well, the embers glowing dully in the beginning twilight. He walked up to her, smiled, and it was dark when they came back to their own little place, settling into bed to have an excuse to just lie there together as the darkness of nighttime settled over the forest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please consider leaving a comment if you've enjoyed this chapter! It really keeps me motivated!
> 
> I promise they're going to at least try to talk it out guys, they just need to not be either: a) horny or b)angry and so it might take a little while before we get to it
> 
> (did I just copy the concept of birth control? absolutely. Shit works.)


	17. Past patterns and new light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben can't sleep, consumed by some uncertain urge to not be where he is, and to go through his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare for some feelsy angst

It was a common occurrence, not being able to sleep. Some of his first memories were of that, sleepless nights in Han’s lap, watching Moray and Faz, not caring if he’d seen the episodes before. He couldn’t figure out if he liked that reminiscence or not, still too confused as to what had even happened during his upbringing. He hadn’t even known who his grandfather had been up until he’d been twenty-three, and it seemed like there was just too much people wasn’t telling him. And those who were able to were probably gone by now, too. The only people he recognised from his childhood left were Chewbacca and Lando, and he had a feeling the wookie wasn’t exactly the person to explain his whole life story to him. He didn’t feel like Lando was, either. It should’ve been his mom, or dad. His uncle. Why hadn’t they told him anything?

Rolling over, he sat up, looking out through the window. Next to him, Rey shifted, a ray of moonlight falling in over her, a broad line of silver illuminating her lips, her jaw and the top of her chest. She mumbled something incoherent, and he felt along the bond. Figuring out what she was dreaming was difficult, everything was just sort of blurry and odd, and as he’d established that she was only dreaming and nothing more, he got out of bed, carefully, as to not make too much noise and accidentally wake her. Before doing so, though, he leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead, brushing her hair back over her head.

Aimless, he headed first for the combined kitchen and living room, but feeling too restless to sit, he stood instead, looking out over the view presented to him. Moonlight laid in mosaics on the thick grass, moving slowly as the wind blew in the trees. Something small and furry scurried across the clearing and up a trunk until it disappeared in the foliage, and something glimmered flickeringly a bit further out into the distance, he saw through the undergrowth.

Sliding the doors aside, he went outside, the night warm enough for him not to need more than what he was already wearing as he strode across the small meadow and into the dense forest, the dew-wet grass almost seeming to whisper to him as he went. He brushed ferns and branches aside on his way until he reached the little creek, the water clucking past in a steady, continuous thrum that settled into the back of his mind as he began to walk along it, following it upstream.

The terrain turned somewhat steep, but he kept walking, the exertion helping keep his head clear - somewhat, at least - as he went on, not knowing why he felt like he had to keep going. Something was just telling him to, and it wasn’t like he had anything useful to do instead of it.

Ben’s thoughts circled back to his past, his barely admitted jealousy towards Rey. He now knew his parents had tried to help, but at the same time… They’d sent him away, with Luke. He’d sensed their fear, even though they’d tried to hide it, and he’d tried even harder to follow the laws of the Jedi and be the very best in training so he could just be done and return to them. Snoke had told him he’d be home faster if he just did as he said, had shown him what had happened if he didn’t. They hadn’t really tried to get to him after he’d fled the temple his uncle had tried to kill him in, either. No one had come for him when he’d needed their help.

Han had come on Starkiller Base, but he just knew he wouldn’t have if Leia hadn’t told him to. Leia, who took on Rey as her apprentice while she’d sent him away with her estranged twin. Leia, who’d kept his heritage from him, had kept the truth hidden until it was too late. He shook his head, halting, his chest clenching uncomfortably from fury and sadness both, roiling in him like two beasts in murky water and he was right there in the middle of it all, trapped as always, everything too loud around him for his voice to be heard.

He thought of his mother when she’d contacted him that one last time on Endor, and he wished he’d said properly goodbye. That she’d seen with her own eyes and let her know that her son was back, that he’d returned against all odds, without their help. He’d just had Rey. Who had called him a murderous snake, said she knew everything she needed to about him when she’d seen nothing at all. The memory tore at him, causing him to wince away from the past, and he tried to keep it together, tried to see that all of them had changed, too, as he had. It just hurt to know your parents had given up on you when you had still called out for their help.

He saw how he’d thrown the lightsabre away, Kylo Ren landing in those wild waves and sinking to the bottom just like the Death Star. Ben resumed walking, wiping angrily at his face, couldn’t see clearly through the tears. Only the sound of the creek flowing by kept him grounded, his pace quickening, and he exhaled slowly in an attempt to cool himself.

If he considered what he’d done and compared it to their abandonment, the proportions just weren’t comparable when he cut his own feelings out of the equation. He understood their fear for him. He still had it, had felt it again when Rey had shown him her vision of the two of them on the Throne. Ben understood that Leia had sent him away with the best intentions, understood that he’d been too far out for them to reach him without risking their lives when she’d taken in Rey to train. He knew all of this, saw their reasons, but still couldn’t help the dark flower of hurt and betrayal and envy from blooming in his chest as his feet slowed without him even thinking.

Something caught the light of the moon among the pebbles lying near the edge of the water. Ben, still a little too much in his own head to process much of the physical world around him, almost stepped right on it before he blinked, reality hitting him again. Breathless, he carefully crouched down and reached out for the little white crystal, it cold to the touch, the coolness spreading up his hand - and not unpleasantly. Full of wonder, he turned the stone over in his hand, studying it in the dim moonlight, and found that it was a type of Adegan crystal. He searched his mind for what he’d been taught back in the Jedi temple, what he’d himself studied during his time in the First Order, and knew that this was a Pontite crystal.

Rey awoke to the lack of something beside her. Still half-asleep, she patted the spot beside her, found it cold, and sat up, blearily rubbing her eyes. “Ben?” she croaked, and the house only met her with empty silence.

That woke her up. Getting out of bed and hurriedly pushing the tangled covers off of her, she turned on the lights in the two rooms, looked inside the rinsing chamber, and found no Ben. Where in the world was he? Standing in the middle of the largest room, she turned, looking out the windows, and there was no trace of him there either.

It hadn’t been pain on his end of the bond that had woken her, she knew as much, and therefore, he had to be alright, too. Right? Rey reached out for him, searchingly and carefully, not sure what she’d find on his side of their connection. She found him, walking, something held in his hand.

“I couldn’t sleep,” was all he gave as explanation, but she didn’t inquire into it any further as she knew he was on his way back, and so she waited, her mind following him as he made his way down from the old mountainside, up from the creek and over the clearing, back inside.

“You could’ve woken me up,” she said, trying to keep the accusatory tone that was only there because of her worry out of her voice and kept herself from crossing her arms as she looked at him and his dishevelled hair and the smouldering look in his dark eyes.

“You were sleeping soundly, I had no reason to,” he replied, still standing as she took a seat in one of the chairs by the table, the sound of the legs scraping against the floor too loud in the silence of the night.

“Then can you tell me what you were doing outside? You were out for a while,” she asked, trying to decode why he was looking so intense without any anger showing. He almost seemed like he was crazed, if she didn’t know any better.

“I found a crystal,” he said, voice surprisingly steady.

“A crystal?”

“A Pontite crystal. A type of Adegan crystal, the ones the Jedi originally used. It was just lying there, on the bank of the creek,” he explained, opening his hand and revealing the small, white crystal that had been concealed in there.

Rey could feel the Force radiating from it, and shot him a doubtful look, knew what he wanted to do with it. “Ben, are you sure that now is the time for a new sabre? You’re still-”

“You don’t have to think like that,” he interrupted, his expression suddenly more withdrawn. “I know that I can lose my temper, but I wouldn’t use it to hurt. I thought you knew that.” His voice was made carefully distant, but she could sense the hurt behind it all too well and pressed her lips together.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?”

She paused, not knowing how to answer. She’d seen a flash of something, of a sabre swung when the anger won, and knew he’d been the one wielding the blade. His shoulders dropped, his expression moulding back into that of his past self, and again a stranger stood before her, so very far away.

“I’m sorry. I don’t think you’ll ever actually do that, not now that-“

“You do think so,” he replied coolly, and her temper flared even though she knew she’d hurt him by even hinting at such a thing.

“You keep doing that whenever something’s bothering you,” she noted, pointing at him, not scared of the imposing figure he made. “Acting like you’re not Ben.”

Something behind his eyes broke, and so did she, but she had to get to the bottom of this although her heart bled as she continued, “I can’t ever know how it is for you to be here, around these people, so I won’t say that I know how it feels. But I know that it’s not you when you lock yourself off from me, from everyone, when people look at you like you’re still Kylo Ren. I know because you aren’t. Because you threw your sabre into the sea. Because you came back for me. Because I know you still have nightmares. So why do you have to keep putting on that mask?”

His entire body was tense, as if he was preparing to fight or flee, and it pained her to see him take a step back when she rose from the chair. “I’m going to keep you safe. I’m not going to leave. And I’m going to make them see who you are, whether you like it or not, because I brought Ben Solo, Ben Skywalker back with me, and _not_ Kylo Ren.”

There was too much fear in his eyes. She saw it through his wall, sensed it practically rolling off of him, and she didn’t know what she could do.

“You don’t know what it’s like,” he finally said, voice hoarse.

She shook her head, wishing she did.

“Can’t you see how everyone’s- looking? They’re looking for vulnerabilities, Rey, I know it, they’re looking for ways to wedge their way in and try and do something terrible and I’m not going to let it happen, not when I finally have you,” he said thickly, pointing out as he stared her down. “They don’t believe me, they plot against me, and they’re not ever going to think of me as something other than Kylo Ren. Jedi Killer. Han Solo’s murderer.” His eyes flickered between her eyes, frantic, trying to make her understand, and her breath caught in her throat. “And don’t try and tell me that they don’t, because they _do_ , and I can’t let my guard down around these people if we both want to survive, can’t you see that?” he demanded, looming over her, his hair falling over his face as he spoke, and Rey finally began to grasp it.

“I see it,” she said after a few seconds, tried to reach out for him along the bond as she attempted to string some words together that would make it all okay when she knew it was impossible. “I see it. I’m sorry,” was all she could say, searchingly reaching out for his arm. He didn’t try to move away, so she rested her hand there for a little while, not breaking eye contact. “I’m _here_ , Ben. I’m here. I’m not going to let them get to you. Poe is with you on this, and I know Finn and the rest are, too. You have a safe haven here, and people need and want your help. So give them it, and- and people will see you. I saw you. So did the rest. They just need time, most of them.”

He scoffed, but it wasn’t heartfelt.

“You can be really scary, and I know you don’t want to,” she said quietly after a brief pause. “And I know it’s scary being here in the middle of it and knowing no one and having had to do the things you’ve had to do. You have to try and let yourself be vulnerable. All of us are,” she said, looking at his neutral expression that wasn’t so neutral after all, the cracks beginning to show.

“You can start by just being that with me, okay? I know you. You can’t surprise me much anymore, right?”

He lowered his gaze, his chin trembling slightly. She felt the tears spill over, tried to keep them at bay nonetheless. “They’re going to protect you, as am I. You’re not alone here. We’ve all got your back,” she said, sliding her hand up his arm until she was far enough up to caress his face, wiping away the tear rolling down it. “You can be strong and yourself at the same time. Kylo Ren was nothing compared to you. He wouldn’t have joined me on Exegol, or fought against Palpatine. He wouldn’t have sacrificed himself. You don’t need him,” she urged, ran her fingers through his hair, tried to bring out whatever soothing power her connection with the Force would give her, and he finally leaned into the touch of her hand, his eyes closing as he let out a somewhat shaky breath.

“I’m going to be there,” she promised, wrapping her arms around him. “I’m going to be there.”

They crawled back into bed, settling under the covers with a sort of uneasiness to them. Rey looked at the back turned towards her, the ear she could see poking out from his hair, and she scooted a little closer, wrapping her arm around his waist, their legs tangled. She knew he was still awake, knew he was staring out at nothing, but didn’t break the silence, didn’t fall asleep even though her body was protesting against that decision. She stayed up with him, just keeping close, knew he’d let her know, somehow, if he needed anything more.

As the dim grey light of dawn began to replace the indigo of the night, she said, “After that council meeting, you should make that sabre. You need to train with me or you’re going to look ridiculous fighting Finn.”

He was silent for a few seconds. “Are you suggesting that I fight Finn?”

“Haven’t you seen him? He’s so eager to be a Jedi, he’s going to want to train all he can. And it’d just be an unfair fight if you don’t have the right weapon,” she said, and heard him frown.

“He’s… Something.”

“Yes. And we should be getting up if we want to get to the council meeting in time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was specific about the lightsabre crystal because I read that the Pontite crystals have a cooling effect on tempers and boy does Ben need that sometimes huh
> 
> As always, please consider leaving behind a comment if you enjoyed this chapter! It really keeps me motivated to read your feedback!


	18. Meetings and farewells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben attend the council meeting discussing the threat on Moraband and how to fight it. Ben needs to connect with his newly found crystal. Rey wants to help fight the threat in whatever way she can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Just an update of a posting schedule as I've come back to school. I'm graduating this year and need good grades (an average of 10,9 when the highest grade is 12), so I'm going to have to focus on school as well as author school and DnD sessions with my new group.  
> In short: I'm going to try to keep at least a chapter posted each week, hopefully two. At least once per week, though. The day of posting might vary, so please be patient with me. I hope you'll continue to enjoy this story even with the lower update frequency!!

Ben sat on the bed with Rey seated between his legs on the floor. He was working his fingers through her hair, trying to decide what to do with it while keeping himself from feeling too tired. There wasn’t time for that today. Separating her brown hair into locks, he began braiding them, going for a mohawk braid that’d keep it out of her face, while still letting some be loose. She looked so nice like that, he thought. And her hair had gotten longer, he noted, it now just a little longer than his own as it reached to the middle of her shoulder blades.

Finished, he stretched his arms out in front of him, and she tilted her head back, looking up at him, reaching up for him. He leaned down over her, giving her forehead a kiss, then got up, pulling on his shirt. Today, he had to make it count, make sure he didn’t let himself sink back into the armour his past still provided him. He had to let it die. Had to let go.

“It’s nice,” Rey said after looking herself in the mirror and turning to look at him. He nodded, brushed her hair behind her ear, letting his hand linger there as he caressed her face while trying to find the words, searching her eyes.

“Will you be there?” he then asked, and she broke into a smile, laying her hand over his.

“Of course. Every step of the way. I can scare them off, so you don’t have to.”

He frowned. “You can be scary.”

His own hair he’d just put half of it up, not too bothered about it if it just didn’t get into his face. It wasn’t going to help him to hide behind it either, and so he’d ended up just keeping it that way, needing to get out of the little hut and going if he didn’t want to get stuck there. Ben felt himself gradually growing tenser and tenser the further they walked down the path leading to the Base and tried to keep it down, tried to push past his discomfort with the whole thing as people began to show up on the intersecting paths and roads. Now, he met some of their eyes when they looked at him. Few didn’t seem to recognise him and just went on their way, or they were ignoring him. Either way, he preferred that over the fear and scorn he saw as well in their faces, their eyes.

Not all of them looked down when their gazes met. Some expressed more of whatever they were feeling, but a few actually looked at him, maybe a little surprised he was looking at them, too, and he kept himself in check despite how he wanted to shut it all out and just get the meeting over with so he could go back to their little paradise and not worry about anything else.

It got worse the closer they got to the Commander’s building, the amount of people around growing, and he felt his stomach clenching unpleasantly. Inevitably, he squared his shoulders and raised his chin, raised his mask against the whole world against him, his features turning colder, harder, and then he felt a small squeeze on his hand, and he was torn out of it, turning his head to look at her. She was right beside him, keeping close, her face not condemning nor pitying. He looked at her, anchored himself with her, and some of the tension was chipped away as they walked into the Commander’s building, the walls thankfully locking out some of all the stares and glares, but still, it was as if they’d drilled themselves into his back and he constantly felt like there was someone behind him, waiting for something, for him to let down his guard.

Poe was the last to enter the council room. The atmosphere in there had been tense up until then, quiet conversations having died down when the pair of them stepped in, and they’d only come back as hushed and murmured, a ring clearing around them. Ben pressed his lips together, searching the room, tried not to glare at anyone. Rey hadn’t done anything to deserve that treatment.

Clenching and unclenching his fist, he looked up at the map of the galaxy, the close-up of Moraband next to it, and the way they acted towards him, towards her, too, brought his frustration back out along with the feeling of having been misunderstood and mistreated for too long. The muscles in his jaw worked, the atmosphere building and building until Poe walked down the stairs to the table.

“As you’re probably aware, we’re here because of some unknown threat brewing on Moraband. We have no confirmed information as of yet. I’ve sent some of our best scouts out for that information, and I heard back from them earlier this morning, telling me they’re still on their way. So, in the meantime, we’re going to try and see what we can figure out as we wait so we don’t waste our time. Ben Solo knows something about what’s on Moraband and what might have motivated this group to go there,” he announced, and all eyes turned to Ben when he’d finished.

Feeling too much like a deer caught in the headlights, he looked out at all of them, his heart beating too quickly, and there weren’t a lot of friendly faces in the crowd. The only one he could find was the one of Lando. He saw the older man nod, reassuringly and slowly. He swallowed around the lump in his throat, and looked back at Poe.

“Moraband is not a planet for life,” he said, his voice clear, cutting through the expectant silence like a knife. “It’s a planet where the Sith order settled and grew. Many texts were written there, and more have been written about that place.” He paused. “I know because I’ve read them, because I’ve been to it.”

Rey looked at him, still tense, for herself, for him, but he looked… Different. Still authoritarian - and maybe a bit too much - and still distant, but he was looking at the people he was talking to, commanding their attention as he kept explaining. Pride swelled in her chest, but she kept it to her side of the bond, not wanting to distract him.

“In the texts, there’s talk of some unknown power, something ancient, that the Sith either didn’t know how to or didn’t have the power to tame. The reason is unclear, but they killed Jedi knights in the Moraband execution chamber, I assume as a sacrifice of sorts to whatever power they were trying to dominate. It was part of ancient Sith rituals, intended to gain the power of the Jedi for yourself once they were killed, but it was only possible with the approval of that power. My guess is that they’ve had to abandon that way of working after a certain point, as the place was deserted seemingly quite abruptly. Maybe the power fought against them, or wasn’t satisfied with whatever they were doing. Either way, it was abandoned, and stayed that way for a long time.

Now, whatever they woke up on that planet is… Not something whose likeness I’ve ever seen before. I went there during my time with the First Order, seeking that same power. It would be ground-breaking if we had that sort of energy available to us.” He paused, shooting a glance in Lando’s direction. He gave the faintest of nods, and so he continued, “I wasn’t on Moraband for very long before I had to return to my starship and leave. The power there is hard to describe, but the entire time, it was difficult to breathe, and it felt as if the whole atmosphere was pressurised, although my instruments told me that it wasn’t the case. It didn’t take very long for me to begin feeling delirious once I got inside the execution chamber, so my assumption is that whatever that power is, it’s the strongest in there. You start to feel drained and lose your will to do anything but just give up and stay there. Whoever these people are, they’re extremely powerful if they can hold their ground against that power for so long. It seems likely that they’re Force sensitive as well, this splinter group, as we also know they seem to idolise the Sith,” Ben finished, now looking over at Poe who was bracing his hands on the table, and she could practically see his gears grinding.

“What does this power do? And why haven’t any of you Force-sensitive people felt it if there was a new Sith order rising?” a Captain asked, looking at Ben.

“I can’t tell you for certain. It appears to be able to manipulate with the Force, taking it, giving it. And that might be the reason why none of us have been able to feel it - it could have a blocking effect,” he answered, turning to Finn as he spoke up.

“I haven’t been to Moraband, but what I’ve felt hasn’t been something _wrong_ , exactly, just a kind of disturbance in the Force. It’s like there’s something missing,” he said, and Rey furrowed her brows.

This power sounded too much like something that could be turned into a too powerful weapon in the right - or rather, wrong - hands.

“If even the Sith, after sacrificing Jedi, couldn’t tame that power, and if we can’t sense them properly, I think we have to prepare for the worst,” Poe said darkly, his features stark. “We’ll wait for more news from the recon ships. If they haven’t reported back to us in three days, we’ll have to assume they didn’t make it.”

“Isn’t it better to go after Moraband now, then? They’ll have more time to tame that power, whatever it is that it’s able to do, if we wait,” Rey said, trying to keep the chilling feeling that’d gotten in her bones when Ben had told of it out.

Poe nodded, acknowledging it. “I get that, but when we know so little, sending soldiers would be too risky. I’m not losing more men than necessary,” he said, and Rey saw his resolution. She just knew that she was going to try and figure out what the hell the thing on Moraband was. Those recon ships weren’t coming back, she’d realised when Poe had spoken of waiting for their return.

“Do we have any knowledge of anyone who’s tried to combat this thing on Moraband? Did you come across anything like that?” She asked Ben, who shook his head.

“That wasn’t my focus at the time. There might be descriptions of it, though I suspect it’d be the Jedi texts who contain it, but the Sith texts might as well,” he answered.

“So how do we get the Sith texts? Do we even know who was them now? Finn has the Jedi texts, so we can start searching those,” Poe said, and all of the gathered people looked doubtfully at each other.

“The last I saw of them, they were on board The Supremacy,” Ben said.

“Vice Admiral Holdo flew through it in lightspeed at the Battle of Crait. Did any of you see if it went down?” Rose asked.

They’d escaped to Crait at hyperspeed, and unlike The Supremacy, they hadn’t been equipped with a hyperspeed tracker.

“It was crashing, but I believe it got back on its wings. It couldn’t be worth it to begin repairing that that, though,” a Captain contributed, “They must have taken it away somewhere and brought back with them what was important.

“The First Order is so scattered, it’s going to be difficult to find that collection of Sith texts, perhaps this splinter group took it, if they are inspired by the Sith. There might be others who have some of the texts, though.” Lando said.

“You sound like you know something,” Poe encouraged.

“I don’t know it for sure, but there’s an eccentric on Iridonia. If there’s someone who might have ancient sacred texts, it’s them. They’re shady, but smugglers come to them if they have something so obscure it can’t be sold. And they have their own interests, too. I think they might be willing to help us, if we give them something in return,” Lando said. “I can go, though company would be nice.”

Rey felt a nudge at her back, not physically, and saw Ben nod in Lando’s direction while giving her a look.

“What?” she called along the bond.

“Go with him. I need to work on the sabre regardless, and even if they aren’t for the Resistance, they’ll respect you,” he said.

Her brows furrowed in slight confusion as to why he wanted her to leave, but maybe it would be good to see some more to Lando. He seemed very nice. Kind. Hesitating for a few seconds, she deliberated the decision, trying to figure out whether out it was a good idea to leave Ben behind here.

“I’ll go. We can bring along some credits for bargaining,” she said, meeting Lando’s eye. A wry smile was on his face, and she felt herself brightening up a little, too, despite her own concern.

“Alright, you should go when you’re ready. And keep in close radio contact when you can, okay?” Poe said, voice stern.

She grinned at him. “Don’t you worry, I think we’re going to make a pretty good team.” She saw Lando chuckle, and felt something flowing along the bond, a sense of thankfulness, and when she turned to look at Ben, he looked at her with a soft look in his eyes she recognized all too well.

“Meeting’s over. As always, report back to me if you hear something interesting or pick up anything even remotely connected to this,” Poe finished and the people started scattering, still a few glances cast Ben’s way. Much to her relief, he didn’t look nearly as intimidating as he had at the first council meeting - still imposing, yes, still proud, but he looked much more human. Just looked more like Ben, serious and grave, but Ben.

Lando made their way over to them, giving a nod in greeting. “Well then, thank you for joining me. It’d be too boring to go on my own, wouldn’t it now,” he said.

“I’m sure you would’ve found something to entertain you,” she replied, remembering the wild stories she’d heard told of his youth, smiling slightly at him and he laughed as he nodded.

“You’re right. And I know you’re a good pilot, so I’m more than happy to take ya with me,” he said, then turned to look at his nephew. “And you’re going to be good on your own?”

“I have something I have to do,” Ben replied, a bit too curtly.

“Mind telling me, little starfighter?”

“I found a crystal. Pontite,” he said after a few seconds.

“Ah. I think it’ll suit you well,” he said with a glimmer in his eyes.

Ben gave him a jokingly questioning look, and the pair of them both smiled, Ben carefully, still guarded, Lando warmly, with deep affection in his eyes. “I’ll be good,” he promised.

“And careful, I hope.”

“That, too.”

“Good. Now come here,” Lando said as he pulled him into a hug, giving him a few pats on the back before letting go.

Rey’s heart thrummed with gladness, for Ben, Lando, for the closure it seemed like he was getting. Along the bond, she sensed serenity, too, something she hadn’t ever felt coming from him, and it ached a little as she inevitably yearned for some connection like that, too, some living link to her past. Something that could tell her more of her own life. She only knew what Palpatine had told her, and she preferred not to think of that as the truth even though at least some parts of it probably were.

“Alright, Rey, go pack, I’ll meet you by the Lady Luck in, let’s say, two hours? I have to make my rounds with everyone and such things.”

Rey nodded. “Two hours, I’ll meet you there.”

As to why it had felt necessary to get her on board on that mission with Lando, he didn’t have much of a clue. It’d just been right. And he was going to be fine on his own for a little. Here. With the people who’d voted for his death.

He kept his worry in check as they walked back to their little house, taking the lead, and already the sun was shining brightly down on them, birds twittering past and insects whirring by every now and then. The heat of the planet no longer felt so oppressive, at least. It wasn’t like he was going to notice it much the next few days, though.

Once the door slid shut, he sat down heavily on one of the chairs, and she plopped down next to him, the pair of them just sitting in silence for a little while.

“It’s the first time we’re apart, since…” he began, then cleared his throat, just glad to know that he wasn’t going to sleep while meditating on the crystal.

“It is. I know I can feel you through that distance, though. We saw each other before.”

“You’re right.”

Silence again, a bit tenser this time. He looked down at his hands in his lap.

“I’m coming back, you know,” she said softly, and he snapped his head to the side, searching her face for the sign of a lie even though he knew it couldn’t be there. Not with Rey.

“I know,” he said, getting up from his chair and walking round the table to her, bracing one hand on the tabletop as he leaned down, pressing a kiss to her lips, only reluctantly pulling away. She slid her hand up over his back, it coming to rest at the nape of his neck, and he picked her up from the chair, very much seizing the opportunity of grabbing her ass as he carried her back into the bedroom, their lips finding each other again and again, not wanting to let go. Not yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, if you enjoyed this chapter/the story so far, please consider leaving a comment! It really helps keeping me motivated!
> 
> Also I know this was not as Reylo heavy as some chapters and more plot-drive , but something's really brewing on Moraband. And there's way more Angst PotentialTM when they're separated guys, just sayin. Plus who knows if they’ll have a desperate goodbye bone???


	19. Departure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben need to make the two hours they have together before Rey has to leave count.  
> Ben begins working on his new sabre.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all knew it was coming when you read the end of the last chapter.

Both knew they had to leave. Both knew it was the right call they’d made. Both knew they didn’t want to.

Rey felt his desperation as clearly as her own when he leaned down to kiss her as she was carried into the bedroom, felt it both along the bond and in the way he held her tightly against himself, even seeming reluctant to let go of her once her back hit the bed. It took a little while before she mustered enough willpower to loosen the grip around his neck, too, and the desperation mixed with an all-consuming hunger that made her chest clench - though not unpleasantly at all. In fact, it was quite the opposite.

Now having released him, she pulled her shirt over her head and dropped it on the floor.

The look on his face took her breath away. His eyes burned with the same intensity she’d seen so many times before, it nailing her to the mattress, but this time, she felt no danger. He wasn’t trying to conquer to Galaxy right now - just her.

Breathing already shallow, she looked up at him, still fully clothed, watched him as he stood by the end of the bed, an almost predatory look on his face. “What are you waiting for?” she asked hoarsely as he didn’t move, about to prop herself up on her elbows when she felt something tug at her wrists and pin her arms above her head. Her brows furrowed as she strained a little against whatever was holding her, but the just slightly questioning look on Ben’s face coupled with the sense of something bulging on the bond made her realise what was going on. Licking her lips, she squirmed slightly, but didn’t really try to get out of the hold. She knew she could, if she wanted to.

“Earlier, you tested my patience. You seemed to enjoy yourself,” he said, climbing onto the bed, spreading her legs before kneeling between them. Every movement was slow, careful, contained when he leaned over her, ever so lightly tracing the tip of his index finger down over her cheek, it sliding down over her jaw, neck, up over her collarbone and skimming over the bandage and over her breast, lightly tracing the side and underside of it before circling back up between them again, giving the other one the same treatment before leaning down to kiss her again and slowly, lazily taking her lips between his own before pulling away just far enough to be out of her reach.

Huffing out in frustration, she glared up at him, not even able to close her legs and get some sort of friction that way as he was quite literally blocking for that. He grinned, she saw, and kissed her again, deeper this time, letting his tongue trace over her bottom lip before he pulled away, keeping his face just a few centimetres away from hers as he traced his finger downwards, over her ribs and stomach, her navel, watching for her reaction. She tried to keep that to herself, but it was a bit difficult when he moved his hand between her legs over her clothes, not touching nearly enough to bring even the slightest hint of relief to the aching heat that was so very much within his reach.

“I wasn’t nearly as bad,” she protested breathily, the smug look on his face only turning smugger when he did it again, and she squirmed against the bind, feeling far too hot already, her face flushed and warm.

“Maybe not,” he said, moving his hand up to unfasten the waist of her trousers, beginning to tug them down.

Rey groaned, tilting her head back and staring up at the ceiling as he tugged them off, using way more time than necessary. He had to move to be able to fully remove them, but then he was right back between her legs, grabbing under her knee to keep them spread again.

It throbbed, urgently and insistently, and it was almost unbearable when he just slid his hands up her legs, grazing down the thin, sensitive skin on her inner thighs, stopping just before he reached what needed to be touched the most. Arching her back, she gave him a pleading look, but received only a slight, denying shake of the head in return.

For something that felt like eternity, Ben kept his grazes light, barely there, and only tracing over the spots where it made no real difference and only made her more riled up, excitement mixed with frustration rolling over her like waves whenever he came close to touching her between her legs, but then either moved his hand back up to her stomach, groin, inner thighs or sides, and she squirmed beneath him again, meeting him desperately in every single kiss he decided to grace her with.

Finally, Ben didn’t seem like he could hold back much longer either. Throughout, Rey felt his arousal, his excitement, and had seen it too, a very visible bulge in his trousers apparent whenever he gave her a clear view of him. Finally, he _touched_ her, and the relief came like a shock of electricity coursing through her whole body, her breath stuttering in her chest.

Slick with arousal, she squirmed against the hold as a moan rolled over her lips, her sweaty back arching off the sheets as he toyed with her clit again, slowly letting the tip of his finger roll over it, again and again in a slow rhythm. Just as the build-up of heat threatened to tip over, he pulled away, though, and she wanted to yell at him to continue, stars help her. She could cry.

“Calm down,” he said, the shirt already over his head, and he was very quick to step out of his clothes before returning to her. She felt the warmth radiating off his body as he hovered over her, kissing her eagerly, messily, and she pressed herself up against him, felt his hard cock against the pane of her stomach, and was barely able to wait.

Both of them a little frantic, she willingly spread her legs, and he slid inside with ease, filling her to the hilt, and both of them just panted into the shared kiss for a second or two before he began moving, one hand still caressing her body, squeezing her breasts, tracing every curve of her as if trying to burn the memory of it inside his head, and Rey rolled her hips up against him, met him in every thrust, the ecstasy almost too much for her when he used his thumb to stimulate her clit while continuing to work himself in and out, the rhythm building in pace, in force, and it only got better.

Mind almost going blank, her climax crashed in over her, breath catching in her throat, muscles strained and back arching as it made her whole body shudder in too intense euphoria, barely feeling it as Ben reached that high with her, both of them collapsing, tired, satisfied, panting, against each other.

The bind around her wrists released. Rey rolled her head to the side, hazy and dazed, and found Ben’s face next to her own. Lazily, she wrapped her arms around him, kissed him, tenderly and having all the time in the world. At least it seemed that way. Still blissful, she felt him pull out and he rolled over onto his side, pulling her to his chest.

“Still not content?” he asked, a hint of a smile in his voice, and when she looked up at him, she saw a glimmer of something playful, unrestrained.

She poked him in the ribs, then, before propping herself up on her elbows to kiss him, said, “I think you already know.”

After yet another shower and braiding of Rey’s hair, she was ready to go. Ben thought she could have brought some personal belongings to Ajan Kloss which she might need for the mission, but really, all she had was stored in Luke’s old X-wing - and it wasn’t much. Just her satchel, staff and a few pieces of clothing and a single dried flower. Except for the staff, everything had stayed behind. She’d gotten a fresh set of clothes which was much more her practical style when they’d come back to the Base, as had he, but that wasn’t really what was on his mind as he watched her going up the ramp of Lady Luck, her sparse luggage in her arms.

He was standing with his arms crossed as she came back down, felt himself give a little smile and open his arms when she came closer. Nuzzling his face against her hair, he enjoyed the hug every second it lasted, not wanting to let go when he felt her begin to do just that.

“Radio contact,” he reminded her, feeling a little dumb as he said it, but she just smiled when she looked up at him.

“I’ll remember. You said it two times on the way here. And you, be good, okay?”

“I’ll be good,” he promised with a slightly wry smile. She caressed his cheek for a moment or two before dropping her hand, and he swallowed thickly, feeling the fear of being left alone come creeping back into his mind.

She searched his face, and he nodded, and so she turned to leave, hugging Poe, Finn, Rose, Jannah and Maz goodbye as Lando came down from the starship to say his goodbyes, too.

“Keep her safe,” he said, trying not to feel too ridiculous as he hugged his uncle in the middle of all the Rebels, feeling more eyes on him than he could count.

“Oh, Ben, you know more well than I that she’s going to do that for me,” Lando said. “Be open. There are more people than you think who want to work with you. Good people. They’re just a little intimidated by ya. Try and meet them where they are, alright?”

A little confused, he nodded nonetheless, watching with a pang of pain in his heart as both Lando and Rey headed inside the starship. As the motors heated and it began to lift off the ground, he felt a squeeze on his hand, and did the same, sensing her bittersweetness as the yacht took off into the distance.

He exchanged looks with the group of friends Rey had made here, and walked over to Finn.

“Your lightsabre, do you have any materials to make another one with?” he asked, and Finn scratched the back of his head. “I think so, yea. It’s Maz’ stash, but she apparently likes you, so you’ll be good, probably.”

“Thanks,” he said before walking off, heading for the freighter that’d brought him out of the precarious situation he’d been in after the vote. He knocked on the metal, and the ramp went down after a little while, whirring in a squeaky sort of way. Ben headed up inside the main room, and found the pirate shuffling through boxes, metal clanking.

Pausing, he looked at her until she said, “Boy, you came here for something, didn’t you?”

He shifted, then said, “Yes. Lightsabre materials. It’s time for me to have a new one.”

“Not crimson, I hope.”

He pressed his lips together. “No.”

“Good,” she said as she turned to him, eyeing him intently for a few seconds before she dug through a small box in the corner, putting bits and pieces into a small bag and handing him it.

“There. Make something useful with it. And you owe me a favour. I know you can’t pay,” she said, and he simply nodded as he took the bag and turned to leave the freighter.

It felt sort of empty without her, the small house. Far too quiet, far too still. He looked at the crumpled sheets, drumming his fingers against the doorframe, then began gathering them and shoving them into the cleaner, stopping just briefly to breathe in her scent one more time before starting the program and heading outside, grabbing the Pontite crystal and bag on the way. He went to the creek and climbed the slowly rising mountainside until he reached the spot where he’d found the Pontite, and there he took a seat, holding the crystal in both hands, feeling the cooling soothing it brought along with it. Before he started, he spread out the parts in front of him, working the mechanical part of the sabre together into a hilt that could contain the crystal, the grip a mix of black, silver and golden bits, pieced together into something he hoped would work. As his eyes closed, the crystal levitated a few centimetres up, and his mediation on it began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've enjoyed this chapter/the story so far, please consider leaving behind a comment for me to read! It really helps keeping me motivated!
> 
> God I love these two dorks sm,,,, wonder how they'll do apart. And how Ben's lightsabre will look


	20. Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey finds out more from Lando. Ben breaks his meditation.

It was just now that Rey realised that she hadn’t gotten the chance to speak with Jannah since she had returned from her exploration of the Galaxy, having been too busy with handling Ben and his return, and during the week leading up to his trial, she’d barely gone out to eat or drink or relieve herself, the anxiety having almost gnawed her way through her stomach as she waited. For that, she had a bad conscience, but there wasn’t much to do about it now, was there? Before she could linger too long on the thought of Ben whom she felt too much like she’d left behind, Rey straightened up in her seat a little, meaninglessly looking over the controls and adjusting just a hint here and there, the whirring of the old yacht lessening somewhat.

She turned her head to Lando who was sitting beside her, his eyes halfway shut as he looked, not very attentively, at some nuzzled old book, the title too worn and faded for her too read what it said. A book… That was old-fashioned, wasn’t it? Giving a wry smile, she crossed her arms across her chest, fondness for the older man blooming in her chest yet again.

He seemed so good with Ben, patient and free of judgement. And he called him “little starfighter”. That was kind of cute, Rey thought, and wondered when he’d gotten that nickname, and again a little pang of envy wormed its way into her heart, her smile withering. She just hoped whatever time Ben had had with Lando had been good. That he could bring him something that she couldn’t, for she knew that she couldn’t ease all the pain she sensed he was still carrying around with him.

Lando lifted his head, looking disoriented before his face cleared up and he yawned, closing the book while doing so, setting it aside on the control panel. “I see you kept us on track,” he noted.

“It’s not so hard when we set the course together,” she said, and he chuckled, his eyes squeezing shut so that the wrinkles around them became more prominent.

“Can’t fool you. Now, why are you looking so bleary-eyed? From what I’ve seen you do, and what your friends have told me, even Leia couldn’t keep you back from a mission - whether you or she sent you out on it,” he said.

Not thinking she’d let her mood shine through that easily, she straightened a little in her seat, fiddling with the loop on her belt as she gathered her thoughts. It just didn’t feel that odd to unburden her heart to him, seeing how he’d so willingly gone with Jannah to find her past, how he’d met Ben even when he’d seemed more like Kylo Ren than himself.

“Did you and Jannah find what you were looking for?” she asked, quickly looking up at him.

He sighed, tilting his head back against the seat. “Well, we looked alright. Looked as hard as we could. We found some of the families of the rest of her company, but with no archives to sift through, it was difficult. Seems like a lot of them were orphans or slaves. No family to find. None that could be found. The reunions we got were… They were something. Jannah took it all well, very well, but…” he shrugged, “She was happy to know that I’m her dad. I’m glad to have her as my daughter, too. It was good to see the Galaxy with her. And I can’t say that I wasn’t the happiest man in the world when we found out. The dates just fit so well. The places, too.” Pride practically beamed from him, intermingled with joy, and Rey couldn’t help but wish that it could happen for her, too.

Still, she smiled at him and tried to be happy on his and Jannah’s behalf. “I’m glad to know that at least some of you found your families. I can’t imagine what that feels like,” she said, saw him turn his head towards her.

“Oh, you can’t?” he asked, and she disliked how he seemed to know so much from so little.

She felt like he was looking right into her. Not pryingly or as if he were demanding something, but regardless, she felt stung.

“I know the truth, about me,” she said after hesitating, feeling an unpleasant lump in her throat and a strong loathing at the thought of her ancestry, her befouled heritage no one except for Ben knew of.

He waited, elbow on the armrest. “What do you know, then?”

“My… Grandfather. He was Emperor Palpatine,” she managed to get out, voice strained. “He told me on Exegol. He told me they left me on Jakku to protect me from him. I think he killed them for revenge. His own daughter…” she trailed off, pursing her lips as she furrowed her brows.

The gentle whirring of the engine filled out the heavy silence that settled in the cockpit, and she fiddled with her hands even though she didn’t want to, the shame making tears burn in her eyes, but among it all, there was relief, too, at having told someone.

“Not to bring it all back to Ben and that, but he has a… Grandfather that wasn’t all good, too. The Skywalker name isn’t pretty, either. Not if you think about what Anakin did. Luke struggled with that, too, coming to terms with it and all. And Leia. You shouldn’t let your blood run your life, Rey. It’s… Really not that important,” Lando said, his voice not so aloof as it’d been only moments earlier.

“That’s different. Anakin redeemed himself, even after all the things he had done. He was even a Force ghost, I saw him when I was… Either way, Palpatine was nothing but evil. Malice ran him, and he did so many horrible things. He almost convinced me, too,” she admitted, feeling her lip quivering, and angrily, she wiped at her eyes, tightening her arms around herself, pressing them closely against her torso.

“But he didn’t, did he? As far as I can tell, you’re still with the Resistance, and, to my knowledge at least, you’re not a spy. You’re trying to get people to make peace. You’re getting Ben back on his feet. If you’re condemning yourself just for who your grandfather was, then boy, should he get hellfire from you, too,” Lando said, and she heard that he was smiling. “If your mom and dad put you on Jakku to protect you, then they were good people. Even if one of their parents was Palpatine. Not to be that old man who pulls out zingers like these left and right, but there’s truth to this; the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. You _make_ your own life. I thought you’d figured that out already. And besides,” he gave her a nudge, “You don’t need to walk around calling yourself Rey Palpatine if you don’t want to. It’s your own choice.”

She couldn’t help but give a little smile, suddenly glad that she hadn’t told anyone else about this. “You really think people can change, don’t you?” she asked, looking up at him again.

“Oh, I do. I have to. I sold Han and Leia off to Vader - almost, anyways. Something got the better of me,” he said. “Good thing it did. Losing them that soon wouldn’t have been right.”

Rey looked out at the stars whizzing by so fast she couldn’t distinct them from one another, it all just a blur of bright light, thinking of how Ben had been the one to take Han’s life. Indirectly Leia’s, too, though she’d made that choice herself.

“Were you close to Han?” she asked, watching as a sombre look settled on his face.

“Yea, I was. He was almost my best friend, I guess you could say. We went on a lot of adventures, he and I. We both had our share of shady business. Like calls to like, I suppose. We stuck together after he settled a little with Leia, too. That’s how I got to know Ben. He was a rowdy little kid, I’ll tell you that,” he said with a quiet chuckle. “Curious, too, always wanting me to tell stories. Of course, Leia didn’t want him to hear it, but he had a knack for getting you to give in. Never really good at falling asleep, though, Han told me. He liked the time he got to spend with Ben like that, even if it made him tired as hell to stay up.” He scratched at his chin, glancing at her.

“I want to know more,” she said, not sure if Ben would ever want to tell her of his childhood.

“About Ben? Of course you do. He told me about you - well, not really, but he’s still kind of easy to read, if you just take a close look at him,” he said with a twinkle in his eyes.

“I don’t know how much he’ll tell me,” she tried to explain.

“That, I don’t know either. Well, he was always kind of intense. He has a certain look to him, and he was always good at diving down into things. He burns like that, and was always passionate about whatever new thing caught his interest. He was so proud when Luke saw the Force in him, too. Idolised his uncle. I think he was kind of… Desperate for something, already back then. I don’t know when Snoke or whoever it was that got to him got in his head, but he wasn’t very old. There was a target on his back long before Luke saw the Force in him. Leia talked of something dark in him that she feared. I don’t think it was Ben, at least not all of it.” Lando shook his head, suddenly looking a little tired.

“I don’t know how none of us didn’t see it. Han wasn’t Force sensitive, of course, and he was still a hothead, but he loved his son. So did Leia. I can only think of it as Snoke being a skilled manipulator. He hid it from us, and convinced Ben to hide it too. Or something like that. I don’t know. I think you know more about that than me,” he finished, now looking out the window, too.

“I just… Know that he regrets it. The whole thing. I don’t know how it all happened, maybe he doesn’t either. He hasn’t shown me a lot, really. He still has nightmares. And he keeps sinking into that hole when he doesn’t know what else to do with himself,” she said, confronted with just how little she really knew about him. It made her gut sink, but she tried to convince herself that it was because he just wasn’t ready to go through it all again. At least not yet. Besides, she didn’t really know how to comfort him when that chokingly dark past came over him and almost engulfed her, too.

“Hm,” Lando hummed, scratching his chin. “I don’t know more than that he’s better off with you than with himself. You two have a special bond, I heard. Something about a dyad in the Force.”

“I barely understand that myself,” she admitted miserably, wanting answers more than anything.

“You don’t have to understand everything to make use of it,” he said.

“Maybe not,” Rey said, trying to get rid of the tension in her body. “Maybe not.”

It’d been two days now, and she hadn’t heard anything from Ben, hadn’t sensed anything along the bond. When she tried reaching along it, she only met a wall of something bright and shimmering and impenetrable, and she retreated into herself after every time, glad to know he was still there, somewhere, but still disappointed nonetheless. It felt odd to feel so separated from him when she’d been saturated with his closeness for such a long while now - or at least it felt that way.

She’d spent some of her time practicing with the sabre she was still unaccustomed to, and it did her good to get out of her own head and only focus on the Force flowing through her, letting it guide her movements and extend into her arm and sabre, the familiar whooshing of the laser cutting through the air bringing some sort of odd comfort as she practiced and practiced hours on end.

Slightly sweaty, Rey opened her eyes as she felt another presence step into the room, shutting the sabre off with a click.

“I just sent a radio call to the Base to let them know we’ve arrived safely to Iridonia,” Lando said, and she nodded, sticking the sabre to the side of her belt and pushing the loose hair out of her face.

“Good. We’ve been here for quite a while,” she said with a smile, reciprocated by him.

“Sure thing. Now, I need my co-pilot back for landing this thing,” he said and headed back for the cockpit, Rey tailing behind and grabbing a hold of the doorframe as the yacht slowed from hyperspeed, and the harsh planet came into view.

Taking her seat, they flew down through the atmosphere and had a smooth landing.

“The Zabrak aren’t exactly friendly. As far as I know, they’re not on either side, though, so we should be good. If not, I’m still good with a blaster,” Lando warned, and she felt for her sabre as the ramp went down, exposing them to the warmth of Iridonia.

The sharp smell made her cough and her eyes watered. “What _is_ that?” she asked, holding her sleeve up over her nose, and saw him do the same as he began heading out.

“Oh yea, they’re sort of known for their acid pools. And seas.”

Rolling her eyes, she went after him, giving a few courteous nods to the various traders among them by the spaceport. Many of them were humanoid, could be mistaken for just another human if it weren’t for their horned, bald heads and markings. It seemed that the women were paler, their markings more discreet, but the men had skin in bold colours, marked over with jagged tracings of stark black. A name flashed into her head. Darth Maul. He’d come from here, hadn’t he?

Holding a little tighter onto her staff, she waited as Lando paid the customs officer and hailed a vehicle for them to travel in, surveying the barren, rocky landscape stretching out before her until the horizon was interrupted by rough mountains.

The time passed without him noticing a thing; The only thing in his head was the crystal, and how it called to him, how he worked with it, how the Force seemed to be so concentrated in that little rock. It amazed him this time, too, the way these crystals seemed to thrum with raw energy. For some reason, it surprised him he could still feel the Force, even after being brought back from the World between Worlds. Ben shifted that thought aside, having to focus, as he already had for two days, but slowly, the protective, shield-like power around him faded.

He opened his eyes to the dull grey light of dawn, and, blinking, he lowered himself down on the ground again, feeling the pebbles beneath him as the world came back into his reality. The Pontite glowed in his hands as he held it, it bright in the dim glow of the sun still lingering beneath the horizon, and, feeling just slightly breathless, he opened the small chute in the hilt and inserted the crystal.

Feeling the hilt, how it seemed to resonate with the Force, he, breathlessly, turned it on, and the silver-blue blade, wavering at first, but then it hummed with life, and he turned it over in his hands, his face illuminated in pale cerulean, shining in his dark eyes, and a tiny bit of him settled, like a puzzle piece falling into place. Eyes slipping shut once again, he let the brief respite of serenity wash over him, nothing on his mind except for just allowing himself to feel the Force flowing through him, calmer this time, unlike the electric, oscillating hum that had ruled his whole body when he’d wielded the crimson, cross-guard blade of Kylo Ren.

Interrupted, he sensed a disturbance and immediately reacted. Thrusting out his hand and holding the laser from the blaster with the Force and the shooter too, blood rushing in his ears as he rose from his seat by the bank of the creek, he turned to see his attacker, his features sliding into the set mask he’d put on so many times before. Shut himself off, as he’d done so many times before. He didn’t have time to feel the shattering in his chest.

A woman, still in the stance she’d been in when she’d fired, stood there, her face revealing her burning fury. There wasn’t even any fear in her eyes, only something raw and hateful, and Ben walked around the red shot of laser, letting it go the moment it would no longer hit him.

Lightsabre still in hand, he strode towards her, clutching it tightly in his fist, and he seized her by the throat, stealing the blaster from her hand as he stared her down, cool calm settling in him, and he let go of the Force.

She spat at him. “Fucking murderer,” she hissed, her teeth bared, and he wanted to clench and crush her. His teeth ground against each other as he used his free hand to wipe the spit from his face.

Having been too focused on the matter in front of him, it was too late when he heard a twig breaking behind him, four more people coming out from the ridge of the forest, blasters aimed at him. Turning, he exhaled, and looked at them, saw their stark resolution. He carelessly cast the woman aside, lowering himself into a defensive stance, the sabre burning coolly in his hands. He fixed his gaze on each one of them, heard the woman coughing and gasping on the ground behind him. They still held their blasters aimed at him. One was shaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> U can’t have a fic without a cliffhanger chapter now can you?


	21. Opportunity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has to fight to keep his place within the Resistance. Rey has to keep herself in check to come back to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst angst angst
> 
> Ben takes so much shit
> 
> Rey takes so much shit
> 
> They need a vacation

Loosening and tightening his grip on the hilt, he swirled his wrist and the sabre whirred in the air. His gaze locked on his attackers, the sabre flared with energy and he bared his teeth as he demanded, “What do you want?”

“Your life,” one of the men said.

The blaster fired, and he parried the blow, the following ones, too, dodged and ducked down onto his knee before springing up against the man who’d just spoken, swinging the sabre with a wild strike that sent him to the ground, the burnt gash across his chest still smoking as Ben swirled.

There was a roaring in his head that made everything else inaudible, made everything else seem so far away. Wielding the Force, he slammed the two opponents into each other and flung them into the thick trunk of a tree, barely registering the thud it made, nor the scorching pain in his thigh.

He met the eyes of the last man and strode towards him with heavy steps, sabre held out and aimed at his chest. “Drop your weapon,” he commanded harshly.

The blaster fired again, and Ben merely ducked to the side, now reaching the man. The weapon he flung aside, and the other stood still, glaring at him with a hate he knew all too well.

“You killed Ald,” he said, arms hanging limply by his side, his face twisted into a grimace. “He was the last of their line. You killed his sons and daughters first, then his wife and siblings,” he breathed.

Ben’s jaw clenched, eye twitching once, eyes flickering across his face, searching it.

“You were never supposed to live, were you? I heard you were born with a full set of teeth and a shock of raven hair. Hellspawn,” he spat, and didn’t see it coming, or simply didn’t care, when Ben’s fist slammed into his temple, sending him unconscious and sprawled on the ground.

He stared down at him with an empty look, trying to figure out what had happened, what he’d done. Breathless, he turned around, and the fall he took as his leg collapsed beneath him was what saved him from the red laser shooting past at the spot his head had been merely a moment before. On his hands and knees, he snapped his head towards the first woman and reached out, clenching his fist until she was unconscious, too.

Two breaths. In, out. In, out. Scrabbling in the grass for his sabre, he felt disgust when he finally found it, leaving it behind as he unsteadily got back on his feet, the adrenaline not yet out of his system as he looked at the five people scattered around him.

The man named Ald was lying on his back, glassy eyes staring emptily into the blue sky, his mouth open. Ben knew it was too late, but kneeled beside him, feeling over his cooling chest for any thread of life that was no longer there.

He knew the man and woman would be unconscious for at least a little while longer and focused only on limping towards the two women who were slumped against the tree trunk. There was a clear sense of life still in them, and so he only briefly pressed his hand to their shoulders to heal whatever injuries they had gotten, and then settled heavily on the ground after forcing another subduing energy onto them, begging whoever would still be with him that they’d stay down for just a little while longer.

Ben, breathing shallow and quick, stumbled away from the scene, blindly willing the Force after his sabre and barely noticing it as it landed in his hand.

He’d killed that man. Ald.

A surge of nausea washed over him, the pain in his leg was agonising and it was hard to keep walking, but the worst part was knowing that someone would come and find those people. Someone would come and see that this had been done by someone with a lightsabre, someone able to use the Force, and he would be the only suspect.

Coughing, he retched, one hand braced again the rough bark of a tree as his stomach churned with unease and guilt, and everything seemed to burn. Gasping for breath, Ben wiped his mouth and stumbled along, mindlessly wandering until he found himself on the path back to the house he and Rey now shared.

Rey.

He froze.

No. No.

He’d lose her.

There was just another excuse to kill him off now, more than ever. Those people could twist the story to their advantage - and who was to believe his side of the story? The answer he knew all too well, and he sat on the little step outside the house, hunched over with his head pressed to his knees, despair consuming him until it was too hard to breathe and even to be. He hadn’t meant to. They would’ve killed him, if he hadn’t defended himself. Maybe that would have been better. Then Rey could go back to her old friends and build a new life for herself. More than enough wanted that, he knew. He’d told her to let go of the past, to let old things die. Maybe the time was up.

But he couldn’t lose her, not now. He couldn’t leave her, not now. He couldn’t let her think he’d done this, unprovoked. Would she believe him? Would she trust him again?

He swallowed thickly around the lump in his throat, guilt and hopelessness threatening to spill over. Raising his head up against the sky, he let out a shaky breath, ran a hand through his hair, and got back up, a hiss of pain inevitably leaving his lips as he applied weight on his injured leg. Briefly, he tried to heal himself, but it didn’t seem to work, and so he limped back out to the clearing where they’d fought, steeling himself as the bodies came into view. He felt insistent tugging on the bond, but ignored it for now, head still too busy with comprehending what had just happened, what he should do now.

He had two choices: flee, or own up.

All five were still there. After closing Ald’s eyes, he raised his hand and, with a grunt, used the Force to pick up his attackers and their leader, slowly huddling his way back to the Base. His gaze he kept fixed on a point in front of him so that he didn’t have to see they way they looked at him, blocked out the outraged outbursts, kept walking, dragging himself forwards with as little conviction that he’d make it back out to his and Rey’s house alive as he had when he’d sacrificed his life for her. Just maybe, they’d let him say goodbye to her. That, he had to do. That, they couldn’t keep him from.

Poe, alerted by a fellow pilot, ran out of the Commander’s building, jaw dropping as he saw Ben Solo, limping and looking too grave, five bodies levitating in tow behind him.

“What the _fuck_ did you do, huh?!” he asked as he strode towards him, accusingly pointing at him.

“Defended myself,” he stated blankly, his eyes too dark, too calm.

“From whom? These people? They’re _with the Resistance_ ,” Poe demanded.

“Yes. I know. They attempted to kill me. They might have been some of those who left before the vote could take place,” Ben answered, voice oddly calm. He felt like he was watching himself through another person’s eyes.

“That doesn’t matter, for Force’s sake, man!” Poe ran a hand through his hair, looked from Ben to the five still hovering in the air behind him and back again, and rubbed his face. “Put them down. You’re going - damn it,” he muttered the last bit in an exasperated tone. “You’re a prisoner again until we figure this shitshow out,” he decided.

The crowd that’d gathered couldn’t have been able to hear much, but the murmurs turned into yells and cries of dissatisfaction when the conversation between the two men seemed to be over. He felt transported back to the time when he’d stood in that amphitheatre, vulnerability making him want to force them to turn away, wanted to make them run.

Ben obediently set the people down, slowly and with an odd gentleness he didn’t even know if he felt, and then followed behind Poe to the building he’d been placed in the first time he’d arrived on Ajan Kloss.

The sabre was taken from him, and, handcuffed, he was led to his cell. They didn’t remove the manacles this time. Shoved inside the cell, he stumbled, almost falling again, but managed to get to the cot before he lost his balance. There was no med-kit here. Ben leaned against the wall, tilted his head back, closed his eyes. He’d had no choice.

A pang of pain shot through her leg, which buckled beneath her.

“Ow!” she hissed, craning her neck to look at the spot on the back of her thigh where she’d felt it, stroked her hand over it, wondering if she’d been stung by something. The insects whirred densely inside the isolated rainforest they’d gone to, and it would’ve been possible if it weren’t for the fact that this didn’t sting at all - it just burned.

“You alright back there?” Lando asked, coming up to her and placing a hand on her shoulder.

Thoughtfully, she rubbed at the back of her thigh, the pain slowly fading, and she nodded, flashing him a quick smile. “Yes, I’m fine, sorry.”

Lando gave her a look, and she kept her smile up until they got to walking again, and her heart sank in her chest. Sensing along the bond, she tried seeing whatever situation Ben was in, but he wasn’t trying to show her anything. No more pain came, but even though he had closed the bond off for some reason or other, something entirely wrong was going on with him. He hadn’t shut himself off when she was trying to get in contact with him before, and she tried and tried again and again, but no response came. Brows furrowing, she retreated, the cacophony of the rainforest now back in her ears, the humidity overwhelming. Subconsciously, she slid her hand over the back of her thigh again as they walked, thoughts thundering ahead with nightmare scenarios.

He wasn’t angry, she knew as much - that, he’d never been able to hide from her. This was something different, the smouldering she felt on his side. Closing her eyes, she set her worries aside and reached out again, not to talk, but to feel what was going on.

The distance made it more difficult than before, especially when he wasn’t inviting her in, but the despair was still strong enough to leave her feeling stunned and chilled to the bone. The hopeless resolution. The bitter determination. She halted again, shakily breathing in. What the hell had happened to him? This state of uncertainty was pinning her in place, and she dropped down to sit on her haunches, focusing all her energy on trying to get to him. Briefly, she sensed Poe’s presence as well, and that confused her even more.

“Rey?” Lando’s voice sounded, cut through with concern.

“It’s Ben,” she said, shaking her head, lips parted as she tried again to see what was going on.

There was a sense of capitulation, of longing level-headedness which she hadn’t seen coming, and finally, finally, she saw him.

His face was drawn, his wrists bound, and he was back in that bare cell she’d seen before.

“Ben!” she called, and he slowly opened his eyes, meeting hers, and the same smile she’d woken up to on Exegol was there, too.

“Rey,” he breathed, and leaned into the touch when she reached out to cup his face, still smiling so brightly, too brightly. “I don’t know…”

“What happened to you? Is your leg alright? Why were you talking to Poe?” she fired rapidly, frustration making her body flush with heat as she realised that from Iridonia, she could do nothing.

“Someone from the Resistance attacked me. I had to defend myself, or they would’ve killed me,” he explained soberly, but his smile withered away until there was nothing but guilt left on his face, and her heart broke for him, even more so when she knew she couldn’t help him from here.

“I didn’t have a choice. I killed one of them. I shouldn’t have, I know, I should’ve just knocked him out. Disarmed him,” he whispered, and she rested her forehead against his, pressing her lips together as she fought the anger soaring in her chest.

“It was self-defence, Ben. If they attacked first, it was self-defence,” she said, trying to catch his gaze with her own, but he wouldn’t meet it. “You can’t be blamed if they attacked first.”

“I should be.”

“No. No. They went at their own risk. They knew what they went up against. This isn’t good at all, I know, but they _can’t_ blame you. You’re not at fault, remember that,” she almost pleaded, but the same guilt he felt gnawed at her stomach - but it was for leaving him behind. She should’ve stayed. She shouldn’t have abandoned him. They wouldn’t have gone and attacked him if she’d been there, would they? Rey felt certain that they wouldn’t have.

“Ben, I’m coming back as soon as I can. You can’t let them tell you that you were in the wrong for defending yourself. One of them died, but the rest, you let live,” she said and knew that it wasn’t going to be enough.

He shook his head, letting out a shaky breath. “I thought I’d changed,” he breathed and looked at her with pleading eyes, hopeful and despondent.

“You have changed. I know. I can feel it. You’re regretting this already, and you showed it even when you were in danger. I’m sorry, I knew how unsafe you felt, and I left, Ben, I should have stayed, you should’ve come with me,” she said thickly.

“I wish I had,” he said darkly and pursed his lips. “I’ll wait. I think they’re going to hold some sort of trial to determine the fault. I don’t know when. I don’t think they’ll tell me anything.”

“I’m coming back,” she vowed, felt his hand rest on top of her own, and he faded away again until there were only green ferns and green undergrowth between thick trunks.

Feeling dizzy, Rey rose to her feet again, met Lando’s eyes.

“Ben?”

“He was attacked. Someone from the Resistance came after him. One of them got killed,” she said, turning on her heel and heading back to where they’d had to abandon the speeder when the growth had gotten too dense for them to keep going except for on foot.

“What?”

“I don’t know either,” she snapped, wanting to hit something, her pace quickening until she noticed that the sound of footsteps was no longer behind her. Turning her head, she looked over her shoulder at the older man who stood a littler farther down the path.

“We have a mission, Rey. They’re not going to kill him, not after they took that vote. The sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can head back. Darani is eccentric, but they’re quick to do trades, if we have the thing they want. It’s not far now,” he said, and she saw the concern he felt for his nephew, but couldn’t comprehend why he’d want to wait a minute longer than necessary to return to Ajan Kloss.

“I don’t give a damn about the mission, not if they’re going to punish him for something he isn’t responsible for. They don’t understand him there, no one does,” she said, but didn’t continue walking.

Lando walked over to her, halting a few steps away. “Rey, I don’t think you know how much I want to head back already. I _know_ him. I don’t know what happened, but he hasn’t gone back to being Kylo Ren. Poe isn’t going to let him get killed or harmed if he didn’t attack first, and neither is Jannah. She might not like him, but she’s just, and she and Rose have sway with Poe, if he isn’t sensible. If we just head back now, we’ll waste time and seem like we aren’t taking things seriously, and that ain’t gonna help his case, kid. We have to continue. Now come with me, so we can get this over with, alright?”

She ground her teeth, breathing rapid and shallow, and she wanted to defy him and do what her heart told her to do. She had to protect him. “Fine,” she reluctantly agreed, turning on her heel and walking past him, each step sending a stab of guilt through her gut, and for each step, she saw his face, tormented by guilt and fear.

The silence they walked in was uneasy and too tense for her liking, but there was nothing to be done about it except for getting those Sith texts as quickly as possible and then storming back to Ajan Kloss the first chance they got. Rey clenched and unclenched her hands, the anger smouldering in her stomach, aimed at those who’d dared try and attack Ben. Ben, who was doing the best he could with the hand he’d been dealt.

Barely any relief came when she caught sight of a small, makeshift cottage of sorts wedged in between the trees, smoke travelling up through a pipe that made it out for a chimney. She shot Lando a doubtful look, and he shrugged, then nodded, taking the lead up the small pathway leading up to the hut.

“Darani? It’s Lando,” he said after knocking on the door made out of several scrap pieces of wood.

Rey stared at the building from over Lando’s shoulder, craning her neck left and right in impatience as she tried to look inside. Shuffling footsteps came closer and closer to the door, and a creature, Zabrak-like, appeared in the slit between the slightly opened door and the wall. Their skin was pale yellow, but it had those stark, black markings trailing jaggedly over their skin, though not in the usual patterns. Pale green eyes surveyed them curiously, and black lips parted in a smile.

“Ah, Lando. And Rey, I’ve heard _so_ much about you,” they croaked in a sort of whisper, pulling down the hood of their cowl to reveal the small, white horns atop their bald head. “Come on in,” they said, opening the door widely enough for them to enter the dimly lit interior. Hesitant, Rey followed behind Lando and couldn’t help but feel trapped when the door shut behind them, shut the light out.

“Now, what brings you two originals to me? I haven’t seen you in years, dear Lando,” Darani said, fidgeting with the pendant of their necklace.

As Lando answered, “Actually, it’s Resistance business,” Rey looked around, seeing shelves upon shelves of ancient artefacts mixed in with old books and what appeared to be pieces of junk lining the walls. All around, there were defect droids and cupboards and closets, and she kept as safe a distance as she could from them.

“Oh, you know I don’t take sides in those matters,” they said, sounding slightly irritated.

“And I’m not asking you to. This is a normal trade deal, just like in the old days,” Lando said, flashing that roguish smile he still had, so similar to Han’s.

They raised their head, turning towards him again. “Oh?”

“I know you have Sith texts. Ancient ones. We need them,” he got to the point.

“Hm,” Darani hummed, stroking their chin, “What do you have to offer?”

“Credits.”

They scoffed, cocking a brow first at him, then at her. “You know credits are worthless here - especially to me. No, I want something else,” they said, tilting their head to the side and raising a hand towards Rey, the arm formerly hidden in the folds of the cloak bone-thin, the knuckles too obvious as they pointed at her.

She gulped, resisting the urge to take a step back as they walked closer.

“Her. Kylo Ren was obsessed with her. As was Palpatine, and Snoke. Now, no offence meant, but you do look rather ordinary. Didn’t you grow up on Jakku?” Darani said, closing the distance between them, their finger under her chin to tilt her head up. “For poking around for a bit, you can have the texts,” they said, addressing Lando, who exchanged a look with Rey.

“You can poke around,” Rey said, “If we see the texts first.”

Darani chuckled, lowering their hand. “Smart trader, you are. Easy to tell you were a haggler,” they murmured, seemingly to themselves, as they began to shuffle through the piles and shelves. The time seemed to pass if in slow motion, and Rey had to fight to keep herself still until they at last withdrew two mouldering books, setting them aside on a counter that seemed to be the only surface in the cottage not entirely piled with items.

“There. Now, my payment,” they said, and their too-cool hand latched itself to her head, and a violent intrusion pierced through the walls of her mind, and she gasped in both shock and pain as something clunky and big rummaged around inside her head, examining everything minutely. The years spent on Jakku, the too many lines she’d scratched into the wall of her home, her memory of being left behind there. Han and Chewie coming with her and Finn, Leia taking her on as her apprentice, Luke’s training, and it screeched too loudly inside her head as the something stroked over the bond. It felt like nails scratching over a board, entirely disharmonic, discordant.

Rey screamed as agonising pain sent her body to the floor, but she couldn’t fight it as the thing went further and further along the bond, right up until it reached Ben. She saw him still sitting there, saw him snap his head to the side and watched the surprise turn into concern, his dark brows furrowing and he thrust out his hand for her, lips parting to call out for her, and suddenly the something was gone and she was crumpled panting and sweaty on the floor.

What the hell had that been? It’d felt like the Force, akin to the time Kylo Ren had first tried to interrogate her, but at the same time, it’d been nothing like it at all. She shuddered.

“What _are_ you?” Rey asked shakily as Lando helped her up, eyeing the Zabrak as they turned and grinned at her.

“No need for you to know. Besides, you have your books. Now, go. Iridonia is not kind to strangers,” they warned. Rey didn’t need to be told that more than once and got out of the cottage as quickly as she could, stroking a hand over her hair as she tried to comprehend what had happened. It was shaking a little. Looking at Lando through the corner of her eye, he nodded doggedly.

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine. We have the texts now,” she said, and they made their way back out the jungle without too much trouble. At the port, the customs officer was paid again, offering them a grim smile in return, and it couldn’t go fast enough with settling a hyperspeed course.

“Lady Luck entering hyperspeed. Destination: Ajan Kloss, ETA: two standard days,” Rey made the radio signal call, and as soon as she was done, she sprang out of her seat, too restless to do anything but pace up and down the yacht. Two days, and they’d be back. Just two days she needed to get through. Her head still throbbed, but she barely noticed it as she thought of how she would make the Resistance understand that Ben couldn’t be condemned for this. It wasn’t right, they had to see that.

She reached along the bond, saw him lying on his side and facing the wall, and gently, she reached up for him, took his hand in hers, and gave it a little squeeze. Luckily, it wasn’t enough to wake him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Darani is more kick-ass than I want to admit. Also yes Ben definitely still isn't trusted. And now he doesn't have Rey with him  
> Sorry Kate you didn't get a Force-bond bone you got Force-bond angst instead I hope that's still acceptable
> 
> As always, please consider leaving behind some feedback/a comment if you enjoyed this chapter/the story so far! It really keeps me motivated to keep wiriting!!


	22. Fragmentation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben must face the Resistance on his own. Rey can only watch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben, feeling abandoned and attacked from all sides? Rey, feeling powerless because that damn ship can't move fast enough? Nice.

They weren’t even halfway there when Rey sensed something along the bond. It was probably only because she was so focused on Ben that she even felt the shift. It woke her, and she quickly sat up, tuning in on him, and she saw him rising, a little unsteadily, to his feet, his expression kept carefully calm. She reached out for his hand, giving it a little squeeze, and he reciprocated it, but didn’t show it as a woman with the Resistance badge on her shoulder opened the door of his cell and began to lead him out.

This was happening way too quickly. They weren’t even going to wait until she was there?

Ben tried to keep his limp as unnoticeable as possible. Luckily, he was good at hiding pain, and it wasn’t too visible as he was led out of the detainment building and back outside. A sort of apathy had settled over him - he couldn’t really do anything except worsening the situation by trying to escape or combatting them, and that was really the only other option he had. Besides, it would only be right to be held accountable for his actions, wouldn’t it? He mulled over that thought for a little as they kept walking, a grim, expectant silence having settled over those gathered. There were pleased smiles at seeing him in cuffs, and he resisted the urge to remove them, knowing he could if he just tried hard enough. The thing about being held accountable, though, was that he’d tried that before. Had tried it where he’d been pronounced responsible for deeds he hadn’t even done, and then everyone had just gone and twisted that into something to be used against him. Like the Jedi Temple Luke had created. Now, he knew Snoke had been the one to precipitate it, but as he’d fled after parrying away Luke’s sabre, everyone had thought that he’d done it. Who was to say they wouldn’t try and twist this thing, too?

Inside the Commander’s building, he recognised a few faces; Poe, Finn, Jannah, Rose and Maz were there. So was Zorii, and four of the five attackers that’d come after him yesterday. He met their gazes, noted the bruising on the neck of the woman who’d spat at him, the way they looked at him, their bodies rigid and tense. Squaring his shoulders, he stood in front of the four as the guard who’d led him inside let go of his arm, and he saw that there was only the bruising and a small scrape on one of the men’s head as testament to their injuries. He shifted his weight so that it was on his uninjured one, leaning to the side a little for more effect.

“Ivabre, is this the man whom you fought against yesterday?” Rose asked, the murmurs of the crowd quieting down.

The man he’d knocked out, the one who’d spoken to him, nodded. “Yes,” Ivabre said, tone curt.

Rose nodded and turned to him instead. “Ben, were you in combat with this group, including Ald, an older man, yesterday?”

He nodded. “Yes.”

Poe asked, “And why were you doing that?”

Ben didn’t have the chance to reply before Ivabre interrupted, “He attacked us! We were walking along to discuss our next move, and this man came at us with a sabre, killing Ald! He’s just here to lull you into some sort of false feeling of security, can’t you see that he’s still Kylo Ren?”

Ben stiffened, opening his mouth to speak, but Rose cut in, “You weren’t asked a question, wait your turn.”

Ivabre stood down, crossing his arms across his chest and fixing his glare on Ben.

“Because I was attacked,” he answered Poe’s interrupted question. “I had just finished my meditation on my new sabre when they came for me. Upon asking them what they wanted by pointing blasters at me, Ald said he wanted my life. They began to shoot, I defended myself. Accidentally, I killed Ald, but the rest I knocked out and brought them, as well as Ald, back here.” He kept his voice carefully sober, his hands folded on his back - not that he had a choice with the cuffs and all - meeting Poe’s gaze without feeling the need to look away. The General nodded, eyes briefly narrowing before he turned to Ivabre.

“So, you wanted to kill Ben Solo, huh? I thought we all agreed on respecting the decision we made when we took that vote,” Poe said, cocking his head to the side.

Ivabre shook his head. “Not all of us so easily forget the past. We walked out before you took the vote, as did many others. And he’s not _Ben_ ,” he sneered, “He’s Kylo Ren. He killed Ald’s entire family, or enslaved it. It’s not like we know, and he’s not providing us with any answers anyways.”

Poe leaned back on the ball of his heel, letting out a deep breath. Ben could practically see him counting to ten.

“As Rey told us, Ben - and not Kylo Ren - was the one who helped her take down Palpatine. It was a combined effort, defeating him. We couldn’t have done it without Lando, without Rey, without all of you who came when we called for help, but without Ben, we couldn’t have done it either,” Poe said, shaking his head. “I’m not saying it’s all good now. It isn’t, and I seriously doubt it ever will be, but trying to kill more people isn’t going to bring those who died back,” Poe said, looking haunted for a second.

“The Resistance made a decision,” Rose chimed in, “And I understand you didn’t participate in that process, but if you weren’t there when it was made, you have nothing to say against it.”

Ben was trying to keep his jaw from dropping. Sure, the atmosphere was definitely still way too tense for anyone’s comfort, and he knew that there were more than just those four who wanted him dead - but… There were more than Rey who stood up for him, too. His legs threatened to give out beneath him, it felt like he’d been punched in the gut.

“Ivabre, I understand your grief. Ald was a good man. He didn’t deserve to die by the hand of someone like Kylo Ren - but your story doesn’t add up,” Jannah said, taking a step forward. “I think we all know that Ben is neither unskilled nor untrained with wielding the Force and his sabre both. I find it unlikely that he would’ve sustained an injury like the one on his leg if he’d been the one on the offensive. I’m not saying he did the right thing, but he reacted like anyone would when threatened on their life. Maybe he should’ve knocked Ald out, too, but you know as well as I how things happen too quickly in combat.”

Ivabre grit his teeth. “I’m not going to let a vote stop me. I’m not going to be fooled by him,” he said, fixing his eyes on Ben. “You can’t say I’m in the wrong. We left before you took the vote, you let us go if we weren’t going to accept it. We aren’t respecting that decision, because it isn’t fair.”

“You can respect that decision, or you can consider yourself no longer part of the Resistance,” Poe said, and a shock of silence shook the room.

Raising his brows, Ivabre shook his head, chuckling. “Seriously? You’re putting the life of the man responsible for so much hurt over the sparse Resistance you’ve built up here? General Organa would be disappointed.”

“General Organa would have wanted you to search your heart for forgiveness,” Rose said, pressing her lips together. “She gave her life to bring her son back. Are you going to disrespect that sacrifice?”

“Wow! And what a trade that was, huh? In exchange for the woman who built up a new Resistance from scratch, we got her traitor, murderer son, and you’re breaking the Resistance apart trying to protect him,” Ivabre exclaimed in theatrical disbelief, raising his arms.

“Ivabre! Cut it out!” Jannah barked. He shot her a look that showed anything but respect and shrugged his shoulders.

“You guys,” he pointed up at Poe and the rest, “You do whatever the hell you want with him. But there’s a target on his back. He put it there him damn self, so don’t you fuzz to keep us away from him. We’re not forgetting what he’s done.”

With that, the young man turned to leave, the crowd parting to allow it. His gut sinking, Ben saw that a few more trickled out with him, knew that they had the same plans as Ivabre. He looked up at Poe and Rose and Jannah, saw their grim expressions, and his jaw clenched and unclenched as those gathered gradually began leaving the room, shooting glances his and their way.

The woman who’d led him from his cell to the Commander’s building stepped over to remove the cuffs, and he absentmindedly rubbed his wrists where they’d chafed.

Maz came up to him as he leaned against one of the tables, feeling drained, and he looked into her eyes and saw that she understood, too. She gave his arm a squeeze before she left as well, and Rose came down the steps, heading for him.

“Poe! Why in the world didn’t you allow him to get patched up before you sent him into that cell?” she called over her shoulder, gesturing for him to sit down, which he did, gingerly, as it was a little difficult to make it down the last bit.

“If you didn’t notice, people were pretty upset already, helping him didn’t exactly seem like a wise move,” Poe snapped back.

“It would’ve been humanitarian,” she said, shaking her head as she kneeled down beside Ben, lifting up his knee so that she could get a closer look at the wound.

“It would’ve made things worse.”

He almost flinched away at first, but, while she was firm, still gentle enough, though her brows furrowed slightly. “Jannah?”

The woman broke off her conversation with Finn and came on down as well, casting a brief glance at the injury before she clicked her tongue. “Man, I thought you knew how to heal and stuff. That’s going to be fine if you get it cleaned and wrapped,” she assessed, then held out her hand for him.

He looked from her hand to her face and back again, but took it, still bot quite grasping what had actually happened.

“You do know how to use a med-kit, right?” Jannah asked, letting go of him once he’d gotten to his feet.

“I do.”

“Well, would you look at that. I thought it was only us troopers who used those while you were up there in your private infirmary with the rest,” she noted, tone dry and distanced.

Ben pressed his lips together as he followed her, not sure that words would do any good.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

She glanced over her shoulder at him, pausing for a moment. Then, she gave a nod. “Good.”

It was difficult to keep seeing Ben and his surroundings both, especially as he seemed to need to focus on something other than showing her what was going on. Every now and then, she lost the connection to him and only saw a blur or heard muffled voices, but in the end, it was relief that filled her when she saw him leave with Jannah.

They believed him - had even defended him. She knew that none of them saw as clearly as she did how he’d changed, but still, they knew, and they’d acted on it. They had helped him. Rey was almost able to forget Ivabre and his promise to finish what he’d started as she saw in her mind’s eye how Poe and Rose and Jannah had stood up for him, and the guilt she felt was lessened slightly as she knew they had his back, just like they had hers.

“Any news?” Lando interrupted her train of thought. With a start, she opened her eyes, and without thinking, she got up and pulled him into a tight hug. A little overwhelmed at first, he nonetheless wrapped his arms around her, patting her back until she let go. “I can tell it’s good, but mind saying a little more?” he asked.

“They believed him, and his story. Rose was having none of it, and so was Jannah. Ivabre said he wasn’t going to respect the vote, though… I don’t know. I don’t think they’re going to stop trying to find him if they can,” she said, the happiness she’d felt beginning to fade somewhat.

Lando shook his head with a sigh. “Well, then it’s our job to have his back, if Ivabre’s going down that path. I didn’t think he’d do that, he and Jannah were close, even when they were both Stormtroopers. We never found his family, though.”

“Jannah and he were in the same squadron?”

“Yes, but he turned bitter when we couldn’t find out where he belonged, and he stuck with some of the others who never found their family, either.”

“Oh…” Rey murmured, lowering her head.

“We can’t really change what they feel, Rey. We can only try and convince them that we’re all working towards the best. And if Poe and the rest believed him, isn’t that a victory, too?” Lando asked.

She gave a small smile, pride swelling in her chest amongst all the doubt. “It is.”

Ben had been patched up in the hospital building, Jannah leaving him by the entrance. It’d stung to get the wound rinsed and wrapped, and it’d been uncomfortable to undress before the medic so that he could do his job, but regardless, it had been worth it. Especially now that he was back in the small house that was his and Rey’s. Despite the limp, he’d changed the sheets, had eaten the food left out on the table along with his sabre and a note from Rose, and was now lying in bed as the twilight settled over the forest, cicadas beginning to sing their song.

He reached along the bond for her, and he saw her, lying in a small cabin on Lady Luck, her hair damp and the soft, too big white shirt she was wearing poking out under her blanket. Her face brightened when she saw him, and she stretched out her hand, intertwining their fingers.

“You’re okay?” she asked.

He nodded. “Yes. Despite it all, yes.”

“Good.”

She shifted after a little while, and the question he’d been wanting to ask since he’d felt that scraping along their bond popped back inside his head.

“What was that, earlier?”

“What? Oh, that. Darani…”

“Who?”

“That trader we had to see on Iridonia. It was horrible in that den, everything felt off, but Darani didn’t really want anything - at least not an item. They just wanted to poke around a little, as they put it.”

His eyes narrowed. “Poke around? That was more than poking around, whatever they did.”

She sighed. “I know, and it wasn’t pleasant. I assume you felt it, too, since you’re asking.”

“It was difficult not to.”

Rey scoffed. “Well, I don’t know what it was. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say they were using the Force, but I can’t be certain.”

“Hm,” he huffed, feeling along their bond for the discord that had made it ripple and tremble. He felt nothing, except for her, her hand in his.

She was still looking at him when he raised his gaze again. Ben ached to be with her, the feeling sudden and overwhelming. “You can’t make that old yacht go any faster?” he asked even though he knew the answer, and she gave his hand a squeeze, looking playfully serious as she replied, “Lando would kill me if I messed with Lady Luck, and you know that, too. But I manually altered our course. It’s just a few hours shorter, but it’s better than nothing.”

He nodded. “You’re right. I’m sorry, I’m keeping you up,” he said, the lump in his throat returning.

“I doubt either of us can sleep regardless,” she said, her smile a little sad, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Desperately needed to end this chapter on a good fluff note,,, Also I promise they're going to be back together in the next chapter I do NOT like writing them when they're apart even if it does make for some good angst
> 
> Please leave a comment behind if you enjoyed this chapter/the story so far! It helps a bunch with keeping me motivated to write!


	23. Now resting on your shoulders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Rey is impatiently making her way back to Ajan Kloss as quickly as possible, Ben interacts with those remaining at the Base.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do we need some wholesome character interaction? Desperately. I am trying to provide it.

It had been late when Ben had finally fallen asleep. Rey had drifted off even though he could tell she’d tried to keep herself awake, and it was only reluctantly that he’d let go of her hand when his own tiredness finally came to bring him down into the depths of sleep.

Despite the late night, he rose to the sun and the sound of birds, and, briefly, he felt at peace, the only thing lacking was Rey by his side. He remembered how he’d woken up to her in his arms after they’d healed those Stormtrooper escapees together, and he let the memory surround him for a little while, letting it warm him, until he found the motivation to get out of bed. It wasn’t exactly because he thought someone would be waiting for him - Ivabre had probably left Ajan Kloss already, Jannah hadn’t seemed pleased to have him here - but regardless, he stuck his sabre into his belt, feeling a little safer with it by his side as he began heading outside, lingering in the doorway to look over his shoulder at the interior of the little house, saw the chair Rey had wordlessly chosen to be hers, hoped she would be back in it soon. Then, he shut the door behind himself and went on his way, not entirely sure where or to whom he was headed.

Eventually, he reached the centre of the Base once again. Ben looked down at himself, noticing just now that he was still wearing the disguise used on Geonosis, and there was definitely still a hole in the trouser leg where the blaster had hit him. Halting, he looked around, not really sure where to get new clothes around here. He pushed his hair back and tried to find a familiar face, but too many he’d never seen before, and those he had he just barely remembered, having seen them in glimmers or passing only.

For a bit, he wandered aimlessly, feeling a little lost. He stepped into the shade of a building, uncertain of what to do with himself, wishing there was someone he could ask, but just as he considered returning to the house, Jannah and Finn came into view, chatting as they went. Finn stopped and shot him a look, then walked up to him and asked, “What are you doing hanging around here?” His tone wasn’t hostile, but it wasn’t downright friendly, either.

“I was… On the look for new clothes, actually,” he said and cleared his throat.

“Oh yea, yea, I thought you stuck out a little, not wearing all black like usual,” Finn snorted, then waved him along.

“I’m going to see to the younglings again,” Jannah said as they parted ways, shooting a smile in Finn’s direction.

“I can’t get you another cowl, unfortunately,” Finn said after a little.

Ben followed, trying to keep his limp down to a minimum, a tinge of amusement seeping through in his voice as he replied, “Good, that’s not really what I was going for.”

Finn huffed a breath, shaking his head. “Rebranding?”

“Trying to,” he said, eyeing the former Stormtrooper who just kept walking.

Even though neither of them said anything more, the silence wasn’t as tense as he’d feared it would be. Ben came up to walk alongside rather than behind him, and Finn didn’t seem to mind it, either.

“I don’t know how much they have in your size, but there’s gotta be something,” he said as they arrived at a rather anonymous building.

“Thanks,” Ben said.

Finn looked over his shoulder at him, expression a little surprised. “It was on the way.”

“Regardless.”

“Sure. And actually, mind coming to the infirmary afterwards? I would’ve asked Rey, but, yea. I have a few kids who might be close to the Force, but I can’t tell for sure,” he asked, arms crossed.

Ben nodded, surprise making his brows rise slightly. “No, I’ll come.”

Feeling much more comfortable in the new clothes he was now wearing - the woman in the shop had allowed him to change into the dark grey, long sleeved shirt and black trousers - he went to the infirmary like Finn had asked him to, searching the faces for him. Now, it was an advantage being tall, and he easily spotted the other man amongst a gaggle of children. For a moment, he was reminded of Rey, and he regretted the lie he’d told her.

Finn hadn’t wanted to tell her he loved her - at least not in that way. It was just that he was Force-sensitive. Ben didn’t know why he’d told her that, it’d felt… Necessary in the moment. He’d seen the connection he had with Poe, knew that what he wanted from Rey was friendship, even if that hadn’t initially been his wish.

Finn caught sight of him and waved him over, a bright smile on his face, though it faded as he made his way out the group of children.

“Didn’t change the colour scheme, did you?”

“Baby steps.”

Finn’s lips twitched, and there was a glimmer of amusement in his eyes as he gestured for him to follow. “It’s a girl. This whole Force-stuff is so new, so I think I need another set of eyes to be sure,” he explained as they walked, going through the clearings created in the surroundings of the infirmary building until they came to a relatively empty one.

A young girl, perhaps four or five, was sitting beneath a willow tree, using a stick to draw in the forest floor. Ben slowed, glancing at Finn through the corner of his eye.

“Daisy?” Finn asked, crouching down next to her.

She fixed her brown eyes on him, black, curly hair wild and tangled, her ragged clothes dirty and torn. Guiltily, she threw the stick down and stood up with her hands behind her back, her head bowed as she stared at the ground.

“It’s okay, you can continue drawing,” Finn gently assured her.

Daisy glanced up at him, then tentatively sat back down, but she didn’t pick up her stick and instead just sat there, silent and gaze still fixed on the ground.

Ben pressed his lips together, clenching his jaw as he knew he’d had a part to play this, knew it all too well. Finn cast a look at him, beckoning him a little closer. Hesitant, he did so, though he stopped a short distance away, not wanting to scare the girl more than she obviously was.

“This guy here is Ben. He knows a little more about all this Force stuff than I do, so he’s just going to help you and I figure out what’s going on, alright?” Finn said, and Ben sat down cross-legged a few steps away.

Daisy looked up at him, just for a second, and his face softened. “I’m Ben. You’re Daisy, right?” he asked, and she nodded after a little, picking up the stick and poking it into the ground.

He gave Finn a doubtful look, but he nodded. Leaning back somewhat, Ben focused on the little girl, stretching himself out for her Force.

It was there, deep inside. If he’d been able to see it, it would’ve been a little, compact ball of raw light, the intensity of it bright and clear. He withdrew and blinked against the sunlight, eyeing Daisy a little more closely. She was looking right at him, her dark eyes piercing despite her young age.

“Why is there something tied to you?” she said, her voice quiet.

“Something tied to me?” he asked, brows furrowing slightly.

“There,” she said, pointing to his chest with her stubby finger.

He followed her point, looking down at himself, and now he understood. “That’s just something special about me. If you see a girl named Rey, then you’ll see that she has it, too, the tie,” he explained.

Her forehead wrinkled, but then she turned around and resumed her drawing. Once he stood up again, he saw that she was drawing stick figures, three of them, the one with long curly hair standing in between two taller figures. Supressing a sigh, he turned to Finn, who was saying goodbye to Daisy, and waited until they had walked a little ways before he said, “She definitely has the Force. I’m not sure if she’s going to be able to use it, though.”

Finn nodded thoughtfully, scrunching his lips to one side. “I think she’s scared.”

“She is. She’s a little girl who’s been taken away from her home and family. Of course she’s scared,” Ben said, running a hand through his hair out of frustration, looking up at the mosaic foliage letting the sunlight filter through.

“Yea. I’m going to try and work with her. The other kids aren’t really that fond of her, she’s so quiet,” Finn said.

“Can you blame her?”

“That’s not what I meant. I’m just saying that we need to get the others to accept her. She’s gonna need friends,” he countered, and Ben could only nod in response.

“Maybe she can be put together with some of the other more quiet ones? I think it would be best to let her participate alongside the rest, even if the Force is strong with her. Early training does a lot, but it can’t replace good relationships,” Ben said, trying to keep himself out of the equation.

“Yea, got it.” Finn said, shooting another look towards the girl who was watching the pair of them, suspicion apparent in her dark eyes. “Thanks,” he said as he left, Ben continuing to stand there for a little while until he, too, began walking, headed for the centre of the Base again, but once he arrived, he just cast a brief glance at the Commander’s building before he headed back to the house, head already too busy at work with trying to figure out how to interpret Finn’s behaviour towards him. Something in him ached with pity for the young Daisy, too, and he wondered what he could do to help. He didn’t want her to feel so left behind as he had, and already, she’d withdrawn into herself. Ben shook his head to himself as he walked, jaw clenched in frustration, barely noticing the pain in his leg as he limped back to the house he and Rey shared.

Rey was pacing up and down the corridors of Lady Luck. The closer they got to Ajan Kloss, the more difficult it was to keep herself still. Training with her sabre didn’t help, either, and neither did trying to meditate to feel the Force more clearly. She felt like she just might wreck the ship, distracted as she was, if she tried practicing wielding the Force in her distracted state.

Play holo-chess with Lando - who was, despite it all, very patient with her - did nothing good either, and so the only activity left was indeed pacing up and down the floors, body jittering with pent up energy and the urge to see Ben again, to ascertain that he was, in fact, alright.

“Didn’t think you’d be that excited to bring those texts back to Base,” Lando grinned at her with a glimmer in his eyes.

She couldn’t help but grin right back at him, perhaps a bit apologetically, her eyes crinkling as she shook her head.

“It’s just a few more minutes, kiddo,” he assured her, and she nodded, resuming her seat in the lounge as Lando went and retrieved the Sith texts.

Even though the landing seemed to take forever, Rey somehow managed to not crawl out the minute the ramp had opened just high enough for that to be possible. Running to them, though? No, there was no stopping her.

She dashed out of Lady Luck to the welcome committee awaiting her, registering the sight of Ben standing a little ways off to the side, somewhat behind the others. It was just when she’d practically thrown herself at him that she remembered that his leg was injured. A quiet, “Oof,” came from him when she slammed into his chest, but when she tried to pull away to apologise, he just wrapped his arms a little tighter around her. She felt his nose against the top of her head and allowed her eyes to close as she lingered in the embrace for just a little longer.

A small, cautious smile revealed only a little of the infinite happiness radiating from his eyes, and she beamed up at him, very much so not noticing Poe speaking until she untangled herself from Ben.

“Good thing you brought it back, I didn’t think Darani would even let you pry it out of their cold, dead fingers,” the General said, talking with Lando who’d handed him the texts.

Rey glanced up at Ben before she went over to hug Poe and Finn as well.

“And you’re here, too,” Poe said a little drily, his hands on his hips.

She raised her brows at him. “Yes, indeed I am.”

His face split into a warm smile. “That’s good.”

“Where’s Rose and Jannah?”

“Handling the kids from Geonosis, I think,” he replied, then gave her arm a squeeze. “Good that you’re back, it’s been a tense few days,” he began.

“I know. You don’t have to retell the whole thing now,” Rey said, lightly shaking her head.

“Well alright then. We’ll have a meeting sometime tomorrow, if everyone gets back,” he said, brows furrowed.

Rey’s forehead wrinkled. “No news from Moraband?”

He stroked over his chin, looking past her shoulder. “No. Still waiting.”

Something of the tension she’d felt when first hearing about it returned to her stomach. “It’s been over three days,” she said.

“I know.”

Rey turned to Ben again, saw him talking to Lando, his face already more lively and animated, and she forgot about Darani and Moraband and those they’d rescued on Geonosis just for a moment as she saw the two of them interacting, Ben even chuckling a little before he and his uncle hugged goodbye. She came back up to him, those gathered beginning to scatter, and pulled him into a soft kiss that lasted for far too short a time in her opinion. This wasn’t really the place, though. But still.

“Let’s go back,” he said, and she nodded, taking his hand as they began heading for their little house.

It wasn’t exactly like it was too noticeable, his limp, the change in his gait only slight. Rey did notice, though, and was about to ask him about it, if she shouldn’t heal him now, but he shook his head.

“And why not?” she asked, not getting why he was being so obstinate about this. And it obviously hurt. She felt it too, though not as strongly as when he’d just been hit.

“It was treated just fine,” he said, sounding tired.

Rey pointed her lips, but didn’t protest, just walked along in silence until they got to the house.

“Seems like a lot happened while I was away,” she tried as they came inside. He sat down heavily on one of the chairs in the main room, resting his elbow on the table.

“Yes.”

She waited, raising her brows at him.

He met her eyes, and there were dark shades beneath them.

“Either you’re going to take a nap or you’re going to tell me some more,” Rey said, crossing her arms across her chest.

“A nap?” he asked, sounding puzzled.

“The one you take when you’re tired?”

“I’m aware of that,” he sighed, rubbing his forehead as he looked down at the table. “Well, the thing with Ivabre got sorted out. Ald was buried, they left with some of the others from the Resistance. I can’t tell you how many. Jannah pointed out that it didn’t seem likely that I get injured unless I was surprised,” Ben began to explain. “Rose and Poe chimed in, too. That was... Unexpected.”

Rey refrained from commenting on it and instead just took a seat across from him, meeting his gaze when he raised it again.

“They believed me,” he said incredulously.

She gave a wry smile. “Is that so hard to accept as the truth?”

He looked at her, his eyes briefly narrowing. Seeing the doubt on his face, she stretched out her hand, trying not to let it show how it affected her.

“Yes. I don’t trust it, or I can’t.”

“You can trust it. I don’t know about the rest, but those four, and Lando and Maz, they’ve all got your back,” she tried to convince him, leaning forwards over the table.

Silence stretched out between them, his thumb absentmindedly stroking the back of her hand until he found the words.

“There’s something else.” He seemed to change his mind, and she cocked her head to the side. “There’s this little girl, Daisy, she’s called. She’s Force-sensitive, I think. Finn asked me to help him find that out. We have to keep an eye on her, or I think she might have a hard time,” he said a bit flatly.

Furrowing her brows, she slowly nodded. “Of course we will, there’s plenty of people here who want to do nothing more than help as well.”

Ben’s lip twitched, and the questions began to well up already.

“I lied to you, on Tatooine,” he started out.

Too many different scenarios flashed across her mind at that, and something clenched in her chest.

“About Finn. That’s not what he wanted to tell you, that he loved you. He does, but-“

“He’s with Poe, isn’t he?” she interrupted.

“My best guess, yes, but-”

“Why did you lie?” she demanded, tone unintentionally cool.

He looked like he’d been stung, but at the same time las if he’d been expecting it, too. “He’s your close friend. The time he spent with you, I spent hunting you down. He saved you, while I kept you captive. It doesn’t make for an advantageous comparison for me,” he explained, tone void of emotion as he pulled his hand away from hers.

Rey didn’t know whether she should laugh or yell at him. She wanted to do both. Rubbing her face, she sighed. “I know we were snippy on Tatooine, but that’s just- it’s kind of funny?”

“Is it?”

“Yes. I can’t figure out why you would think that it was a good idea to make that sort of thing up, though, couldn’t you still feel our bond?” she said, it all so absurd that she had to fight to keep the smile away from her face.

“You’d shut yourself off, so technically, no.”

She scrunched her lips to the side. “Fair point.” She fiddled with her fingers. “Then what was it? That he wanted to say?”

“That he thought he might be Force-sensitive.”

She blinked, looking at him across the table, his face kept carefully blank, guarded. “That’s it? The big secret? By the stars, he is as dramatic as Poe, so I guess they do make a good couple after all,” she said, attempting a laugh to break the tension. Sure it worked, she definitely wasn’t. Ben was not smiling.

“Alright, get up, I’m healing that wound,” she said, a little surprised when he actually did get on his feet. “Actually, if you get on your stomach on the bed, that might be easier,” she changed her mind. Instead of moving towards the bedroom, he just stood there, looming and silent, his shield back up again, and her lips parted when she looked up at him.

“I missed you,” she blurted out, irritated that her voice shook.

“I missed you, too,” Ben said, and something resembling a smile appeared on his face, dark eyes lighting up a little as she came up to hug him, head resting against his chest, his buried in her hair, both drawing comfort from one another, relief gradually easing their tense bodies.

Her voice was muffled as she still hadn’t pulled away when she asked, “So what colour is your awesome new sabre, then?”

He huffed, then smiled and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “It’s just blue. Light blue.”

It was nice to get it out of his system, the guilt, even if it didn’t seem like that big of a thing to her. It loosened some of the tension still contained in his shoulders, made him ease into the hug without so much restraint, and he was just so incredibly glad that she was back here with him. Even if he didn’t like to admit it, he’d been scared that she wouldn’t come back. Had been scared to be on his own, now that he no longer had Kylo Ren to sink into.

Healing him was easier than it’d been the first time. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that she hadn’t just stabbed him with his own sabre this time.

Rey straightened her back and pulled away her hands from the back of his thigh, but she didn’t get up from her seat on the side of the bed. Her gaze lingered on him, tracing up his legs and the curve of his butt, the dip his back made, the way his arms bent beneath his shirt and his dark hair falling over his face in wavy curls. Rey started when she reached his eyes, shining with something so heartfelt that she could barely describe it, and his eyes squeezed shut a little as he smiled up at her. Unfolding one of the arms he was resting his head on, he reached out for her, turning onto his side, and she settled into his arms, meeting his lips in a gentle kiss where she allowed herself to linger, fingertips grazing over his face, and she kissed him again, breaths mingling and shared.

“I love you,” she whispered softly, having pulled back just enough to look him in the eyes.

His gaze flickered across her face, and she felt something shaking along the bond, not sure whether it was herself or him.

“I know,” he said, voice a bit hoarse. “I love you, too. More than anything,” he whispered thickly.

Rey smiled, light blossoming in her chest, the joy too overpowering to let her speak. She felt the tears coming, didn’t want them to, but it didn’t seem to be so bad when Ben wiped them away so cautiously.

“You’re my home,” she breathed, tugged him a little tighter, not able to get close enough.

He cradled her head against his chest, stroking over the nape of her neck, her back. She heard him exhale, shakily. Reaching up between them, she took his hand, holding it in her own. 

“I think a nap would be nice,” Ben said after a little while.

Rey couldn’t help but laugh, resting her forehead against his chest. “It’s a good idea,” she agreed, settling comfortably into the silence. She knew he’d be there when she woke up. That he would be waiting when no one else would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was I teary writing the ending??? Mayhaps. Probably. It's likely. She just knows that she isn't alone anymore. It's just starting to sink in.
> 
> As always, please do consider leaving a comment behind if you enjoyed this chapter/the story so far, reading feedback really keeps me motivated to keep writing!!


	24. Take-off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben can't find himself when there's still hostility brewing amongst the Resistance. Rey feels restless, something tugging at her, and so they set out from Ajan Kloss, searching for something they don't know what is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank u to Revuelta for the plot sparring<333
> 
> Rey needs to find herself, too, now that she's neither Skywalker nor Palpatine, so here we are

No news from the Moraband scouts along with another confrontation involving Ben had been the straw to break the camel’s back for the two of them, as well as for Poe and Rose. Even though Ben had tried to brush it off, she had, as the days progressed, noticed the tension building up in his back and shoulders, had felt his absentmindedness even when it was just the two of them, and honestly? She was feeling more and more caged in as well these days. Of course, she still liked being a mechanic and fixing up ships, but there were a lot of other mechanics, too, and they didn’t treat her the same as everyone else - not in a bad way necessarily, but it was still enough to make her feel out of place and sort of awkward whenever she went in to work.

Ben was doing what he could to help around the Base, but as there was no clear assignment for him, either, it more or less ended up in wandering, often on his own, where she eventually found him either in the house or somewhere in the nature around it. Often, she found him having walked upstream a creek, sitting in a clearing looking thoughtful. Rey didn’t know what that place meant, and wasn’t asking, but regardless, it was clear that they were at a bit of a standstill, and the tension against Ben still mounted.

Luckily, no one had gotten hurt in that dispute - but the abuse yelled at him while he’d just stood there and taken it had gotten to him. That much was clear. She only had a little bit of a bad conscience for knocking the woman over with her staff when she realised that he wasn’t going to react to it. And there was still no news from Moraband. It just confirmed her gut feeling that the scouts never made it out there for some reason or other. No new ships were sent out, and nothing new was heard about this splinter group, either.

Rey shifted in bed, awake before him, and after waking up a little more, she smiled when she saw his sleeping face. He never looked quite so peaceful when he was awake. Lingering underneath the covers, she shuffled a little closer to him, feeling the warmth coming off of him. He mumbled something, stretched out his legs, and she hoped she hadn’t woken him, holding her breath if that turned out to be the case. Ben let out a sigh, then rolled over onto his other side, and she got up, carefully setting the covers aside, quietly making her way outside and beginning to pack the few personal belongings she had, and Ben’s, too.

She looked at the little bundle she’d set on the table, wishing there was more. What she’d had on Jakku had been too bulky to bring with her the first time around, and really, she had no desire to return to that desert planet. That just wasn’t… It wasn’t home. It hadn’t ever really been home.

Lost in thought, Rey started when Ben came out from the bedroom. “Hey, good morning,” she said, brushing her hair back behind her ear.

“Morning,” he greeted her back, voice still a little raspy from sleep.

“Are you ready to go soon?”

He inclined his head towards the bundle before looking at her again. “Seems like it. Even if it’s not much, I think you’ll have to be the one to bring it, though,” he said.

Rey snorted, thinking of Ben having to fit inside the cockpit of the Headhunter. “We can still switch, you know. There’s a bit more room in the X-wing,” she said, the laughter she was trying to repress shining through in her voice.

“Mh, no. It’s not mine.”

Technically, that Headhunter wasn’t his, either, but the X-wing had been Luke’s. Maybe he still had some sort of aversion towards his uncle. He hadn’t been all good, really.

“Alright then.” She rose from her seat, picking up the bundle. “Remember your sabre, and put a shirt on, would you. We’ve gotta go.” As she walked past, she gave him a little nudge, but before she could pass, he stretched out an arm, his hand coming to rest on her hip. Halting, she looked up at him, lips parting, and when he leaned down to kiss her, she suddenly wished that they didn’t have to go so soon.

“No, no,” Rey said, breathless and face flushed when she finally got back enough self-control to do so, “You’re being distracting.” She tried to sound stern. She wasn’t sure it was working. His warm breath against her neck was very diverting, and he just seemed to linger there vey intentionally. Sliding her fingers out of his hair, she took a step back, and Ben straightened, letting his hand fall.

“I meant to,” he said, pressing a final kiss to her lips before he headed back for the bedroom. Rey huffed and blew the stray hair out of her face, hitching up the bundle in her arms while trying to calm her pounding heart.

“Smug bastard,” she muttered to herself, feeling amusement tingle along the bond from his end, and she couldn’t help but smile to herself as she headed out the door, hearing Ben’s footsteps coming up behind her as they walked.

Ben did indeed have trouble with fitting inside the cockpit. The TIE had been bigger, to accommodate both his height and build, and as he strapped himself in, he had to twist this way and that to get everything to fit without constantly bumping into things. “Stars above…” he hissed as he banged his elbow into the side of the cockpit, luckily not busting anything apart this time. Finally, his legs too bent for it to be comfortable in the long run, he began firing up the engine, glancing over at Rey who was hugging Rose goodbye.

He recalled his own farewells - well, _the_ farewell - Lando had given him, how it felt not knowing when he’d see his uncle again. He had so much more to lose now, he felt, and he was grateful that he was sitting in the cockpit and not too out in the open.

Footsteps on the ladder made the ship shake, and Ben turned his head as Finn came into view, bracing his arms on the edge of the cockpit. Surprised, his brows furrowed.

“You take care of her, or I’m coming for you, you know,” he said.

“I will,” he promised, not really enjoying the warning. Finn had said it as if he hadn’t spent every waking moment after they’d both entered Snoke’s throne room trying to do just that. “If you promise to take care of Daisy,” he added. He hadn’t wanted to leave the girl behind, but at the same time knew it would be better for her if she stayed in one place and didn’t constantly have to move around. Besides, he didn’t know what more he could do to help her.

“That’s not even something you have to ask,” Finn said.

“It’s the same for me.”

Finn pursed his lips, giving him a long look which he didn’t flinch away from. They both found the truth in each other’s eyes, and, seeming satisfied with that, he gave the ship a pat and said, “Good luck,” before going down the ladder again.

Ben looked after him as he went down, drumming his fingers against the side of the ship as the ladder was rolled away, and he turned his head to have another look at Rey, who was still saying the last goodbyes to Chewie, who’d pulled her quite literally into a bear hug. Looking straight ahead, he put on his helmet - damn the rusty old ship that it didn’t have a more updated communication system. The cockpit closed around him, blocking out the sounds, leaving him instead with his own thoughts. To keep those at bay, he began checking the system for any faults, checked the course set for Phu. The engine thrummed with energy. He orientated himself in the different functions, but he’d flown a Headhunter before. Han had won one in a bet or something similar, he’d been too young to really care how his father had gotten it - he’d just been old enough to be so excited that he was allowed to fly. That day, Leia hadn’t been home.

The sound of Rey’s voice sounding scratchily through the headset pulled him out of his thoughts. “Preparing for take-off, Ben, are you ready?”

“Engines warm and running, ready for take-off,” he replied, sensing the melancholy on her side of the bond.

“Alright, then let’s go.”

Ben raised the undercarriage as the ship began to lift from the ground. Watching the X-wing come up in front of him, Rey turned her head and gave him a thumbs-up along with a smile. He did the same, and she picked up speed, getting ahead of him.

They burst through the atmosphere and, once they were far enough out, activated their hyperdrives, and followed their set course for Phu.

They took turns sleeping; eight hours awake and alone, eight hours asleep, eight hours awake together. The whole thing was tedious, Rey thought. It was far more pleasant to travel in a larger ship than this one, but the old Headhunter had been the only ship they’d been able to spare back at the Base. She shuffled around in the limited space, running a finger beneath the strap of her helmet, and finally decided to remove it. It wasn’t like they couldn’t just talk along the bond anyways. Wedging the helmet between her knees, she tried to get into a more comfortable position, but that just wasn’t possible. Leaning back with a sigh, she reached underneath the seat, the helmet getting seriously in the way, and dug out the faded old book Lando had been reading on their journey to Iridonia. She’d figured out the title, _Ester and the Pirate King_. Even though the gold of the title had faded away, the dents the letters had made on the cover still revealed it. The pages were almost falling out, the edges soft and frail from use, and so she opened it with great care, eyes trailing over the lines as the machinery thrummed monotonously around her.

Lost in the story, her head shot up, brows furrowing as she sensed something coming from Ben. The book entirely forgotten, she scrambled for the helmet and threw it on while checking her radar. Ben’s ship hadn’t veered too much off course, but it was still enough to make her call over the radio, “Ben? Ben?”

Radio silence, just white noise.

She tried to swallow, but her mouth was dry. Looking over her shoulder, she couldn’t see him, not while they were going at hyperspeed. “Ben?” she now called along the bond and tried to figure out what was going on with him. He was hard to reach, almost as if he was trying to keep his distance, but that just didn’t make sense. Closing her eyes, she saw him, his eyes still shut, but he was clammy with sweat, black hair sticking to his forehead, his breathing too rapid. Rey grabbed his arm, worry washing over her when he wasn’t waking up at the touch.

She shook him now, and he almost slapped her when he finally started awake, his eyes panicked and distant, like he was seeing something that wasn’t really there. Startled, her gaze flicked across his face and she reached out for him, his face, tried to get him to see her.

“Ben, it’s just me, just me,” she tried, tentatively stretching out her hand. He looked like a cornered animal, frantic to get away, but there was nothing, no one, here.

His gaze fixed on her face. He stared at her, still panting, but he saw her.

“Do we need to land?” she asked, needing to know.

He shook his head, running a hand through his hair, gaze downcast. Somehow, she found it hard to believe him.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll straighten my course back up. It’s my turn now, anyways, you can just sleep,” he said, steering the ship back to where it was supposed to be.

“We’re staying awake together,” Rey decided, watching the radar screen and the green dot that was Ben’s ship getting closer to the middle.

He nodded, but before she retreated along the bond, she gave his hand a little squeeze, and he squeezed back.

“Does it happen a lot, the nightmares?” she asked after the silence had drawn out long enough.

“Less than before,” he hesitantly admitted, his voice sounding different over the radio.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave behind a comment if you enjoyed this chapter/the story so far, I really am not lying when I tell you that it keeps my motivation more than afloat to recieve feedback on what I write!
> 
> Also who could not not put our tall and bulky Ben inside a rusty old outdated starfighter when I specifically saw that the Z-95 Headhunter is famed for it's cramped cockpit?? I certainly couldn't help myself


	25. Something I have to do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey aren't wholly unknown in the Galaxy - and not on Phu, either. Rey still doesn't know what it is that has drawn her to this colony, but she is certain that she must go and find it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say thank you SO much to everyone who's shown their support for this <3 either by leaving kudos, comments or by bookmarking or subscribing to me - all of it makes it a lot easier for me to keep writing this, so thank you guys so much! I hope you'll enjoy the new chapter!

Dead tired, both in the literal sense as well as being very much done with sitting in the cramped cockpit for a moment longer than necessary, Ben huffed out a breath, trying to angle his legs in an at least somewhat comfort-improving way. He knew that he was supposed to be sleeping by now, but he couldn’t sleep anyways. And it had been a way too long journey in a craft this small, he’d sat still too much.

Ben knew that technically, the Falcon was his, but it just didn’t feel right to take it, even if it would have made getting to Phu a whole lot easier. That ship was too old, had seen too much, had carried too many people in it. It wasn’t his to pilot, not really.

The helmet long since removed, he ran a hand through his hair and retied it to keep it out of his face, again beginning to wonder why Rey had wanted to go to Phu. She’d only said that she felt something important was there, and he’d sensed the longing with which she thought of the planet she’d never visited before. Little knowledge he possessed of the planet, only really knew it was Bardottan colony and nothing much more than that. And what was she seeking? He couldn’t figure that out, either, didn’t seem to be feeling the same pull that she was, and so he couldn’t even try to pinpoint it. Besides, he had a feeling she wasn’t too sure of it, either. He hadn’t really asked her about it. It didn’t matter where they were going anyways - not when she was travelling alongside with him.

“Is that book any good?” Ben asked along the bond, seeing her with it in her hands once he reached out for her.

She looked up, a little surprised, but then nodded. “It is, yes. I haven’t read a whole lot of books except the Jedi texts.”

His brow creased for a moment as he sensed a pang of pain on her end, but she continued before he could ask. “Why?”

“Just curious. And I can’t sleep.”

The unspoken request hung in the air.

“Do you want me to read to you?” she asked.

Yes. Sometimes, he thought, the only thing continuing to make it all okay was her presence, just the sound of her voice more than enough to soothe him where he’d frayed.

“It’d be nice.”

His heart still skipped a beat when he saw her smile and look down into the book as she tucked her hair behind her ear.

“I’ll start from the beginning, then.”

The dismal weather did nothing to dampen her mood as their ships lowered into the atmosphere of Phu. Breaking through the grey clouds, rain pattered against the cockpit and thunder rumbled quite close to them, but Rey still couldn’t help but love the downpour and the storms, even if the winds made the X-wing waver just a little every now and then as they got closer and closer to the port. The visibility poor, it was hard to make out anything until they were pretty far down, but the mammoth extinct volcano that the capital was centred around was hard to miss nonetheless. Through the rain, she saw the gigantic crater and the city walls that encircled it, like a snake lying waiting for better, warmer times to come.

“Initiating landing procedure, do we have permission to land?” she called over the radio as the blinking lights of the airstrip came into view.

“Thachnu Port speaking, state your name and purpose for landing.”

“Rey, landing for refuelling and exploration of the planet - a holiday, if you will.”

“Surname?”

“I have none.” She swallowed thickly, fingers clenching and unclenching the handle.

The static sounded too loudly in the cockpit. She glanced over her shoulder at the Headhunter hovering in the air behind her.

“And the craft behind you?”

“Ben Solo. He’s with me, with the same purpose.”

There was the sound of a keyboard clacking, and she waited, trying to keep her shoulders from creeping back up to her ears.

“Tell your friend he might want to lose that last name. We Bardottan aren’t that fond of smugglers, especially smugglers who copy names. Stay out of trouble, and you have permission to land, Rey Nobody and Ben Solo, and stay on your ships until Portmaster Jaleen arrives to check your crafts.”

“Understood, thank you-“

The radio contact was cut off before she could even finish her sentence, and she leaned back in her seat with a quiet groan before she steered the ship down towards the port.

After a smooth landing, she was practically itching to get out of the cockpit, but they didn’t need more problems than they already had - especially not when they were trying to lie low - and so she stayed seated, though she did unstrap herself and tentatively stretched out as much as was possible, the heavy rain drumming against the glass, rivulets of water obscuring the bleak outside world, twisting it into odd, vague shapes. Removing her helmet, she drummed her fingers against her leg, keeping an eye out for the Portmaster.

Opening up her cockpit once she saw a figure approaching, the Bardottan lowered her head and peered at her with a scrutinising look in her blue eyes.

“Rey Nobody. Jedi hero,” the Portmaster said matter-of-factly, the rain rolling off the long, featherlike plume atop her head and dripping onto the airstrip.

“Just Rey,” she replied, gut sinking. It was unlikely that they not be recognised, but she could only hope that they wouldn’t try to hold it against her, or Ben. “I’m not a hero. Or a Jedi”

“Hm, that’s not really for you to decide,” Jaleen eyed her, cocking her bird-like head to the side. “Now, you said you were here to refuel. That much, I can believe. Is exploration really all you want to do?”

Rey met her eyes, trying to figure out how much would be wise to reveal. “I’m searching for something I don’t know what is yet, I just know that it’s here on Phu. We’re not here on Resistance business, or to cause trouble,” she said, and knew with herself that it was true.

“Very well, then. If you’re speaking truly and young Solo keeps his temper better contained now than before, and if what they say of him is really true, then you are welcome here on Phu, Rey Nobody. I’ll see to that your ships are kept in proper care and patched up for when you decide to continue,” she said, straightening back up again, long neck raised with dignity as she strode over to the Headhunter, Ben having opened the cockpit as well.

As the Portmaster spoke with him, Rey quickly gathered up their things, slung her satchel over her shoulder, hitched up the bundle in her arms, and shut the cockpit again, blinking the water out of her eyes for a bit, the downpour beginning to soak through the thin clothes she wore. Absentmindedly, she pulled the waterproof cape she’d worn on Ahch-To on, already regretting that she wasn’t wearing anything warmer as she waited for the Portmaster to finish speaking with Ben.

Her hair already sticking to her face when she pulled the hood up, Ben walked toward her. He took her hand, giving it a squeeze, and it felt warm and she found the strength to walk with him away from the airstrip and into the city. Rey Nobody. It still stung, being called that, but the alternative wasn’t really any better. Pursing her lips, she went onwards, pulling the hood up a little more.

The streets alight with a warm, orange glow despite the heavy rain, they walked in through the massive gate beneath the heavy-set stone that made out the wall surrounding the city. Not many people were out; it was late, and even if she couldn’t help but still be amazed at the water falling from the sky even if it was cold, it made sense that the inhabitants more used to this climate wouldn’t want to be out in it. The few they passed barely shot them a look, hooded as they were, and they made it to a sleek, light blue building that advertised available rooms. They went inside, even if the tugging in her stomach had only gotten stronger after they’d landed on Phu.

Ben set their bags down in the corner of the small room. It was on the third floor, had a rinsing chamber attached to it so they didn’t have to share it with the other guests, and he liked it much less than their little house on Ajan Kloss, even if it had been necessary to leave. His cape dripping, he hung it up, and took Rey’s as well, watching her as she carefully took out the book and turned it over in her hands to reassure herself it hadn’t gotten any water damage.

“You survived,” she said as she turned to him, a faint smile on her lips.

He gave her a confused look. “In what way?..”

“Oh, no, stars, I just meant the cockpit,” she said, and the way she looked just a tad mortified made him laugh.

“Yes, that, too. I think my legs cramped up at least three times, though,” he said, pulling her into an embrace he felt her leaning into, her arms wrapping around his waist. “You’re cold, aren’t you?” he asked after a little, noting the goose bumps on her bare arms.

“A little, I suppose. I grew up constantly sweaty on Jakku, and it was pretty warm on Ajan Kloss, too.”

He snorted, reaching out with one arm for the cover on the bed and draping it over her shoulders before tugging it a little tighter around her. “It’s a mystery how you survived Starkiller Base, then.”

“Oh, believe me, if we hadn’t been that caught up, I would’ve been shaking all over. There wasn’t really a whole lot of time to be distracted, though,” she mused.

Ben recollected their battle, and, inevitably, the guilt of what he’d done came over him again. Looking for her reaction, he, surprised, found none other than thoughtfulness. Nothing condemning, no blame. He tightened the embrace a little, pressing a kiss to the top of her head before letting go and patting the bed. “Then let’s get you warmed up, it’s not that bad to me,” he said, lying down and opening his arms for her.

Rey, holding the blanket closed by her neck, only her fingers sticking out, shuffled up to the bed and plopped down next to him, rolling her way over until she was close enough for him to close his arms around her and pull her tight, eyes slipping shut as a sigh escaped from him. She shifted, stuck her arms out, and covered him with the blanket too, nuzzled up close to him, and he stroked up and down her back, slowly, steadily. Eventually, he drifted off as well to the sound of her deep, even breaths.

He couldn’t figure out what time it was when he awoke again, and neither what the reason for it had been. The silence except the soft noise of the drizzle did indicate that it was not yet morning, and as it was nearly pitch black in the room as well, he propped himself up on his elbows, rubbing his face. Rey was still beside him, but when he looked at her, her eyes were open, watching him absentmindedly. It wasn’t like her to be awake like that, was it?

“Is everything okay?” he asked softly, fingertips grazing over her cheek.

She nodded. Then shrugged. “I don’t know.”

He watched her, eyes gradually adjusting to the lack of light, and he stroked over her face, her shoulder, and she tried to smile, but her bottom lip curled and she sat up, rubbing at her eyes, movements edged and quick.

Ben let his hands fall, now sitting up as well while she shook her head.

“I don’t know. It probably doesn’t matter right now,” she said, finally looking up at him.

He couldn’t really figure out what was going on inside her head, tried to sense it along the bond, but she was pushing out against him, something bright and thrumming and turmoiled. Brows furrowing, he hesitated as she leaned in to kiss him, her hand entangling itself in his hair, but when he broke away to ask her what, exactly, was going on, she just shook her head.

Ben searched her eyes for an explanation when she climbed up to straddle his lap, but found none other than a silent plea, and he obeyed, reaching up for her as her hands cupped his face, pulling him close into a heated kiss that felt too desperate.

Her movements were frantic and hurried when she tugged his shirt off, him having to help her undress herself, their clothes left scattered on the bed and floor both. Eventually, he laid her down onto her back, leaning in to kiss her as he hovered over her, one hand placed by the side of her head. Still doubtful, he asked, “Are you sure?” and kissed her softly once more, but by then she’d already uttered a, “Yes,” and he nodded, a quiet moan coming from him when he thrust into her.

She urged him onwards, meeting him every time he pushed in, her fingers digging into his back as she tilted her head back, allowing him the space to kiss down along her jaw and neck, simultaneously hungrily and carefully, as she seemed to needy for something he didn’t know if he could give her, and yet so frail. Ben kept thrusting, hard and quick, breath coming out in pants, and she clenched around him, pulling him into another kiss, breaking away with a hand on the back of his neck as their foreheads rested against each other, breathing in sync, both flushed and panting.

His back marked with scratches, he laid down next to her again, draping an arm over her waist, but she slid out under it and got to her feet, just briefly disappearing into the rinsing chamber before she came back out and began to dress herself. Ben sat back up again, worry leaving a grumbling sort of pain in his gut behind.

“Rey…” he tried, still just slightly out of breath, and she turned her head to look at him.

“I can’t sleep, not when I know it’s just so close,” she explained herself, “It’s just something I have to do.”

Pressing his lips together, he looked at her, saw her and found the same longing she’d had in the days before they’d left the Base. “I’ll come with you,” he said, about to push the covers aside, but she waved him off. It couldn’t help but sting a little. Slowly, he lowered his arms again.

“No, this is something I have to do on my own, Ben. Sorry,” she said, fixing her sabre into her belt and shooting him a glance.

Running a hand through his hair, he nodded after a bit, leaning against the headboard, arms crossing over his chest. “Alright,” he said, resigned. “Know when you’ll be back?”

“No. Really, I have no clue about anything right now,” she answered, voice sounding too close to breaking to him. He ached to go with her, to ease whatever it was that seemed to pain her so much, but saw that she did need to figure this out on her own.

“Okay. Stay in touch, please?” he asked, trying not to sound too desperate.

She gave a sad little smile and walked over, leaning down to press a lingering, soft kiss to his lips before she said, “Of course.”

With that, she walked out the room, leaving him alone on the bed, the spot beside him where she’d laid only moments before already feeling cold again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't,,, know what this chapter is? Humour? Fluff?? Angst??? Smut???? An abominable mix of it all? I don't know but there sure is a lot of feelings and touching involved. Also Ben laughing warms my heart so we needed some of that ofc
> 
> Aand as always, please do consider leaving behind a comment or kudos if you enjoyed this chapter/the story so far, as, as I wrote in the beginning, it really does indeed motivate me tenfold when I get that sort of response to my writing <3


	26. Palpatines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey sets out to relieve the itch she's been feeling even before she and Ben left Ajan Kloss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey needs her closure too. God I love her so much, she 10/10 deserved better.
> 
> Am I introducing a lot of random characters??? I sure am.

She hadn’t meant to take off so suddenly, to have woken him, or anything else to inconvenience him, really. Maybe she should’ve just gotten out of bed the moment he’d fallen asleep.

Rey tugged the hood further up, the winds luckily having settled somewhat as she made her way down the narrow, winding streets, the light reflected on the wet pavement, shining brilliantly in the dark night. The smooth facades to her left and right were an odd mix of old and new; some made of stone and mortar, some appearing to be metal, sleek and shiny and contrasting against the rough stones of its neighbours. Her hand tracing over the walls of the unlit, still sleeping houses, she wandered, not entirely aimlessly, down what appeared to be some kind of main street, headed for the inner part of the city.

What was this planet even? Was it as old as it seemed? Rey sensed the history of this place without being able to get anything specific out of it, her own thoughts too muddled for her to try and decipher whatever the Force was tossing at her right now. The only thing to focus on was the insistent tugging, as if there was a hook behind her navel, the string attached to it drawing her closer and closer to the extinct volcano that was towering more and more above her the closer she got to it, the great mountain standing out like a black colossus blocking out the starlight.

The rootlessness in her only grew in intensity as she reached the inner city wall. Tilting her head back to look at the top of it, she stood for a while, silent and torn, before walking onwards through the small door in the massive wooden gate, the rain having stilled by now.

A slim pathway wound its way from the wall and out over the rise, the dark dirt showing, the lush green grass having been worn away by the wanderings of countless footsteps. She joined them, the light of dawn beginning to illuminate her surroundings as she trudged onwards down the path.

There were no trees, only bushes spread sparsely across the land, thorny and armoured against the world around them, underbrush spreading up here and there. Rey walked along the foot of the volcano for a while, the monotonous movement of just putting one foot before the other, right, left, one, two, aiding her in forgetting the look on Ben’s face when she’d told him she’d needed to do this on her own.

While the sun climbed over the horizon into a clear sky, Rey finally found something that wasn’t just grey rock or grass and moss; there was an opening in the side of the volcano, which now rose steeply enough to make her catch her breath as she looked at the entrance, water flowing from it, considering whether to enter or not. She knew it wasn’t really her choice regardless, her feet seeming to take her there on their own, and as she brushed the vines that covered what lay inside aside, the tugging in her eased away. She swallowed, brows furrowing as she tried to take it all in.

Inside the extinct volcano was a cavernous room, the ceiling open to the sky above. It was clear that it had been carved out by something other than nature, the walls too symmetric and perfectly rounded, and there were engravings in a language she didn’t know all over them, line after line after line, vines and plant growth obscuring some of it - yet it didn’t feel abandoned. Great, roughly hewn pillars of grey rock reached upwards, supporting the structure, and, in the middle of it all, was a circular pool, raised up on a dais by steps of white stone, the uppermost a deep, dark blue. The water in it was perfectly still, crystal clear. There seemed to be no noise in there except for the gentle trickle of water coming from the other end of the room. A small stream bubbled out from it, went towards the pool in the middle, but split in two and went to either side before they joined each other in the stream that flowed between her feet and outside again.

Rey hesitantly took another few steps inside, the pool almost seeming to whisper her name, calling to her. Breath catching in her throat, she halted a few steps away from it, boots just barely touching the first step. Something in her hesitated, uncertain still. She knew this was what she’d been looking for for so long, what she’d ached to see when she’d went down that hole on Ahch-To. Would it just show herself again? Her face scrunched up as she tried to keep her hopelessness at bay. She almost backed away, not able to bear a second disappointment this time. But this was her second chance, too.

She set her foot on the first step, moved up, the second, third, fourth, and kneeled on the indigo tiles, it cold beneath her splayed out hands that needed to grip something as she stared down into her own reflection, dark hair messy and tousled by the wind, hazel eyes, scared and longing, set beneath furrowed brows, lips parted in an urgent sort of desperation as her breathing quickened and she was drawn in.

Her hand was shaking a little when she reached out over the pool. Exhaling, Rey let her fingers touch the surface, and a thousand images flashed through her head in a matter of seconds; a woman, the woman from her memory, crying out in pain, until relief softened her features, and she held something wrapped in cloth in her arms, looking infinitely happy. A black-haired man beside her, taking her hand as they had a heated conversation she couldn’t hear. A sense of panic, the two of them running, running as hard as they could, brief respite on a far-away planet, temperate climate sometimes rough and unforgiving, other times warm and temperate, the air soft and summery. A little girl, brown-haired- and eyed, playing with her mother and father in the meadows and on the side of a grey mountain. The girl, overhearing hushed, hurried words between her parents, who looked guilty and afraid and so loving when she interrupted them. Warm hugs and fairy tales as she were laid to bed.

Too much pain as they had to leave that little girl behind, a small necklace her only parting gift, the only thing they could give her, a desperate plan to flee as far away as possible. Lightning, a croaky laughter, blackness, fear, pain, death, glassy eyes staring at nothing, the black haired man, her father, leaning over her mother, sobbing as he aimed his blaster against her killer, but it was whirled out of his hands by an invisible energy, clattered too loudly to the ground, echoing.

Emperor Palpatine turned to look at her, his granddaughter, the bodies of his son and his wife lying crumpled at his feet, his yellow eyes burning with hate, with hope, as his blackened teeth bared into a grimace that was supposed to resemble a smile.

Rey only realised she was screaming when a thin hand on her arm pulled her back, away from the pool, and she scrabbled away from the touch and down the steps, not caring as she scraped her elbows on the coarse stone. Frantically trying to get up, she looked at whoever it was who’d come to her, and she found an ancient-looking Bardottan, his face wrinkled and having to lean on a cane standing by the dais, hand still outstretched.

“One shouldn’t look into that pool without being preparing - and certainly not alone, human.”

Her chest rising and falling in a rapid rhythm, she blinked, still processing whatever the hell it was that she’d seen. “Why not?” she asked defensively, resisting the urge to take out her sabre, knowing Palpatine was long gone, she’d made sure of that herself.

“I thought that much was obvious,” he croaked a laugh, huddling down the steps to her. “But you found what you sought, didn’t you?”

“What?”

“You came back here for something, to find something out, yes?”

“Came back? I’ve never been here in my life.”

“Oh, but you have, haven’t you now?”

Rey’s brow creased, trying to understand. She knew that she’d seen her parents, but…

“You were young, but you were here. I remember you. You still have the same eyes,” the old man noted, smiling faintly at her. “You’ve seen a lot more since I saw you last, that I can see as well.”

“Who in the galaxy are you? Why do you know so much?” Rey asked, needing to buy some time to keep herself from panicking.

“Me? Oh, I’m just someone who still guards this old temple,” he said, gesturing out towards the room, the burgundy sleeve of his robe sliding up a bit to reveal intricacies of markings going up his arms.

“If you remember me, then… Then you must remember my parents, too,” she said, elbows now stinging uncomfortably.

“Yes, I do. I do.”

Her heart almost stilled in her chest. “Who were they?” she breathlessly asked.

The man shrugged, closing his eyes. “Palpatines.”

Her shoulders sank. She didn’t want to hear more about that.

“But really, I don’t think that mattered much to them - at least not in the way family names usually matter. Your mother was very pregnant when the two of them arrived here, in a rusty old freighter, they must’ve paid a shifty smuggler far too much money to get here,” he laughed, shaking his head. “They just lived here, girl, for a few years, content with nursing and raising their daughter. The Emperor came, though, we were just lucky we were able to bring back their bodies,” he finished, not unkindly.

Feeling her bottom lip tremble, she ran a hand through her hair, looking at the floor.

“Phu has been a place of refuge for many just seeking out a quiet life away from fear and pain. I’m sorry we couldn’t bring that to them, but, as you probably know, we were no match for Palpatine,” he added.

What more could she do than just nod?

“If you wish it, their graves are not far from here. I will gladly show you them. It isn’t exactly like the temple is being overrun, early bird,” he said, smiling too warmly at her when all she wanted to do was run and yell at something and not have to perform any sort of pleasantries at all.

Still, she nodded.

“Very well. Now, girl, to answer your question,” he said as he began to walk, “I am Ravetto, protector of this temple. You? You must be Rey Palpatine, if my memory doesn’t fail me.”

Her hands clenched into fists. “Rey. Just that.”

“Ah, I see. Understandable,” Ravetto said, leading her out of the temple within the volcano into the golden sunlight of the new day.

They walked in silence even though she was close to bursting with questions - she wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answers.

“What name will you then take for your own, then, Rey Nobody?” he asked, walking surprisingly fast for his age, using the cane to overcome the more difficult rocks.

She pursed her lips, about to shake her head when Ben popped up into her head, his smile, the way he looked at her when it was just them. “Solo. Or Skywalker. I haven’t figured that out yet.”

Ravetto nodded, slowly and deliberately. “Both great names. Gravitas, and history.”

Rey shrugged, too impatient and agitated to really want to engage in a civilised conversation just yet. “They’re more fitting than Palpatine.”

“It does carry something heavy on its shoulders,” he agreed, glancing over his shoulder at her with his amber eyes.

Fixing her gaze on what was ahead, she paused as a number of stones settled into the ground in neat rows came into view. They were buried here?

Ravetto nodded, waved her along, nimbly weaving in and out between the stones.

She only saw the names engraved on them in a blur, eyes fixed on the two spearshaped ones set next to each other, titled with Valkaya and Mero Palpatine, and her knees hit the ground with a thud. The rock was cold to the touch, no softness, nothing comforting about it.

Mero, Valkaya.

Head hanging, Rey sat there as a thousand feelings clashed in her chest. Closure at finally figuring out what had happened to them fought with bitter disappointment and resentment towards her own cursed heritage, anger that they hadn’t done _more_ , that they hadn’t taken her with them, even if that fate would’ve been her end as well. It would’ve been the end of the Palpatines, too, then, wouldn’t it? Or would the Emperor have lived on, untamed, unchecked, undefeatable until his reign stretched out and encompassed the entire galaxy?

Tears dripped from her cheeks, knees damp from their contact with the still-wet earth, and she tried to push aside the what-if scenarios, knowing it would do nothing to bring her any comfort. Wiping over her face, she traced her fingers over the names engraved into the tombs, recalling what she’d seen.

It hadn’t been a lie. They’d loved her. They hadn’t wanted to leave her on Jakku, but it had been the best they’d been able to do. She couldn’t dispel the aching in her chest, knew it would always be there, but warmth blossomed along with it. They had _wanted_ her. She wasn’t a nobody, she was their daughter - even if she’d known them for too short a time. Even if her father’s father had killed off his own family, they’d still fought for her, to protect her, and they’d _tried_. She’d mattered to them. It was too late to change anything, too late to fix it and tell them that she had made it this far despite all odds, that she’d defeated their killer, but somehow, she knew that they knew as much. They hadn’t appeared as those voices she’d heard when she’d stricken Palpatine down, but they were in there, in her heart, Mero and Valkaya.

Sniffling, she wiped her face, something in her beginning to heal. Closing her eyes, she reached out beneath her, felt them, and even if they were long gone, knew that it was them. She wished she’d been able to talk with them, to tell them everything she’d learned, that she forgave them, even if it still hurt, but this was the best she could get for now. And it was enough.

Rising to her feet, Rey looked over at Ravetto, who was keeping a respectful distance, head rising from the bowed position it’d been in as she’d mourned.

“Thank you, for showing me,” she said, watching the old man as the sun shone in on his blue-green skin.

He smiled, leaning on his cane. “All are welcome here. Especially those who help others find the light when they’re still looking for it, too,” Ravetto said, keen eyes searching her face. “Is it true what I hear my daughter saying? That Ben Solo is here as well?”

Her eyes narrowed. No matter where they went, she felt as if people were still out to get him.

He waved his hand, clearly sensing her unease. “It is just that I should like to meet him. Jaleen told me you two were something special. Even I can tell, and it’s not so often we get that extraordinary visitors to our little planet. Bring him here sometime, if you like,” he finished.

Still cautious, she nodded, trying to lower her shoulders. There was no ill intent as far as she could tell, and she knew every alarm would be going off if that were the case.

“We have enough time for that, I think,” she said after a long pause.

Ravetto nodded. “We do indeed. Now, I will return. Stay here if you must, or go back to where you are staying. You seem like you need rest and food and comfort - in whatever form it shows up in,” he said, and Rey again wondered how the hell everyone seemed to know about the connection she and Ben shared in at least some capacity. She wasn’t entirely sure she was comfortable with it. Maybe he wouldn’t ask so much if he actually met Ben.

Watching him take his leave, the red robe swishing in the faint wind, Rey pushed a hand over her head, letting out a deep breath. Turning, she looked at the tombstones again, lovingly stroked the stone, and left as well, losing herself in thought as she made her way back through down the pathway, into the temple and through the inner city gate as well, enjoying the life that continued around her as Bardottans, humans, droids and races she didn’t even know existed began to fill the streets. At markets, they shouted out their wares’ magnificent qualities and amazing prices, grinned and fought and talked, and everywhere, life was thrumming, thriving. It wasn’t all that was dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't,,, really like that Rey is a Palpatine, but she needs to learn that it doesn't mean anything. She's beginning to get the hang of it.
> 
> Besides, my fave needed some goddamn closure, she's been struggling ever since she was dumped on that garbage planet that is Jakku. Also her parents needed names, I hope you guys find them fitting!
> 
> Thank you again to everyone who keeps leaving kudos and comments - it makes me way more eager to keep writing:,)


	27. Solos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben goes out to calm his frayed nerves. When he returns, Rey comes back as well. They discuss their present, and futute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *NSFW CHAPTER*

He’d forgotten how empty it felt being left behind - not that Rey had actually done that. Regardless, even if it was just something small like this, he sat on the bed for far too long, just trying to convince himself that this wasn’t a bad thing while looking at the door she’d walked right out of.

He wanted to reach along their bond, ascertain that she was really still here, but at the same time knew that what she wanted - and probably needed - was privacy, and so he stayed out of her business as he got dressed again, aimlessly pacing up and down the room for a bit until he took a seat on the bed, elbows resting on his knees and his hair falling in front of his face.

Ben got to his feet once more, rolling his shoulders. Maybe some training would do him some good. Stars know he hadn’t been able to do much while on Ajan Kloss, it probably would’ve been interpreted as something hostile. Heading out the door, he briefly felt for Rey and found her confused and distressed, and he was just about to bolt for her, wherever she was, when another, more soothing, presence accompanied her, and he tried to let himself ease into it once he felt her calming - at least somewhat. She wasn’t hurt, not physically, he could tell as much, and though she wasn’t exactly in her comfort zone, he had a feeling it was getting better. It was a little difficult to tell as he didn’t want to pry - she could tell him what she’d seen and done when she came back, after all, for she would be back.

Walking down the still hallway, he eyed the other doors, not having seen any of the other guests yet. He couldn’t shake the feeling that it wasn’t entirely safe here but feared it might just be his own head that was messing with him. The first thing he’d done upon landing had been to search for ill intent, for harmful energies, and had found none directly aimed at them. Maybe it was safe here, for a while at least, on Phu.

Without a set route in his mind, Ben went out the motel and began jogging, heading downwards, towards the outer city wall. The streets weren’t crowded at all - it was still barely dawn, and only the early birds had gotten out of their homes and businesses at this hour. He didn’t mind it. Rather, he enjoyed the peacefulness and few glances he got, but was happy to reach the wall regardless.

The guards crossed their spears in front of the open gate, and Ben halted, slightly out of breath.

“Why are you going outside now?” one of them asked without much enthusiasm.

One brow arching, he gestured vaguely to himself. “I’m on a run, it’s less crowded out there,” he explained himself.

The other guard shrugged, giving his fellow watchkeeper a nudge. “It checks out, doesn’t it? And our shift’s nearly done,” he whispered half aloud, prompting the other to roll his eyes.

“Fine, but come back through here, then,” he said before moving the spear out of the way.

Ben gave each of them an overly serious nod as he ran past them, out through the gate and into the wilder outside.

The dawning day was clear, bright, unlike yesterday without a trace of clouds, and though it must still be something akin to spring here, there was a whispered promise of warmth in the air, a breath of comforting smouldering in the earth that his feet thudded against, again and again, and his legs carried him forwards along the wall, it to his right while great grassy plains stretched out to his left. The repetitive movements combined with the exertion of it made it easier to relax a little. Ben was still restless from the too-long journey in the too-small cockpit, and it did him good to use his body and spend his energy on that instead of thinking too much about things. When he climbed over the last rocky peak before he saw the sea, he paused at the top, chest rising and falling, heart pounding, and he felt alive and oddly safe and comfortably alone as he stood atop the crest, looking out over the waves that relentlessly crashed in over the beach, washing in over the black sand.

Once he was starting to feel the briskness of the still not quite warm air, it cooling him beneath his sweaty shirt, Ben turned around and ran back, the guards letting him in with no trouble this time.

Ben’s thoughts inevitably wandered back to Rey as he was inside the rinsing chamber getting washed off. It’d been a long while now, hadn’t it, that she’d been gone? He thought back on the distress he’d clearly sensed her feel, his head hanging as the water dripped off his hair, the quiet plinks the drops made hitting the floor echoing in the small room. Closing his eyes, he reached out, needing to make sure that she was okay and alright, and his brows furrowed once he saw her on her way back, just now entering the building, a small smile on her face and a serene, albeit somewhat melancholic, feeling to her.

Standing still for a bit, he eventually reached for the towel and quickly dried himself off, just barely had time to put on his pants and trousers before he heard the door open and he had to walk out to her, had to scoop her up into his arms and hold her close, breathing in her scent as he slowly, but surely, ascertained that she was indeed right here and alright, held her tight right up until he heard her laugh, quietly and perhaps a bit relieved. She leaned up to kiss him, her hand coming up to rest on his cheek.

“It’s fine, all fine, I’m here,” she said and stood on the tips of her toes again to reach him. He didn’t know why he’d felt so panicked.

“I know, I know,” he murmured against her lips, his hand resting at the nap of her neck, fingers entangled in her hair, and he rested his forehead against hers as some of the franticness began to fade. “Did you find what you were seeking?” he asked once he managed to pull away.

Her smile seemed to chase every cloud of doubt and fear away, and she nodded.

“Rey of sunshine…” he mumbled absentmindedly.

She cocked her head to the side, smile growing amused. “What did you just say?”

He cleared his throat, cheeks colouring. “Slip of the tongue, never mind it,” he tried.

“Oh, no, tell me, what was it, my nickname? I heard Rey,” she urged, stroking his cheek with her thumb while he looked everywhere but into her eyes.

“Rey of sunshine.”

If she was smiling before, this didn’t compare to it - now she was practically beaming, though it seemed like she was trying to tone it down. “That’s not a bad nickname, you know,” she said, pressing her lips against his again, lingering.

They sat down on the bed, Ben taking her hand in his as she told him what had happened at Ravetto’s temple, what she’d seen and come to know of her past and heritage.

He knew that no matter who she was the daughter or granddaughter or fourth cousin twice removed to didn’t matter - not to him. And it wouldn’t make Rey any different. She was just her. At the same time, he understood why it mattered so much to her, and sat silent, listening to her as she explained it as best she could, images of it all slipping out along with her words through the bond.

“They weren’t nothing. I’m not, either,” Rey said, looking down at their hands. “I don’t even think… It doesn’t matter that they were Palpatines. That I’m one, too. It doesn’t matter.”

“Don’t let anyone try to tell you what you are and aren’t,” Ben said with a sudden passion, looking into her eyes. “You’re right it doesn’t matter.”

She met his gaze.

“You can call yourself whatever you want to,” he added, not ever wanting her to feel like her fate was decided before she’d even had a chance to get to know herself.

“What are you suggesting then, for names?” she asked, leaning her head against his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her, pulling her a little closer as an impulse popped into his head. Mouth feeling far too dry, he tried to swallow a few times without much success.

“It could be Solo. Or Skywalker.”

She stilled beside him, then leaned away to look up at him, her lips parted in something he could only hope was just surprise. He barely dared to look at her. His gaze flickered. Hoped she wouldn’t say no.

“I liked Han a lot. Luke and Leia, too,” she said quietly, “And I like you. Very much. I’d be happy to take those names.”

His heart skipped a beat, he almost needed her to repeat it, was just about to ask her to say it again when she leaned his head back against his shoulder.

Tentatively, Ben let the wild joy that was fighting to get out in his chest peek through the curtain, throat tight with happiness. He shifted, trying to contain himself. Laughter slipped out past his lips, and she joined in, wrapping her arm around him as well.

“Rey Solo,” he said. “It sounds nice.”

“Yes, it does.” Rey sat for a bit, looking out the window where the sun now shone through. “So, what should a Prince of Alderaan do for a nice wedding party? And rings? You’ve got to have something fancy, don’t you?”

He snorted, shaking his head. “I’m afraid Leia wasn’t the sort to bring that much fancy jewellery with her. My grandmother was more the type, I think. That can be figured out, though,” Ben said, his heart still pounding from excitement.

“Your grandmother?”

“Padme. Amidala,” Ben explained.

Rey pulled away, brows raised. “Isn’t that royalty, too?”

He pointed his lips. “Well, yes, but… Ever since her secret marriage was revealed, the people of Naboo weren’t too happy with her.”

“With Skywalker?”

“Anakin Skywalker, yes.”

“Hm. I never really thought he had a wife,” Rey mused, but then shook her head, turning to face him properly this time.

His hand came to rest on her hip, searching her face. His lips parted, the force of her hitting him along the bond, knocking the air out of him. “You’re doing it again, thinking too loudly,” he said a little hoarsely, his grip on her tightening.

She grinned up at him, the same overwhelming joy he was feeling reflected in her features along with something else. Something intense and very purposive. “Ben and Rey Solo,” she mused against his lips, smiled into the kiss as she wrapped her arms around his neck, and with his hand, he guided her legs until she was straddling his lap, still entangled in the kiss that only grew deeper and more heated as their bodies pressed together again, and he felt the warmth radiating off of her body.

A soft groan coming from him, he kept her close with a hand on the small of her back, the other sliding down and cupping her ass, tugging her hips up so that she ground up against him. Slowly, as he broke away to kiss over her jaw and down her neck, he slid his hand up her shirt, feeling her soft skin, index finger moving up along the little groove in the middle and up between her shoulder blades until he could tug the shirt off.

“I love you,” he murmured breathily against her collarbone, pressing another kiss to it, dipping his head down further, and she rose up on her knees to meet him, willingly shifted to lie beneath him, her dark hair spreading out like a messy sort of halo on the sheets. Not that he had much time to look - already he was busying himself with kisses and licking down between her breasts and over them while one hand caressed the other until he felt goose bumps beneath his tongue, and, satisfied, he moved up to kiss her again, eagerly. She met him, let his lips and teeth nip over her ear as his fingers slid down her neck and sides and over her navel.

“I love you too,” she breathed, and again his chest clenched with infinite bliss, and he had to kiss her again, not knowing if that would ever be enough to convey to her what he felt.

Her arms wrapped around him, Ben stilled as something slid up his length, making him inhale sharply. Brows furrowing, he pulled back enough to look into her eyes, felt her curl her fingers a little more behind his back, and a low moan slipped past his lips as the movement came back, slowly brushing up his hard cock. She looked very smug, and he couldn’t help but buck his hips, eager to feel it again.

“I think you should do what you did before,” she said, a hint of seductive playfulness in her tone, her dark eyes alight and shimmering.

“Greedy girl,” he murmured, but obeyed regardless, sliding down, though slowly, until he could undo her trousers and gently tug them off along with her pants, her eagerness revealed by how readily she raised her hips to aid him in her undressing. Cupping her breast, he kissed along her hipbone as he slid two fingers between her legs, already feeling her wet and ready for him. Her breath caught in her throat, legs shifting and crumpling the sheets, and he did it again, slower this time, watched for her reaction. She met his eyes with a hazy, but demanding look, and he bowed his head, circling her clit a time or two before he let his lips and tongue take over in pleasuring her.

Every moan that came from her added to his own mounting arousal, and as it seemed that Rey had definitely forgotten about her promise, it was all he got. He didn’t mind in the slightest, though, not when she squirmed beneath him and ground her hips so he had to push her back down against the bed if he was to do it properly.

Pushing two fingers inside, he let his tongue circle the hard little nub and curled his digits upwards, slowly moving them back and forth, another groan slipping past her lips as her back arched off the bed.

The thrumming built along the bond, it now so tall it threatened to spill over into a crashing wave, Ben removed himself from her, grinning smugly at her very apparent frustration, but it wasn’t like he was any less desperate himself. Tugging his trousers just far enough down, he grabbed her behind her knee and spread her legs as he pushed into her, a moan coming from him as he was fully inside.

He leaned down, searching for her lips, and she wrapped her arms around him once again, her legs around his hips as he began thrusting. Greedily, they kissed as he picked up the pace, thrusts rough and quick, breaths intermingling and shared as they messily shared everything they had.

Pulling out, he laid down half beside her, half still on top of her, arm draped across her, fingers pushing her hair back from her sweat-damp forehead. He rolled over onto his side, the sunshine at his back, and he couldn’t help but smile at seeing her blissful face, happy and lazily content. He held her tight when she nuzzled up to him, not sure when he’d ever want to let go.

“Rey and Ben Solo,” he mused, smiling as she reached up for him, kissing his lips and tip of his nose and forehead.

“It sounds nice.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've said it once and I'll say it again: REY has BDE and TOP ENERGY and BEN is a WIFE GUY and they love each other so GODDAMN MUCH and Ben is STILL a PRINCE
> 
> We needed some fluff n smut after all that emotion that was last chapter huh?
> 
> Also if you guys have any suggestions for anything that should be a part of their wedding please leave that suggestion behind in a comment because a wedding WILL happen.


	28. Aspects

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Realising what they have to do, Rey and Ben return to Ajan Kloss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the wait, guys! I'm working on how to give this fic a proper ending, as it's already quite long, and I want to do it properly, so I have some knacks to figure out and that's why it's taking a bit. Thank you for your patience, I hope you'll enjoy the chapter!

“You know, you could get proper work here. Stable work, if you haven’t got anything else planned,” Jaleen said, placing her hand on the side of the P-38, the metal clanking at the contact with the heavy rings on her four fingers.

Rey slid out from beneath the fighter on the hoverboard, lifting the welding shield up and wiping over her sweaty face, sat up. “I don’t know how long we’re going to stay. We still haven’t heard anything, for a new mission for Ben and whatnot,” she said, lightly shaking her head.

The woman nodded, shrugged while tilting her head to the side. “Oh I know, I know. But isn’t it Ben who has to do all that? Not you?”

She shut off the heat, finished with welding for now. “Well, yes, but we’re still going to Ajan Kloss together again.”

“You don’t know when, then?”

“No.”

“And not what you’re going to do until then, either?”

“No.”

“What a solid plan. I get that you’re honeymooning or something-“

“We’re not-“

“- But you can’t frolic around with no set plan for much longer, even if Ravetto would be delighted at that, can you? You’re a Jedi hero, as far as I’m concerned.”

Rey stood up, feeling irritatingly short as she looked up at the Bardottan who was almost as tall as Ben, her slender body containing a wiry sort of strength beneath her pale green shift. “Not a Jedi, or a hero. That order died with Luke, I fear. And I don’t really care what it’s called now, anyways, we just need to teach whoever wants to and has the abilities for it to use the Force in a good way.”

“Very concrete and not at all abstract plan,” Jaleen commented drily, taking the welder’s helmet as Rey handed it to her and tugged off her gloves, smacking them down into the toolbox and walking with it through the large hall.

“And yours is to have me be a mechanic all my life?” Rey bit back at her, walking briskly towards the fenstir still standing tied outside the building, patient as ever as long as it got to nip on the lush green grass.

“It’s more solid than vague ideas of building something you haven’t even gotten a name for. And isn’t it nice to settle down somewhere? Have a home?” Jaleen asked, headed for her own fenstir and untying it before swinging herself up into the saddle.

Rey pursed her lips, strapping her toolbox to the side of the six-legged herbivore, stroking over its short, but soft grey-brown fur before she mounted it as well, the pair heading back for the city of Thachnu over the plains, the domes of the grass-covered ground cannons sticking up from the otherwise flat plain. “I don’t have a home yet, there’s still too much that needs to be done before I think we can settle.” She shot Jaleen, who was raising her eyebrows very suggestively, a stern look. “No. It’s not what you think it is. We’re just-“

“A dyad in the Force. Ravetto will not shut up about it, so I’m very aware of what it is,” she said. “And you are getting married, aren’t you?”

Rey felt her cheeks flush. “Well, yes, we are, but-“

“Then what’s better than a five-year plan, huh? Me and my wife made one of those, and now we’re here. I’m Portmaster, she’s a well-respected surgeon, and our kids are doing very well. Don’t you want something like that, too? But then again, you’ve taken that Solo name, and he never settled down, have you considered that the restlessness might be contagious?”

“Jaleen, I can and will knock you off your fenstir if you don’t stop interrupting me and shut up for two seconds,” Rey said, rolling her eyes at hearing the other woman laugh beside her. “I’m serious. I do have something figured out, somewhat at least, and the five-year plan is set in place. Ben needs to work for the Resistance all that time. Afterwards, we can begin to figure things out.”

The city walls came into view now, oddly ancient-looking in front of the tall, shining buildings that had shot up here and there in the city centre, like the past trying to protect the bright new future in a long since outdated manner.

“I was just joking around, love,” Jaleen chuckled, shaking her head, face now turning serious. “Do you even think there’s going to be a Resistance for much longer? With a new Congress, is it really necessary?”

Rey shrugged, scratching her throat as the fenstir galloped onwards. “I don’t really know. Poe is likely to keep some sort of more loose group, but Rose will want the Congress to be the official order of the Galaxy. It’s not going to be perfect though, such big things never are, so she might want to keep that lifeline.”

“The First Order’s nearly gone now, so what does Ben need to do?”

“I don’t really know exactly. I doubt Poe or Rose does either.”

They ran on in silence, the heavy-set animals working beneath them.

“There’s still room for improvement across almost the entire galaxy, though, maybe that’s what we have to do,” she said, not mentioning whatever it was that was brewing on Moraband, not sure how much of that information was still classified.

“You’re right about that,” Jaleen frowned, tugging gently at the reins as they got closer to the gate, “you could do some good almost everywhere. Stars know too many people still need justice.”

“See, now, I think it is a good idea, but isn’t it time for some reformation as well? “Jedi”? It’s tired, isn’t it?” Ravetto said, looking out over the sea.

The balmy summer air felt soft against his bare arms. Ben cocked his head to the side, eyeing the old man. “It’s tradition.”

Ravetto snorted. “Yes, and traditions can turn out to be very boring and stuffy and, frankly, useless. No offence meant, I know you were a Padawan, were a part of the Jedi.”

“Never was,” he protested quietly, fiddling with the straw of grass he’d plucked near the rock he was sitting on.

“See? Doesn’t matter,” the Bardottan said, thin hands folded in his lap, the faded blue colour of his skin contrasting with the bright dark red of his robe. He sighed, “I am just saying that it seems like you are stuck. So is Rey, both of you in waiting position.”

“I am, I’m waiting on orders from the Resistance. It was my sentence,” Ben said, grateful that he could look straight ahead out over the sea, eyes tracking the flight of a seagull.

Ravetto shifted beside him, stretching out his legs. “And you should follow those orders, when they do come. In the meantime, maybe make something of your own. You’re an ambitious man, aren’t you? Prepared to try and rule the whole galaxy, that sort of thing? You should use that, for something better. Now, we Bardottans weren’t so keen on that Jedi order - frankly it was just a misunderstanding, but even though we’re just a colony here on Phu, we still have some who are in touch with the Force. Strongly, even, and more on Bardotta as well.”

Ben looked at him. “I know what you’re suggesting. I’m not sure I should be in front of that.”

“Oh, then let Rey do that! Stars know she has a good story for that sort of thing. Scavenger? Found out her connection through coincidence? It’s good for the so-called nobodies, they can identify with her, and the more lordly types, so sure of themselves? Them, too. They’ll like her. It’s hard not to,” he said, giving him a nudge with his cane.

Smiling faintly at the thought of her, he considered it, thinking of Daisy and all those who’d been rescued from the barracks on Geonosis. Of all those connected to the Force, just needing someone to push them in the right direction and make them see their abilities. “You’re right, but it’s up to Poe and Rose to decide whether it’s allowed or not,” he tried to reason, but recalled Finn’s expressed desire to create some sort of new Jedi temple - and he definitely had sway with Poe. “It’s possible, though. I want to do it. I know Rey does, too,” he added after a little, letting the grass straw go, it lifted off by the wind out over the water.

“Well, then you should ask her. Both of you would be good teachers, and you know more than most about the Force. She as well, though she hasn’t been trained much,” Ravetto said with another nudge of the cane.

Ben nodded, a barely noticeable smile lighting up his eyes. “She’s pretty good.”

Rey halted as she climbed the steep hillside, watching the pair of them sitting side by side on the rocks, and the corners of her lips tugged upwards. “What are you two doing, staring dramatically out over the sunset like that?” she asked, heart skipping a beat once Ben turned around to answer.

“Considering the future. It’s very deep, you know,” he said in a mockingly serious tone as he got to his feet and walked to her, greeting her with a kiss before he moved to stand beside her, an arm around her waist.

“Sounds very important. Did you figure anything out?” she asked, looking from Ben to Ravetto and back out over the sea.

“We discussed what to do next.”

“Follow Resistance orders?” Rey suggested without much enthusiasm.

“Yes, but as we haven’t gotten any yet, it might be good to consider what else can be done,” Ben said.

“You and Jaleen really made a pincer movement, huh?” she said, somewhat amused as she watched the old man rise and walk up to them.

“Bah, I’m hardly a man of conspiracies,” Ravetto waved it off, “But yes, we did talk of it together. You two are so restless it’s practically making the whole planet shake. Go out and find what it is you want to do - the galaxy needs something more than a mechanic and a… Well, I don’t really know what you are, Ben, pardon me, you do seem like a good pilot, though, now go off and do what it is you two are both brewing,” he said, giving him a pat on the arm as he walked past him.

Rey couldn’t help but laugh, shaking her head as she gave Ben, who looked just slightly offended, a little squeeze. “Maybe we should actually follow his advice, and Jaleen’s. I think things have cooled off on Ajan Kloss by now, don’t you?”

“Probably. And I wouldn’t mind having something to do.”

“I offered to teach you more about starships,” she reminded him.

“Doesn’t interest me much,” he parried.

“Oh, yea, I remember, you’re quite fond of contemplating on rocks and looking out over the sun setting behind the horizon, I know,” Rey teased as they began to walk.

Ben found himself in the cramped cockpit of the Headhunter once more, but this time, Rey had managed to build a small storage compartment into it. Watching her through the glass, he called over the radio, “This is Ben Solo, informing Red Base on Green Four that we are returning to the nest, Rey and Ben Solo taking off from Phu headed for Red Base on Green Four.”

After the one stop they had on small dwarf planet that really only had a refuelling station and an austere hut for the worker operating it, they set their course for Ajan Kloss once again, excitement building in Rey’s chest the closer they got, but nerves built up in both of them as well, neither quite sure how they’d be received.

“Rey and Ben Solo approaching Green Four, Base Red, are we clear?” Rey asked just as they hopped out of hyperspeed. It jerked her forwards in her seat, but the thud was barely noticeable once she saw the lushly green planet pop into view before her. It was going to be nice to see everyone again.

“Base Red, Green Four Port, you may approach, Rey and Ben Solo,” an unfamiliar voice crackled in the headset.

Ben reluctantly strapped himself out of the seat even if it would be nice to be able to stretch his legs. A lot of people were standing there, waiting for them, and he hadn’t forgotten one of the main reasons why they’d left in the first place. Grateful that the motors needed some time to cool off, he adjusted the ruby red robe that Ravetto and Jaleen gave him as their parting gift to him along with a fine belt to keep it all tied together, and part of him wished to go back to Phu.

Dark eyes darting over the people, he sighed, opened the cockpit and climbed down the ladder placed at the side, giving the worker a quiet thanks before searching the crowd for Rey. He spotted the back of her bottle-green tunic, the hem decorated with intricate gold patterns, and saw a couple of furry arms around her, saw Poe, Finn, Rose, Jannah and Lando, too, and he eased up a little at the sight of his uncle, who smiled when they got eye contact.

“Ah, Ben! There you are!” he said before pulling him down into a brief, but warm, hug. “And in all new fancy clothes too, matching Rey and all. Nice one,” he chuckled. Ben nodded towards Poe and Finn, did the same to Rose and Jannah, and walked off a little ways with Lando.

“Still not fond of welcomes, huh?” the older man noted.

Ben shrugged, scratching the back of his neck. “Not really.”

“Fair enough, but you should try. Things have settled down here,” Lando said reassuringly, giving him a pat on the shoulder.

“I hope so. We’re gonna need it, if we’re going to do what we’re thinking,” he said, running a hand through his hair.

“Oh?”

“We, Rey and I, want to create something new. Not a new Jedi order, but something… Something similar. Train those with an affinity for the Force to use their powers in the right way, for good. Help them find their way,” he explained, looking at him, tried to gauge his reaction.

“Well, to me, that sounds like a good idea. I think you’ll be good at it, teaching. And maybe it’s necessary to change things up a little, Jedi and Sith, both ancient things. Something else might be needed after this whole ordeal,” Lando said thoughtfully, but their conversation was interrupted when a wookie roar was heard and Ben snapped his head to the side, only to find Chewbacca scooping him up into a very enthusiastic hug.

Trying not to get hair in his mouth, he stood, a bit stiff and awkward, as the wookie chirped, nodding his head.

Taken aback, he stuttered out a, “Yes, I think so too,” and, as he hesitantly raised his arms up to reciprocate the hug, he shot a look at Rey, her eyes shimmering with happiness.

She shrugged her shoulders and said along the bond, “Sorry, I couldn’t wait to tell him.”

Ben gave a nod to Chewie as he pulled away, and answered his chirp with, “I’ll take good care of it, I promise,” before he returned to her, reaching for her hand as he looked out at the rest, wanting to make his way to their house.

He caught the eyes of Finn, and the other man stepped up to them, Poe coming up behind him and settling with his hands on his hips.

“You two,” Poe said, pointing at them, “You look like you’re planning something.” He gave an upwards nod as he asked, “So what is it?”

Ben looked at Rey through the corner of his eye, lips twitching into a smile as she scratched the back of her head.

“Well, we wanted to join forces with Finn, actually. We think it might be good to work with everyone who’s Force-sensitive, and not just train them in the sort of Jedi things. It might be a little outdated, or in need of a breath of fresh air at least,” she began to explain.

“The Force can do much more than just produce Jedi Knights, or Sith Lords. It hasn’t been explored nearly enough, I think, and there’s still a lot to learn. We need to help hone every kind of ability, whether it’s a knack for sensing if someone is sick, lifting rocks, wielding a light sabre, or mind tricks. Every single thing is useful to us, if we want to make the Congress work,” he continued.

Finn nodded a little every now and then, then turned his head to look at Poe, who shrugged his shoulders. “I think it’s a good idea, thinking of it in more ways than just swinging a light sabre real good,” Finn said, “Though I’ll say I think we should keep them. They’re way too cool. And you still owe me a rematch, Ben.”

Poe snorted, rolling his eyes. “You’re right about it maybe needing something new. And I think you three,” he nodded to Finn, Rey, and Ben, “Are the right people to take on that sort of thing. I’m sure Rose’ll agree, too. Rose?”

She’d been lingering by close enough to overhear their conversation, and broke into a smile, nodding enthusiastically. “It’s a good idea. Especially to focus on more than just, light and dark and swinging sabres. Like you said, Ben, the Force can be used for a lot more than just fighting and creating more Knights. You just go ahead,” she said, “I won’t be here to oversee it though, we’ve set up a meeting with some of the big guns in Inner Rim, I’ll be leaving tomorrow.”

“I know it’s going to be good,” Rey said, expression serious, determined. His gaze lingered on her set jaw, the curve of her nose, her lips.

Snapping out of it, he turned to Finn and asked, “How’s Daisy? Is she doing alright?”

Finn scrunched his lips to the side, scratching the top of his head. “She’s not doing bad, if that’s what you’re asking. She’s just hard to get to, I think. Sort of shut off. Can’t say I blame her, though.”

“Where is she?” Ben asked, a lump of worry settling heavily in his stomach.

“She’s probably down by the creek, if she’s not at lunch or having lessons,” Finn answered.

Ben gave Rey’s hand a squeeze before he let go, headed for the creek he’d walked up that sleepless night where he’d found his new sabre crystal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit plot-heavy chapter, but I hope it's enjoyable despite the lack of Reylo! I do want to finish this plot off properly, and as all the characters deserve to be portrayed as well-rounded and multi-faceted as they are, there's a lot of loose ends that need to be tied into a neat bow! This isn't the last chapter at all!  
> Thank you for reading along, it really makes me happy!


	29. Accepted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey reveals their plans to the rest at Ajan Kloss. Ben seeks out Daisy, and together, they wish to help her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fight me if you don't think the rest of the crew wouldn't forgive Ben and be happy for the both of them and excited for their marriage

Rey hadn’t spent much time with Daisy, but if anything, she knew that something in Ben needed to take care of her, and so she watched him go, his strides determined and jaw set. People went out of his way almost immediately, parting before him, and as they stepped back into place where he’d just been, he slipped out of sight, and she turned to look at Rose and Poe.

“You’ve actually managed to get people to meet? Is it a lot?” she asked.

Poe grinned, looking quite happy with himself. “Believe it or not, we actually did.”

“But we’re surprised that so many agreed to come. Of course, some are just going to be there to figure out the best way to mess with us, but I’m hoping a lot are coming because we’re adapting a new, not so overriding approach. The galaxy doesn’t need to have one central management block, a lot of the planets have good governing systems already, so we just have to set up some standards that everyone who wants to join the Congress has to follow,” Rose explained. “Well, I said “just”, but it’s going to be harder than that, but I’m sure it can work out somehow. Especially now that we can show people that the past can be forgotten, if they just join us now, to make it better for everyone. Are you sure Ben wouldn’t mind coming along?”

Rey considered it for a bit, then shook her head. “I don’t think that now is the best time. I think both of us need some time to just focus on training the Force-sensitives,” she explained the best she could, “And I think it’s better to start with fresh faces. Regardless of what they think of him now, he’s a coloured figure. A clean slate seems more fitting.”

Rose nodded, giving a small smile. “You’re right about that. In time, he should come though, and you. We might need a clean slate, but remembering what’s happened to prevent it from occurring again is always good. You two are a pretty strong symbol of that.”

Still not certain how she felt about having that sort of status, she shrugged. “I suppose. It’s still all so new.”

“You’re right about that, but so far, let’s just get you three to train these kids and whoever else might find it useful,” Poe said.

“We will. It’s gonna be good,” Finn said, before snaking an arm up around Poe’s waist and giving him a quick kiss. “I’ll try to get something set up, coordinating and whatnot. See you tomorrow by the housing near the hospital, Rey?” he asked.

She nodded, hoping she could find it, and gave Finn another hug before he left, steps energetic, purposeful, and she couldn’t really make up a better team than him and Ben to train with the Force-sensitives even if she tried.

“I, um, there’s something else that needs to be planned, too.” Rey shuffled her feet, not quite sure how her friends would react.

Poe raised his brows inquiringly at her.

“We- Ben and I decided that maybe we should get married, or something like that, at least. I- we thought that Solo and Skywalker might be two good names to share.”

Rose’s embrace of her was powerful enough to squeeze the air out of her, and Rey couldn’t help but break into a smile despite herself.

“Oh that’s great Rey! I’m sure it’s going to be good for you two, congratulations!” she said, pulling away from the hug.

“Congrats. I hope you two’ll be happy,” Poe said, cocking his head to the side before shooting a look towards Chewbacca, who nodded at him with a cheerful roar. “Yeah, yeah, furball, you won,” he said, smiling wryly.

Rey’s brows furrowed. “Won what?”

Rose clicked her tongue, shaking her head as Poe shrugged and said, “A bet. I thought it was going to be after six months, Chewie bet on it being earlier than that. Should’ve known that you two impulsive bastards couldn’t wait.”

“I told him it was a bad idea, you shouldn’t bet on that sort of thing,” Rose chimed in, but Rey couldn’t help but burst into a laugh.

“I didn’t think we were that obvious,” she tried.

Poe scoffed. “Even Finn and I are more subtle. You radiate it. Very clearly. Remember when we brought you two back here? Yea? It was kind of horrible to be shut in with you on that ship,” he joked, and she felt her face flush.

Maybe they ought to be a little more discreet from now on, huh?

“Well, then it’s just nice that it’s official, I suppose,” she said, scratching her arm while her gaze was fixed on her boots.

Poe laughed as he pulled her into a hug. “We can ship you two off for your honeymoon somewhere far away until you’ve cooled off, I guess. You should be over the worst of it by then.”

Rey frowned, hugging him back. “Thanks?”

“And you made a nice choice with him. He’s a good one. I’m sorry for being that harsh towards him, he didn’t deserve that,” the General said as he took a step back, tone surprisingly sincere.

“Me too,” Rose admitted. “He’s done what he’s done, but in the end, he turned himself around without a whole lot of help. Barely any, I think,” she said quietly.

She nodded, waiting for the lump in her throat to pass before she spoke. “Thank you.”

Daisy sat at the bank of the creek, the ochre-red earth beneath her cleared of leaves. She was kneeling, watching something in the water, when Ben approached. Making sure to have his feet scrape along the forest floor so she could hear him, he sat down cross-legged next to her, following her concentrated gaze to the two small fish holding still in the water with only a few slow strokes of the tail.

“What are you looking at?” he asked, not seeing what was so special about them.

She sat back on her haunches and turned to him, briefly meeting his eyes before she leaned out over the creek again. “The fishes.”

“Oh. Are they rare or something?”

“I never saw fishes before, water was brown and thick at home,” she said, pausing for a moment before she got to her feet, knees stained and scraped.

“Why are you here again?” Daisy asked, loose hairs moving in the breeze. “Finn said you were gone.”

“Well, I came back. There were some things that needed to be sorted out. Some folks here didn’t really like me that much, so it was better to come back when they weren’t as upset,” he explained, watching her as she went about, collecting rocks and adding them to an already large pile.

“People don’t like me,” she said, fiddling with a stone in her hand.

“Of course they do, why wouldn’t they?” he asked, walking up to her.

“The girls said I was weird. And parents are there if they like you.”

“Daisy, you…” Ben began, but couldn’t find the right words. “The girls, whoever they are, probably just don’t understand. And your parents can’t be here. If they could, I’m sure they would.”

She looked up at him, scrunching her lips from side to side, then walked over and wrapped her arms around his legs.

Ben reached up under her arms and held her in his grasp as she wrapped her arms around his neck, her face pressed against his neck, and he patted her back as he looked out into the forest. “It’s going to be fine, I promise,” he said, but it felt hollow.

His tunic was damp where her head had been resting when her stomach growled, and he raised his head a little. “Did you have lunch yet?” he asked, felt her shake her head, and, still keeping her in his arms, said, “Alright, let’s get you some. Things are always a little brighter after a nice thing to eat, right?”

After a bit, she’d wriggled around enough that he’d set her down and instead just held her hand as they walked to the interim cantina set up in the middle of the accommodation buildings, and both he and she got a bowl of something warm and, thankfully, delicious.

As he finished before her and she seemed content to be on her own for a bit, Ben rose from the bench and walked up to one of the women who appeared to have some kind of teaching or at least care-taking role. She was herding in a group of smaller children, perhaps a little older than Daisy, but halted once she saw him.

Ben, trying to look the least intimidating as possible, gave her a nod. “Sorry, are you familiar with Daisy?” he asked, discreetly gesturing to the girl.

The woman nodded, shifting, eyes just a little suspicious, but still said, “Yes. She… sticks out a little. She’s a good kid, but she just keeps to herself. The others don’t like her much, says she’s scary. She just has so intense eyes…”

“Does she do anything other than stick to herself for the others to find her scary?”

“Well, she, um, she has nightmares. Wakes up those she’s sharing a room with. It doesn’t make her more popular, and sometimes she parts the water, or her pencil floats on its own,” she said.

Ben nodded, glancing back at Daisy, wanted to do whatever he could for her. He knew how it was, being on your own, shutting yourself off from the rest to keep yourself as unhurt as possible.

“Would it be alright if she stayed with Rey and I for a bit? I think it might do her some good. If she’s beginning to use the Force, we can teach her how to control it, and I know how to handle nightmares,” he requested, not sure if he had a plan for this at all.

The woman looked doubtful. “I’m not sure… I’ll have to discuss it with my superior,” she said, grabbing her arm and rubbing it, shoulders tense.

Ben lowered his head for a moment. “Of course.”

“I’ll go ask her now,” she said, leaving with hurried steps, and Ben returned to Daisy, who’d finished eating.

“I have a suggestion for you. Rey and I have a place a little ways into the forest, it’s nice and quiet there, and the creek’s running there as well. You could stay with us if you’d like. You’d still go to school like everyone else, but you’d have your base with us,” he said.

Dangling her legs, she pushed the spoon around in the bowl. “Is Rey the one with the lightsabre? The yellow one?” she asked.

“Yea, she is. And you said there was something tied to me, back when we first met. She’s the one I’m tied to, so you can trust her as well. She knows how it is to feel a little alone sometimes, too. I’m sure you can see her sabre, if you ask nicely,” he said.

The bowl scraped against the table, but she finally set it down. “Do you think so?”

He smiled. “I think so.” Feeling her come closer, he raised his gaze to meet her eyes as Rey appeared there in the doorway.

A woman pushed past her, and she moved out of the way, heading for Ben and Daisy sitting by a table, answering his unsaid question with a nod. Even if she didn’t fully understand why, she knew it was important to him, and besides, she liked the girl. The woman stopped at their table and said something to Ben, and Rey felt a little relief coming from him, and so, she headed for them as well as they got up.

“Hi Daisy, I’m Rey, remember?” she introduced herself, and the girl nodded, her hand in Ben’s. Tucking her hair behind her ear, the corners of her lips tugged upwards, and they began making their way out of the cantina.

“I think we should head back for the house, get Daisy set up and everything,” Ben suggested.

“That was my plan as well,” she said, and together, they walked off, Daisy between them as they headed for their little home.

As Ben searched for some kind of material to assemble a make-shift bed, Rey took the girl with her outside to the creek which she seemed to like so much.

She didn’t know much about the girl, only that she’d been one of the children they’d brought back from Geonosis. From what she’d heard, even Jannah had trouble finding the families - only a few had actually found their parents or siblings. Her heart ached for the girl who was down by the bank, sifting through the rocks and picking up a few every now and then, and she knew why Ben had taken her in. It was going to be a little weird, taking care of someone, but she knew that both he and she shared the gut-feeling that they might be able to help her out.

“Can I help?” Rey asked as she walked up to her, the pebbles crunching beneath her feet.

Daisy nodded, not raising her eyes as she replied, “Find round ones.”

“Round ones, got it,” she said, walking slowly, steps short, as they looked for softly curved stones.

They found a few, laid them out in a neat pile on the grass, not having to say much as they continued meticulously searching the bank. The sun was setting when Daisy sat on her haunches, reaching out for a dark rock. Rey squatted beside her, curiously leaned over, and broke into a small smile, wonderment filling her when she saw the spiral pattern of some fossil standing out in light grey against the black.

“That’s a pretty one, I think,” Rey said softly.

Daisy nodded, closing her hands around it. After looking out over the creek, the girl leaned against her, her head resting against her shoulder, and she wrapped an arm around her, tugging her a little closer. She began sniffling, and she didn’t know what else to do than pull her into a hug.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” she whispered, holding the girl tight. “Homesick?” she asked, pressing her lips to the top of her head.

“A little,” she sobbed in a broken voice.

“That happens sometimes, it’s going to pass soon,” she tried as she carried her back to the house, feeling as clueless as the time she’d carried that crying boy back to the freighter on Geonosis.

Ben was waiting inside, had changed to his usual black shirt. They exchanged a look over the girl’s head, nodded. She stood with the girl until her crying subsided, until her grip loosened in her sleep, and she laid her down on the bed set up in the corner of the main room, gently tugging the blanket up over her.

“We can’t let her feel alone. Not like we did,” Rey said, voice quiet but intense nonetheless.

“No,” Ben agreed, letting out a sigh as he pulled her into a hug, the two of them rocking softly from side to side as the golden shimmer of sunset turned to indigo twilight, regaining strength and energy to go on from the embrace, arms intertwined, breaths synced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also fight me if you don't think Ben would make SUCH a good dad - and Rey makes a good mom, too. They've got so much love to give man  
> As always, please consider leaving behind a comment if you liked this chapter/the story so far, it really keeps me motivated to keep writing!!


	30. Unforeseen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben are slowly building up every-day life at the Ajan Kloss base while Rose and Poe continue their work with the Congress, but disturbing news is brought back from the latest Congress meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update on the part 1/2 dilemma - I'm not going to split up this story, as it wouldn't really feel right, so yea there's just going to be a lot of chapters,,,  
> Also a slightly longer chapter for u guys since it's Sunday and I hope you have time to read it!

Training the children wasn’t actually as difficult as she’d feared. Most of them were more than willing to work with her, Ben and Finn, and the variety of Force abilities continued to astound her, made her wonder just how much of it she was capable of doing as well. She knew she could heal, not just Ben, but others too, and could lift rocks and sense things, but she wasn’t sure how far her skills stretched, how much of it was just part of the bond they shared. It wasn’t too important, though, and there was barely time to reflect on it; there were a lot of children - and adolescents and even adults, too - to train, and so far, it was only those three who were doing the teaching. Setting up some structure for this sort of thing was difficult when they didn’t truly know what they were teaching yet and how to do it.

Sure, it wasn’t like these abilities were honed to perfection in the span of the few weeks this set-up had run so far, but there were definite improvements to spot here and there. Even Daisy had started to use her powers in a more direct way, controlling and using it instead of just letting it run its course, and she showed an affinity for making battered plants come back to life - not instantly, but everything she put her hands on seemed to blossom if she wanted it to. Ben and her decided maybe seeing how the medics worked would open her up to other ways of channelling the Force, and Daisy seemed content with spending some of her time with them, and so the days seemed to pass with teaching, taking care of Daisy, her partaking in educating new mechanics while Ben was off doing the same, but with pilots, every now and then learning how to cook a proper meal - it was far more difficult than the cooks made it out to be, she thought - before having some time alone with Ben. Sometimes, it was enough to just lie in each other’s arms or walk together, not having to say much. Sometimes, the touches turned to lingering, then hungering, their grips as urgent and desperate as the first time.

Rey didn’t know if she would ever feel any happier than she did now.

She’d stopped taking the preventatives a few days after they’d taken Daisy into their care, remembering the necklace given to her at the Ancestors’ celebration on Pasaana, remembering the longing she’d felt there. Ben’s immediate caretaking of Daisy, his gentleness and patience, had convinced her and chipped away the last bit of doubt in her heart.

Yesterday, Poe and Rose along with a delegation had returned from another Congress meeting, the contents of it to be discussed today.

Rolling over in bed, she stretched as she yawned, opening one eye to the sunlight slanting in through the window. Following the ray with her eyes, they settled on Ben’s face. He seemed to be sleeping better now, too. Only once since their return to Ajan Kloss had he woken from a nightmare, and he looked peaceful, still asleep. Her deep-seated affection thrummed once again, the emotion strong enough to make her chest clench with it, and Rey had to stop herself if she wasn’t to wake him with kisses and slow touches, even if she wanted to. He probably wouldn’t mind, either. He never seemed to.

Smiling, she pressed a kiss to his cheek, and when she pulled back, his eyes were open. “There’s no need to get up yet,” he murmured into the sheets, eyelids drooping, his voice still husky from sleep.

“I know,” she said, now pecking his lips and brushing his hair out of his face. It curled so nicely.

“Mmh…” he hummed, lazily draping an arm over her waist, and now she was in no rush to get up at all. Nuzzling up to him, she closed her eyes once again, just listening to everything around her; the birds and rustle of leaves, the creek trickling by, the sound almost happy, Ben’s breathing, his heartbeat, the rustle of cloth as Daisy turned over in bed.

Peaceful.

“We have to get up at some point,” Rey said, sliding her hand up his bare back, studying the moles speckled here and there, the lines of his muscles beneath his skin, traced over them with her fingers. He was nice and warm, soft. And he didn’t seem like he’d be moving anytime soon.

“Well, I’m getting up now. I can hear Daisy stirring,” she announced as she rose up on her hands and knees and climbed over him to get out of the bed. Originally, she’d had his side, but as Ben was the best at calming Daisy down after her nightmares, they’d agreed that it was better this way.

He tried to grab her as she was over him, and he caught her wrist, pulling her down onto him. She chuckled, smoothing a hand up over her chest as she leaned down to kiss him, and she felt him smiling.

“Fine,” Ben said at last, letting her go and getting out of bed as well, running a hand through his hair to get it out of his face.

If only they had a little more time and Daisy wasn’t in the next room.

Rey padded out into the main room on bare feet and kneeled down next to the bed, brushing away her black, densely curled hair, stroking the back of her hand over her cheek. The girl stirred in her sleep, stretched, and then she blinked awake, squinting up at her. “It’s time to get up, Daisy. If you’re quick, you can help him cook breakfast,” she said, and she immediately sat up, throwing the blankets aside to run to the counter where Ben was getting out the ingredients.

Sitting down, she paused a moment to just take it in, him and Daisy working together to cook, her high voice eagerly asking questions and if she could help, Ben guiding and praising her when she did a good job.

She came back out dressed in her usual practical outfit, breakfast was ready, and they ate together, Daisy telling them of a fascinatingly large bug she’d seen when she’d played with the other children yesterday.

Ben braided her hair, keeping them tight so it wouldn’t get in her face. Daisy was patient enough for this, she liked her long hair, but it was impractical if it kept getting everywhere. He’d actually gone and consulted Jannah on how to properly braid it, not experienced with Daisy’s coily hair type, and the former Stormtrooper had been happy to help.

Once done, he clapped her shoulders. “Alright, now go and get dressed, alright?”

“Okay,” she said and hopped down from the chair, headed for the bedroom where Rey was.

He attached the sabre to his belt and cleaned up the last bit, and the three of them went out towards the training grounds.

“So, is it time for our rematch?” Finn asked. Ben blinked, focusing on him after having been looking out over the children beginning to scatter in twos or small groups, the Force training done for the day.

He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again. “Sure,” he said after a bit, amused at the very obvious excitement Finn was exhibiting.

“Great. I’ve been practicing for this,” he grinned, and Ben couldn’t help but smile as well.

“Alright then,” he said, reaching for his sabre. It ignited with a whoosh, the blade thrumming lowly as he flicked his wrist and it cut through the air.

Finn turned his on as well, crouching down into defensive stance as they began circling.

“Really, you two?” he heard Rey’s voice, and his lips twitched upwards. “It’s just for fun,” he replied along the bond, and sprang forwards in a simple, but powerful, upper strike.

Finn dodged, again circling, then lashed out with a sideways slash, Ben’s sabre whipping up to meet it. The blades crackled upon contact, but the other drew back and attacked again, it avoided with a step to the side.

“Come on, you’re faster than that,” Ben said, twirling his sabre, and raised it to parry off the next blow, and the next, and the next again. He kept taking small steps backwards, not going on the offensive until the third stroke, and pushed forwards, the sabre whirling in the air above his head as he brought it down, it hitting the earth where Finn had just been.

The former Stormtrooper came at him again with a hard, sideways slash. He deflected the blow with his sabre, driving the other’s into the ground before dancing back, chest rising and falling, the adrenaline surging through him even if it wasn’t a real fight. Stepping forward, Ben whirled on his heel, blade humming ominously as it cut through the air. Finn gave a grunt as he parried, having to give unless he wanted to fall.

Quickly, Ben attacked again.

Feinting left, he brought the blade up, halting his movements just beneath Finn’s arm, met his eyes. Ben shut the sabre off, knowing he’d won, and said, “You’re good, and you’re quick enough. You’re tense, though, it’s easier if you just let the Force sort of extend into your arm and hand.”

Finn nodded, looking down at his hand still holding the sabre, and experimentally twirled it, shaking his body out a bit. “Alright, what else?”

“Slashes are good, but keep working on feinting and varying your movement pattern. Your legwork is good enough for it, but it comes with practice,” he advised, eyeing him cautiously, but he found nothing other than a willingness to learn - and perhaps just a little disappointment that he’d lost - in Finn’s dark eyes.

He nodded, bobbing the sabre up and down, then raised his gaze to meet his. “Again?” he asked.

Ben nodded, his blade springing back to life, and they duelled again, their movements halting every now and then when he found a technique or stance that could be improved, Finn embracing the feedback and using it to get better.

Both a little sweaty and tired, yet still somehow energised, they parted ways, Finn headed out to find Poe, he Rey, and he found her chatting with Jannah outside the Commander’s building where the meeting was about to take place.

Greeting the two of them, he pressed a quick kiss to the side of Rey’s head.

“So, who won?” she asked, giving him a look.

“I did. He’s getting much better though, and at least he isn’t hesitant,” Ben replied as they walked down the hallway into the council room, the murmur of many voices mingling together forecasting the gathering that waited inside.

“No, he doesn’t really hold back,” she agreed, eyes sweeping over the many faces.

Poe’s raised voice cut through the noise as he said, “Alright, meeting’s beginning now!” and the conversations died down, attention focused on the General and Rose who was standing next to him.

“The Congress is off to a solid start,” she announced, “We’ve managed to win over some of the more reluctant planets and systems to at least consider joining, as many have already done. So far, all systems in the Core and Colonies have agreed to our terms, and most are positive towards our cause. We’re steadily expanding into the Inner and Mid Rim, Expansion Regions and Western Reaches, but, as expected, it’s wilder out there, and people are not as keen on the idea as we’d like them to be. The Hutts still control most of the Mid and Outer Rim, so there’s been skirmishes despite our diplomatic approach. So far, we’ve managed to get to the leader of the Hutts, and will be discussing conditions for a ceasefire of some kind. The last of the First Order has been eradicated as well - at least under that name. There’ll always be fractions of it here and there, but for now, they’re small and powerless enough that they’re no threat to us, or to the Congress.”

Poe took a step forward. “There’s been more reports of missing ships around Moraband - the governments on neighbouring planets have lost ships, ships that weren’t even heading for Moraband, just out on trade business or cruises, and they’ve lost radio contact for periods of time. After every silence, bodies have been found, and there’s been no obvious cause of death. No one’s claimed responsibility for that yet, but we’re suspecting it’s that splinter group we’ve been trying to gain more knowledge of - that they’re doing these killings, too. It seems like they’re growing more powerful, that they’ve obtained some kind of tool that can sort of… Well, the one pilot who did return reported that it was all black and an immense pressure all around her, that she felt drained. Seems like they’re not taking those ships out with ion or laser cannons,” he said, arms crossed over his chest.

Ben’s stomach clenched unpleasantly, and when he turned his head to look at Rey, her brows furrowed in concern, she reached out for his hand.

“Then what do we do? Let it continue?” a Captain asked.

“We don’t know yet, it’s risky sending out a force if we have no clue what we’re up against - and none of our informants have found anything unusual to report back to us,” Rose said, lightly shaking her head.

Suddenly, a loud static filled the room, the sound loud enough to make her head hurt. Holding her hands over her ears, she turned, watching as the screens in the control room flared red, showing, “System failure” in bold, blinking letters, saw Ben turning towards her, and, frantic, she felt for anything that came closer, could harm them, reaching out with the Force for incoming attacks, but above them, up beyond the roof, there was only clear sky.

The static cut off, and she removed her hands as a booming voice blared out in the room, scratchy and distorted through the speakers.

“The Circle of Sentna declares war against the Resistance, the Congress, and any and all of its allies. Bring us all your Force wielders, and the rest of you will remain unharmed. We have more than enough power to destroy all of you, but that is not our goal. Bring us the wielders, and the rest shall remain unharmed.”

The transmission died with a click that seemed to bounce off the walls in the leaden silence that settled over the gathering like a suffocating blanket, the screens now turning blue again. War? What did they want with Force wielders?

She turned to Poe, who was looking devastated for just a second or two before he gathered himself and called, “Don’t panic! We have no confirmation that they’re capable of reaching us here. This could just be a call to lure our best troops out!”

Unsettled murmurs began again, and she could tell even he didn’t believe it. Ben was looking as confused as she felt, and she watched as he walked up to her, felt him reaching out with his Force for whoever had sent that transmission, and she did the same, her eyes slipping shut, teeth bared in concentration.

There was only blackness around the two of them, not even any stars. A shimmering thread, fading rapidly, was laid out at their feet, and without saying anything they began running, following it, stumbling along, and suddenly there was nothing beneath their feet and they were falling and Finn came in from the side and was falling with them and all three of them came back to themselves, sweating and panting. The bond ached as if it had been damaged, injured, and Rey suppressed her panic at that, looking wildly around for Finn, Poe kneeling by his side. She’d felt like she’d been about to be devoured, turned into nothing, the falling sensation still clinging to her and making her unsteady on her feet.

She caught Ben’s eyes, saw the strain and blatant fear in them. This was something much, much bigger than themselves, she’d felt it, had seen the endless vastness of black abyss. Supporting herself against the table as she tried to overcome the feeling of dread that shook her to her core, she looked out over those gathered, trying to string some sort of plan together. A starfighter wasn’t going to be able to take this thing down, was it?

Her mouth dry and her hand on one of the tables for support, she couldn’t shake the feeling that something terrible was looming over them, and Rey broke the silence.

“We have to do something,” she managed to get out, turning to Poe and Rose for anything that might help. Her own feelings of helplessness were reflected in their eyes, his face pale from the shock.

“We have no clue what works against whatever it is that’s been hatched out on Moraband,” he said, shaking his head. “And why in the world would they want Force wielders? It doesn’t make sense, those are the hardest to fight.”

The speakers crackled again, but now it was a woman’s voice speaking. “Poe? Did you get that message too?”

“Yea, we did. Shit,” Poe muttered, rubbing his hand over his face.

“Plan?”

“None so far, Zorii.”

“Well, think of one, Corellia isn’t a happy planet when threatened like this. Have you heard of this Sentna Circle before?”

Poe looked out over the gathered, none of them yielding a confirmative response.

“No,” he shook his head.

“Fine. I’m ready to take these bastards out, whoever they are, if you can get Tico to join in on this.”

The transmission stopped, and he turned to look at Rose.

“Begin preparing evacuations to get those close to Moraband far away, and gather the fleet, General Dameron,” she said, looking out into empty space for a moment before she turned to face those under her command. “Those close to it say it’s been getting worse, and quickly, we heard as much on the meeting. I don’t think we have a lot of time to waste. If they’re prepared to attack our allies, we must defend them.”

Her eyes landed on her and Ben, their gazes meeting. “We need you two as well. You’re our strongest weapon, if we can’t blast it to pieces.”

“Stars, I hope we can just do that…” Poe trailed off, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Rey looked at Ben, too clearly remembering the last time she’d had to face an enemy seemingly too great to be defeated, her chest inevitably clenching with fear, an ominous feeling settling over her. She sensed his distress, too, his wild reluctance to let her get back into danger. Again it replayed in her mind, the moment his eyes had gone glassy, his body limp.

“We’ll fight,” she said decisively, keeping her chin up. If they could beat Palpatine, they could beat whoever, or whatever, this was, too. He gave her hand a squeeze.

Rose nodded, then turned to the General. “Poe, get your people in order, you know more than me about formations and what’s most suitable for an attack like this. I’ll set up the evacuations. We need to get this done as quickly as possible. Send out a distress signal as well, as wide as we can get it,” she ordered. “Ben, Rey, bring only the Force wielders you think can fight, and only those that volunteer, okay?”

Rey nodded, barely taking it in, and stood staring after her back until Ben gave her a little tug. “Come on, we have to get ready,” he said, sounding shaken even though he tried to hide it, but it was too easy to sense along the bond.

“Yes, of course,” she murmured, rubbing over her forehead, heading outside with him.

“Do you think it’s as bad as it seems?” she asked as they walked, not sure if she wanted to know the answer. Turning his head to look at him, she saw his jaw clench, felt his tension.

“I don’t know. I’ve never even heard of anything like this before. Disturbances in the Force, yes, but completely blocking out everything like this? Killing weaponlessly from such a distance? It doesn’t make any sense,” he said, shaking his head.

Pressing her lips together, she looked down at her feet, stomach in a tight knot. “And you’re sure you didn’t find out what it was when you went to Moraband?”

“Yes. I just know it’s powerful enough to reach us even here, if something’s been helping it,” he said darkly, face stark, a small furrow between his brows. “Especially if it can even reach out to other planets now.”

“But we’re going to stop it. I’m not going to let it, whatever it is, destroy everything all of us have fought so hard to build,” Rey promised, barely daring to hope it would turn out to be true, trying to wrap her head around the immensity of the enemy they now had to face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :') they need some goddamn peace and quiet I know and I'm so sorry I promise they will eventually


	31. Chosen Ones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben tries to figure out just what their enemy is capable of. Rey aids him, and together, they understand what they must do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was not fun to write, happy angst my dudes (so sorry Kate and Sarah)

There were more than enough volunteers for them to pick from. Not even close to all of them were experienced enough to fight, none had sabres yet, and too many were too young, still just children eager to become adults when all they should be wanting was to stay safe.

Ben saw their stark resolution, found a fatalistic sort of decisiveness in some of the older ones near adulthood.

In the end, only a few were picked out and allowed to fight along with all the rest of the volunteers who’d either seen combat before, were skilled fighters, or knew how to properly use a blaster. The rest they couldn’t offer a fight like this, even when they protested against their decision. He suspected that at least of the few more loud-mouthed of their trainees were planning on sneaking on board when they left for Moraband and made a mental note to check for them when they’d leave.

The door opened, and the noise made him raise his head, footsteps coming closer, and he rose up from his seat on the grass outside the main room and went back in to find Rey, who sat down heavily on one of the chairs, her hair somewhat undone, a smudge of oil smeared on her cheekbone and brow. “What were you looking for?” she asked, running a hand over her hair, beginning to loosen it from her updo.

“Something more about Moraband. Whatever it is,” he said, shaking his head. He wished he could do more, have more knowledge about this matter, wanted to help. Thinking about what could happen if they didn’t stop it was too much to bear, had made it hard to focus on his meditating, the fear too persistent. “I only found out what we already knew. It’s on Moraband, as you and Finn saw, too. And it’s getting stronger. Strong enough to block me out,” Ben said, walking over and taking her outstretched hand, holding it in his as he mulled over it, his gaze fixed on something far away.

“Let’s try together, then. I dropped Daisy off by Zanfro,” Rey said, referring to the girl’s favourite medic. She hadn’t told her they were leaving yet, so they had a little time.

He looked at her as she got to her feet, letting his hand go, and walked out through the open door into the grass-covered clearing right outside, resuming her seat, cross-legged and looking expectantly over her shoulder at him.

Supressing the feeling that this was too risky, that somehow, their enemy would be able to track and to hurt them if they pried too much, he hesitantly walked over and sat across from her.

“The Force’s strong here,” she murmured, closing her eyes, and briefly, images of her endless training rounds here, supervised by Leia, flashed through his mind from hers.

“It is,” he agreed softly, their knees touching, hands holding each other, both having already closed their eyes.

Again, blackness surrounded them. Where there once had been stars was only a dome of darkness, and though he knew it couldn’t be the case, he felt as if it was pressing down on him. When he turned his head, he saw the look of discomfort on Rey’s face as well. Giving each other a nod, they went forwards, something denser lurked ahead in the gloom. Pressing his lips together, he went for it, every single cell in his body wanting to turn away, to flee. He supressed the panic, the same he’d felt when he’d run as fast as his legs had allowed him back to his ship the time he’d visited the desolate planet, but each step felt like a descend into his own grave, like he was dragging Rey with him, too. He didn’t want to.

Sweat dampening his brow, Ben exhaled through his teeth as they got closer, heard her shaky breath as the infernal thing in front of them seemed to pulse though it had no form.

“What _is_ that?” she whispered, her grip on his hand equally tight as his.

He swallowed thickly before he said, “I don’t know.”

Their eyes met. He saw his own fear mirrored in hers, felt his own gaze flickering, and blinked, focusing on what was ahead again.

The closer they got, the harder it was to walk. Every step heavy, the distance between them and the void ahead shortened, little by little. Still, there was nothing to see. All was quiet except for the echoing sounds of their footsteps and breaths, all to the sinister backdrop of a deep, low thrumming that seemed to imbue their very core with a primordial urge to escape and get the hell away.

The bond between them hummed, it seeming to form some sort of protective shield in front of them, it straining their bodies, drew energy despite their deeply anchored connection with the Force, hearts pounding, breathing laboured. At last, they stopped, now only a few steps away. It radiated a vile, all-consuming emptiness that seemed to tug and tug, more and more insistently. His foot slid forwards. Ben bared his teeth, trying to keep his balance. She stood in a wider stance to stand her ground, knees bending, but she began to slide, too.

Eyes widening as his heart rose up into his throat, he scrambled to pull back, to get out of it, the abyss getting closer and closer. A grunt of effort came from him as he raised his hand up simultaneously with her, both their arms shaking with the strain.

Drawing on their bond, on every last drop of the Force he could, he pushed, the pressure building, desperate to get away, to get Rey _out_ of this. Snapping his head to the side, he saw her face twisted into a grimace of exertion.

Eyes dragging back to the black hole, he gave a shove with the Force, and though it budged, just seemed to absorb it.

“What _are_ you?” Rey hissed demandingly.

Whispers rang out around them, wordless, ancient. A shiver shot up his spine, goose bumps spreading over his skin like a spiderweb, his brows twitching into a furrow. His feet grew roots.

He understood.

Rey stretched out her hand, leaned forwards. Her fingertips grazed the edge of the nothingness. A pair of eyes blinked open from within.

The force of landing on his back with a thud knocked the air out of his lungs, stunning him even though all he wanted, _needed_ , to do, was to see where she was. It rang in his ears. Jerking upwards in an attempt to sit up, he scanned the clearing for her, found her slumped against the trunk of a tree right at the edge.

He stumbled and fell the first few steps, every movement stiff with aching pain, muscles utterly drained, and, doubled over, he got to her. Felt her pulse, scoured the bond for her, gaze raking over her unmoving face and closed eyes.

A deep groan of relief slipped over his lips, his head dipping down between his shoulders for a moment. Pain forgotten and wiping the blood from under his nose, he carefully laid her hand back onto her stomach, and, protectively cradling her in his arms, felt around her head. His fingers were sticky when he withdrew them, and, cussing under his breath, he looked around. He knew that he in this state couldn’t carry her, and so he hurried inside for the med-kit and returned to the still-unconscious Rey. Digits a little shaky, he cleaned the cut at the back of her head the best he could, then dabbed the blood away. It was already beginning to dry up, but she hadn’t woken yet, and so he sat there with her head gently positioned in his lap as his hands stroked over her hair, her cheek, and used his sleeve to mop up his nosebleed. Ben felt along their bond again, saw the glimmering light that was her, saw it glow stably, and resumed his waiting, breathing eventually slowing to something closer to its normal pace and depth.

The blood on his lips was dry when he wiped at it one last time, though the jarring pain in his body still persisted, and he couldn’t figure out whether it ached along the bond, in his head, or in his own body. Regardless, those considerations were thrown aside as Rey blinked open her eyes, taking in a gasp of breath, and he clutched her hand, something loosening in his chest.

“Rey,” he breathed, shoulders slumping slightly.

“Ben,” she said, and her voice was a blessing.

“Are you alright? What happened?” he asked, and she blinked again, awfully aware of the dull, throbbing ache at the back of her head along with the heavier, aching pain that made her whole body feel leaden when she stretched her hand up to caress his face. His stubble scratched against her palm, his voice sounding distant and echoing, and she had to focus to comprehend the words his lips were forming as they repeated the first question. There was dried blood in his nostrils. Was he hurt? Sitting up, Rey raised her other hand and cupped his face, felt his hand on hers, and, meeting his eyes and seeing the mixed worry and deep relief, she shook her head, brows furrowed.

“I’m okay, Ben,” she said, sitting up without his aid with a grunt of effort. Dizziness washed over her in waves, eyes squeezing shut until they passed at least somewhat. “Stars, what _was_ that?” she muttered, rubbing her sore fingers. A shudder ran through her, and the force of the recollection of what they’d just seen against pushed her body into a state of alarm, heart beginning to pound again even though there was only peace and quiet around them. “Are you alright?” she asked, turning her head toward him, and he nodded, the look on his long face despondent.

“How the _hell_ are we going to defeat that?” Rey hissed.

“I don’t know,” he said tonelessly, looking up through his lashes at her. “What did you see? Hear? More than I?”

Shaking her head, she tried to remember, knew what those whispers had promised. It was as if the warmth of the lush planet didn’t get to her, still felt chilled to the bone. “I don’t, there was a lot of… Of greediness. And certainty that it was going to get what it wants.” She looked to him, the lump in her throat just getting bigger and bigger.

“It seemed to budge when we used the Force against it,” Ben tried.

“But did it? It just seemed, I don’t know, happy about it,” she replied. If this bond they had, this dyad in the Force they were, was supposed to be the ultimate thing… Then just how powerful was that being? How old?

“Yes. I don’t…” he ran a hand through his hair, lips pressed together.

Licking her lips, she got to her feet, unsteady, and Ben caught her before she could fall, teeth grinding as she fought against the nausea. “Stars…” she muttered, slowly easing her grip on his arm. “Do you think we’re strong enough to defeat it?” The doubt gnawed at her stomach.

He met her eyes, searching them, and he couldn’t do more than just shrug. “Possibly. We weren’t in full contact with it right then, we just… Saw it. I know you touched it, but we weren’t there, on Moraband. We have to be stronger than it.”

Nodding, Rey closed her eyes, felt for him, and shared the little she’d seen, now clear enough in the head for it.

The pair of eyes opened, gaze penetrating, fixing her to the spot, worse than being Force-paralysed. The frenzied glimmer in them, their bottomlessness, the unwavering certainty they showed. The Force living in her had reared at the odd, awful energy. They were human, those eyes, but what’d lurked beneath? Not of this world, the pupils like black pits you could fall into and never crawl out of. She’d almost fallen in. The sensation of how her feet had just kept slipping were haunting enough to make her shiver once again.

“It’s turned someone, fully,” she said, brows furrowing as she understood. This wasn’t just a powerful Force-wielder, imbued with something unholy. It was the pure opposite.

The thought of meeting that again made her shudder, and she and Ben looked at each other, anguish clutching at their hearts. His Adam’s apple bobbed, a shaky exhale as he saw the resolution in her. “They can’t stop it, not without us. If it’s us who have to…” she swallowed thickly, palms clammy, “Then that’s what it is. I don’t want to. I don’t ever want to. But they’ll - they’ll be fine. Everyone. But not if this is allowed to run amok.”

Ben averted his gaze, lowering his hand. “I can’t lose you. Not again.” His voice broke, and his eyes were filled with so much pain that her resolve almost broke.

Tears welling, she nodded, sniffled, then leaned up to kiss him. “Whatever happens, we’re doing it together.” They spilled and dripped, the kiss deepening, his arms clutching her to him as closely as he could.

Rey met his every touch, the deep ache forgotten as their lips met, desperate, grips rough, hard enough to bruise, but it didn’t matter. Not when they were in each other’s arms, irreversibly interwoven. She tugged his clothes aside with clumsy, rushed movements, his big hands roaming over her body, tracing every line and curve as if he were trying to memorise it all.

Panting, her head tilting back when he entered her, she looked up at him, into his burning eyes, and had to close her own to be able to bear it, her fingers clutching at the soft fabric of his shirt as he thrust into her, filling her.

It wasn’t blissful, happy. The sun was still shining, birds still singing their songs, unaware, and she was still right there beside him, chest rising and falling, hairs sticking to her sweat-dampened forehead. The knowledge of what they had to do, both sensed and foretold, sunk into their consciousness like a stake driven through the heart, though, splintering their brief respite of happiness. Ben looked at the tears he’d left behind between her breasts, glimmering in the light, and leaned down to kiss her again, throat raw.

She smiled up at him, and he wanted it to be that way, to stay that way. He knew as well as her what the price was, his shoulders heavy with the responsibility, and Ben wished he could just be nobody, with her. Just to have grown up and lived his life on some unimportant planet, with an average occupation, average family, met her, and married, and made his own family, and lived like that, growing old together. Maybe that just wasn’t supposed to happen for them. Maybe they were just doomed, burdened with a prophesied task none of them had asked for. Chosen Ones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a happy note to write this on, but I just wanted to say THANK YOU so much to everyone who's been supporting and still is supporting this fic. It's reached 8000 views and 350 kudos and it just really warms my heart that people are still willing to read whatever this is, so thank you, if you've liked, if you've commented, if you've just sent good vibes. It helps a lot.


	32. Studies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben continue to learn more about their enemy on Moraband.

There was a resigned sort of air around them, an acceptance of it all, as they went about their preparations. They worked in silence, smoothly moving aside for one another in the small space like gears. It didn’t take very long. Ben couldn’t figure out whether that was a good thing or not.

He smoothed a hand over the cover of the book Rey and Lando had brought back from Darani on Iridonia, frustration once again settling in him as he recalled how it’d yielded no truly useful information no matter how many times he had read it. It was just old myths from Moraband, telling tales of cultists of Sentna given a longer life if they somehow bent to whatever it was that inhabited the planet, gave them odd abilities, and those it described in great detail. There was just nothing on what its weaknesses were, how it could be defeated, only praise for the so-called heroes who’d given themselves to the power, for the Circle of Sentna.

He flicked over to one of the only illustrations. It was just that black, shapeless thing, looming behind a humanoid in a hooded cloak, their face hidden, blood dripping from their arms as they kneeled, and yet, they still seemed ecstatic. Ben huffed as the slapped the book shut, resisting the urge to throw it across the room.

“Did you find anything more useful this time?” Rey asked, her back to him as she packed her bag, and he set the book down on the table.

“Not more than what we already knew. I’m trying to figure out how this thing, Sentna, is reaching out. And why they called for Force wielders. It must have something to do with the Jedi sacrifices that occurred on Moraband as well. It must somehow gain power from it,” he said, shaking his head.

“It did seem to sort of absorb it, when we tried with the Force,” she agreed, turning to look at him before she picked up the book, turning over the pages, seemingly searching for a passage.

“And Sentna, all-powerful, eternal, grew with our worship, our sacrifices, and a blessing came upon us in the form of a Champion of Sentna, imbued with its great power, with the purpose of ruling the galaxy. Alas! the time was not yet ours. Once the weak vitality peaks as prophesised by the great Mustafar Oracle, a new Champion shall rise to strike it down and claim it as their own to bring to Sentna as sacrifice, proof of their pure devotion,” Rey read aloud, slowly lowering the book to look up at him. “I can’t be sure, but it sounds like it gains power - steals it, somehow. I can’t figure out how, though. The peak of vitality could mean a lot of things,” she said, rubbing the back of her neck as she read over the lines again, brows furrowing. “The vitality that seeps through every living thing…” she mumbled, straightening, and he knew just as well as her what it was.

Their eyes met as she raised them. “The Force. It’s draining Force, that’s why they want wielders to come,” Ben said, trying to wrap his head around the concept that seemed impossible. You couldn’t just _take_ it. Not even Palpatine had been fully able to, he’d just found depraved ways to tap into and exploit it. “It’s not likely that we can use it against Sentna,” he said, all while trying to figure out what else they could do. Lightsabres and blasters just didn’t seem like a viable option either.

“If we’re defeated, no, but it’s worded… I think it can be used, if we do it properly. It says sacrifice, so I think a lot more Jedi would’ve been caught and killed if they couldn’t fight back somehow,” Rey reasoned, closing the book. “We’re a dyad. That has to mean something.”

“It’s not going to be for long, I promise,” Rey said, but it didn’t seem like Daisy was listening. The girl hugged Ben, arms tightly wrapped around his neck, and they exchanged a look.

“It’ll be a month at the most,” he said quietly, trying to calm her, and she knew he wanted to leave her just as little as she herself did - but bringing her was too risky, too dangerous.

Daisy didn’t budge, not even when he leaned over to set her down, and he had to forcibly remove her arms from himself before kneeling in front of her. “Daisy, we’re both going to come back. We have to help our friends though.”

“And I can’t come?” she asked, her arms crossed and face still red from crying, though she was defiantly sticking out her chin at him. Rey sat beside him, lips pressed together for a moment as she tried to catch her gaze.

“No, you can’t. It’s too dangerous, and we can’t help properly if we just spend all our time worrying about you. Like Ben said, we’re coming back, we’re not just leaving,” she tried, and the girl rubbed at her eyes, still pouting. She reached out her hand, waited, and Daisy went into her arms after a few seconds, and Rey closed her eyes as she held her close, gently rocking her from side to side.

Hearing footsteps, she opened her eyes to find Zanfro walking into the living room with a tray, his face lighting up a little at the sight of them. Rey gave him a small smile over Daisy’s shoulder, and Ben rose to his feet to speak with him.

Once she began to squirm, Rey let go and stood up as well.

“You know, I’ve found plenty of new plants you can help get better,” the medic said, nodding to the tray, “So you’ll have to keep busy. You know how much my wife loves flowers, right?”

“I know,” Daisy said, kneeling on the chair to properly survey the plants.

“And that she doesn’t have a green thumb at all?” Zanfro smiled, and Daisy giggled a little, nodding as she began sorting.

“Thank you so much,” Ben said quietly.

The other man waved it off like it was nothing. “Oh, it’s no trouble at all. She’s a pleasure to have around, so curious. And we’re going to take good care of her, of course.”

“We weren’t worried about that at all,” she said, smiling as she glanced at her, and a pang of sadness tugged at her. Focusing back on Zanfro, she said, “It’s about time we leave. We’ll see you when we get back,” she said, just hoping they would return, and hugged the medic back perhaps a bit too strongly.

“Good luck,” he said as they parted, and she gave a small smile in reply before she wrapped an arm around Daisy.

“We’re going now. I love you, so be good, okay?” she murmured as she kissed the top of her head, and the girl turned to hug her, her little arms holding on tight around her neck. “I’ll be good,” she promised in her high voice, and it was hard to not just stay after Ben had made his farewell with the girl, too.

They walked out from the medic’s house and together headed for the hangars, the amount of people going to and from increasing the closer they got. Even though she’d seen a lot of the faces before, she didn’t know many of the names of those who gave them silent nods of encouragement when they passed by each other, and an atmosphere of solidarity hung in the air around them, united in the name of the cause. Rey glanced up at him as she snuck her hand into his, not exactly nervous, but something like it. Looking at him again when he gave her hand a squeeze, she noted how his features looked softer, more open, than compared to when she’d first brought him here, and, feeling along the bond, didn’t sense his previous discomfort and general feeling of suspicion to everyone around him except for her, and a bit of joy blossomed in her bosom, inevitably making her lips curve upwards.

He shot her a questioning look as they walked, but she just shook her head, leaning towards him for a moment before continuing. Rey caught sight of Maz leaving her old freighter, wondering if she’d come along as well.

“Did you get your union dispute settled?” she asked as they came up close enough to her, and the woman raised her head with a start, evidently having been lost in thought.

“Oh, I did, I did,” she said, her small eyes squinting up at them as she smiled. “Everything’s settled for when we come back. Now, go on your way, I still have a few more things I need to pack,” she said, waving them off, and Rey’s brows briefly furrowed.

“Oh, alright then…” she trailed off, Ben shrugging in response to her questioning face, and they did as the woman had told them, now arriving at the hangars.

Ben looked around their small compartment, repressing the urge to duck his head under the low ceiling. It didn’t exactly hit it when he stood up straight, but it was a tad too close to be comfortable, and he was happy that they were only going to sleep here, even if the bed was kind of small for two people. Not that it mattered much when he thought about it, there hadn’t been a night where they hadn’t ended up falling asleep properly entangled, seemingly not able to get close enough, and this was, without a doubt, a huge improvement when you compared it to the cockpit of that damned Headhunter. Running a hand through his hair, he turned as the door opened and Rey appeared.

“Come on, they’re waiting for us, and I’m also very curious to find out what plan exactly Poe has in store for us,” she said, holding out her hand, the other braced on the doorway.

“Right,” he said, taking the few steps it took to close the distance between them as well as her hand. She wasn’t moving out of the way. He looked down at her, slowly tilting his head to the side, and saw her lips twitch, hazel eyes alight. It still made butterflies flutter wildly in his stomach, made him just as warm as when they’d properly reunited, and he leaned down to kiss her, softly, lingering for a moment more than necessary before he straightened up again. “Did I pay enough to pass?” he asked.

She lowered her arm and instead placed her hand at the back of his neck, pulling him down into another kiss. “Now you did,” Rey said, and it was a little difficult to not just slap the button that’d make the door shut and hole up here for a bit. Instead, he followed behind her as she walked down the hallway of the transport, the floor vibrating slightly beneath them as they already travelled in hyperspeed.

They came out into the command bridge where the usual suspects had already gathered, Poe at its centre. He turned as the attention of those he was addressing switched to them, and Ben briefly felt the discomfort of, to him, being scrutinised once again, before he managed to reassure himself that this was no longer the case for at least the majority of those attending.

“Right on time, we were just about to begin,” Poe said after giving a nod in greeting, and Ben couldn’t help but feel a little bewondered as a few shuffled aside on the curved benches to make space for him and Rey, but he quietly said his thanks regardless.

“Okay, so we still don’t really know what works on whatever it is we’re going to face on Moraband. It would be great to be able to just blow it up, but as we’re no Death Star or Starkiller Base, that isn’t possible. So, instead, we’re going to drop out of hyperspeed near the planet and get our fighters out, first for recon, then for an attack if it’s needed. Land troops can be deployed as well, but this is kind of a figure it out as we’re going along kind of deal,” Poe announced.

Beside him, Rey cleared her throat and stood up. Poe nodded at her, and she said, “If we do end up sending troops down on the planet itself, we should take care not to send down too many, especially not Force wielders. I’ve just gone over the Sith text we got from Darani again, and while I can’t be sure, it seems like Sentna - I think that’s the thing that’s doing this, the killings and radio blackouts - is able to absorb the Force of a wielder if that wielder is killed. We think that’s what the execution chamber was for, killing off Jedis and Sentna gaining their power somehow.”

“You didn’t know this when we were planning this whole thing?” Poe asked, sounding exasperated.

“We had a run-in with it,” Ben said, standing up as well. “Through the Force, earlier today. What we’ll meet on Moraband is a Champion of Sentna, a person who’s in some sort of symbiotic relationship with it and fighting for it. It’s likely that it’s given this Champion its powers somehow. One of them is the ability to drain Force from wielders, presumably if they are defeated. We didn’t have a lot of time after this run-in to study the texts again, but we’ll do so to find out more,” he explained, ignoring the uneasy murmur that sprang out from around them.

Poe nodded, slowly, and glanced at Finn who was seated in front. “Okay. So, first bet is still trying to blow it up from a distance. If that doesn’t work, then what? Are you saying you two want to fight that Champion or what?”

Rey and he exchanged a look. “We… No, not exactly, but if it can kill Jedi Knights, then it can take down unexperienced wielders too easily as well. If we don’t want to feed it more power, our best shot is destroying it in the first attempt. If the plan to blow it up doesn’t work,” Rey said, and he nodded his agreement, watching the General as he considered it.

After a too-long wait, he nodded. “Alright, but you’re getting ground support too. And get to reading that text very closely, okay? I want to know as much about that Sentna thing as possible before we get to it,” Poe said, eyeing the two of them closely.

“Of course,” he said, resuming his seat once Rey sat down again, exchanging a look with her. She nodded, and he left the bridge along with her, heading back for their compartment and the book, flipping it open and beginning to read from the beginning with it propped between them as they sat on the bed, using what little they knew to squeeze out meaning from the rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya guys, sorry for the delay in posting, things have turned very busy for me and will be for the next week as well, so thank you so much for your patience!


	33. Domestic dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey take care of Daisy in what way they can and contemplate their future together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some softness amidst all this plot-building I'm doing because I love these two so goddamn much

Rey rubbed her eyes until she just placed an arm over them to ward off the bright light from the ceiling, brain properly muddled and ringing with fragmented pieces of the text. A heavy sigh escaped from her, and she shifted, frustrated.

“If I read that book one more time, I’m going to go mad,” she said, and felt the mattress shift with the weight as Ben came to sit next to her.

“Same here.” She heard him groan, the sound slightly muffled, and she raised her arm just enough to peek out at him, squinting against the lights. He was very distracting to look at as she tried to gather her highly scattered thoughts. Gaze trailing over the stray strands of raven-black hair that curled over his forehead and swept over his jaw when he didn’t keep it tied like that, his somewhat furrowed brows, his nose and cheekbones and his slightly parted lips, and, though his eyes were a bit dull from tiredness, the way they still seemed to be able to see into her very soul if she looked into them for too long, losing herself in their whiskey-brown depths.

He was looking at her that way, the tenderness and longing too thoroughly expressed, and she lowered her arm until it was lying on her stomach, not daring to move away. She swallowed thickly, shifted and propped herself up on her elbow to meet him as he leaned down to kiss her, softly, yet with restraint from the heat they both felt building along the bond.

Rey sat up, her back against the wall, and reached for the sender on the nightstand in the wall. “If we’re not going to get anything more out of that book today, we might as well send Daisy her message. We’re already late, I think she’s asleep by now,” she said.

Ben cleared his throat, straightening up as well. “Yes, you’re right.”

“Right, okay,” Rey said and turned it on, making sure that both of them were in the hologram recording before she spoke, “Hey Daisy! I know we’re a little late, but then you’ll just see us in the morning, right?”

“It’s no surprise, but things are going well here. Even though Rey didn’t go over this ship, it’s flying without problems, and, look,” he took the sender from her and got up, slowly turning it so that it recorded the compartment, “it’s even smaller than back at the house. I even have to duck to get through the door.”

“You’re lucky you’re staying with Zanfro, you even got your own room there. We’re just a bit envious,” she said with a smile. “Try to not disappear from him, alright? I know there’s very interesting things to look at, but you’re hard to find when you run off, okay? I love you,” Rey said, managing to get around the lump in her throat.

“And don’t stay up too late stargazing, I know Zanfro doesn’t like scolding you. Love you too,” Ben said and gave a little wave to the sender, and she did the same before turning it off, setting it back down onto the nightstand with a sigh.

She felt him looking at her and raised her gaze from her folded hands in her lap to him and shrugged at his questioning expression. “I know we’re coming back, but it feels… I don’t know, I guess I’m tired,” she tried to brush it off, again lowering her head. When he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her a little closer, she leaned into the touch, resting her head on his shoulder as he slowly stroked up and down her arm. Chewing on the inside of her cheek, Rey brushed her hair behind her ear as she considered just telling him already.

“I can tell there’s something on your mind, but if you don’t want me to know, it’s fine. I’d like to, though,” he said softly, and she could feel his chest thrum beside her as he spoke.

Picking at a loose thread in her trousers and suddenly feeling flustered, she took a while, but eventually drew breath. “I stopped taking the contraceptives. A little while ago, actually.”

His hand stopped its stroking and he stiffened somewhat, but not in tension. They hadn’t really ever addressed that she’d taken the pills, but she knew that he was aware of it.

“I want to have a family with you, Ben,” she admitted, “Along with Daisy, if she still wants to stay with us when she gets older, when all of this has settled down. I know you still have to work off your service for the Resistance, but I’m, we can make that work regardless. But I’m not going to let Daisy or, if we… They won’t be left with two parents who’re too busy with their work to make the time for them. I want to have a proper family. For Daisy, for us, and if there’s more to come.”

Parents. It felt odd to say that word, to think of herself as that. Rey looked up at him, not entirely sure how he’d respond.

An image flashed into her mind along the bond. The surroundings were vague, unimportant, but in them was he and she, looking out over a sunset, their hands holding Daisy’s, in their arms something small and wrapped in cloth. A baby. And they were happy.

“I want that, too. More than you can imagine,” he said, voice a little hoarse. It’d been hard to get the words out, that’s why he’d had to show her, to let her know before she could begin to doubt. He’d wanted this ever since he’d been sure that she was truly his, but hadn’t asked, not wanting to push her into anything. It was hard to sit still, too, chest practically bursting with joy, and he couldn’t help but break out into a giddy smile as he pulled her into a tight embrace, a shaky laugh slipping past his lips as he held her, rocking from side to side as her arms wrapped around him as well.

Ben pulled back enough to look at her, her eyes shimmering, and he traced the back of his finger down her cheek, searching her face, and he found only the pure joy that made his whole body buzz reflected in her eyes and along the bond, it shining like a bright light that couldn’t even be dimmed by the dismal forecast laid out by the book on the small table at the other end of the room. He wasn’t looking at it now anyways.

Rey leaned closer, lips grazing his before their foreheads rested against one another, her hand on the back of his neck, keeping him close, both of their eyes shut. He could feel her warm breath against his face before she gave him a kiss, gentle and slow, and he moved forwards as she pulled back, and there came a second kiss that slid into the next one, and the next, without either of them really noticing - or caring - how it happened. Clothes gradually removed and scattered on the floor and bed as their touches grew more and more urgent, they met each other in every needy touch.

Afterwards, both still slightly breathless, he propped himself up on his elbow behind her, the hand on her hip sliding down to the lower part of her stomach. It tickled, and briefly, she squirmed, but when he was about to move his hand away, she stopped him, intertwining their fingers. Turning her head to look at him, she raised her brows, and he closed his mouth, hesitating before he said, “Do you think it’s… That it’s happened now?”

She smiled, looking down as she stroked her thumb over the back of his hand. “I don’t really know. I don’t…”

“What?”

“Um. I don’t even really know how to tell,” she trailed off. “There wasn’t exactly a lot of people who taught that. I had to figure it out on my own when I was old enough to bleed, too,” Rey explained, cheeks heating.

“Oh.” He shifted a little. “I didn’t consider that.”

She turned her head again, met his wary gaze. “When did you learn, then?” she asked, and his eyes drifted to the ceiling.

“Han was out early with letting me know about that sort of thing. And some of the boys at the Jedi Temple knew, too. Stick a bunch of teenage boys together, and its unavoidable that the subject is going to fall on sex and the like,” he said, blowing air through his nose out of amusement. He pressed a kiss to her shoulder, then laid back down, his warm chest and stomach pressed up against her back, and she could feel his nose at the nape of her neck, his steady breathing along with it.

Scrunching her lips to the side in thought, Rey shuffled a little closer to him, following the lines in the wall with her eyes. “How do I know, then?” she asked, feeling too stupid to really be comfortable with it. This was far more difficult than piecing rusty old ships back to life, she thought to herself, feeling the urge to get up grow stronger and stronger.

“Well, uh, your bleedings should stop. And your breasts might become sore and grow somewhat. Some get morning sickness,” he tried.

“Right. That makes sense,” she said, perhaps a bit stiffly. It didn’t make sense at all, actually, but it would do for now.

She knew she should be tired - their day had been long enough already, and to be honest, the pleasant soreness in her hips along with the relaxation that came after laying together usually helped her fall asleep even if it was becoming less and less of a problem - but still she couldn’t help but ask the burning question, “Did you have someone? Before?”

It took a while before he answered, “No, wasn’t exactly Snoke’s first priority for me,” his voice slightly slurred.

A pang of guilt went through her, both from waking him and from even bringing it up. “Of course. Sorry, you should just go back to sleep,” Rey said, giving his hand a squeeze.

“Why?”

“Just curious, I suppose.”

“There were a lot of other things on my mind back then. It didn’t interest me, to be honest - at least not until I met you.” His grip on her momentarily tightened.

“It was pretty obvious in the elevator, when I came aboard the Supremacy,” she said, and he snorted.

“Really?”

“Yes,” she giggled, “Or at least that you were interested. Can’t really say it was the right time, though.”

“No,” he sighed, his hair tickling her back, “We didn’t exactly have a good sense of timing.”

“We really didn’t,” she laughed, “But all things considered, I think it turned out alright in the end.”

“Mhm, I agree,” he murmured, goose bumps spreading out over her skin, and he pecked her cheek and the nape of her neck, untangling his fingers from hers. “It’s very good now, I think.”

His hand slid down further, down between her legs. A quiet moan slipped past her lips. Pushing back up against him, he nipped at her earlobe and mused into her ear, “You’re still wet, huh?” as he pushed a finger between her lips, and she pressed her legs together, eyes slipping shut at his slow, teasing movements. It was amazing how it only took him seconds to rile her back up - just his voice, a slight touch, and she melted in his hands.

Warmth flushing her face, she bit her lip as the pad of his finger rolled over her clit, hips inevitably grinding up against his hand. “That’s your fault,” she managed to get out before another moan came from her, back arching slightly, one hand grabbing at the sheets.

“I guess that’s true. Want me to do something about it?” he asked, voice husky, yet crystal clear.

Rey let out a shaky breath, eyes shooting open when he withdrew his hand. “Wait-“ She caught his wrist.

“Oh?” It definitely sounded like he was smirking.

Huffing out a breath, she almost turned over onto her other side, but then he kissed up her neck and made it more than difficult to think straight, the arousal clouding her head. “Ben-“ she breathed, pleaded, and he chuckled, again sliding his hand down to the needy heat between her legs, and a sigh of pleasure left her lips as he continued, and she indulged, hips grinding in sync with the too-slow movements of his fingers.

Against the back of her thigh, she felt his own urgent arousal, and so she reached behind her, feeling just slightly smug when he let out a somewhat startled moan. Raising her leg, she guided him inside, and he grabbed her behind the knee as he pushed in fully, filling her to the hilt.

He began moving, each thrust seeming to drive her further and further on towards her climax, the heat in the pit of her stomach building, skin fiery where his hands or lips or tongue or teeth touched.

Hips bucking against each other, desperate, quickly, Rey pulled back and rolled over, climbing up on top of him.

Surprised, Ben looked up at her, those wonderful lips parted, and as she straddled his lap, his eyes followed her every movement, hands sliding up her thighs, one settling on her hip, the other on her ass, groping her as she ground against him, his stiff cock providing friction for her clit.

Head tilting back, she continued circling her hips until he rasped out, “Rey,” tone demanding, and a pleasant shiver shot up her spine. Licking her lips as she maintained eye contact, she rose up and lowered herself down on him, exhaling with a shudder.

Impatient, he sat up, licking up between her breasts, kissing over her collarbone and neck as she moved up and down, pace quickening, thrusts shortening as they got closer and closer, moans continuing to slip past their lips.

He bucked upwards, the grip on her hips for a moment strong enough to bruise, a strained groan coming from him as he came.

Rey’s legs spasmed as her climax hit her, breath hitching in her throat, arms holding his head tight to her chest as she rode it out, his warmth spilling inside of her. Slowly coming down from her high, she eased her hold on Ben along with a quiet, “Sorry.”

He looked up at her with an elated, yet boyishly canny smile, shaking his head before he leaned up to kiss her, the passion from only moments before lingering in it. “And what could you be apologising for?” he asked, again pressing his lips to hers.

“For going a little overboard?” she tried but couldn’t suppress her brazen grin as she met him in the kiss.

“I’ll take responsibility for it this time,” Ben said half-jokingly, watching her as she climbed off of him, a little of his seed trickling down her inner thigh. “Do you want to shower?”

Flopping down next to him, she shook her head, already feeling sleepy. “It can wait until morning, can’t it?”

He smiled down at her, caressing her cheek before giving her sweaty forehead a kiss, the infinite softness practically radiating off of him making her heart skip a beat. “Of course it can,” he agreed before he laid down next to her, that blissful look seeming to stay on his face, though less obvious, even as he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're so in love and I really hope that those compartments are soundproof cus uh,,


	34. Good intentions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben can't still and wanders the peaceful ship still sailing at hyperspeed until he stumbles upon the General, who's received bad news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hot tip: don't listen to Lookalike by Conan Grey while thinking about these two unless you want to cry

It was always the hardest to fall asleep when you’d already woken up in the middle of the night - or whatever you would describe it as. At least his biological clock was telling him it was supposed to be night-time, but who was really to say as they were travelling through the galaxy without even being connected to a certain solar system?

Regardless, Ben was awake and staring into the wall, the light in the panels of it dimmed to only a weak, white glow that left the compartment in a gloom whose darkness still wasn’t deep enough to rob all sight, and so he could, once he turned over onto his other side, see the contours of Rey’s sleeping face, her jaw slack and forehead smooth, the freckles on her nose visible. He swallowed, refraining from touching her as his heart swelled almost unbearably, and instead he settled on a kiss to her forehead, it given with great caution as not to wake her. He moved with that same caution as he got out of bed, too restless to go back even if it was warm and pleasant next to her.

After showering, he again made sure that Rey was still fast asleep, feeling along the bond for any distress even in her dream state and, finding none, he rose from his seat on the edge of the bed, casting one last glance at her over his shoulder before he let the door to their compartment slip shut, and he stepped out into the empty hallway, head turning left, then right, in search for something he didn’t really know what was, the restlessness too overwhelming for him to even just stay in their compartment, awake or not.

Bad things always seemed to happen at night. When he wasn’t there to prevent them.

Jaw clenching as he paced the corridor, Ben thought back on how he’d returned to the Jedi temple to find it engulfed in flames, Snoke’s voice in his head telling him it was what he’d wanted. How he’d woken to Luke, the father he’d had since he’d been just about eleven years old, and the fear that had trumped the betrayal, the hurt, at the sight of the green sabre raised to kill him with a cowardly stroke.

How he’d felt the bond sever as he’d climbed up that seemingly endless pit on Exegol. How he’d dragged himself up to find Rey, crumpled to the ground where she’d fallen. Her empty, glassy eyes.

He had to stop for a minute, leaning against the wall, trying to calm the ominous sense of panic that crawled up from his gut through his chest, it settled like an iron grip around his neck until it was hard to breathe. Feeling Rey stir, he fought to placate it, not wanting to wake her, for her to worry. He could handle this on his own. She deserved the peace.

She deserved not to fight any more.

If it was in any way possible, he would take her place. He already had, back then. And he’d do it again without hesitation if it could keep her safe, happy - maybe not happy, not joyful like she was now, but safe. Alive.

Gathering himself, Ben walked onwards, turned left, and rubbed his face once he saw it was empty here, too. Maybe it wasn’t inevitable that they should fight on Moraband. He knew he was more than capable with a lightsabre, with wielding the Force in combat to his advantage. It was rare that he’d been defeated after years under Snoke - in fact, Rey had been the only recent one to manage that. It was possible that he’d be able to do this on his own. So she didn’t have to. She had more to do with these people, anyways. He still couldn’t quite shake the feeling that he didn’t truly belong here, despite how many times everyone treated him just like everyone else and not like a pariah, as they’d done once he’d first come to the Resistance. Perhaps they’d actually try to fight alongside him, once they landed on Moraband - for he had a feeling that shooting at it with their cannons and missiles would do nothing at all. Not to that old power. Maybe the Force could. They didn’t have anything else.

Brows furrowing, his steps slowed and came to a halt as voices resounded in the hallway - and familiar voices at that. And they were mingled together, rising and falling, seemingly in a discussion. Surveying the surroundings he hadn’t really cared about until now, he saw he was in the commanding quarters, and though the hallway continued ahead, there was an indentation to the right where the door was ajar. Intrigued, Ben walked a little closer.

“There’s a fat chance that’ll work, Poe,” Jannah’s voice cut in.

“What the hell do you want to do, then?” he replied, “It’s not exactly like we’re swimming in options here.”

“This isn’t an easy decision to make,” Ben heard Rose attempt to smooth out as he got close enough to look inside the room, finding the quartet by a round table.

Though he hadn’t made a sound, Finn turned his head and saw him, their eyes meeting. He straightened in his seat, but then waved him on in after a tense moment or two. Feeling an awful lot like he’d been caught peeking at something he certainly wasn’t supposed to, Ben hesitated, especially as the other three heads turned towards him. His eyes flickered over them, and though he saw vexation on their faces, though the atmosphere was tense, it wasn’t directed at him, and so he stepped on inside.

“You’re up late, Ben,” Jannah noted, brows raised.

“As are you four,” he replied.

“Where’s Rey?” Rose asked, pulling out a chair for him which he stared at before seating himself on it, folding his hands in his lap.

“Asleep. I just couldn’t shake the feeling something was… Odd.”

Poe scoffed, pacing the edge of the room, nodding to himself with a bowed head, his smile bitter.

“Something’s odd, alright. Zorii, mind filling another one in?” the General said.

Ben snapped his head to the side, and Poe rolled his eyes.

“I can hear the whites of your eyes even though the damn hologram isn’t working, Poe, cut the sass. Solo, Corellia’s just gotten news from some escapees from Sembla,” Zorii’s voice rang out in the room, tone neutral, “Seems like it’s close enough to have been affected by that Circle of Sentna on Moraband. There’s been more deaths. A lot more.”

He exchanged a glance with Rose, the pain she felt for the inhabitants shining through all too clearly in her face.

“We’re talking hundreds. No demands were made, no negotiations, no nothing. Just death. I’ve already called for evacuations further out, but it’s hard getting people to believe it’s happening. Cannons and bombs are much easier to respond to than whatever this is,” she said.

“And we’ve sent out those orders, too,” Jannah said, shaking her head before looking at him. “You two didn’t find out anything more?”

To that he could only shake his head. “Nothing new. We’ve only found a little more on how the Champions are made, but that’s all.”

Zorii sighed, the mood dismal.

“What were you arguing about?” he asked once the silence had stretched out for an uncomfortably long while.

“Whether to ask the nearby planets for help. Getting them to use their ships to fight against Moraband, stall it until we get there,” Finn said.

“There’s too many civilians and untrained people on those planets for that to work. And we don’t even know if normal weapons work on it,” Rose reasoned, arms crossed.

“There’s enough pilots to lead an attack. And there’s volunteers enough, too,” Poe cut in.

“But not enough ships to bring those who can’t fight or flee on their own away and out of danger. Besides, what do you think’ll happen if killing off so many is the Circle of Sentna when unprovoked if we go and actually agitate them?” she said, and it almost made a sound like metal scraping against metal when their eyes met, the two of them staring each other down in their disagreement until Jannah sighed and stepped in between them.

“Look, we can’t fly any faster than what we are already. It’s not long before we get close enough to Moraband to act,” she said, turning her head first to Rose, then Poe.

“We could compromise. Make a certain share of the ships into evacuation transports, with enough fighters to cover them, but let those who volunteer take what’s left?” Finn suggested.

Neither Poe nor Rose looked content.

“That’s not enough ships to make a difference,” Poe muttered, turning on his heel.

“We know nothing about what’s enough,” Jannah said. Rose nodded with a quiet sigh, fingering the pendant around her neck.

“So it’s the compromise, then,” Finn stated matter-of-factly, hands splayed on the table as he stood up.

Ben swallowed, blinking against the sudden wave of nausea.

“I’ll get the word out.” It gave a click, and the background noise of Zorii’s signal died.

Bracing himself against the countertop, he rose, sweat breaking out on his brow as he exhaled through his teeth. Ben clenched his jaw against the sensation, a numb sort of feeling spreading out from his navel. He had to close his eyes, waved the concerned question from he didn’t know who off, pure black around him when he raised his head, sensing an awful, unnatural presence. Two pairs of eyes fixed on him, the whispers surrounding him all-consuming and echoing in his head, and the dead, yet manic look in those eyes made his gut turn. They were the only thing he could see in the thick blanket of darkness. The pair bared their glistening teeth at him in a vicious, mocking parody of a smile. His whole body turned cold, the colour draining from his face when their attention turned to Rey, still sleeping peacefully, and the cloaked figures to whom the penetrating gazes belonged began to walk towards her.

No.

The whispers got louder, the number of voices growing and growing. He couldn’t move. Could only watch as they got closer and closer to her. Grunting with the effort, he tugged, tried to get himself to _move_ , but his body didn’t obey him, and he was frozen to the spot as the two shadows stood by the side of their bed, too close to her. They bent over her, reached out their claw-like hands for her.

“No!” he roared, finally able to lurch forwards.

Rey’s eyes shot open. She sat up with a start, heart pounding, and she looked wildly around the room, patting the bed for Ben who wasn’t there. Slapping the lights on, she got up and threw on her clothes, the horror in her growing when she felt along the bond and, if only for a moment, felt nothing. Then, his face came into view, twisted with worry and exertion, and she didn’t have time to put on her shoes before she sprinted down along the hallways, their connection feeling muted and dull, drained. It wasn’t possible, was it? They couldn’t be affected this badly still so far from Moraband.

“Ben?”

“Rey?”

“I’m okay. You?”

“Yes.”

“What happened?”

“Attack from Moraband on Sembla. It’s getting stronger. _They_ are getting stronger.”

They? Rey cursed as she ran, not understanding what that meant, skidding to a halt in front of the door, and Ben practically tackled her, his embrace uncomfortably tight, but her grip on him was equally strong even though she could tell nothing had hurt him. Still, she needed the reassurance. Burying her face in his shoulder as her breathing slowed to its normal pace, she pulled back enough to see him, reaching up for his face, feeling him to ascertain that he was really there.

“I woke up because I felt something… Watching me. And something was very wrong.”

He pressed his lips together, and she glanced at the concerned faces of her four friends still in the room before he spoke, “There’s two of them. Champions. They came for you, saw you vulnerable in your sleep,” he said, voice burning with such intensity she hadn’t heard in a long while.

“Two…” she breathed, gut dropping.

“Rey, Ben, what’s going on?” Rose asked, hesitantly taking a few steps closer.

They disentangled themselves, facing the others after exchanging a quick glance.

“A Force vision. Seems like there’s two Champions now. And they’re powerful enough to see us - through the Force, I don’t know, but somehow, they can,” Ben explained, voice under tight reins to be kept calm.

Finn and Poe looked at each other. Jannah’s jaw clenched.

“So what does that mean? Are they getting stronger?” Poe asked, brows furrowed.

Rey scrunched her lips to the side before she said, “It’s hard to tell.” She shot a glance at Ben. “I think so, though. But why are all of you up?”

Finn enlightened her on the situation with Sembla along with the conclusion of it, and her gut dropped as she listened. The silence settled heavily over the small gathering, the bright white-blue light from the windows flickering over their faces and making it seem as if they were moving even when they stood perfectly still, expressions grave.

“It doesn’t make sense that they should branch out now if it weren’t because they were getting stronger. Especially since it was unprovoked,” Ben said.

Poe nodded, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger. “Okay. The plan still stands,” he finally said, crossing his arms. “As Jannah said, we can’t go any faster. We’ll have to arm ourselves with patience, then. And get some rest, while we can.” He looked over each of them, and she met his eyes with the same determination he radiated.

Finn and he went off together, Jannah leaving as well after pressing a kiss to Rose’s lips, and the former mechanic lingered behind, watching her lover go with a softness in her eyes that made Rey’s heart clench.

She reached into her pocket, looking at them with an incredulous expression as she walked closer. “I know this isn’t exactly the best timing and all, but I thought you should have this. Maybe it can cheer this whole ordeal up a little,” Rose said, opening the small cloth bag.

Rey, still shaken by the news, furrowed her brows, not quite understanding when she saw the two golden rings in her outstretched hand.

“I know we haven’t gotten very far with that wedding yet, but you should use these when the time comes. I think I got your sizes right,” she continued, holding them up for them to see.

The Haysian smelt glimmered even in the synthetic light of the corridor, the bands simple and clean. She hesitantly raised her hand to touch them, tentatively taking the smallest of the two into her hand and fingering it, so much gratitude welling up in her chest that it was hard to contain.

“Oh, Rose,” she sighed, pulling her friend into a tight hug, “You really shouldn’t have! Thank you, so, so much!” she said, rocking from side to side with her, heard the other woman laugh as she stroked up and down her back.

“You deserve it, you know. And this is all about staying together, isn’t it? Even when the sailing’s rough,” she said, lightly shaking her head when she pulled back enough to see her face, and she cast a quick look at Ben.

Rey felt herself tearing up and wiped at her eyes, her other hand still on Rose’s shoulder as Ben took the second ring. Not wanting to cry, she took in a deep breath, head bowed for a moment as she tried to gather herself.

“Thank you, Rose,” he said, his voice a little hoarse. He was holding it as if it were made of the finest porcelain, infinitely fragile, treasured, and if anything, he looked surprised, like he couldn’t quite believe it.

“As I said, you deserve it. Both of you. You can put it on now, if you’d like, then just switch hands at the wedding or something. And to be honest, I’d really like to see if they fit, you know,” she sniffled, drying her eyes with her sleeve.

Rey blinked, a tear spilling over and rolling down her cheek, and their eyes met. Swallowing, she gave a smile, not really able to get around the lump in her throat as she stretched out her hand. He took it, along with the ring, and, gingerly, he slid the golden band onto her finger. They all stared at it, caught in the moment, mesmerised by the glimmer. She almost forgot it was her turn, but then took his hand and raised it until he opened it, revealing the second ring. When she glanced up at him, he seemed to be holding his breath, and, feeling a little shaky, she slid it onto his ring finger.

He started when their eyes met again, blinked, and a tear dripped from his eye, then another. He quickly drew his hand back, as if he’d been stung, and turned away as he wiped his face, leaving her raised hand hanging in the air between them.

He never cried. Certainly not in front of others.

Rose averted her eyes, shuffling as she folded her hands behind her back.

She reached out for him, wanting to comfort him, but before she could really do a lot, he faced her friend again, though his composure was still shaken.

“Thank you,” he said with such earnestness that made his voice thick.

Rose gave him a smile through her own tears, and then reached up for him, pulling him into a hug. “I’m just happy you like it, Ben,” she said.

Rey covered her smile with her hand, other arm wrapped around herself as she watched him raise his arms a bit jerkily to reciprocate the hug, as if he hadn’t expected this at all - she couldn’t really say that she had, either. His eyes closed for a moment or two until he pulled back, and Rose chuckled shakily.

“Well, I should get going again. Get some rest, all that,” she said, tucking stray hairs behind her ear as she gave both of them a look.

“Yes, of course,” Rey said, instinctively taking the hand that brushed against her own. “Sleep well, Rose,” she said, giving one last smile before the other woman turned to leave, waving over her shoulder before she rounded the corner and disappeared out of sight.

She turned to look at him, feeling a little worried, but he just shook his head.

“It’s… Touching. Didn’t think it…” he trailed off, eyes fixed on infinity.

Stroking her thumb over his hand, she leaned against him and gave a hum of agreement, patiently waiting as they stood there until he was ready. Her gaze dropped to the ring on her finger, the band pure and smooth except for a line that went all the way round the middle of it.

“You know, we should go back. Try to get some sleep,” she suggested softly.

He nodded, clearing his throat, and they walked down the hallways together, not needing to say a word. She understood.


	35. To protect the important

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the Resistance about to reach Moraband, Ben and Rey take the time to spend time with those close to their hearts before the attack is initiated - but things don't go quite the way they're supposed to.

“Alright guys! Everyone knows their stations now, so be prepared and ready to board your ships when the time comes. It won’t be long until we jump out of hyperspeed. Make sure to see your loved ones, too, alright?” Poe dismissed the meeting, making sure to look over every single one of his pilots as they began to file out of the room, giving a nod of reassurance to those who needed it. He hadn’t exactly tried to hide the fact that things didn’t look too bright during his briefing - but then, after all, it was very on-brand for him to let those who were going to fight alongside him know what they were up against. He didn’t want volunteers who didn’t know what they were getting themselves into. That, he couldn’t bid them.

Rey rose to her feet, smoothing the fabric of her trousers down over her thighs as she exhaled, licking her lips before she shuffled out between the rows of seats, gaze fixed on the feet of the captain who was ahead of her. She met Poe’s gaze, and Finn’s, as she walked past, and swallowed thickly once they got out into the corridor. Trying not to let her nerves run off with her, she slowed, Ben catching up to walk by her side, and she looked up at him as they walked. He was looking straight ahead, expression neutral, observing those who went past, but he met her eyes, and she found comfort in their depths.

She hated how she felt a bit too much like a scared little girl at the prospect of what lay ahead. Head bowed, she recalled the vision Ben had shared with her once they’d gone back to their compartment after hearing of the news from Sembla. How awful those eyes had looked. How they’d seemed so _hungry_ for something, for _her_. How she’d woken with such a dreadful feeling permeating her whole body to her very core that had made her feel so strong an urge to run. Fleeing just wasn’t an option now, though. It never really had, had it? Not on Pasaana, nor on Exegol. She had to face this, so everyone else didn’t have to, because she and Ben were the only ones who could, so they could be done and just live in peace. But this time, she wasn’t alone.

Sliding her hand into his, she let out a breath to steady herself, straightening her back. Being scared wouldn’t solve any problems.

Once they got inside, he saw the messenger blinking. He felt the heavy mood on Rey’s side of the bond lift a little, and couldn’t help but smile, too. She picked it up as he took a seat on the bed, and he wrapped an arm around her waist when she came to sit beside him.

“Look, look!” the hologram of Daisy said, the girl practically bouncing up and down with excitement, her thick coils bouncing along with her. “Zanfro look! Mom made her sabre float again! And Dad’s!”

Ben’s heart skipped a beat, breath catching in his throat. Next to him, Rey gasped, then clenched his hand. Tightly.

Dad. Mom and dad.

A sort of confused chuckle pushed past his lips, and his Rey of sunshine was, albeit looking bewildered, beaming at him when he turned to see her, almost missing the message as it continued.

The medic appeared behind her as she looked over her shoulder at him, flickering into view at the edge of the messenger’s recording range. “Oh, I’m afraid I missed it, but haven’t you seen that before?”

Daisy sighed dramatically. “Yes, but it’s still cool…”

Zanfro smiled, said, “It’s very cool, you’re right,” and gave her head a pat before he looked into the lens. “I heard it’s the last travelling day for you two. Good luck,” he said with sincerity, the joyous amusement just previously in his eyes for a moment replaced with earnestness before he gave a final nod and stepped out of range again.

Daisy waited with moving until the sound of a door slipping shut came from the messenger, and then she reached for something on her desk.

“I can’t make stuff float or anything, but I made this grow,” she said, looking up through her lashes as she gingerly held up an old metal cup, dented and dull, but in it was a broad-leafed plant, unfamiliar to him. “One of the girls had a seed from her planet, she said it got blown up and she couldn’t remember what they looked like, so she asked me,” Daisy said, gently stroking the full-blooming petals of the flowers. “And, she said it was a flower for good luck, and Zanfro has looked worried lately, so maybe it could help you,” she said, biting her bottom lip for a moment before she set the cup down again.

“Zanfro taught me to write my own name,” she said, picking up an outdated display with her name spelled out in clunky letters of varying sizes beneath Zanfro’s neat handwriting of the same word, and she barely seemed able to contain her pride. “I’m gonna learn how to write your names for when you get back, too!” she promised.

Quiet for a bit, her brows furrowed, her bottom lip curling and trembling as she sniffled.

Ben would’ve done anything to be able to give her a hug.

“I want you to come back, I miss you,” Daisy cried, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. “Hurry back.”

Pressing his lips together, the hologram died out, and Rey stroked his back, leaning her head against his shoulder.

“We should send her a new message for when she comes back from school,” he said, and she nodded, raising up the messenger and letting it float in the air as both of them regained their composure. They could address it later.

“Hi, Daisy. We’re really sorry we can’t be there to see the flower right now, but you have to take good care of it so we can when we get back home,” he said.

“And it was really nice of you to help out that girl. I think you should show her it. And I know how good you are, you could get more seeds and make more for her, I’m sure she’d be happy about that,” Rey chimed in, a small smile on her face. “Then you could give her a little bit of home.”

“You know, you’re lucky you have Zanfro to teach you the letters, you’re a pretty smart girl if you’ve gotten the hang of it already. I’m sure you’ll be able to write our names in no time,” he said, “And I’m sure we’ll have plenty of good luck when you’ve grown that flower for us. That was kind of you.”

“But we have to go now. Mom and dad miss you a lot, though.”

“Very much,” he agreed, giving a slight smile. “We’ll see you soon, alright? Be good.”

Rey let the messenger drop into her hand to shut it off, a sigh slipping past her lips. “I don’t like that we left her there,” she said, not mentioning the elephant in the room.

“We considered it,” he reminded her, “and found it was too dangerous.”

“I know you’re right,” she shrugged, “But still.”

“I know what you mean,” Ben said, wrapping an arm around her shoulder, the silence stretching out between them.

“Do you-“

“Yes.”

“Okay. I was thinking the same thing,” she said, and he could hear the smile in her voice.

“It can’t be any other way when she’s just called us mom and dad,” he said, trying not to choke on the words.

“We did consider it before, though. Earlier.”

“Yes.”

“Lots of things to take care of when we get back, huh?”

He laughed, shaking his head as he ran a hand through his hair. “That’s one way to put it. And now, we should get going. We can’t leave our daughter hanging for any longer than necessary.”

“Maz! I’ve been looking for you all over, where’ve you been hiding?” she asked as she caught sight of the woman, practically running up to her.

The smuggler turned, looking up at her as she halted in front of her. “There’s many people to talk to when you’re as old as I, Rey. A good time to speak with them has been during this endless travelling, catch up with old debts, both owed and owing,” she answered.

Rey raised one brow, eyeing her sceptically. “Well, you’re as cryptic as ever, aren’t you?”

Maz gave her an innocently challenging look, her hands on her hips.

“I suppose there are things I’ll never learn.”

“Oh, there are. But did you really come all this way to ask me of my comings and goings?” Maz questioned.

“Well, no. I wanted to see you before we take off,” she said, shuffling her feet. Chewie, Lando, Jannah, Poe and Finn had been easy to find and wish them all good luck, but Maz had been evasive as ever, and Rey more than suspected it might not just only be due to centuries of smuggler experience that made it so easy for her to disappear when she wanted to. The Force was strong in her, too. She’d come to like the little smuggler a lot, and though she tried not to think that way, it’d be nice to have said a proper farewell to those who’d helped her get this far. She was one of them.

“And that is a good choice,” she answered warmly, small eyes wrinkling as she smiled, inviting her in for a hug. “You take care now. We’ll all be right there beside you. You’re not alone, remember that. You’re not alone anymore.”

Rey was glad the other woman couldn’t see her face, scrunched up as it was from all the emotions whirling in her, as they hugged. Maz was no Leia, but she was just as damn good. “The belonging I sought really was ahead, wasn’t it?” she sniffled, quickly wiping her eyes after pulling away from the embrace.

Maz nodded, giving her arm a squeeze, gaze searching her face, something intangible behind the warmth in her expression. “It is.”

“Red Ten warm and running.”

“Gold Leader here, every ship ready.”

“Red Leader here, last ship leaving the hangar,” Poe’s voice scratched in the headset.

Ben gripped the handle, looking out at the Y- and X-wings on either side of him as he - yet again - sat in the cramped cockpit of the Headhunter. Lately, he’d taken a reluctant liking to the old fighter. It wasn’t perfect, it definitely wasn’t comfortable, but it had a certain charm to it - perhaps in the somewhat same way as the Millennium Falcon had a way of making you like it even if it was probably better off in a scrapyard, if you thought rationally about it.

In Luke’s old X-wing next to him, an old astromech droid’s light flipping on and off, he saw Rey, and swallowed as he watched her working the controls, heart heavy with guilt.

He could only hope he didn’t need to execute his plan. He didn’t want to, but he didn’t have a choice.

“Green Squadron, Blue Squadron, you’re up. Be quick, and come back to us, alright? We have your back. Godspeed.” Poe’s voice cut him out of his daze, and he fixed his gaze on the planet ahead, flexing his grip on the handle as he once again shifted in his seat, nowhere near comfortable.

“Blue Leader here,” Lando called, “Ready and beginning our descend.”

“Green Leader here, following Blue Leader.”

Ben pursed his lips as he saw the starfighters take off, feeling exposed now that there were no more solar systems between them and Moraband.

The frame of the ship rocked around him as a wave boomed out from the desert planet, swallowing up the ships that had gone ahead for recon in darkness for a moment before they came into sight again, unmoving, their motors dead and unlit.

“What’s happening?” Rey’s voice called in his headset, and he looked around, saw the gloom in the cockpits surrounding him, brows furrowing in confusion, but when he looked down at his own dashboard, it was alive and functioning.

“I don’t know,” he said, tapping into the other radio frequencies. “This is Red Nine, anyone out there?”

He waited, but only white noise came as an answer.

“Red Ten here, respond if you can hear me,” Rey’s voice interrupted the silence, but it just continued once her voice had died out.

“They did say Sentna could somehow kill off all signals. Create radio silence and cut off contact and power,” Ben said, heart sinking in his chest.

“Then why is my ship still working?”

“I don’t know, but mine is, too.”

They looked at each other through the glass of their cockpits. His chest rose and fell as he tried to decide, jaw clenching while he looked around at the Red and Gold Squadron around him, all of their ships put out of the running.

“Ben-“ she said, but was cut off by a loud, static hissing that made his ears hurt.

The whispers from the Force visions of Sentna returned in his headset, dread chilling him to the bone as a cool voice said, “We only need _you_. Now come, before our patience with your friends run out.”

Licking his lips, he sent her a long look, hoping it could somehow convey just how much he regretted this. “I’m sorry, Rey. I can’t let you do this. I can’t lose you again,” he said thickly, picking up the remote.

A thousand things he wanted, needed, to say to her flashed through his mind, but he couldn’t get them out.

“What are you talking about? Ben? What’s-“

He clicked and pulled off the helmet, the remote clattering to the bottom of the cockpit as he pulled the handle back, the starship accelerating, leaving her behind as he got closer and closer to Moraband. He fought not to look back.

Her dashboard lost all light. None of the controls responded to her pushing and pulling. Rey kept calling through the radio over and over again, using the different frequencies, tried them twice, thrice, but there came no response on any of the lines, and she could only watch as the Headhunter flew past and away.

Frantic and furious both, she yanked along the bond.

“Ben? What the _fuck_ did you do?” she demanded, and, giving a grunt of effort, pulled herself closer, closer, until she could see his face. He didn’t say anything, didn’t even _look_ at her as she stared at him, breathing getting quicker and quicker. “Why are you leaving? We’re doing this together, you can’t go in there alone!” she pleaded, saw him blink, jaw clenching.

“You’re too important. I’m sorry, Rey,” he apologised so softly, his eyes filled with guilt, but, beneath it all, bitter determination laid like unbreakable bedrock. “I can do this on my own.”

“You’ve spent all this time saying how they’re only getting stronger! You wouldn’t be so scared if they weren’t dangerous! This is a suicide mission if you go on your own!” she yelled, and finally, he looked her in the eyes.

“I’m not going to let you get yourself killed. Not again. Not if I can help it, I can’t bear it. Goodbye, Rey. I love you.”

She stared at him in disbelief, but then, like a door closed to a room filled with warmth, he shut himself off, leaving her in dark cold on her own with no explanation.

Hissing a string of curses under her breath, she flicked the main power switch on and off a few times with fruitless results, then, while wiping angrily at her eyes that cried those _stupid_ tears, Rey tore off her safety belt. What the _hell_ was he thinking, pulling a stunt like this? A complete and utter careless _idiot_ , that’s what he was. If he didn’t think it could work, then why hadn’t he talked to her about it? She would’ve listened.

Now not even trying to keep the sobs as bay, she tore off the panel at the bottom of the cockpit, eyes searching for anomalies in the wires and contraptions through the tears that blurred her vision, but, finding none, she replaced the panel and removed the next, not caring about or feeling how the sharp metal tore her skin bloody.

They were supposed to do this together. Didn’t he understand that she couldn’t let him do the same, either? She hadn’t been alive in those months after Exegol. She would rather have died. If she hadn’t had hope, she might as well have done that. Now, he’d left on his own. Had left her, had sabotaged her own damn ship to prevent her from helping him.

Sudden realisation hit her, the moment of clarity making the betrayal all the more intense. Those nights when she’d woken up to find his side of the bed empty… Had he exploited her trust to place some timed contraption in her ship while she slept?

It took too long to fix together the broken wires that’d been cut apart by some sort of intricate device, only a few pieces of metal and burnt wire the remnants left behind of the mechanical saboteur. Rey worked with shaking fingers, sealed up the last connection, slammed the panel down again, and didn’t take the time to note much more than the fact that her ship was up and running once more. The displays blinked alight, the engine whirred alive, and she punched it, sweat making her hair cling to her forehead as she sped for Moraband, sped for Ben.

Thank the stars for her year-long training, or her hands wouldn’t have been able to take over and just do their job without her having to think, mind far too full with frantic, desperate thoughts as she kept on trying to reach him through the bond. Every time she stretched herself out for him, Rey begged that she wouldn’t just see darkness at the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben needs to learn that he can fucking trust other people god damn it why is he LIKE this??????


	36. By your side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben goes to face the Champions of Sentna on his own. Rey catches up to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry
> 
> TW: blood

The atmosphere was just as oppressing as it’d been the first time he’d come to the planet. Ben squinted against the too bright sun as he opened the cockpit, surveying the mammoth walls of the Sith temple, the statues of Dark Lords long gone towering over him in the valley with a finality that made him clench his hands into fists.

He couldn’t back down now.

Fighting to ignore Rey’s insistent hammering and yanking along the bond, he climbed out of the Headhunter, breaking the fall when he jumped down by rolling on the reddish sand, quickly standing up once again, not able to shake the feeling that he was being watched which had overwhelmed him every since he’d gotten close enough to the surface to make out the structures on the surface. When he surveyed the temple and crest of the cliffs flanking the valley, no life could be seen, though, and he squared his shoulders, again focusing on the temple. His whole body felt heavy, and it didn’t move right, not entirely. It felt like it responded slower to him, every movement just a dash delayed, and he swallowed as he felt a drop of sweat trickling down his temple, breathing laboured as he reached the entrance.

Ben paused, raising his head, gaze gliding up over the columns that stretched above him. Between them a dense darkness was waiting like a predator filled with patience for their prey which they knew would come - sooner or later. He closed his eyes, abasing his head for a moment to send two words down along the line.

“Forgive me.”

He caught a glimpse of her face. He hadn’t wanted to see it. Not when he’d already said goodbye.

“Ben!”

Her voice echoed in his head, her face of fierce determination briefly broken by her anger and desperation when she called out for him.

She’d already bypassed his delayer, huh? Well, she was a damn good mechanic. He should’ve thought of that, but he couldn’t plan too much, or she would’ve known. He didn’t have much time left.

Shoulders dropping, he exhaled, grabbing his sabre. Then, he entered the gloom.

Not even the faint sound of the wind blowing reached inside here. The thrum of his lit sabre seemed too loud in the cavernous front chamber, a pathway stretching out before him between the numerous pillars. For every four of them, there was a statue on either side, monumental in size. On the pedestal they stood on, Sith letters were engraved into the polished red sandstone. Ben read the names of Darth Bane, Darth Zannah, Darth Cognus, Darth Plagueis, among countless others. He saw their tombs, their sarcophagi only dimly lit by the blue-white glow of his blade that continued to hum in his hand, the sound bringing a drop of comfort to him. At one point, he didn’t bother with the names any longer; they weren’t important now. This was no longer a matter of Sith and Jedi, it was between light and dark. And by the stars, by the Force, did he hope that the light would win.

He came to the end of the hallway, now in the heart of the temple, and halted in front of the staircase that led into an even denser red twilight. Every cell in his body, every instinct, was telling him to go the other way, to turn, run, _flee_ , while he still could. Ben tightened the grip on his sabre and took the first step downwards. He knew what he had to do. He had to protect her.

Descending into the execution chamber, the intensity of the darkness grew. His eyes didn’t seem able to adjust to it, and it was only with difficulty that he could make out the interior of the room.

Large pillars, no longer straight and uniform, reached up from the floor, curving upwards and inwards like claws, teeth. Like you were standing in the ribcage of an ancient beast, its bones long since turned to stone. They increased in size the further down the chamber one got, but in the middle, two poles, standing out in their regularity, their sense of being man-made, stood out - and beside them, on each side, was a cloaked figure, the hood hiding their faces. In their hands were identical sabres, the blades so dense it was as if they’d been carved out of abyss itself.

Ben halted, a drop of sweat dripping from his chin. Judging by their size, they were human, or at least humanoid. He raised his sabre, entering a defensive stance. So this was how it was going to be, two against one?

“Oh. You didn’t bring the girl?” one of them said, “I thought that was the point of you two. Two that are one. The prophesised dyad in the Force.” He sneered out the last sentence with a disgust that reminded him of Hux. Then, they raised their hands, lowered their hoods, exposing their faces - and their eyes. Those terrible eyes.

Their penetrating glare nailed him to the floor, filling him with a wild, primal fear. It made him take a step back before he reined in his feelings, again standing his ground, speaking through clenched teeth as he said, “Afraid I’m all you’re getting.”

The other one tilted her head upwards, a slow smile spreading across her oddly ordinary features before she fixed her attention on him once more. “No. She’s coming, oh, she is coming. And she is _burning_. But we can handle her, once we’re done with you, Skywalker.” Her voice was too soft, too gentle.

Icy horror spreading in his heart, he could only plead to whoever, whatever might be listening that he could destroy them before they got to Rey.

“The last Skywalker. The last descendant of the Chosen One. Our Master will find you to be a valuable addition, and along with the girl? No one will be able to stop us then,” he purred, raising his blade. Where it’d once been, there, for a moment, seemed to be a lack of space.

Ben widened his stance, eyes flickering between the two Champions as he tried to assess who’d make the first move.

They both did.

Jumping at him, he only had a split second to run ahead to avoid their blades. They were fast. Whirling to meet them, he swept aside the blade of the male and thrust forwards at her, but she merely swayed to the side and turned on her heel. She swung from the side and he doubled back, the other sabre slashing into the ground with a dull thud as he withdrew his own. Both of them twirled their blades, they crouched down for a moment before they came at him. He dodged, skidding in the sand as he swung his blade for the man, but he parried. Meanwhile, the woman had stepped up behind him and brought her sabre down, leaving him with no choice but to dive, narrowly missing the blade.

Giving a grunt, Ben got to his feet and jumped over them, glancing over his shoulder. He knew he was doomed if they got him backed into a corner. He blew out a sharp breath before he bounded for them, knowing he bared himself as he raised his sabre to attack, feinting right before he slashed at the woman’s side.

She hissed as her skin sizzled. He didn’t have time to draw back before something cut into his back. The pain was unbelievable. Otherwordly. Ben screamed as he stumbled backwards, barely holding on to his sabre, panting through his teeth. Maddened with fear and agony both, his back burning, pulsing, he pointed his sabre at the Champions as he backed away further. He fought to regain his composure, blinking the sweat out of his eyes, somehow managed to shove the pain back in his mind.

Later. He’d deal with it later.

They grinned at him as they strode closer, spreading out to flank him. He aimed his blade first at her, then him and back again, mouth dry as he felt the blood soaking through his shirt, but something other than blood was slowly leaking out, too. He felt weaker than he ought to.

“We - and our Master - thought you’d put up more of a fight. This is a bit pathetic, isn’t it?” she asked, turning to her fellow.

“Yes… Maybe we _should_ wait for the girl. It could make things more interesting,” he replied, tilting his head to the side, the tip of his black blade hovering just above the ground.

Ben tore his eyes away from it, ramming forwards in a wild attack, sabre merely a blur of light as he whirled and slashed, parrying off the reciprocated blows, and yet, they kept making him back away further and further despite how he gave it everything he had.

Teeth bared, he jumped over them again, almost scratching against the wall he’d gotten far too close to. A groan of pain came from him as he landed, but he raised his sabre nonetheless to meet the merciless blows that kept raining down on him. They got harder and harder to dodge the longer the battle went on.

He kicked the man over, buying him enough time to raise his sabre against her powerful, two-handed slash. Grunting with the effort of keeping the black blade at bay, he pushed as he took one, then two steps backwards. His eyes shot to the other Champion who’d gotten to his feet by now. He saw him raise his sword, and he reached out with his hand, willing the Force forwards, wielding it to grab the blade, hold it in place.

His brows twitched into a furrow when the grip didn’t come. His eyes widened in the bright glow of his own sabre that was being pushed closer and closer to his face, they tracking the movement of the dark sabre that cut through his hold and deep into his leg. It gave out beneath him. He crumpled on the sand. Groaning in agony, he squeezed his eyes shut against the pain, muscles tensing uncontrollably as he grasped at the sand beneath him. It stuck to his hands and face, his body hitting the ground even though he was screaming at it to _get up_.

Ben breathed sharply, quickly, scrambling to get away. He looked up just in time to see the woman raise her sabre in both hands. It wasn’t possible to avoid it when she drove it through his shoulder. There wasn’t more than a second or two for him to cry out his pain in before it - and something else - overwhelmed him, guided him into the treacherously silky gloom of unconsciousness. He only got to see Rey’s face for less than a moment as their bond flickered with the strain.

It’d been far too long since she’d lost him out of sight already. Luckily, even if he shut her out of his thoughts, his surroundings, she could still feel where he was. Pushing the X-Wing to its utmost, she muttered, “Come on, come on, _come on_!” to herself as she shoved at the speeder even though it was already in the furthermost position. Glancing at her dashboard and the numerous red lights flashing, she ignored them and the very insistent beeping of the astromech telling her to slow down and warning her of the overheated engine. She knew it could take it, at least until she landed. What happened afterwards? Unimportant. She just had to get to Ben.

The landing was unrefined and rough, the metal frame protesting against the harsh treatment. Rey completely disregarded it, just hurried to unfasten her safety belt and yanked open the cockpit. She saw the Headhunter in passing as she sprinted ahead, not taking the time to study the temple in fornt of her.

At the awful sensation slashing over her back, she stumbled, a cry of pain inevitably slipping past her lips. Leaning against one of the pillars, she, panicked, felt along the bond. This was worse than the time she’d felt him get shot in the leg, worse, _and_ different. Panting, she raised her head, gaze fixed on the descending staircase. Ben was down there. He was down there, and he was hurt.

Gritting her bared teeth, she dashed forwards, her bright yellow sabre humming with every pounding step - at least until another sharp pang in her leg, it more painful than before, almost made her fall to her knees. She grunted, feeling her skin, but there was no gash. She knew all too well who carried it, though. Her heart clenched, the lump in her stomach cold and heavy as lead, made it harder to breathe than it already was.

As she made it to the staircase, an intense, maddening pain pierced through her shoulder. She screamed as she buckled to her knees, clutching herself to ease it away, but it just seemed to get worse - and beneath it, beneath the burning sharpness, Rey sensed something much more horrifying than the agony that wracked her body; the bond, the bright, strong glimmer of their tethering to one another, was infested with black. It spread slowly from Ben’s side, darkness weaving in between the light. Panting and eyes wide, she forced herself to her feet.

This couldn’t be happening.

Rey saw her enemies, Ben’s limp body between them, leaving behind a trail of blood in the ruddy sand as they dragged him to the two poles.

This couldn’t be happening.

She yelled as she charged towards them, roared out her anger, her pain, her desperate plea and unforgiving ferocity. Every fibre of her being burned with a cold, all-consuming flame as she met them head-on, hammering her yellow blade against theirs again and again and again.

Her feet, her body dodged her into safety without her having to think, the Force flowing all the more strongly through her now than ever. She crouched down to avoid the slash and thrust out her blade for the man, hit him in the shoulder when he wasn’t quick enough to avoid it. Rey didn’t allow herself to enjoy the moment when he stumbled backwards; the woman struck at her again, her dead eyes narrowed with hate, and she only missed the blow with mere millimetres before she danced backwards, eyes inevitably sliding towards the unconscious Ben. Then, the man was back and fighting, and her attention was pulled back to the battle.

“Ben.” A familiar voice called.

“It is not yet your time to go.”

“The Force is leaving you. So will she, if you don’t get up.”

He blinked. Found himself staring up into a starry sky. When he turned his heavy head, he saw countless, glowing figures standing all around him. At the head of them was Leia.

“Mom?” he croaked, not understanding. Who were all those people? Where was he?

She nodded, her smile only small. Next to her was Luke. Ben stiffened when he saw him, but his gaze flickered to the next figure: his grandfather. Anakin looked like himself, before he gave himself to the Dark Side, his boyish grin fading as he said, “Ben. This will be your last fight. The most important one yet.”

“She’s on her own again,” Luke said. He couldn’t figure out if he still hated the man who’d been his uncle.

He turned his head, only dimly saw something bright moving behind a sort of wall that seemed to blur everything beyond recognition. They were merely moving shadows, weren’t they?

“Dark or Light, this enemy is not. Raw evil, it is,” the ancient-looking little alien said as he supported himself on his cane.

He became even more confused, and again turned to his mother.

“Why am I here?” he demanded.

“You’re here because it’s not yet your time to go, my son,” Leia said, reaching out for him, cupping his face with the soft, yet iron-hard look in her eyes, “There’s one last battle that needs to be fought. And only you two can fight it.”

“On your own, neither of you can do it,” Anakin urged, taking a step forward.

“You’re a dyad in the Force. Two that are one. Without the other, the one is not whole,” Luke said, searching his face.

“By yourself you fought. By yourself, weaker you are,” Yoda said with a grave nod.

“This enemy cannot be defeated if they gain your power. Your suspicions were right, they were sacrificing Jedi for their master all along. Sentna is too strong already. His power, after draining yours?” He shook his head. “Undefeatable. So get up,” Anakin said.

“Fight with her,” Luke said.

“Rise, you must. A heavy duty still on your shoulders rests,” Yoda agreed.

“Rise, Ben.” Leia lowered her hand and leaned in, gave his forehead a kiss. “You two are the Galaxy’s only hope. If anything, fight for _her_.”

This time, when he turned his head, he _saw_ Rey, and she was no longer a blur behind a veil. He saw her fight her losing battle against the two champions, numerous cuts already on her arms, her back, a deep gash in her side and staining her shirt a too dark red. She grunted as she shoved the man backwards, and yet, as she lowered her arms, the woman slashed upwards.

Ben grunted, head too light and vision tunnelling as he got up on his hands and knees.

Rey.

He crawled, movements slow, weak, crawled towards her kneeling figure. She was swinging her sabre in a wild, thoughtless defence. He felt her pain, every bit of it, but somehow got to his feet.

“Rey,” he rasped as he ignited his sabre one last time.

Their eyes met.

She didn’t get the chance to dodge away as the blade cut up over her cheek and eye, through her brow, leaving a bleeding gash behind.

She couldn’t see. She couldn't see, not out of the one eye. Doubled over in pain, she clutched the side of her face, stumbling as she barely parried the next blow from the Champion. Despite it all, relief had washed over her at the sight of Ben coming towards her. He was alive. Baring her teeth, she twirled her sabre, watched him through the corner of her eye as they each fought against a Champion. Rey delivered blow after blow, grunting with each stroke, but even she could tell that her strength was leaving her. Her arm felt heavier and heavier with each parry, and by now, she was only backing away from the relentless attacks that kept raining down on her - and so was Ben. As she looked over her shoulder, she saw the man she loved, his face ashen, the golden band on his finger glimmering through the grit and sand that got kicked up in the air by the whirl of their swirling feet, backing away, his jaw clenched in concentration. She couldn’t lose him. Dealing one last blow, Rey bought herself enough time to run to him. Though unable to forget her own pain, her hands flitted over his chest, his back, but he just shook his head.

“No time,” he hissed.

She looked into his eyes, saw the endless despair, the bitterness, the anger - and beneath it, the determination. Turning back towards their enemies, she let out a shaky breath as she understood. So this was it.

The Champions came closer, slowly, a fair share of wounds on them, too - and yet it was they who were fighting to stay conscious.

Her breathing dangerously shallow, she dropped the hand she’d held over her blinded eye and reached behind her, took Ben’s outstretched hand, intertwined their fingers.

“Together this time?” she asked, feeling nauseous and too weak already. She wasn’t sure she could do what was being asked of her.

“Together,” he said.

The Champions looked at each other, halting their steady strides towards them.

Rey reached deep inside herself, deep along the bond that was now free of darkness, and found Ben there, pulling on the same well of raw power as she was. The power of their dyad, of their bond. Exhaling slowly, she forgot her pain as her eye slipped shut, forgot her own mortality and focused only on Ben right behind her and on all the light between them. All the light still shining amidst all the dark. A beacon.

“Ready?” he asked along the bond, and she knew it’d be the last time she’d hear it that way.

“Ready,” she replied.

Their eyes opened. Their hands lifted, the strain on their bond mounting and mounting as they pushed against the dark with all they had, and a boom emitted from them. The force of it knocked the Champions over, sent them flying into the walls, and the ceiling above them shook along with the pillars, dust falling.

The yell building in her throat, she pressed along with him, the pressure immense. Rey felt her strength leaving her, draining, as she forced the darkness down with him with one last shove.

It was done.

It was over.

She tried to feel along the bond. She couldn’t. But he was still there.

Still hand in hand, Rey and Ben fell to their knees. She dragged herself closer, mustered her last bit of power to raise her arm and wrap it around him, and together, entangled, they fell side by side, a dark pool of blood-soaked sand growing beneath them. She got one last look at his face, one last look into his dark eyes, before her own slipped shut. The infinite love she saw there would’ve been enough. It would’ve been enough, if she hadn’t felt the same regret she saw in his gaze. Regret that they hadn’t had more time.

“I don’t want to die,” was the last thought in her mind before the comforting darkness enveloped her, lured her in with a sweet lullaby. And she gave in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I'll stay true to the tags please trust me on this


	37. Recuperation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Ben and Rey's battle on Moraband and consequent defeat of Sentna, it's up to General Poe to deal with the immediate consequences.

“ _Fucking_ hell,” Poe cursed over and over, slamming the dashboard of his fighter. It did no more than it had the last dozen times. Leaning back with a sigh of frustration, he closed his eyes for a moment. Of _course_ those two had gone off together, off to save the world on their own again. And of course, he couldn’t help this time either. He knew Finn was watching him as he was in the ship right next to him, but he couldn’t be bothered with pride or even decency as he slapped the dashboard again with a frustrated grunt.

He blinked, surprised to see it flashing back to life. “Red Leader here, does anyone copy?” he called, unable to believe it when he received numerous responses from his Squadron - and he didn’t have more than a second or two to be relieved in before a horrible, sinking feeling made his gut drop.

“Poe, there’s something-“

“Very wrong. I know,” he interrupted Finn, turning his head to look at him. Their eyes met for a moment. Then, the former Stormtrooper pushed forwards. Poe punched it as he called into the radio, overpowering the cacophony of scratching voices asking questions or trying to answer them.

“All squadrons, head for Moraband. This is a direct order from Red Leader. We don’t know what we’re going to be facing down there, but it seems like Ben and Rey already did. Keep your cannons warm, though. If we aren’t attacked in the air, drop down and get into the temple. Leaders, command your own squadrons. Medics, you’re on the front line too. I have a feeling we’re gonna need you,” he called with a heavy heart as he sped for the surface of the desert planet.

“Copy that, Red Leader, Blue Squadron descending,” Lando called, his voice forced calm and without as much as a hint of the usual joviality he always dug out in even the direst situations.

“Green Squadron descending, over.”

“Gold Squadron flanking the medics, General.”

“May the Force be with us,” Poe muttered. He tightened his grip on the stick, pressed into his seat as he forced his ship into a too-abrupt landing, barely taking the time to allow the cockpit to open before he climbed out. As he ran, he heard other ships coming behind him and saw Finn as he ran between Luke’s X-Wing and the Headhunter. He followed with reckless abandon, pulling his blaster from the holster on his thigh and readying it. Catching up to Finn as they came to the entrance and he ignited his sabre, neither of them said a word as they kept sprinting, legs beating like drumsticks against the sand that got kicked up behind them. They practically flew down the staircase, taking the steps four or five at the time.

Poe skidded to a halt for just a second, eyes widening as he saw the four figures lying in the sand. He barely bothered to look at the two fallen Champions, just hurriedly kneeled down beside Ben while Finn came to Rey’s side. He took Solo’s pulse.

It was there. Weak and unsteady, but there. He looked up. Finn nodded, panting as he said, “They’ve lost a lot of blood.”

“I know,” he said through gritted teeth, the knees of his trousers damp with it. Tearing off his scarf, he wrapped it tightly around Solo’s thigh to stop the bleeding, then tore his shirt to assess the wound in his shoulder.

Footsteps pounded into hearing range, pilots and fighters beginning to descend the stairs, weapons raised.

“Get the damn medics in here, now!” Finn yelled, applying pressure to the wound on Rey’s side, the side of her neck slick and glistening with red.

More people arrived, and thank goodness they had a red cross over the emblem on the shoulder of their uniforms. Poe allowed himself to be brushed aside as the professionals took over, his bloodstained hands shaking as he looked at Finn, the same blatant fear he was feeling mirrored in his face.

He only gave himself a moment to gather himself, then he pulled away, and began ordering those who’d arrived to transport Ben and Rey to the main ship.

“And get a call out for Coruscant!” he yelled as he ran alongside the stretchers. He couldn’t do more than watch as the two bodies were carried onto the small medical capsule though - could only watch as the ramp was lifted up and shut and the capsule took off, speeding away into the sky. He and Finn looked up at it until it flickered into hyperspeed and disappeared out of sight.

“I’ve never seen a midichlorian count so low in a human before…”

“IV in place.”

“Blood transfusion beginning.”

“Anaesthesia started, Check the patient.”

“Rey, just lie still. You’re going to fall asleep soon,” a kind voice said.

Her throat incredibly dry and her tongue way too big in her mouth, she tried to speak, but only an unintelligible gurgle came from her and she blinked, but couldn’t see when she tried to open her eyes.

“Ben,” she slurred, almost slipping back into that dark night again with the effort of speaking, but she fought with every last inkling of strength left in her. She couldn’t feel him. She couldn’t feel the bond.

Terrified, she tried to get up, but the only part of her body that seemed able to obey her were her fingers, and they merely twitched.

“Rey, I need you to lie still, don’t move, everything’s going to be okay,” the voice, sterner this time, ordered her.

Her head was swimming, but she turned it, trying to figure out where he was, still struggling to get up.

“Ben,” she repeated, voice barely more than a whisper.

A too-warm hand patted her cheek. “He’s right here, we’re doing what we can for him, too. Now, Rey, lie still. Everything’s going to be okay. Just sleep. Just sleep.”

A high-pitched scream startled him awake.

“Daisy, no, no, you can’t go in there yet, your mom and dad still need to rest!” a muffled voice rang in his head.

There was nothing going on for quite a while, and he almost slid back into whatever state of drug-induced doze he’d been in up until now, but then his brain seemed to register the name. Daisy. Slowly, everything feeling infinitely heavy and aching, he pried his eyes open.

There was a deep emptiness where there’d once been bright light. No. No, no, no. Rey. Rey. Where was she?

The panic rising in him, he sat up with a violent burst of exertion, and the dizziness took his breath away. He doubled over in the bed, breathing in and out while forcing the bile down, fought to open his eyes again, and he turned his head.

His lips parted. He took in a shaky breath, endless relief washing over him when he caught sight of her.

“No, stay outside, okay?” the voice he’d heard earlier said, but he barely noticed it as he forced his body to move despite the agony it caused him, sharp pangs of pain shooting from his shoulder his leg, his back.

“Ben? Ben! Sit down, are you out of your mind?” the voice said, hands grabbing his arm, but he didn’t look at who it belonged it. His leg couldn’t carry his weight, and he would’ve fallen if it hadn’t been for the one who was holding him upright. He stretched out his hand, touched her cheek where the bandage stopped, and a shaky exhale left him.

She was warm. She was breathing.

“Ben, for Force’s sake, get back into bed,” Zanfro ordered with an unusual authority, helping him as he shuffled backwards. The dizziness came again as he collapsed on the bed. He clenched his jaw against the nausea, eyes slipping shut and brow furrowing as a gasp of pain made its way past his lips.

“She’s fine, Ben, you’re both fine,” the medic said with a sigh.

“Dad!” a voice shrieked.

“Daisy, I _told_ you you’re not supposed to- okay, if you keep quiet and don’t squeeze them-“

“I promise, I promise!” She paused. “I promise,” she then repeated in a much lower volume.

“It’s just Daisy, Ben. She wanted to be here when you woke up, I wanted to keep her out in case you needed the peace and quiet, but-“

“It’s fine,” he rasped, peeling his eyes open and squinting against the too-bright light. He felt the weight shift on the mattress, saw the outline of her wild, curly hair, and tried to give a smile.

“Dad? Can I hug you?” the girl asked, her dark brown eyes filled with worry.

Ben nodded. “Just be a little careful, alright?” he said, and she gently wrapped her arms around his neck, gingerly letting her head rest on his chest. It gave him the chance to look at Zanfro, who was standing at the end of his bed. “Is she-“ He swallowed around the lump in his throat.

He gave a warm smile, though sadness lingered in his muddy green eyes. “Rey’s going to be fine, Ben. She’s just taking a little longer to wake up is all.”

“Her… Her…” he gestured vaguely to his own face, glancing towards her and the bandage that obscured hers.

“Eye?” Zanfro pressed his lips together as he sighed. “Her sight wasn’t salvageable.”

The silence stretched out between them until the medic drew breath to speak again. “Ben, you need to know that we couldn’t patch everything up perfectly. We have no Force healers as strong as you, and our technology could only do so much. Your leg, your right leg, is not going to be the same. Your left shoulder, too. You won’t be able to move it as freely, but with training, you won’t go too stiff. It’s not as bad as it could’ve been,” he explained gently, watching him as he sunk back into the pillow, staring up into the ceiling.

“It doesn’t matter,” he said hoarsely, lightly shaking his head. Both of them had made it out alive. Sentna was gone. Still, he couldn’t help but feel guilt broiling in his stomach. He’d left her on her own to fight the Champions, and to protect him, she’d almost died. History had nearly repeated itself.

Daisy sat up again, lifted up the duvet with childlike straightforwardness, her brows furrowing at the sight of his thoroughly bandaged body. She turned her head to look at Zanfro, who crossed his arms and shook his head. “No. Not until you’ve gotten more control over it. We’ve talked about this,” he said in a masterful tone, and she pouted before she hopped down from his bed, the duvet dropping back down over him.

Slowly, she blinked awake, but soon closed her eyes again, the light glaring, hurting her eye. A small hand touched hers and, confused, Rey turned her head, peeling her uninjured eye open to see who it was. Her head was pounding awfully. So tired. All she really wanted to do was go back to sleep, but the touch was insistent in an odd sort of way she couldn’t quite explain, and her lips tugged upwards into a smile once she saw who the hand belonged to.

“Daisy,” she breathed, and the little girl beamed. She turned her head a little more, feeling clumsy, and she could’ve cried once she saw Ben. He looked at her from his own hospital bed, his expression so open and relieved, and Zanfro smiled.

“Ben,” she whispered, “You’re alive.”

He huffed air out of his nose. “So are you.”

She began to laugh, but the tears came soon after, and it turned into crying, out of relief, out of pain, and she let herself hide her face in Daisy’s hair as she hugged her, even if it hurt like hell as she pushed at the wound in her side.

“Are you sad? Why are you crying?” Daisy asked with genuine concern, and Rey gathered herself, taking in a few deep breaths as she gave a few clumsy, weak strokes down her back.

“No, no, I’m happy. So very happy,” she said, giving her hand a little squeeze. She didn’t seem to really believe her and looked doubtfully over her shoulder at Zanfro, who just gave a sober nod.

Sniffling, she wiped at her eyes, the exhaustion overwhelming her once again. Lying back, she looked up at the ceiling, an arm wrapped around her daughter who lay curled up against her, and she reached up for her face, searchingly feeling the bandage. She swallowed when she tried to sit up, but couldn’t.

Zanfro caught her eyes, saw her incoming panic, and he walked over to pick up Daisy. “Come on, there’s a few things that your mom and dad and I need to discuss. Why don’t you go find those lucky flowers you’ve been growing, huh? We can put them in here, you can get Lando or Chewie to help carrying them,” the medic said as he set her down.

Sullen and with her head hanging, she trudged along out of the ward, and Zanfro closed the door behind her before pulling out a chair and setting it between the two beds. He seated himself with a heavy sigh.

“I already told Ben some of this, but in short: both of you are going to be fine, but with some permanent damage. Ben’s gonna have a limp and be a bit stiff, but that’s manageable. Rey, it’s hard to hear, but your left eye is blind and it’s going to stay that way. You’re lucky the cut didn’t go deeper, but still. You might have some light-dark-sensitivity with it, but that’s it. As for your other injuries, apart from the scarring, you’re going to be fine. Nothing permanent,” he explained.

A shaky breath came from her, her hand dropping down along her side even though she wanted to tear the bandage off.

“How long has it been?” Ben asked when the silence grew oppressing.

“Just shy of four weeks. So you won’t be up and running just yet, unfortunately,” Zanfro answered.

“I feel so… Weak. And not just because of that,” she managed to get out, glancing at Ben, again reminded of how she could no longer feel him, but she didn’t want to even consider that option.

“There might be an explanation for that…” Zanfro paused, looked at the two of them before he continued, “Your midichlorian count somehow dropped severely. I don’t know what it was before, but a drop like that should’ve been enough to kill you. The consequences though? I can’t say. All I know is that I felt something shaking me to my core even back on Ajan Kloss when you fought that Circle of Sentna. And I’m not even Force-sensitive, so it must’ve really been something.”

She tried again, to feel him, but where the bond of the dyad had once been anchored inside of her, there was nothing. She couldn’t sense him, couldn’t sense the way life moved all around her, could no longer feel the Force flowing through her.

“The dyad,” she breathed, “the bond.” Rey turned her head to him, saw his anguish, and the grief made it hard to breathe. So much had been lost already, so why that, too?

“I can’t feel it,” he rasped, turning to Zanfro for some sort of answer he could in no way provide.

“It’s possible that that is the price you had to pay. The sacrifice you made - to keep the rest of us safe,” Zanfro said, his voice wavering just a hint.

That couldn’t be it. That bond had been what’d carried her through those cold nights on Jakku where she might as well have felt completely and utterly alone in the world - where she’d still known that there was _something_. It had confused her when she’d first seen him, the man she’d seen in her odd dreams provided by the bond, had caused her too much pain when she could only watch Kylo Ren win over her Ben, had been her only solace when she’d stood alone in front of Palpatine, so terrified, feeling so horribly abandoned. It’d been what had saved her in those months after his death, even if there’d been only darkness at the end.

And now it was gone.

But he wasn’t. Not this time.

“It’s just a miracle you’re both alive,” Zanfro said, his glassy eyes glimmering with a relieved sort of happiness. “And… There’s another little miracle- well, little or little. Rey, you don’t have just Daisy. You’re expecting. It’s still a little early to say for certain, but we think it’s twins.”

“What?” she asked, trying to separate her feelings at least just a tiny bit. She wasn’t very successful, and the surprise mingled with the joy and fear and sadness until she felt like she could either laugh or cry or perhaps both again.

“Is it true?” Ben asked, breathless.

Zanfro nodded.

A bewildered sort of joy flittered over his face, a dumbfounded, awfully boyish grin lighting up the entire room as he turned to her, and, in spite of it all, she couldn’t help but beam back at him.

Twins.

Rey slid a hand over her stomach, not certain if anything felt much different already.

“I’ll go and get you two some privacy, and afterwards, some food, alright?” Zanfro said. Rey barely nodded, barely even heard what he was saying, the blood rushing in her ears.

A family. She could have a family. Her, Ben, Daisy, the twins. A family of her own.


	38. Atonement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben is confronted by Rey. They decide to share their futures.

After convincing Zanfro it would indeed speed on their recovery if they got their beds put up together and also eating every last bit of food he came with as well as promising to be careful, the medic let the porters push them together and slide down the railings. Daisy had gotten to cuddle between them for a while, needing the comfort as much as they did, but they’d decided to wait with letting her know of her coming younger siblings. It could wait, and there was indeed some time left before it’d be truly relevant yet. In the end, the girl had been guided out by Zanfro though.

It was too hard yet to see all those who wanted to, too hard when they were still so vulnerable like this. Ben still felt so infinitely tired as he wasn’t sure he’d felt before and yet, he couldn’t go to sleep. Not yet.

Careful not to tangle or tug at the tubes, he smoothed his hand over the side of her face, pulling his hand back when she flinched away from his touch. He wanted to tell her that he couldn’t care less about that scar or her blinded eye, about the disabilities they were both going to have. They didn’t matter, not when he could still hold her in his arms and know that she was alive and breathing. It’d been all he wanted when he’d healed her on Exegol - and now he was getting to see that happen, too.

Instead placing his hand on her waist, he looked at her even as she kept her gaze fixed on the collar of his shirt, waited, but there was too much to say, wasn’t there?

The mood had been subdued after Daisy had left as they were now able to let down the act, their mutual exhaustion with it all shining through.

“It doesn’t look that bad, Rey,” he tried, and she met his eyes, scrunching up her face for a moment before she looked away again.

“It’s not that,” she said, wiping over the bottom of her face with her hand. “Not just that.” She traced a finger down along the almost healed wound that cut through the left side of her face, from the top of her cheek and up to her hairline, the eye still kept shut.

“I know,” he said, again trying to get used to how it felt to no longer feel so connected to everything around him. It was as if he’d lost a limb, only this was worse, as it couldn’t be seen nor truly explained. Ben was aware of what it’d taken to cancel out that dark power Sentna had possessed. It only made sense that something equally powerful was able to. He could only wish it hadn’t been their connection with the Force that had been the price they’d had to pay for their victory.

“I don’t want to fight anymore,” she said, closing her eye and moving a bit closer.

“Me neither.” He pulled her as close as he could, gaze flitting over the wall. “Me neither. We don’t have to.”

“And you’re an _idiot_ , are you aware of that?” Rey asked after a bit, drawing back enough to glare accusingly at him. Even with only one eye to perform that task, Ben’s conscience immediately got very, _very_ heavy, and he felt himself looking to the side as he knew exactly what she was talking about.

“Why the hell did you _do_ that?” she demanded, but behind her anger was something else, something he didn’t need the bond to understand.

“I had to protect you. Turns out I wasn’t very successful this time either,” he spoke through clenched teeth.

“You did that before, and it didn’t work then. Why did you think it was a good idea this time?”

“I wouldn’t say I thought it was a good idea, but I had to work with what I had.”

“Ben, after… After Exegol, I was just a husk.”

He closed his eyes for a moment, remembering how he’d seen her from his place in limbo in the World Between Worlds, unable to do anything but watch as the woman he loved slowly died before him.

“I know. I saw.”

“Then why did you go without me?” she asked, and her voice broke.

He drew in breath to speak, couldn’t find the right words. His lips twitched, and he sighed, shaking his head. “I thought it would be for the better. You have much more here than I. I thought you could…”

“What?” she bit at him.

“I don’t know, Rey. I’m sorry,” he said, meeting her eyes, needing her forgiveness.

Her face softened, albeit reluctantly.

“Don’t ever do that again. Please. We’re together in this, remember?” she said, reaching up to cup his face. “Whatever we do, we do it together, get through it together. You’re not on your own here, you have just as much here as me.”

He tried to believe her, he honestly did.

“No, Ben, look at me. Look at me. See this?” she held up her hand with the ring.

He pursed his lips, looking at it for a moment until he lowered his gaze once again.

“That’s not just me. That’s Rose, too. And Finn wouldn’t have asked for your help unless he valued you. Neither would Poe. And Lando’s still your uncle, and Chewie hasn’t gone, either. Maz, too. Maybe she’s a weird smuggler aunt of sorts to us, I don’t know, but you’re not alone. And you won’t ever be again.” She paused. “And I _need you here_ , with me. Not dead, not gone, not on some mission you’ve convinced yourself you need to go on to keep me safe. I can handle myself. So can you. But we’re stronger together. I need you here, with me. To help me raise Daisy, and the twins, too, when that time comes.”

He looked into her eye, saw nothing but truth in her face.

“That’s all I could ever want,” he whispered, not ashamed or wanting to hide it away when he felt the tears well up and spill over, and Rey pulled him close, cradling her head to her chest. The quiet tears turned into crying, and he let himself go, let himself sob it out; the relief, the pain, the fear held onto for too long, the overpowering happiness.

Together, tired out, they drifted into sleep, and though they were no longer a dyad, their destinies were still ever interlinked. Bonded through the Force or not, their connection was a great many things more.

Rey smoothed the white fabric of her dress down over her bulging stomach, not sure why she felt so nervous. Well. She did have a suspicion as to why. It could be because it was her wedding day, and she wasn’t just feeling queasy from morning sickness alone. And even if those attending their little ceremony were only those closest to her, she’d never liked being the centre of attention, and she wasn’t even sure if she liked being all dressed up like this either.

She turned to look at Rose, who gave her a reassuring nod and a smile. “It’s going to be fine, I promise,” she said.

Rey wanted to believe her. She looked at her friend as she stood there in her uniform, her back straighter, demeanour having grown much more confident with her position as Grand Congress Leader, and she came over with the shimmering cerlin capelet, sliding it up over her shoulders.

“You’re right, probably,” she mumbled, reaching up for the little frasium hair slide that kept the intricately done braid Ben had done earlier on the top of her head in place. The rest of her hair hung past her shoulders and down the open back of the dress. The thick scar at her side was visible like this, and though she didn’t like it, it certainly wasn’t going to stop her from wearing the dress Maz had dug out of her private stash of fine things. She was thankful that this article of clothing didn’t smell dusty like some of the other clothes the smuggler had handed her in the past, though.

“I know I’m right,” she said, reaching over to fix the folds of the pale lavender sash of Onderon silk around her waist.

Rey looked down at herself, the fine fabrics, letting herself feel the softness, richness of the materials. Maybe it was nice to dress up a little, every now and then.

The double doors to the little chamber opened, and Rey stiffened as the bright sunshine of Devaron slid into the room, illuminating her figure. Her eyes raked over those gathered in the clearing in the jungle, the thick vines weaving together overhead with countless blossoms brightening up amongst the lush green and dense brown like the stars in the night sky. Distantly, she heard birdsong, and still couldn’t help but be amazed at all this green, so different from the lifeless, withering shrubs of Jakku.

She smiled as Daisy came up, dressed in a flowy pale lavender gown, a crown of flowers wreathed about her head, buds woven into her black hair, and her heart throbbed as she watched her daughter lead the way up in the pathway that led up to the dais, spreading her self-grown flowers on the forest floor. Every head turned to look at her, and she met the eyes of Finn, Poe, Jannah, Maz. Couldn’t help but smile when she caught sight of Ravetto and Jaleen, both of them dressed in their most intricate robes for the occasion.

Bless Maz for having the dress altered a bit so it wasn’t dragging along the ground, now she didn’t have to also worry about tripping.

Closing the distance between herself and the dais upon which Lando stood, she avoided looking to the right of the man, really not wanting to cry either, and instead focused on Daisy, who came to stand beside Lando.

She could practically feel him radiating wonder, joy, and it calmed her nerves a little. Only her friends, her found family, were here.

Stepping up onto the dais, she turned, staring intently at the hairy feet of Chewbacca right next to Ben’s black boots as Rose came up next to her and almost started when Lando put a hand on her shoulder.

“Rey,” he said to her, then turned his head, “Ben. We’re here today to oversee the union of you two.”

She raised her eyes, no longer able to resist the insistent happiness that almost quite literally beamed at her, and the sight of him stole her breath away.

His black trousers tucked into his boots, he wore the belt gifted to him by Ravetto and Jaleen over the shirt, asymmetrically fastened with six buttons, the golden shine of them glittering against the smooth black. Rings of frasium kept his midnight curls in place, but all of the fine clothes and adornments were nothing compared to the look on his face. It was so full of love, of admiration, of something so indisputably joyous. Her lips parted in a smile that grew into a grin that matched his, and her chest swelled once again.

His heart had almost stopped when those doors had opened. He’d always known she was beautiful, that she was all he could ever ask for and more, and yet he still had to grab on to Chewie to keep himself standing as his legs threatened to buckle beneath him.

Maybe it was practical that their bond was gone. It sure as hell would’ve been hard to keep himself tethered enough to not let his emotions spill over through their connection.

He took in a shaky breath, giving a grateful nod to Chewie as he chirped encouragingly. “I know,” he said under his breath, straightening his back as Rey walked up to the dais, and he exchanged a look with Lando and Rose as her wife to be was staring very fixedly at his feet, and he couldn’t help but break out into a toothy, giddy grin when she finally raised her eye to meet his.

It was hard to believe he’d gotten that lucky. To have her… He swallowed thickly, glad he’d folded his hands. Otherwise he was certain they’d be shaking.

Vaguely, he noted that Lando was speaking, but couldn’t break the spell and bring himself to listen. Not yet.

“And now, you two, it’s time to seal your union. Take each other’s hands,” his voice cut in as he pulled out a bright purple band, interwoven with gold and silver. She blinked, cheeks flushing as she shuffled to turn towards his uncle, who began wrapping the thick cloth around their entwined hands as he said, “Rey, repeat after me: “I, Rey, take you, Ben Skywalker Solo,””

Her voice was loud, clear as she spoke, repeating his words, their gazes locked as she swore that ancient vow to him, slowly, accentuating each word after Lando had recited it, and he knew in his heart that she meant every single one of them.

“I, Rey, take you, Ben Skywalker Solo, to be my husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better,” her smile grew a little, and she glanced at their daughter and down at her own stomach, “and for worse.” Rey paused, pressing her lips together for a moment, painful memories flitting across her face.

He squeezed her hands, eyes darting over her face, lingering on the scar that cut through her eye.

“For richer, for poorer,” Lando echoed helpfully in a quiet tone.

“For richer, for poorer,” Rey said, “In sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; this is my solemn vow to you.”

“Now, Ben, repeat after me:” Lando said, turning to him, warmth sparkling in his eyes, “”I, Ben Skywalker Solo, take you, Rey,””

“”I, Ben Skywalker Solo, take you, Rey, to be my wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better and for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health,” his voice wavered, “to love and to cherish, with all my heart; this is my solemn vow to you.”

The tear trailing down her cheek glimmered in the bright sunlight that turned her hazel iris into molten gold.

“Ben, will you share the name of Skywalker and of Solo with this woman?”

“I will,” he said without hesitation.

“Rey, will you take the names of Skywalker and Solo as your own?”

“I will.”

“And Rey, will you take this man to be your husband?”

“I do,” she said, brushing her thumb up over the back of his hand.

“And Ben, will you take this woman to be your wife?” Lando asked.

He swallowed, gathered himself, then said, “I do.”

“May the Force be with you in your union. Rose, Chewbacca, the rings?” the old smuggler said as he unwound the band around their hands.

The Grand Congress Leader and the Wookie held out the bands, the line carved out in the middle now filled in with the dark violet frasium, and Rose gave her ring to him, while Chewie dropped his into Rey’s hand.

“Let these rings be a sign to everyone who cross your path of your connection, of your love,” Lando said.

Ben carefully took the ring in his hand, glancing down at Rose who nodded reassuringly, then gentle slid the band onto Rey’s finger. He nearly held his breath while she did the same, but when their eyes met once again, she leaned up to kiss him.

It was hard to hold back, but they were in public after all, and he pulled himself away, though he did press another lingering kiss to the corner of her mouth before she’d gone too far away. She gave him a discreetly arch grin, then gave his hand one last squeeze before they turned to their guests.

Chewie roared happily, pulling him into a tight hug, and Ben hugged back, closing his eyes for a moment before pulling away. The Wookie chirped again.

“I know,” he said, “Thank you.”

There came a slap to his back, and he turned to find Poe grinning up at him. “Congratulations. Lando’s a good officiator, right?”

“I think he was better with us,” Finn joked, then looked at him. “Sure you two’ll be happy together. Congrats, Ben,” he said, giving his arm a squeeze before the two of them turned to congratulate Rey.

Ben took a step back, glancing at the ring on his finger, feeling a little as if he were in a dream. A heavenly dream he was still somewhat afraid to believe.

Daisy having been sent to bed, Rey sat by the fire that was beginning to turn to embers, the flames slow, small. A hand resting on her stomach, she sighed, back aching, and looked over her shoulder at Poe and Finn doing some sort of what appeared to be improvised dance, the rest of the guests clapping along to the music, cheering and applauding when it ended.

Ben came over, still laughing to himself, his formerly so guarded eyes glimmering with happiness, and she leaned into it when he sat beside her and pecked her cheek.

“Are they bothering you?” he asked, gently stroking down over her stomach, and she shook her head with a smile.

“No. Just very kicky tonight. And they’re still kind of heavy to carry around,” she said, nuzzling up against him as she stared into the fire, trying to stifle a yawn.

Chewie came up to them, addressing Ben, and held out his hand. From it dropped two golden dice, connected by a chain, and she felt her husband stiffen as he looked up at the Wookie in disbelief.

“Are you sure? They’re yours, they…” he swallowed, bowing his head.

Chewie chirped, giving him a long look.

“Right, right, I’ll take care of them. Thank you,” he said, and she got a hug from the Wookie.

“Yes, I promise,” she chuckled in response to his quiet roar.

Ben lowered his hand, opening his fingers to look at the dice. She drew gentle circles on his back, just sitting with him, grateful that it’d been his parting gift. She knew how much it still haunted him, what he’d done, and knew his father would have forgiven him if only he could see him now. Still, that probably didn’t make it any less painful.

He let out a shaky breath as he stuck the dice into his pocket, taking her hand and resting his forehead against her shoulder, and she cradled him, heard him sniffle, and pressed a kiss to the top of his head as she gently rocked with him from side to side until he’d gotten it out.

Wiping at his face, he inhaled sharply, cleared his throat, and gave her hand another squeeze which she reciprocated.

“Hey, little starfighter,” Lando said, interrupting their shared silence. “I’ll be going now.” He looked at her. “Steer clear of trouble, alright? I know you have a knack for getting into it, the both of you,” he warned.

“Oh that’s our exact plan, actually,” Rey smiled.

“Thank you for officiating, Lando, it was very nice,” he said.

“Oh, it wasn’t much. And no worries, how couldn’t I accept?” Lando waved it off, and bid them farewell with a hug.

Footsteps again approached behind them, and he helped her get up to greet Jannah, Rose, Poe, and Finn.

“We’ll be leaving now. Congress business and all,” Rose said with a quick, apologetic smile.

“Let us know when you’re done honeymooning, alright? We still do want your help,” Poe said as he pulled her into a hug.

“Of course. It might be a little while, though,” she raised a brow, nodding to her stomach.

“Yea, Poe, have a little patience man,” Finn said, rolling his eyes.

“I wasn’t pushing!” he protested.

Jannah came up as they continued to bicker playfully, pulling her into a hug. “Take care, alright? And all the time you need. The fighting is done, after all,” she said warmly.

The rest of the quartet took their farewells with her and Ben, and they could watch as their starship sailed up into the night sky along with the rest of their guests.

“To bed?” she asked, intertwining their fingers.

He nodded, and they headed back down the pathway that led to their home. The windows of the wooden cottage shone with warm, dim light against them, it reflected in the water of the lake it had been built right next to, the jungle-covered mountains stretching out by the banks of it.

Rey pushed open the door and slid off her shoes, the air balmy against her bare arms. Ben walked on ahead, checking on Daisy while she waddled to their bedroom and flopped down onto the bed, looking up into the canopy as she fingered the necklace Ravetto and Jaleen had given her, turning her head to the side once Ben came in.

“Come here,” she said, opening her arms to him, and he just shrugged his shirt off before he laid down next to her, wrapping her in a gentle embrace.

“This still feels unreal to me,” he said, tracing the tip of his finger down her cheek, grazing against the scar.

Blowing air out of her nose, she leaned up to kiss him. “I know. We’re here, though. At least I’m pretty sure of that.”

“You’re right.” He gave her forehead a kiss. “You’re right.”

“Mh.” She yawned, rolling over onto her other side, feeling his warm chest against her bare back, his arm draped so carefully over her waist, his breath against her shoulder. “I love you, you know,” she murmured, fighting to keep her eyes open. She wasn’t winning.

She could tell he was smiling as she said, “I love you too, Rey. I love you, too.”


	39. At peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two new humans are brought into the world, and the little family begins to settle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have more than enough excuses for this chapter being so delayed (glasses broke, midterms, thesis writing) but to put it briefly: I am very sorry for the delay and thank you so much for your patience!! And I hope you'll enjoy this chapter, bc that TRoS novel leak definitely did break me and I hope this can fix some of it

As he did every morning, Ben carefully got out of bed without disturbing Rey. Gently moving the covers aside, he set his feet on the floor, rose, and padded out into the main room of the cottage. Chairs and a long, low bench stood at the one end, cooking apparatus at the other, and in the middle was a table, plants strewn across it. He gave a wry smile, gathering them up and setting them aside, then went to have a look inside Daisy’s room.

The door creaked quietly as he pushed it open, and the girl laid splayed out on her bed, the sheets tangled about her legs, her limbs spread out not wholly unlike a starfish, and her face was turned to him, peaceful as she slept, just a tad of drool clinging to the corner of her mouth. Closing the door again, he went out into the kitchen, the air balmy against his bare torso as he opened up to the terrace that faced the lake just outside, and he took a moment to breathe in the fresh air of the surrounding forest, eyes slipping shut.

It was peaceful.

Humming a tune from an old holo-show to himself, he tied half his hair back and carefully took out pots and pans, now quite having mastered the art of doing it quietly enough as to not wake neither his wife nor his daughter, and, as always, he removed his ring before he began, setting it into the windowsill to it wouldn’t get dirty as he began preparing breakfast.

The pleasant smell wafted out through the cottage as he cooked, and apparently, it was enough to wake up Daisy who waded out from her room, rubbing her eyes while she walked over to him, looking like she was still half-asleep.

“Morning, Daisy,” he said, picking her up and holding her on his arm, and she wrapped her arms around him, nuzzling into the nook between his shoulder and neck.

“Morning, Dad,” she mumbled.

He leaned his head against hers as he wasn’t able to hug her while he stirred in the pan, and instead asked, “Don’t you think we should surprise her with breakfast in bed? She’s been kind of tired lately.”

Daisy looked at him, brows furrowed in childish concern. “Is Mom okay?” she asked with an earnestness too intense for her age, her expression resembling the one on her face when she’d stubbornly sat at their bedside while they recovered from their defeat of Sentna.

He quickly shook his head. “Mh-mh,” he hummed, “Mom’s very okay, but she’s carrying your baby brother and sister. Could you imagine how tired you would be if you had to lug around two more people _and_ your own body?”

Daisy nodded. “They should come out soon, Mom is boring when she’s always napping,” she complained, again leaning her head against his shoulder.

He pressed a kiss to her forehead before setting her down, reminding her, “You take a lot of naps, too, you know.”

“But I’m not _old_!”

“Oh, are you calling me old?” he asked, bending down over her with his hands on his hips.

Daisy giggled, then ran off, and while she was in her room, he fixed up a plate for Rey, set it onto the tray along with a little vase, the usual one, and poked his head inside.

“Daisy? Want to help me pick out a nice flower or branch for Mom?”

“Yes!” she said, practically running past him and out through the front door to the edge of the jungle where she followed the pathways now familiar to her. Ben watched from the doorway as she returned with a sficca flower and a few fern-like branches to match it, and she went on inside, sticking it into the vase before turning to him.

He nodded appreciatively, then picked up the tray and opened the door to their bedroom with his foot.

Inside lay Rey, eyes at half-mast and still hazy from sleep, and she was on her side, one arm beneath her head, and she smiled as she saw them, slowly hoisting herself up into a sitting position with her back against the headboard. “What’s this?” she asked, brushing her hair back behind her ear as she looked between the two of them, and he set the tray down onto the nightstand before leaning over to give her forehead a kiss as Daisy climbed up onto the bed.

“It’s just breakfast in bed. Daisy and I thought you ought to be spoiled a little,” he said, giving a small smile.

“Well, it’s very nice of you two,” Rey said, reaching over to give her daughter a hug, and as she did, she sent him a look so full of warmth it made his chest clench, and his smile grew.

He handed her the plate, then went back out into the kitchen to fetch his own and Daisy’s as well, able to hear the two of them chatting as he went. Ben paused outside the door, heard them laughing, and leaned his head against the doorframe.

It was hard to believe he was here now. That he’d gotten so lucky. Never since he’d been in his early teens had he dared to even dream of feeling so… Comfortable with himself as he did now. So content with his own situation, so happy.

“Do you like the names we picked out for them?” Rey’s voice came muffled through the wall. “Well, good, you helped pick them out, remember?” she continued, and it was quite clear that she was talking with her mouth full.

His lips twitched, curving upwards into a slight wry smile, and he came in with his and Daisy’s breakfast as well now.

As the girl took her plate, she asked, “Can I go swim when we’re done?”

“Of course, just wait until we’re done, okay? And then you should get your room tidied up, you can’t have a jungle in there, it’s supposed to be outside, not inside,” he said, taking a seat next to his wife on his side of the bed, folding his legs up beneath him as he ate.

She nodded, finally having learned how to chew with her mouth shut, but she practically shovelled her breakfast down regardless, then hurried back out the room to change.

“I think getting in the water might be good for you, too,” he suggested, and she scrunched up her face as she swallowed the last bite.

“I don’t know if you remember, but I did grow up in a desert.”

“I’m not saying you have to swim, just floating is nice.”

“It just seems unlikely that one should stay afloat,” she said, setting the plate aside before looking sceptically at him.

He raised his brows. “Daisy literally does that every time she goes swimming.”

“Well, yes.”

“Do go on.”

She paused, pointing her lips as she slid a hand down over her stomach. “Maybe it would be nice to be a little weightless,” she admitted, letting out a sigh as she stretched out her legs. “I think we might have to go to the city soon, we should be there a day in advance.”

A surge of worry shot through him.

“Oh, Ben, nothing’s wrong,” she laughed, “It’s just about time now.”

“Right. I’ll contact Zanfro today, then,” he said, leaning over to peck her lips, and he could feel her smiling.

This was not pleasant. It wasn’t pleasant at all. Everyone talking about the miracle of childbirth could just shut their damn mouths. Rey sucked in a breath as another contraction cramped its way through her body, maybe not entirely aware that she was crushing Ben’s hand. His fault, though, he would have to say something if he wanted her to stop. He just stood beside the bed, his face unusually blank like it only was when he was worried, his dark eyes clearly showing his concern for her.

She wanted to tell him it was going to be fine, they had the best medic team they could possibly wish for, the pregnancy had gone without any trouble, but _hell_ , it was hard to concentrate as the needle dug into her back even despite the local anaesthesia.

“Alright Rey, we’re almost good to go,” the anaesthesiologist said as she pulled away. It purled down her spine, the sensation oddly warm.

She clenched her teeth, shifting uneasily down onto her back and glancing up at Zanfro who was setting up the last few things with the meddroid. He smiled reassuringly at her, it wrinkling around his eyes above the mask, and her legs started to feel numb, the sensation spreading upwards.

Tilting her head back, she brushed the hair out of her face as best she could, her gaze flickering uncertainly until it settled on Ben’s face, and she swallowed, the fear sprouting despite how she knew it was all going to be alright.

He gave her hand a squeeze.

“We’re gonna start now. We have to push on the top of your stomach to get them out, it might feel quite uncomfortable, but it’s not going to take long,” Zanfro said, standing beside the meddroid as it made the incision.

Despite the anaesthetic, it still stung, and she took in a sharp breath of air, raised up on her elbows, groaning against the pain, the pressure, the aches and burning, and suddenly a loud cry filled the air.

Blinking her eyes open, Rey panted as she saw the first of the two held up by the paediatrician, the little face red and screaming, and she barely noticed what they did to her behind that curtain, because soon enough, the other baby joined her twin and called out her presence out loud to the world. The tears that hadn’t come yet now overwhelmed her, overwhelmed her as the babes were laid in her arms by her chest, and it didn’t matter that the light was too bright or that she barely felt able to keep them safely embraced, exhausted as she was.

“Two happy and healthy babies,” Zanfro said, relieved, and she just nodded as she stroked over their oh so delicate heads, their wails not bothering her in even the slightest.

Ben was already kneeling by the bedside, his hands ever so careful as he brushed the back of his hand over their cheeks, his otherwise so stoic features washing over with emotion.

What she awoke to was Ben slumped over onto the bed, his head resting on his folded arms on the mattress, and with a terrible taste in her mouth, she carefully reached over to trace her finger over his messy hair, wondering when exactly he’d gone to sleep. Certainly not until he literally wasn’t able to stay up any longer, huh? Head still kind of fuzzy, Rey’s stomach fluttered at the sight of her children in their clear incubators, sleeping soundly, and the warmth that pooled already spilled over and she wiped at her eyes, not sure how being so happy still made you cry.

Ben raised his head with a start, instantly reaching for her, his legs lifting him up before his eyes could even focus on their children, and she couldn’t help but chuckle.

“It’s okay, Ben. You can just sit down,” she said, but didn’t let go of his hand.

Slowly, he sat back down, giving the twins one last look before he turned to her, stroking the back of her hand with her thumb. He looked tired, the bags under his eyes reminiscing of the hauntedness that was only now beginning to disappear, and she intertwined their fingers.

“No one is coming to get them. I know as much,” she whispered earnestly.

“I know, I know,” he murmured with a sigh, running a hand through his hair as he glanced at them. “I’m just not…”

“Don’t want to let them out of your sight? You do that with Daisy, too. And me, sometimes,” she pointed out lightly, meeting his eyes, understanding the silent plea in them, and she opened her arms for him.

“They won’t ever have to go through what we did. Never,” he swore with sudden intensity.

“Never,” Rey agreed, breathing him in, something settling in her chest. 

“Okay, just be careful to support his head,” Rey cautioned as she carefully laid Fen onto the blanket in Daisy’s lap, and she gingerly folded her arm and held her baby brother as if he were made of the finest porcelain, lightly trailing over his cheek, a smile appearing on her face when he grabbed her finger, and a surprised giggle slipped out.

“He’s grabbing me!” she exclaimed, and Fen’s big eyes fixed on her as he gurgled.

Ben held Frai with one arm, the other around Rey’s waist as they watched the two of them interacting.

“His hair’s really soft,” Daisy murmured, stroking over the shock of black hair that already looked to be turning out curly, bent over in concentration as she studied him.

“It’s very fine when they’re this young,” he explained, tugging Rey a little tighter when she rested her head against his shoulder.

“When can they play with me?” she asked, looking up at him as Fen reached for her coils.

“Oh, that’s going to take a while, I’m afraid they’ll be a bit boring until they’re older,” Rey chuckled, glancing at Frai who still slept soundly.

Daisy frowned, disentangling his fingers from her black hair, her movements somewhat impatient but still gentle enough. “That _is_ boring,” she agreed.

Rey picked Fen back up, and she jumped down onto her feet, seemingly already a little disappointed with the lack of entertainment that her twin siblings seemed provide, and Ben, bemused, smiled slightly to himself as he watched her go.

“Do you think she’ll loosen up a bit?” Rey asked, looking up at him, concern clearly showing in her hazel eyes, and he nodded.

“Yes. Older siblings sometimes just take a while to like their siblings, but you know Daisy,” he replied.

“I suppose you’re right,” she said, leaning out of the doorway to see where she went, “I wouldn’t know.”

He wrapped an arm around her. “I know. Sorry.”

“Not your fault. You don’t know either,” she said, letting out a content sigh. “It’s good. That we can give them something other than what we had, I mean.” She looked up at him, searched his face, and his smile faltered. A sudden wave of emotion seemed to crash in over him now that they were home and everything went well, just like it was supposed to have gone all along.

“I…” Ben started, lowering his head, trying to find the words.

“Hey,” she breathed gently, cupping his face, willing his eyes to meet her own, and he pursed his lips, trying to keep it together. He had no reason to be unhappy now, so why was it so hard?

But she anchored him, was his cliff in the sea that were his roaring emotions.

“What is it?” she asked, voice soft, so caring, so much more than he could ever deserve.

He averted his eyes.

“Ben.” Sterner this time.

“I just never,” he cleared his throat, but it didn’t get rid of the lump.

“Never what?”

He leaned into the warm, soft touch of her hand, pressing a kiss to her palm.

“Never thought I could… _Should_ get all of this. You, Daisy, you…” he shook his head, not sure if he himself even know what he wanted to say.

“Ben, _nothing_ could be more worth it than this. And that’s with you.”

“You’ve given me everything,” he whispered, voice breaking.

She smiled up at him, lightly shaking her head. “I don’t think you understand, not even now, do you? You’ve given me your all, too.”

Rey closed whatever little distance was still between them.

“You’ve given me a _family_. A _home_. You’ve given me a husband, you’ve given Daisy the greatest dad she could ever wish for. And I’m sure you’ll give Frai and Fen the same. You deserve this. And I need you,” she said imploringly.

He nodded, meeting her eyes once again, knew she was speaking the truth, and yet, he wondered if he would ever be able to believe it. Somehow, with time, he knew he would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter guys, it's been a journey to write it and have so many of you read along with me! From the bottom of my heart, cliche as that may be, thank you so, so much for all the incredibly nice comments and the support, it really has made writing this so much more fun, so, thank you all again <3
> 
> This won't be the last you see of me - I'm working on a dark!rey fic which I hope I'll be able to start posting soon, and I hope you'll be interested to read it when it does!


End file.
